The Jargon File, Eric S. Raymond [speld decodable readers txt] 📗

they'd increased spacing in only one section it would

have been a wart -- they would've had to make nonstandard-length

ceiling panels to fit over the displaced seats."

A: "A miswart, actually. If they increased spacing throughout they'd

lose several rows and a chunk out of the profit margin. So unequal

spacing would actually be the Right Thing."

B: "Indeed."

`Undocumented feature' is a common, allegedly humorous euphemism for a

[4991]bug. There's a related joke that is sometimes referred to as the

"one-question geek test". You say to someone "I saw a Volkswagen

Beetle today with a vanity license plate that read FEATURE". If he/she

laughs, he/she is a geek (see [4992]computer geek, sense 2).

Node:feature creature, Next:[4993]feature creep,

Previous:[4994]feature, Up:[4995]= F =

feature creature n.

[poss. fr. slang `creature feature' for a horror movie] 1. One who

loves to add features to designs or programs, perhaps at the expense

of coherence, concision, or [4996]taste. 2. Alternately, a mythical

being that induces otherwise rational programmers to perpetrate such

crocks. See also [4997]feeping creaturism, [4998]creeping featurism.

Node:feature creep, Next:[4999]feature key, Previous:[5000]feature

creature, Up:[5001]= F =

feature creep n.

[common] The result of [5002]creeping featurism, as in "Emacs has a

bad case of feature creep".

Node:feature key, Next:[5003]feature shock, Previous:[5004]feature

creep, Up:[5005]= F =

feature key n.

[common] The Macintosh key with the cloverleaf graphic on its keytop;

sometimes referred to as flower',pretzel', clover',propeller',

`beanie' (an apparent reference to the major feature of a propeller

beanie), [5006]splat, `open-apple' or (officially, in Mac

documentation) the command key'. In French, the termpapillon'

(butterfly) has been reported. The proliferation of terms for this

creature may illustrate one subtle peril of iconic interfaces.

Many people have been mystified by the cloverleaf-like symbol that

appears on the feature key. Its oldest name is `cross of St. Hannes',

but it occurs in pre-Christian Viking art as a decorative motif.

Throughout Scandinavia today the road agencies use it to mark sites of

historical interest. Apple picked up the symbol from an early Mac

developer who happened to be Swedish. Apple documentation gives the

translation "interesting feature"!

There is some dispute as to the proper (Swedish) name of this symbol.

It technically stands for the word `sev�rdhet' (thing worth seeing);

many of these are old churches. Some Swedes report as an idiom for the

sign the word kyrka', cognate to Englishchurch' and pronounced

(roughly) /chur'ka/ in modern Swedish. Others say this is nonsense.

Other idioms reported for the sign are runa' (rune) orrunsten'

/roon'stn/ (runestone), derived from the fact that many of the

interesting features are Viking rune-stones. The term `fornminne'

/foorn'min'*/ (relic of antiquity, ancient monument) is also reported,

especially among those who think that the Mac itself is a relic of

antiquity.

Node:feature shock, Next:[5007]featurectomy, Previous:[5008]feature

key, Up:[5009]= F =

feature shock n.

[from Alvin Toffler's book title "Future Shock"] A user's (or

programmer's!) confusion when confronted with a package that has too

many features and poor introductory material.

Node:featurectomy, Next:[5010]feep, Previous:[5011]feature shock,

Up:[5012]= F =

featurectomy /fee`chr-ek't-mee/ n.

The act of removing a feature from a program. Featurectomies come in

two flavors, the righteous' and thereluctant'. Righteous

featurectomies are performed because the remover believes the program

would be more elegant without the feature, or there is already an

equivalent and better way to achieve the same end. (Doing so is not

quite the same thing as removing a [5013]misfeature.) Reluctant

featurectomies are performed to satisfy some external constraint such

as code size or execution speed.

Node:feep, Next:[5014]feeper, Previous:[5015]featurectomy, Up:[5016]=

F =

feep /feep/

n. The soft electronic `bell' sound of a display terminal (except

for a VT-52); a beep (in fact, the microcomputer world seems to prefer

[5017]beep). 2. vi. To cause the display to make a feep sound. ASR-33s

(the original TTYs) do not feep; they have mechanical bells that ring.

