The Adventures of Gil Blas of Santillane, Alain René le Sage [most read books .txt] 📗

shall not

starve, I promise you; and my bare word is a better security than

all the deeds and conveyances of all the lawyers in Madrid.

Madam, answered I, you have but to command me. Give me my

commission on your muster-roll, and you shall have no reason to

complain either of my cowardice or contumacy. So be it, then,

replied she. You must watch your master, and bring me an account

of all his comings and goings. When you are chatting together in

his more familiar moments, never fail to lead the conversation on

the subject of our sex; and then by an artful, but seemingly

natural transition, take occasion to say all the good you can

invent of me. Ring Euphrasia in his ears till all the house re-echoes. I would counsel you besides to keep a wary eye on all

that passes in the Pacheco family. If you catch any relation of

Don Gonzales sneaking about him, with a design on the

inheritance, bring me word instantly: that is all you have to do,

and trust me for sinking, burning, and destroying him in less

than no time. I have ferreted out the weak side of all your

master’s relations long ago; they are each of them to be made

ridiculous in some shape or other; so that the nephews and

cousins, after sitting to me for their portraits, are already

turned with their faces to the wall.

 

It was evident by these instructions, with many more to the same

time and tune, that Euphrasia was one of those ladies whose

partialities all lean to the side of elderly inamoratos, with

more money than wit. Not long before, Don Gonzales, who could

refuse nothing to the tender passion, had sold an estate; and she

pocketed the cash. Not a day passed, but she got some little

personal remembrance out of him; and besides all this, a corner

of his will was the ultimate object of her speculation. I

affected to engage hand over head in their infamous plot; and if

I must confess all without mental reservation, it was almost a

moot point, on my return home, on which side of the cause I

should take a brief. There was on either a profitable

alternative; whether to join in fleecing my master, or to merit

his gratitude by rescuing him from the plunderers. Con science,

however, seemed to have some little concern in the determination;

it was quite ridiculous to choose the by-path of villany when

there was a better toll to be taken on the highway of honesty.

Besides, Euphrasia had dealt too much in generals; an

arithmetical definition of so much for so much has more meaning

in it than “all the wealth of the Indies;” and to this shrewd

reflection, perhaps, was owing my uncorrupted probity. Thus did I

resolve to signalize my zeal in the service of Don Gonzales, in

the persuasion that if I was lucky enough to disgust the

worshipper by befouling his idol, it would turn to very good

account. On a statement of debtor and creditor between the right

and the wrong side of the action, the money balance was visibly

in favour of virtue, not to mention the delights of a fair and

irreproachable character.

 

If vice so often assumes the semblance of its contrary, why

should not hypocrisy now and then change sides for variety? I

held myself up to Euphrasia for a thorough swindler. She was dupe

enough to believe that I was incessantly talking of her to my

master; and thereupon I wove a tissue of frippery and falsehood,

which imposed on her for sterling truth. She had so completely

given herself up to my insinuations, as to believe me her

convert, her disciple, her confederate. The better still to carry

on this fraud upon fraud, I affected to languish for Beatrice;

and she, in ecstacy at her age to see a young fellow at her

skirts, did not much trouble herself about my sincerity, if I did

but play my part with vigour and address. When we were in the

presence of our princesses, my master in the parlour and myself

in the kitchen, the effect was that of two different pictures,

but of the same school. Don Gonzales, dry as touchwood, with all

its inflammability, and nothing but its smother, seemed a fitter

subject for extreme unction than for amorous parley; while my

little pet, in proportion to the violence of my flame, niggled,

nudged, toyed, and romped, like a school-girl in vacation; and no

wonder she knew her lesson so pat, for the old coquette had been

upwards of forty years in the form. She had finished her studies

under certain professors of gallantry, whose art of pleasing

becomes the more critical by practice; till they die under the

accumulated experience of two or three generations.

 

It was not enough for me to go every evening with my master to

Euphrasia’s: it was sometimes my lounge even in day-time. But let

me pop my head in at what hour I would, that forbidden creature

man was never there, nor even a woman of any description, that

might not be just as easily expressed as understood. There was

not the least loop-hole for a paramour! a circumstance not a

little perplexing to one who could not readily believe, that so

pretty a bale of goods could submit to a strict monopoly, by such

a dealer as Don Gonzales. This opinion undoubtedly was formed on

a near acquaintance with female nature, as will be apparent in

the sequel; for the fair Euphrasia, while waiting for my master’s

translation, fortified herself with patience in the arms of a

lover, with some little fellow-feeling for the frailties of her

age.

