Quality Street, Sir James Matthew Barrie [best e books to read TXT] 📗
- Author: Sir James Matthew Barrie
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be gone, for we did not see her go.
VALENTINE (enlightened at last). I see!
PATTY. And Miss Phoebe and Miss Susan wring their hands, for they are feared Miss Livvy is bedridden here for all time. (Now his sense of humour asserts itself). Thank the Lord, you 're laughing!
(At this he laughs the more, and it is a gay CAPTAIN BROWN on whom MISS SUSAN opens the bedroom door. This desperate woman is too full of plot to note the change in him.)
MISS SUSAN. I am happy to inform you, sir, that Livvy finds herself much improved.
VALENTINE (bolting). It is joy to me to hear it.
MISS SUSAN. She is coming in to see you.
PATTY (aghast). Oh, ma'am!
VALENTINE (frowning on PATTY). I shall be happy to see the poor invalid.
PATTY. Ma'am----!
(But MISS SUSAN, believing that so far all is well, has returned to the bedchamber. CAPTAIN BROWN bestows a quizzical glance upon the maid.)
VALENTINE. Go away, Patty. Anon I may claim a service of you, but for the present, go.
PATTY. But--but----
VALENTINE. Retire, woman.
(She has to go, and he prepares his face for the reception of the invalid. PHOEBE comes in without her cap, the ringlets showing again. She wears a dressing jacket and is supported by MISS SUSAN.)
VALENTINE (gravely). Your servant, Miss Livvy.
PHOEBE (weakly). How do you do?
VALENTINE. Allow me, Miss Susan.
(He takes MISS SUSAN'S place; but after an exquisite moment MISS PHOEBE breaks away from him, feeling that she is not worthy of such bliss.)
PHOEBE. No, no, I--I can walk alone--see.
(She reclines upon the couch.)
MISS SUSAN. How do you think she is looking?
(He makes a professional examination of the patient, and they are very ashamed to deceive him, but not so ashamed that they must confess.)
What do you think?
VALENTINE (solemnly). She will recover. May I say, ma'am, it surprises me that any one should see much resemblance between you and your Aunt Phoebe. Miss Phoebe is decidedly shorter and more thick-set.
PHOEBE (sitting up). No, I am not.
VALENTINE. I said Miss Phoebe, ma'am. (She reclines.) But tell me, is not Miss Phoebe to join us?
PHOEBE. She hopes you will excuse her, sir.
MISS SUSAN (vaguely). Taking the opportunity of airing the room.
VALENTINE. Ah, of course.
MISS SUSAN (opening bedroom door and catting mendaciously). Captain Brown will excuse you, Phoebe.
VALENTINE. Certainly, Miss Susan. Well, ma'am, I think I could cure Miss Livvy if she is put unreservedly into my hands.
MISS SUSAN (with a sigh). I am sure you could.
VALENTINE. Then you are my patient, Miss Livvy.
PHOEBE (nervously). 'Twas but a passing indisposition, I am almost quite recovered.
VALENTINE. Nay, you still require attention. Do you propose making a long stay in Quality Street, ma'am?
PHOEBE. I--I--I hope not. It--it depends.
MISS SUSAN (forgetting herself). Mary is the worst.
VALENTINE. I ask your pardon?
PHOEBE. Aunt Susan, you are excited.
VALENTINE. But you are quite right, Miss Livvy; home is the place for you.
PHOEBE. Would that I could go!
VALENTINE. You are going.
PHOEBE. Yes--soon.
VALENTINE. Indeed, I have a delightful surprise for you, Miss Livvy, you are going to-day.
PHOEBE. To-day?
VALENTINE. Not merely to-day, but now. As it happens, my carriage is standing idle at your door, and I am to take you in it to your home--some twenty miles if I remember.
PHOEBE. You are to take me?
VALENTINE. Nay, 'tis no trouble at all, and as your physician my mind is made up. Some wraps for her, Miss Susan.
MISS SUSAN. But--but----
PHOEBE (in a panic). Sir, I decline to go.
VALENTINE. Come, Miss Livvy, you are in my hands.
PHOEBE. I decline. I am most determined.
VALENTINE. You admit yourself that you are recovered.
PHOEBE. I do not feel so well now. Aunt Susan!
MISS SUSAN. Sir----
VALENTINE. If you wish to consult Miss Phoebe----
MISS SUSAN. Oh, no.
VALENTINE. Then the wraps, Miss Susan.
PHOEBE. Auntie, don't leave me.
