The Plastic Age, Percy Marks [top 10 books of all time TXT] 📗
- Author: Percy Marks
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Kane Blanket, The Photographs Of The "Harem," Posters Of College
Athletes And Movie Bathing-Girls, Pipe-Racks, And Three Maxfield Parrish
Prints.
"It Certainly Is Fine," Said Hugh Proudly. "All We Need Is A Barber Pole
And A Street Sign."
"We'll Have 'Em Before The Week Is Out." This With Great Decision.
Chapter 4
Carl's Adviser Had Been Less Efficient Than Hugh's; Therefore He Knew
What His Courses Were, Where The Classes Met And The Hours, The Names Of
His Instructors, And The Requirements Other Than Latin For A B.S.
Degree. Carl Said That He Was Taking A B.S. Because He Had Had A Year Of
Greek At Kane And Was Therefore Perfectly Competent To Make Full Use Of
The Language; He Could Read The Letters On The Front Doors Of The
Fraternity Houses.
The Boys Found That Their Courses Were The Same But That They Were In
Different Sections. Hugh Was In A Dilemma; He Could Make Nothing Out Of
His Card.
"Here," Said Carl, "Give The Thing To Me. My Adviser Was A Good Scout
And Wised Me Up. This P.C. Isn't Paper Cutting As You Might Suppose;
It's Gym. You'll Get Out Of That By Signing Up For Track. P.C. Means
Physical Culture. Think Of That! You Can Sign Up For Track Any Time
To-Morrow Down At The Gym. And E I, 7 Means That You're In English I,
Section 7; And M Is Math. You Re In Section 3. Lat Means Latin, Of
Course--Section 6. My Adviser--He Tried Pretty Hard To Be Funny--Said
That G.S. Wasn't Glorious Salvation But General Science. That Meets In
The Big Lecture Hall In Cranston. We All Go To That. And H I, 4 Means
That You Are In Section 4 Of History I. See? That's All There Is To It.
Now This Thing"--He Held Up A Printed Schedule--"Tells You Where The
Classes Meet."
With A Great Deal Of Labor, Discussion, And Profanity They Finally Got A
Schedule Made Out That Meant Something To Hugh. He Heaved A
Brobdingnagian Sigh Of Relief When They Finished.
"Well," He Exclaimed, "That's That! At Last I Know Where I'm Going. You
Certainly Saved My Life. I Know Where All The Buildings Are; So It Ought
To Be Easy."
"Sure," Said Carl Encouragingly; "It's Easy. Now There's Nothing To Do
Till To-Morrow Until Eight Forty-Five When We Attend Chapel To The Glory
Of The Lord. I Think I'll Pray To-Morrow; I May Need It. Christ! I Hate
To Study."
"Me, Too," Hugh Lied. He Really Loved Books, But Somehow He Couldn't
Admit The Fact, Which Had Suddenly Become Shameful, To Carl. "Let's Go
To The Movies," He Suggested, Changing The Subject For Safety.
"Right-O!" Carl Put On His Freshman Cap And Flung Hugh's To Him. "Gloria
Nielsen Is There, And She's A Pash Baby. Ought To Be A Good Fillum."
The Blue And Orange--It Was The Only Movie Theater In Town--Was Almost
Full When The Boys Arrived. Only A Few Seats Near The Front Were Still
Vacant. A Freshman Started Down The Aisle, His "Baby Bonnet" Stuck
Jauntily On The Back Of His Head.
"Freshman!"... "Kill Him!"... "Murder The Frosh!" Shouts Came From All
Parts Of The House, And An Instant Later Hundreds Of Peanuts Shot
Swiftly At The Startled Freshman. "Cap! Cap! Cap Off!" There Was A Panic
Of Excitement. Upper-Classmen Were Standing On Their Chairs To Get Free
Throwing Room. The Freshman Snatched Off His Cap, Drew His Head Like A
Scared Turtle Down Into His Coat Collar, And Ran For A Seat. Hugh And
Carl Tucked Their Caps Into Their Coat Pockets And Attempted To Stroll
Nonchalantly Down The Aisle. They Hadn't Taken Three Steps Before The
Bombardment Began. Like Their Classmate, They Ran For Safety.