 

One morning I was carrying, according to custom, a note to this

peerless pattern of perfection. There certainly were, or I was

not standing in the room, the feet of a man ensconced behind the

tapestry. Out slunk I, just as if I had no eyes in my head; yet,

though such a discovery was nothing but what might have been

expected, neither was the piper to be paid out of my pocket, my

feelings were a good deal staggered at the breach of faith. Ah!

traitress, exclaimed I with virtuous indignation, abandoned

Euphrasia! Not satisfied to humbug a silly old gentleman with a

tale of love, you share his property in your person with another,

and add profligacy to dissimulation! But to be sure, on after-thoughts, I was but a greenhorn, when I took on so for such a

trivial occurrence! It was rather a subject for mirth than for

moral reflection, and perfectly justified by the way of the

world; the languid, embargoed commerce of my master’s amorous

moments had need be flipped by a trade in some more merchantable

wares. At all events it would have been better to have held my

tongue, than to have laid hold on such an opportunity of playing

the faithful servant. But instead of tempering my zeal with

discretion, nothing would serve the turn but taking up the wrongs

of Don Gonzales in the spirit of chivalry. On this high

principle, I made a circumstantial report of what I had seen,

with the addition of the attempt made by Euphrasia to seduce me

from my good faith. I gave it in her own words without the least

reserve, and put him in the way of knowing all that was to be

known of his mistress. He was struck all in a heap by my

intelligence, and a faint flash of indignation on his faded cheek

seemed to give security, that the lady’s infidelity would not go

unpunished. Enough, Gil Blas, said he, I am infinitely obliged by

your attachment to my service, and your probity is very

acceptable to me. I will go to Euphrasia this very moment. I will

overwhelm her with reproaches, and break at once with the

ungrateful creature. With these words, he actually bent his way

to the subject of his anger; and dispensed with my attendance,

from the kind motive of sparing me the awkwardness which my

presence during their explanation would have occasioned to my

feelings.

 

I longed for my master’s return with all the impatience of an

interested person. There could not be a doubt but that with his

strong grounds of complaint, he would return completely

disentangled from the snares of his nymph. In this thought I

extolled and magnified myself for my good deed. What could be

more flattering than the thanks of the kindred who were naturally

to inherit after Don Gonzales, when they should be informed that

their relative was no longer the puppet of a figuredance so

hostile to their interests? It was not to be supposed but that

such a friend would be remembered, and that my merits would at

last be distinguished from those of other serving-men, who are

usually more disposed to encourage their masters in

licentiousness, than to draw them off to habits of decency. I was

always of an aspiring temper, and thought to have passed for the

Joseph or the Scipio of the servants’ hall; but so fascinating an

idea was only to be indulged for an hour or two. The founder of

my fortunes came home. My friend, said he, I have had a very

sharp brush with Euphrasia. She insists on it that you have

trumped up a cock-and-bull story. If their word is to be taken,

you are no better than an impostor, a hireling in the pay of my

nephews, for whose sake you have set all your wits at work to

bring about a quarrel between her and me. I have seen the real

tears, made of water, run down in floods from her poor dear eyes.

She has vowed to me as solemnly as if I had been her confessor,

that she never made any overtures to you in her life, and that

she does not know what man is. Beatrice, who seems a simple,

innocent sort of girl, is exactly in the same story, so that I

could not but believe them and be pacified, whether I would or

no.

 

How then, sir? interrupted I, in accents of undissembled sorrow,

do you question my sincerity? Do you distrust … . No, my good

lad, interrupted he again in his turn, I will do you ample

justice. I do not suspect you of being in league with my nephews.

I am satisfied that all you have done has been for my good, and

own myself much obliged to you for it; but appearances are apt to

mislead, so that perhaps you did not see in reality what you took

it into your head that you saw; and in that case, only consider

yourself how offensive your charge must be to Euphrasia. Yet let

that be as it will, she is a creature whom I cannot help loving

in spite of my senses; so that the sacrifice she demands must be

made, and that sacrifice is no less than your dismission. I

lament it very much, my poor dear Gil Blas, and if that will be

any satisfaction to you, my consent was wrung from me most

unwillingly; but there was no saying nay. With one thing,

however, you may comfort yourself, you shall not be sent away

with empty pockets. Nay, more, I mean to turn you over to a lady

of my acquaintance, where you will live to your liking.

 

I was not a little mortified to find all my noble acts and

motives end in my own confusion. I gave a left-handed blessing to

Euphrasia, and wept over the weakness of Don Gonzales, to be so

foolishly infatuated by her. The kind hearted old gentleman felt

within himself that in turning me adrift at the peremptory demand

of his mistress, he was not performing