Alternate forms: [5018]beep, `bleep', or just about anything suitably

onomatopoeic. (Jeff MacNelly, in his comic strip "Shoe", uses the word

`eep' for sounds made by computer terminals and video games; this is

perhaps the closest written approximation yet.) The term `breedle' was

sometimes heard at SAIL, where the terminal bleepers are not

particularly soft (they sound more like the musical equivalent of a

raspberry or Bronx cheer; for a close approximation, imagine the sound

of a Star Trek communicator's beep lasting for five seconds). The

`feeper' on a VT-52 has been compared to the sound of a '52 Chevy

stripping its gears. See also [5019]ding.

Node:feeper, Next:[5020]feeping creature, Previous:[5021]feep,

Up:[5022]= F =

feeper /fee'pr/ n.

The device in a terminal or workstation (usually a loudspeaker of some

kind) that makes the [5023]feep sound.

Node:feeping creature, Next:[5024]feeping creaturism,

Previous:[5025]feeper, Up:[5026]= F =

feeping creature n.

[from [5027]feeping creaturism] An unnecessary feature; a bit of

[5028]chrome that, in the speaker's judgment, is the camel's nose for

a whole horde of new features.

Node:feeping creaturism, Next:[5029]feetch feetch,

Previous:[5030]feeping creature, Up:[5031]= F =

feeping creaturism /fee'ping kree`ch*r-izm/ n.

A deliberate spoonerism for [5032]creeping featurism, meant to imply

that the system or program in question has become a misshapen creature

of hacks. This term isn't really well defined, but it sounds so neat

that most hackers have said or heard it. It is probably reinforced by

an image of terminals prowling about in the dark making their

customary noises.

Node:feetch feetch, Next:[5033]fence, Previous:[5034]feeping

creaturism, Up:[5035]= F =

feetch feetch /feech feech/ interj.

If someone tells you about some new improvement to a program, you

might respond: "Feetch, feetch!" The meaning of this depends

critically on vocal inflection. With enthusiasm, it means something

like "Boy, that's great! What a great hack!" Grudgingly or with

obvious doubt, it means "I don't know; it sounds like just one more

unnecessary and complicated thing". With a tone of resignation, it

means, "Well, I'd rather keep it simple, but I suppose it has to be

done".

Node:fence, Next:[5036]fencepost error, Previous:[5037]feetch feetch,

Up:[5038]= F =

fence n. 1.

A sequence of one or more distinguished ([5039]out-of-band) characters

(or other data items), used to delimit a piece of data intended to be

treated as a unit (the computer-science literature calls this a

`sentinel'). The NUL (ASCII 0000000) character that terminates strings

in C is a fence. Hex FF is also (though slightly less frequently) used

this way. See [5040]zigamorph. 2. An extra data value inserted in an

array or other data structure in order to allow some normal test on

the array's contents also to function as a termination test. For

example, a highly optimized routine for finding a value in an array

might artificially place a copy of the value to be searched for after

the last slot of the array, thus allowing the main search loop to

search for the value without having to check at each pass whether the

end of the array had been reached. 3. [among users of optimizing

compilers] Any technique, usually exploiting knowledge about the

compiler, that blocks certain optimizations. Used when explicit

mechanisms are not available or are overkill. Typically a hack: "I

call a dummy procedure there to force a flush of the optimizer's

register-coloring info" can be expressed by the shorter "That's a

fence procedure".

Node:fencepost error, Next:[5041]fiber-seeking backhoe,

Previous:[5042]fence, Up:[5043]= F =

fencepost error n.

[common] A problem with the discrete equivalent of a boundary

condition, often exhibited in programs by iterative loops. From the

following problem: "If you build a fence 100 feet long with posts 10

feet apart, how many posts do you need?" (Either 9 or 11 is a better

answer than the obvious 10.) For example, suppose you have a long list

or array of items, and want to process items m through n; how many

items are there? The obvious answer is n - m, but that is off by one;

the right answer is n - m + 1. A program that used the `obvious'

formula would have a fencepost error in it. See also [5044]zeroth and

[5045]off-by-one error, and note that not all off-by-one errors are

fencepost errors. The game of Musical Chairs involves a catastrophic

off-by-one error where N people try to sit in N - 1 chairs, but it's

not a fencepost error. Fencepost errors come from counting things

rather than the spaces between them, or vice versa, or by neglecting

to consider whether one should count one or both ends of a row. 2.