Then Some One In The Front Of The Theatre Threw A Peanut At Some One In
The Rear. The Fight Was On! Yelling Like Madmen, The Students Stood On
Their Chairs And Hurled Peanuts, The Front And Rear Of The House
Automatically Dividing Into Enemy Camps. When The Fight Was At Its
Hottest, Three Girls Entered.
"Wimmen! Wimmen!" As The Girls Walked Down The Aisle, Infinitely Pleased
With Their Reception, Five Hundred Men Stamped In Time With Their
Steps.
No Sooner Were The Girls Seated Than There Was A Scramble In One Corner,
An Excited Scuffling Of Feet. "I've Got It!" A Boy Screamed. He Stood On
His Chair And Held Up A Live Mouse By Its Tail. There Was A Shout Of
Applause And Then--"Play Catch!"
The Boy Dropped The Writhing Mouse Into A Peanut Bag, Screwed The Open
End Tight-Closed, And Then Threw The Bag Far Across The Room. Another
Boy Caught It And Threw It, This Time Over The Girls' Heads. They
Screamed And Jumped Upon Their Chairs, Holding Their Skirts, And Dancing
Up And Down In Assumed Terror. Back Over Their Heads, Back And Over,
Again And Again The Bagged Mouse Was Thrown While The Girls Screamed And
The Boys Roared With Delight. Suddenly One Of The Girls Threw Up Her
Arm, Caught The Bag Deftly, Held It For A Second, And Then Tossed It
Into The Rear Of The Theater.
Cheers Of Terrifying Violence Broke Loose: "Ray! Ray! Atta Girl! Hot
Dog! Ray, Ray!" And Then The Lights Went Out.
"Moosick! Moosick! Moo-_Sick_!" The Audience Stamped And Roared,
Whistled And Howled. "Moosick! We Want Moosick!"
The Pianist, An Undergraduate, Calmly Strolled Down The Aisle.
"Get A Move On!"... "Earn Your Salary!"... "Give Us Moosick!"
The Pianist Paused To Thumb His Nose Casually At The Entire Audience,
And Then Amid Shouts And Hisses Sat Down At The Piano And Began To Play
"Love Nest."
Immediately The Boys Began To Whistle, And As The Comedy Was Utterly
Stupid, They Relieved Their Boredom By Whistling The Various Tunes That
The Pianist Played Until The Miserable Film Flickered Out.
Then The "Feature" And The Fun Began. During The Stretches Of Pure
Narrative, The Boys Whistled, But When There Was Any Real Action They
Talked. The Picture Was A Melodrama Of "Love And Hate," As The
Advertisement Said.
The Boys Told The Actors What To Do; They Revealed To Them The Secrets
Of The Plot. "She's Hiding Behind The Door, Harold. No, No! Not That
Way. Hey, Dumbbell--Behind The Door."... "Catch Him, Gloria; He's Only
Shy!"... "No, That's Not Him!"
The Climactic Fight Brought Shouts Of Encouragement--To The Villain.
"Kill Him!"... "Shoot One To His Kidneys!"... "Ahhhhh," As The Villain
Hit The Hero In The Stomach.... "Muss His Hair. Attaboy!"... "Kill The
Skunk!" And Finally Groans Of Despair When The Hero Won His Inevitable
Victory.
But It Was The Love Scenes That Aroused The Greatest Ardor And Joy. The
Hero Was Given Careful Instructions. "Some Neckin', Harold!"... "Kiss
Her! Kiss Her! Ahhh!"... "Harold, Harold, You're Getting Rough!"...
"She's Vamping You, Harold!"... "Stop It; Gloria; He's A Good Boy." And
So On Until The Picture Ended In The Usual Close-Up Of The Hero And
Heroine Silhouetted In A Tender Embrace Against The Setting Sun. The
Boys Breathed "Ahhhh" And "Ooooh" Ecstatically--And Laughed. The
Meretricious Melodrama Did Not Fool Them, But They Delighted In Its
Absurdities.
The Lights Flashed On And The Crowd Filed Out, "Wise-Cracking" About The
Picture And Commenting Favorably On The Heroine's Figure. There Were
Shouts To This Fellow Or That Fellow To Come On Over And Play Bridge,
And Suggestions Here And There To Go To A Drug Store And Get A Drink.
Hugh And Carl Strolled Home Over The Dark Campus, Both Of Them Radiant
With Excitement, Hugh Frankly So.
