Living with cancer, David In Ireland [best ebook reader under 100 TXT] 📗

I look the actual act of cooking, I enjoy playing with flavours, I take great pleasure in feeding people food that makes the recipients ask for more. I possibly should be taking it easier, my wife says I am trying to do too much, but providing a good dinner for the family at the end of a day is a big thing. I feel a sense of independence when I have completed it, so I am going to try and continue doing that.

I have nothing but 'take it easy' marked into my diary for the next six days, then I have another quick visit to my oncology day ward. Ishould mention at this point, that the staff (of all levels) working on the dayoncology ward in Tallaght hospital are the most amazing human beings I have ever had the pleasure to meet. Working in nursing is a very hard job, in every department, to be blessed with such wonderful people in Tallaght has made mytime so much easier. The day I left hospital after chemo. On that morning I was given some seriously expensive injection, I was told it was something to do with preventing my white blood cells from going to low, I think, it is all a bit blurry. The doctory who gave the injection went on about some possible side effects,which were very rare, something like 1,000:1 ratio, so I just went 'yada yadayada' in my head and I did not listen to a single word he said. Three days later I woke up with stiff shoulders, which truned to sore back,which turned to sore spine. When I say sore, it was not sore to touch, it wasnot sore to move, it just came and went every 15 or 20 mins lasting only 2mins. So it was not so bad, I could deal with that. But then as the day wore onmy spine began to spasm, leaving me unable to move, walk, breath, and thespasams came more frequently and with more strength.

My wife arrived home, took one look at me and rang the hospital, because Iam a chemo patient we are supposed to ring them to let them know we are coming,I have to be kept away from the general public (infection, yada yada yada)particuarly when at A&E (Accident & Emergency). The oncology ward saidto bring me straight in and an oncology doctor will be awaiting my arrival. So we got into the car for the drive to the hospital, my back was in suchspasms by this stage it was pushing my whole body up into the air with a rigidspine, naturally the seat belt was holding my body back so the result was the most horrendous pain I have ever experienced in my life. Now it should be noted that a dog took a chunk of meat out of my arm when I was 10, and that same dog also took a good enough bite into my head. Those dog bites did not even compare to the pain in my spine. The car journey took forever, my poor wife having to listen to me whine like a sick dog, when the pain was bad, but when the pain got really bad she had to listen to me do virtual re-enactments of scenes from The Exorcist. When we finally arrived at the hospital, my wife drove straight up to the door, she ran in to get someone or a wheelchair, we eventually made our way into the hospital, via triage, to an oncology doctor, one that has been on my team since my chemo bagan. I was so relieved, he asked all the right questions,told me that he thought it was the 1,000:1 chance that my marrow would be agrivated in my spine 'remember I told you last Saturday when I gave youthe injection'. So basically I needed some painkillers. He injected morphine straight into my Hickman port, waited about 30 seconds, then injected some more, waited about 1 minute then injected more. As the Hickman is straight into my heart the effects are pretty much immediate, the pain went, almost instantly, my spine was still going into spasm, but the pain was gone, then he injected something to stop the spasms. I was falling asleep within 2 minutes of the final injection. So we went home for the night as it is not good for me to be in A&E for too long. Then first thing next morning I was back on the oncology day ward,the bloods taken the night before had shown up some problems, so the wanted to do some more tests. We have had a nice weekend since the spine incident, spent most of Friday in the hospital, but Sat and Sun were spent at home, just taking it easy, not that I can do that much anyway. If I move in anyway quickly I feel like I am going to be sick, but if I move slowly I feel great, so guess what, I move slowly. My Hickman port is not working correctly, they can inject, but it is not drawing blood like it should. So I have to back in on Monday (tomorrow) to have some procedure to clear the line under x-ray.

