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to come and live with us because he said that “ he was tired of living with my biological dad Matt. My mom told me about his mental disabilities and asked me and my sister Misty to be nice and explained that he may do things that he doesn’t know he does.
I talked to him a few times before he moved down from Arizona, to Texas. He asked me many questions. The weirdest question he asked me was about sex. Although I wasn't “ out” as a gay person I guess that it was obvious that I was gay.

I remember one time when he called when my mother was out for the day and he wanted to talk to me. I remember specificity thing we talked about. He asked “ would you have sex with a boy”. I didn’t know if that was a question that I should answer. I didn’t even know if my brother should even ask me a question like that. Awkwardly Then he said “okay” in the creepiest way possible. I knew he had problems and sometimes count help some of the things he says. I just kept my mouth shut about a what he said.
I thought to myself “why make something worst than what it is.” May be it was just a question because I sound gay. So I let it go and I didn’t mention it to my mother. I wonder maybe if I had she would’ve stopped him from moving to Texas, but I didn’t say anything.

My mother told me that he was moving to where we lived in a month. I remember feeling so exited about him moving in with us. He was my big brother and the only big brother I had was my mean older brother Josh.
I count take the excitement when me and my mother arrived at the airport to meet my brother. I remember we waited for him for almost an hour.
He finally arrived about hour after waiting in the crowded, hot airport lobby.
He ran and gave me and mt mother hugs and greeting's We Gathered all his bags and luggage. He brought exactly two bags. One was a bag of close and a bag of personal things such as deodorant, tooth brush, E.T.C
Talking to him was so awkwardly . He only liked talking about sex, drugs, and vulgar things. I was raised by my grandmother before I moved in with my mother at the age of eleven, so we didn’t use vulgar language. The only places I ever heard curse words was when my grandparents where upset, my mother and sister cussed, and the kids at school cursed, but other wise I was not allowed to curse and I never had the urge to use vulgar language.
Me and Misty would talk and we would talk about how weird he was. He only thought about sex. When he was alone he would watch sex and masturbated all the time. He liked to talk about it too. He would say “I masturbated today and it was good”. Or he would go into detail about the porn he would be watching. Me and my sister Misty found him extremely creepy.

He would ask me to go around town and walk around with him. He caused trouble everywhere he was. The first incident he had “in trouble” was when he started to work for the man next door who he worked for for about a week and asked his payment early and it really ticked the guy off and the guy took sixty dollars out of his pockets and the Hispanic man who could not speak English properly threw the money at my brother and said a few curse words in Spanish and told my brother to never show his face around here again.
I remember exactly what my brother spent the money, he went to the local pond shop and spent the money on a large hinting knife. Long story short my mother took the knife away and grounded him.

When my mother was severely upset with Chris she would “beat on him” per day. I remember when my mother would get really mad and shed slap him, and kick him, shed punch him and he would just stand there and take it and she would call him names.
My mom left it up to me to watch my brother at night when she was working. I remember one time when my mother banned any kind of pornographic pictures or videos in the house and he would beg me to let him watch it.
He would say “ please I won't tell mom. Its our little secret. Id at some point finally give in and tell him he could watch it for five or ten minutes.
I would tell my mother when she got home from work.
My mother was not very kind or understanding with my brother. She would beta him when she got really upset with him.
I remember one time my mom got mad that my brother went behind her back and she started to slap him back and forth from his face, and she pushed him to the front porch. Saying “ Hit me motherfucker”. She kicked him and finally pushed him off of our porch. My brother Chris being six feet of coarse caught himself.
I think it was sorta insensitive of her to beat him when she was upset. He did have problems and sometimes wasn't aware of what he was doing or aware that what he was doing was wrong. Even though I would never defend my brother because of what he did to me in which I will explain later in the book.

My brother did other things too. He started hanging out with an African American prostitute. I thought she was sweet as can be, the few times I met her. My mother did not approve of his new “relationship”. She strictly forbidden him to hang around with her.
This women had mental problems, like Chris. My mother told me that she was put in a mental institution every other week.
Long story short it was a bi fight one day. Chris told this women that my mom blew his whole disability check on me and her and she told Chris that she didn’t want to hang out with him, and she broke it off.

One after noon on a Saturday afternoon my mother got a call from the police station and they told her that Chris was in jail and that she would have to pick him up. My mother asked “ what did he do, this time”? They refused to tell her and told her that she needed to come and pick him up.
She took me with her, since it was Saturday and she didn’t want to leave me at home and she took me with her.
The drive to the police station was long and it being summer was really hot. We arrived at the police station and the tall police man in his blue uniform took us back to the cell my brother was in and let him out.
The whole time the police officer was leading us back to the small room to have a conference, my mother was living my brother a nasty look.
The police officer sat us down and explained that Chris was caught steeling from the local Gainesville supermarket. He explained that there would be a fine of 300 dollars or he would go to jail for six months.
They let him out and when we arrived at home it was hell for Chris. My mom started to slap him and punched him in the face. Just to sum it up she beat him. She asked him why he did it his answer was that a group of crackheads offered him crack if he went in to steel from the store.

My brother's actions was stressing me and my mother out. My mom got to the point where her hair was falling out.
She went to a therapist and they told her it was because she was so stressed and tens about Chris's beaver.
I got to the point where it got difficult for me to urinate. I would have to push it out to the point of it hurting. I also sat in a hot bath and I would wait till I urinated.
He had me so scared, because he told me that he would hurt me if I “snicked” on him if I told my mom about the stuff he would pull when she was away at work.

Later I would learn what he was really capable of.


Five:
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt


My blatter problems of not being able to urinate got worse. I t got to the point where I would not urinate for hours on end. My mom finally gave in and took me to the doctors office one weekend.
I remember when the doctor walked in. He was an older man, maybe in his early 50's with whitish gray hair.
He came in and asked my mother to leave so he could evaluate my penis. I didn't feel conformable taking my close off in front of my mother, at the age of fourteen.
He touched down there and evaluated it. Talk about unconformable. I don't believe iv ever been as unconformable in my life then at that time.
He finally informed my mother she could enter back in the room and he explained that I was forming an infection that is caused from stress.

Me and my mother drove home from the hospital. My mom told my brother that he either had to straiten up, or just get out. My brother promised hed be good, but I knew it was a lie. He always said that, but he never would. My mother would always believe him.
I don't think she would believe him, I thing it was because he was her son and she didn't want ti give up on one of her kids. I also believe it was in guilt. Guilt because what she had done to him when she was pregnant with him.

My brother continued to misbehave, as always. He was still paying his fine, out of his own pocket for steeling from the supermarket.
I just can't seem to comprehend why my mother was helping him. He had done so much to us, I just don't know why. I guess she didn't want to give up on him because she had birthed him. Although I of course do not have any kids I would feel attached to the kid because I made it.

Chris really crossed the line one night. He asked me directly “ do you wanna have sex with me”?
I was so honestly offended. I told him no I would never do that with my brother.
He answered back “come on, I know you want it”.
I told him no never and not to ever ask me again, or I would have him arrested.
I just told him im going to bed and not to talk to me the next day. He responded when I said this “ill get it one way or another”.
I was shocked for days that he would ask that. It was
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