"Golly, I Did Enjoy That," He Exclaimed. "I Never Had A Better Time. It
Was Sure Hot Stuff. I Don't Want To Go To The Room; Let's Walk For A
While."
"Yeah, It Was Pretty Good," Carl Admitted. "Nope, I Can't Go Walking;
Gotta Write A Letter."
"Who To? The Harem?"
Carl Hunched His Shoulders Until His Ears Touched His Coat Collar.
"Gettin' Cold. Fall's Here. Nope, Not The Harem. My Old Lady."
Hugh Looked At Him Bewildered. He Was Finding Carl More And More A
Conundrum. He Consistently Called His Mother His Old Lady, Insisted That
She Was A Damned Nuisance--And Wrote To Her Every Night. Hugh Was
Writing To His Mother Only Twice A Week. It Was Very Confusing....
Chapter 5
Capwell Chapel--It Bore The Pork Merchant's Name As An Eternal Memorial
To Him--Was As Impressive Inside As Out. The Stained-Glass Windows Had
Been Made By A Famous New York Firm; The Altar Had Been Designed By An
Even More Famous Sculptor. The Walls, Quite Improperly, Were Adorned
With Paintings Of Former Presidents, But The Largest Painting Of All--It
Was Fairly Gargantuan--Was Of The Pork Merchant, A Large, Ruddy
Gentleman, Whom The Artist, A Keen Observer, Had Painted
Truly--Complacently Porcine, Benevolently Smug.
The Seniors And Juniors Sat In The Nave, The Sophomores On The Right
Side Of The Transept, The Freshmen On The Left. Hugh Gazed Upward In Awe
At The Dim Recesses Of The Vaulted Ceiling, At The Ornately Carved Choir
Where Gowned Students Were Quietly Seating Themselves, At The Colored
Light Streaming Through The Beautiful Windows, At The Picture Of The
Pork Merchant. The Chapel Bells Ceased Tolling; Rich, Solemn Tones
Swelled From The Organ.
President Culver In Cap And Gown, His Purple Hood Falling Over His
Shoulders, Entered Followed By His Faculty, Also Gowned And Hooded. The
Students Rose And Remained Standing Until The President And Faculty Were
Seated. The Organ Sounded A Final Chord, And Then The College Chaplain
Rose And Prayed--Very Badly. He Implored The Lord To Look Kindly "On
These Young Men Who Have Come From Near And Far To Drink From This Great
Fount Of Learning, This Well Of Wisdom."
The Prayer Over, The President Addressed The Students. He Was A Large,
Erect Man With Iron-Gray Hair And A Rugged Intelligent Face. Although He
Was Sixty Years Old, His Body Was Vigorous And Free From Extra Weight.
He Spoke Slowly And Impressively, Choosing His Words With Care And
Enunciating Them With Great Distinctness. His Address Was For The
Freshmen: He Welcomed Them To Sanford College, To Its Splendid
Traditions, Its High Ideals, Its Noble History. He Spoke Of The Famous
Men It Numbered Among Its Sons, Of The Work They Had Done For America
And The World, Of The Work He Hoped Future Sanford Men, They, The
Freshmen, Would Some Day Do For America And The World. He Mentioned
Briefly The Boys From Sanford Who Had Died In The World War "To Make The
World Safe For Democracy," And He Prayed That Their Sacrifice Had Not
Been In Vain. Finally, He Spoke Of The Chapel Service, Which The
Students Were Required To Attend. He Hoped That They Would Find
Inspiration In It, Knowledge And Strength. He Assured Them That The
Service Would Always Be Nonsectarian, That There Would Never Be Anything
In It To Offend Any One Of Any Race, Creed, Or Religion. With A Last
Exhortation To The Freshmen To Make The Most Of Their Great
Opportunities, He Ended With The Announcement That They Would Rise And
Sing The Sixty-Seventh Hymn.
Hugh Was Deeply Impressed By The Speech But Disturbed By The Students.
From Where He Sat He Got An Excellent View Of The Juniors And Seniors.
The Seniors, Who Sat In The Front Of The Nave, Seemed To Be Paying
Fairly Good Attention; But The Juniors--Many Of Them, At Least--Paid No
Attention At All. Some Of Them Were Munching Apples, Some Doughnuts, And
Many Of Them Were Reading "The Sanford News," The College's Daily Paper.
Some Of The Juniors Talked During The
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