[rare] An error induced by unexpected regularities in input values,

which can (for instance) completely thwart a theoretically efficient

binary tree or hash table implementation. (The error here involves the

difference between expected and worst case behaviors of an algorithm.)

Node:fiber-seeking backhoe, Next:[5046]FidoNet,

Previous:[5047]fencepost error, Up:[5048]= F =

fiber-seeking backhoe

[common among backbone ISP personnel] Any of a genus of large,

disruptive machines which routinely cut critical backbone links,

creating Internet outages and [5049]packet over air problems.

Node:FidoNet, Next:[5050]field circus, Previous:[5051]fiber-seeking

backhoe, Up:[5052]= F =

FidoNet n.

A worldwide hobbyist network of personal computers which exchanges

mail, discussion groups, and files. Founded in 1984 and originally

consisting only of IBM PCs and compatibles, FidoNet now includes such

diverse machines as Apple ][s, Ataris, Amigas, and Unix systems. For

years FidoNet actually grew faster than Usenet, but the advent of

cheap Internet access probably means its days are numbered. In early

1999 Fidonet has approximately 30,000 nodes, down from 38K in 1996.

Node:field circus, Next:[5053]field servoid, Previous:[5054]FidoNet,

Up:[5055]= F =

field circus n.

[a derogatory pun on `field service'] The field service organization

of any hardware manufacturer, but originally [5056]DEC. There is an

entire genre of jokes about field circus engineers:

Q: How can you recognize a field circus engineer

with a flat tire?

A: He's changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat.

Q: How can you recognize a field circus engineer

who is out of gas?

A: He's changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat.

Q: How can you tell it's your field circus engineer?

A: The spare is flat, too.

[See [5057]Easter egging for additional insight on these jokes.]

There is also the `Field Circus Cheer' (from the old [5058]plan file

for DEC on MIT-AI):

Maynard! Maynard!

Don't mess with us!

We're mean and we're tough!

If you get us confused

We'll screw up your stuff.

(DEC's service HQ, still extant under the Compaq regime, is located in

Maynard, Massachusetts.)

Node:field servoid, Next:[5059]Fight-o-net, Previous:[5060]field

circus, Up:[5061]= F =

field servoid [play on `android'] /fee'ld ser'voyd/ n.

Representative of a field service organization (see [5062]field

circus). This has many of the implications of [5063]droid.

Node:Fight-o-net, Next:[5064]File Attach, Previous:[5065]field

servoid, Up:[5066]= F =

Fight-o-net n.

[FidoNet] Deliberate distortion of [5067]FidoNet, often applied after

a flurry of [5068]flamage in a particular [5069]echo, especially the

SYSOP echo or Fidonews (see [5070]'Snooze).

Node:File Attach, Next:[5071]File Request, Previous:[5072]Fight-o-net,

Up:[5073]= F =

File Attach [FidoNet]

n. A file sent along with a mail message from one FidoNet to

another. 2. vt. Sending someone a file by using the File Attach option

in a FidoNet mailer.

Node:File Request, Next:[5074]file signature, Previous:[5075]File

Attach, Up:[5076]= F =

File Request [FidoNet]

n. The [5077]FidoNet equivalent of [5078]FTP, in which one FidoNet

system automatically dials another and [5079]snarfs one or more files.

Often abbreviated `FReq'; files are often announced as being

"available for FReq" in the same way that files are announced as being

"available for/by anonymous FTP" on the Internet. 2. vt. The act of

getting a copy of a file by using the File Request option of the

FidoNet mailer.

Node:file signature, Next:[5080]filk, Previous:[5081]File Request,

Up:[5082]= F =

file signature n.

A [5083]magic number, sense 3.

Node:filk, Next:[5084]film at 11, Previous:[5085]file signature,

Up:[5086]= F =

filk /filk/ n.,v.

[from SF fandom, where a typo for `folk' was adopted as a new word] A

popular or folk song with lyrics revised or completely new lyrics

and/or music, intended for humorous