Said the Liar, A. Swift [inspirational books for women txt] 📗

she was my mom didn't render her immune to my ability to persuade people of things.

            "Ah, you know. The usual stuff. He's working on that go-kart, I figured he could use the help. Then we got talking."

            I stared at the bowl while I poured the cereal and then the milk. I didn't want to meet my mother's eyes. You'd think I'd be used to this sort of thing by now, and I am...except when it comes to my mom and dad. I think sometimes that I really wish they didn't believe me all the time. I'm not sure. I just didn't like lying to them, but at the same time I feel like I had to to keep the peace.

            I couldn't actually tell them what I've been up to. They wouldn't get it. Everything would turn out wrong and it's be a complete mess. I kept telling myself that it was better this way. They trusted me, I got decent grades, I didn't cause much trouble. Everyone who knew me at school or around the neighborhood thought I was a good, upstanding fifteen year old who was respectful and normal.

            Good cause. I lied for a good cause. Sure, it was still lying, but I wasn't doing anything wrong. Minor trespassing. One instance of shoplifting. Nothing to write home about. But that was enough to freak a lot of people out if they found out. Especially mom and dad. They're straight-laced regular people with normal standards and expectations and they work hard. The potential backlash if they did happen to stumble across evidence of where I was some nights, or, heaven forbid, if they found out that I'd been lying to them for years. No thanks.

            Great. Now I was reviewing the stuff I'd done over the years. I thought again of Fish and the picture of me with the beer and stared that much harder at the bowl in front of me, feeling bitter.

            "Well, I'm glad you got home okay. Make sure you text us when you're going to be home late, I don't like you walking that far in the dark." Mom suggested.

            "I forgot to text because time got away from me. And hey, don't sweat it, Leon just lives, like, three blocks away." I said to put her at ease.

            "I know. And he drives, but I didn't hear his car." Now she was pensive.

            "I felt like walking. Soon it'll be winter and all, I gotta make the most of the fair weather." My mouth felt dry. I hadn't actually started eating the cereal yet.

            "Well, not after midnight, please. It's safer to get a ride, I don't mind if you call, even if it's late, but please call if you need a ride home."

            It killed me because I knew she was sincere and was just concerned on my behalf, even if I felt it was unnecessary and excessive. I wanted her to just drop it and go to bed. My only comfort was that dad wasn't awake and out here, too. That's how I knew I wasn't in any real trouble.

            That was a joke. I'd only been grounded once in my entire life. I decided after that one incident that I didn't like it and then decided never to be grounded again. You can do that when everyone believes you all the time. No more getting blamed for anything if you didn't want to be. No more taking responsibility for your actions.

            "I will." I told her.

            "Thank you." She smiled at me, and little wrinkles appeared near her eyes and mouth. She didn't like how many there were nowadays, she thought they made her look too old. I didn't get that.

            My mother still looked like she might have just graduated college. She was only thirty-eight, but didn't act old. Dad was six years older than she was and he wasn't worried about wrinkles. Or gray hairs. But then again his hair wasn't dark like mine and my mom's, so gray hairs would get lost in his fair hair.

            "Good night." She stood and began walking away towards the hall.

            "'Night." I called softly after her.

            Mom went into her bedroom.

            My cereal had become a little bit more soggy than I preferred it to be. I ate it anyway and chewed quickly, thinking about my day. Coming to a conclusion.

            I wasn't going to go on the raid. I wasn't into that stuff. I didn't think it was wise for anyone else to be, either. One time or another people were going to get caught and sent to juvie. Or worse. Maybe I could lie my way out of getting arrested if it ever came down to it, but I didn't want to test that theory if I could help it. I definitely couldn't raise suspicion about my ability in front of too many people at the warehouse, either. I'd made it my whole life without being caught out in a lie. I could easily imagine me being hounded by hordes of people to do things for them if they knew I could lie like I did. There'd be no end to the harassment. No more nights out.

            At the same time, however, I intended to go to the rally tomorrow night. I wanted to know where people stood, I needed someplace to be to unwind. I was careful enough with my words it should turn out alright.