Second session ofchemo. I went into hospital on the Monday as planned for a new Hickman to be fitted to my chest. ...................... I have just typed and then deleted the worst day ofmy chemo.............. I deleted it because it looked like a session of'he said' 'she said' ..................I can see no point ingoing through it, word by word, fact by fact..................... what you need to know is that the Irish hospital administration is being run with various levels of ineffeciency and the result is the patient suffers, nobody else, just the patient, actually the staff do as well, they are expected to pick up the pieces...................so from your part, be grateful, I deleted pages of acomplaint. So anyway, I had the Hickman fitted on Monday, but on Tuesday morning,whilst brushing my teeth, it fell out of my chest and onto the floor, chemo dripping out of it onto the floor, blood filled my white Tshirt like someone had shot me. I opened the door to the bathroom and stepped out into the ward, a nurse walking towards me shouted “oh my God, oh my God” she ran towards me,like a scene from a movie, nurses came running with her, the appeared out of various doors and ran towards me. I tried to explain how the tube seemed to just slip out of my chest, but they were too concerned by the amount of bloodthat was coming out of my chest. What was a bullet hole sized blob of blood wasnow the size of a plate. They grabbed a chair and sat me down and started applying pressure to my chest to stop the bleeding, but every time they movedslightly blood came pouring out, my white t-shirt was now completely red and dripping over onto the floor. With that some scary looking people arrived in full one piece suits, masks, to do the chemo clean up. Doctors arrived within a couple of minutes and I was brought straight down to have a third Hickman fitted. This time, after the hickman was fitted I was put straight back onto chemo. The nurses in general are the most amazing angels on this planet, we are lucky to have them, we are lucky they are the way they are, their type of personality is what gets a lot of patients through their day. I have now christened them my 'blue angels' obviously due to the colour of their uniforms being blue. I say thank you on every occasion I can, but it is not enough, they deserve more, so much more. They are not paid enough, they are not listened to enough, they are not given enough thanks. (if you are a nurse, or have ever been a nurse, thank you, thank you, thank you)

The week in hospital was hard enough, I did not reach the same low levels in the nausia due to the predetermined medications from the first session. I still feel pretty low once the chemo is plugged in, pretty much until they unplug me.I am sure it is subconscious. Met a few more people this time as I was in a public ward this time. We were pretty much all cancer patients so the conversation was easy. When you share a ward with 5 other men, there are no secrets, every doctors word is heard by everyone, every nurses word is heard, even the ones that lower their voice can be clearly heard, the result is everyone knows what everyone is going through. My sister kindly gave me an injection that allowed me come home from hospital 12 hours early, it probably does not sound like much but it is a lotto me right now. Been home a week now, so I have about another week to go before my 3rd session, I had the same spinal reaction to the neulasta injection, but this time I was armed with painkillers strong enough to deal with the pain and medication to stop the spasms.

I am feeling a bit more like I am 'living with cancer', every week that goes by I get mentally stronger, even though I feel physically weaker each week. I think spending so much time in the hospital has helped me to realise the situation I am in. I have met so many people with cancer, with different types of cancer, with different treatments. Each one has their own story. I am humbled by the doctors and nurses. I know some people say things like “that’s their job”, but for me the are heroes. At every level, consultants, doctors, nurses, assistants, radiologists, porters, catering staff. Each and every one of them does an amazing job. I know I might be mentioning them more than you would expect but it is impossible not to honour their work. So many of them work extra hours with no extra pay. Too many of them are asked to give their hearts and souls to their careers without proper reward. I grew up with a sister who always wanted to be a nurse. She became a nurse. Quite a few of my childhood friends became nurses, a couple became doctors. Although I thought I knew how hard their jobs were, I had no idea. I did not comprehend what they were giving in their job. When I spent many hours on wards thinking, I would often think of my friends who became nurses or doctors. I could see a different side of their personalities. For so many years they had been my friends, but not once did I value what they meant by “I am tired”. They work harder than I have seen in any profession.

I have received a lovely letter from my Aunt and Uncle in England I know they love me like a son, I know I love them like my parents. Their simple words of concern touched my heart. It is wonderful knowing that they are there for me, that they are always there for me. We have a strange relationship because they have lived in a different country to me, all of my life. But they have made big efforts to keep in contact, to visit, to send cards. Every time I meet them it is as if I only saw them the week before. Our relationship is like a friendship that never fades. They have been at every important event of my life, wedding, funerals, birthdays, Christmas. Now I have cancer, they have sent me this letter, just to let me know that they are thinking of me. I know they would love to phone me, but I can’t take phone calls without tears and right now I