            I kind of wanted to go to Leon's, despite the late hour. Using him as my alibi was pretty safe, and it had brought him to mind. Maybe I'd swing by his place before the rally.

            Yeah, I was definitely going to that rally.

 

 

Chapter 3

 

Chapter 3

 

 

            Imagine being a child who could do whatever you wanted and never get punished, even when you were caught in the act.

            Think about it. That was my childhood. I basically had no rules whatsoever. If I wanted a toy that someone else had, I just took it and then if someone asked a question, I just told them that it was mine. Adults believed me. The very parents of the child who I'd taken the toy from, they believed me. I could do what every kid dreamed about and not get busted for it, no matter what as long as I said something. No bad consequences. Ever.

            It was amazing. I was completely unhindered by the parental laws. I felt like the most powerful child in the entire world. Freedom at my fingertips, my parents in my pocket. If I wanted a toy, it was mine. If I wanted pizza for dinner, all I did was say 'You promised me that we would get pizza.'

            It worked like a charm. Not a single person was immune to my charms. Some things were harder to get people to go along with, but when that happened I just changed my approach a little or pushed harder.

            Sometimes when I want to be particularly convincing, I center my focus a little bit more sharply. It's kind of difficult to explain, but essentially I feel my power in a spot behind my forehead when I am trying to push my ability particularly hard. Not quite third eye stuff, but similar, I guess. That's just where I can feel it when I am focusing.

            I figured all of this out when I was really young. Kids are great at learning to use their skills and develop talents. I was no exception to that rule. I practiced my persuasion all over the place with impunity.

            But after I turned nine I had a startling and unwelcome realization. It wasn't that I minded being a liar or conning people out of money, toys, and whatever else I wanted at the moment. I didn't feel much guilt because figured everyone wanted me to have these things, otherwise they wouldn't just meet my demands all the time. No. I realized that people just totally didn't get what was happening.

            The human brain seems to have weird defense mechanisms when it comes to being lied to.

            For example, I once told a teacher who marked me tardy that I hadn't actually been tardy, and that she'd made a mistake. She believed me-no surprises there- and then apologized, saying something like "Oh, of course, I just forgot. But you were there, you smiled at me! Now I remember."

            No she didn't. There was no real memory of my being there because I hadn't been. Then where was this bogus line about me smiling at her coming from? Now I think it just has to do with people being paranoid that they're not as smart as they think they are, everyone wants to avoid looking stupid or ignorant. To fit in? To make it look like they're not an easy target?

            This was a new aspect to consider.

            I realized later that I did the same thing. I'd pretend like everyone else that I knew something, saw something, said something, thought something, even if I didn't just to avoid looking thick.

            Someone sees a horse. They point it out. Then one kid corrects everyone and says, 'That's not a horse it's a mule.' The mind's natural response to someone saying that is essentially to pretend that you knew it wasn't really a horse all along. You justify your mistake. You knew something was off about the horse, you just didn't know what, but you did suspect something.

            Most people prefer to make stuff up than just own up to their own ignorance or mistakes.

            People do it all the time. That's lying. I don't get it, though, because is it, really?

            The simple answer is yes. My teacher didn't see me smile. She made it up. I knew she was making it up. She was lying to me about something I'd done. Her brain jumped to find an explanation for her perceived 'moment of weakness'. She didn't want to look like she had no idea what had happened, because that would make her look bad, right? She was covering up her mistake, a mistake she hadn't even really made. If that was normal, then did that make it okay? Maybe. Maybe not.

            Is it a 'lie' if we do it without knowing? You could argue both ways.

            So why did realizing all of this freak me out?

            Well, this all led to me coming to a rather sobering conclusion. It was so terribly easy for me to get anything and everything I wanted from anyone. And it was like everybody let it happen, or were happy to let it happen! People were liars anyway. I was just good at it. People didn't mind it happening all the time.

            I started to question the intelligence of everyone around me. Then I started questioning their motives. I knew mine. I was selfish. So if I was just acting like everyone else, and nobody minded, then was I really a bad person for taking advantage of their misperceptions? So I was selfish and arrogant.

            But when I looked around, so was everyone else. Everybody has their goals, and when you talk to people they all want something from you. Listen