VALENTINE. What a refractory patient it is. But reason with her, Miss Susan, and I shall ask Miss Phoebe for some wraps.
PHOEBE. Sir!
(To their consternation he goes cheerily into the bedroom. MISS PHOEBE saves herself by instant flight, and nothing but mesmeric influence keeps MISS SUSAN rooted to the blue and white room. When he returns he is loaded with wraps, and still cheerfully animated, as if he had found nothing untoward in LIVVY'S bedchamber.)
VALENTINE. I think these will do admirably, Miss Susan.
MISS SUSAN. But Phoebe----
VALENTINE. If I swathe Miss Livvy in these----
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe----
VALENTINE. She is still busy airing the room. (The extraordinary man goes to the couch as if unable to perceive that its late occupant has gone, and MISS SUSAN watches him, fascinated.) Come, Miss Livvy, put these over you. Allow me--this one over your shoulders, so. Be so obliging as to lean on me. Be brave, ma'am, you cannot fall--my arm is round you; gently, gently, Miss Livvy; ah, that is better; we are doing famously; come, come. Good-bye, Miss Susan, I will take every care of her.
(He has gone, with the bundle on his arm, but MISS SUSAN does not wake up. Even the banging of the outer door is unable to rouse her. It is heard, however, by MISS PHOEBE, who steals back into the room, her cap upon her head to give her courage.)
PHOEBE. He is gone! (MISS SUSAN'S rapt face alarms her.) Oh, Susan, was he as dreadful as that?
MISS SUSAN (in tones unnatural to her). Phoebe, he knows all.
PHOEBE. Yes, of course he knows all now. Sister, did his face change? Oh, Susan, what did he say?
MISS SUSAN. He said 'Good-bye, Miss Susan.' That was almost all he said.
PHOEBE. Did his eyes flash fire?
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, it was what he did. He--he took Livvy with him.
PHOEBE. Susan, dear, don't say that. You are not distraught, are you?
MISS SUSAN (clinging to facts). He did; he wrapped her up in a shawl.
PHOEBE. Susan! You are Susan Throssel, my love. You remember me, don't you? Phoebe, your sister. I was Livvy also, you know, Livvy.
MISS SUSAN. He took Livvy with him.
PHOEBE (in woe). Oh, oh! sister, who am I?
MISS SUSAN. You are Phoebe.
PHOEBE. And who was Livvy?
MISS SUSAN. You were.
PHOEBE. Thank heaven.
MISS SUSAN. But he took her away in the carriage.
PHOEBE. Oh, dear! (She has quite forgotten her own troubles now.) Susan, you will soon be well again. Dear, let us occupy our minds. Shall we draw up the advertisement for the reopening of the school?
MISS SUSAN. I do so hate the school.
PHOEBE. Come, dear, come, sit down. Write, Susan. (Dictating.) 'The Misses Throssel have the pleasure to announce----'
MISS SUSAN. Pleasure! Oh, Phoebe.
PHOEBE. 'That they will resume school on the 5th of next month. Music, embroidery, the backboard, and all the elegancies of the mind. Latin--shall we say algebra?'
MISS SUSAN. I refuse to write algebra.
PHOEBE. --for beginners.
MISS SUSAN. I refuse. There is only one thing I can write; it writes itself in my head all day. 'Miss Susan Throssel presents her compliments to the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta Turnbull, and requests the honour of their presence at the nuptials of her sister Phoebe and Captain Valentine Brown.'
PHOEBE. Susan!
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe! (A door is heard banging.) He has returned!
PHOEBE. Oh cruel, cruel. Susan, I am so alarmed.
MISS SUSAN. I will face him.
PHOEBE. Nay, if it must be, I will.
(But when he enters he is not very terrible.)
VALENTINE. Miss Phoebe, it is not raining, but your face is wet. I wish always to kiss you when your face is wet.
PHOEBE. Susan!
VALENTINE. Miss Livvy will never trouble you any more, Miss Susan. I have sent her home.
MISS SUSAN. Oh, sir, how can you invent such a story for us.
VALENTINE. I did not. I invented it for the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta, who from their windows watched me put her into my carriage. Patty accompanies her, and in a few hours Patty will return alone.
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, he has got rid of Livvy!
PHOEBE. Susan, his face hasn't changed!
VALENTINE. Dear Phoebe Throssel, will you be Phoebe Brown?
PHOEBE (quivering). You know everything? And that I am not a garden?
VALENTINE. I know everything, ma'am--except that.
PHOEBE (so very glad to be prim at the end). Sir, the dictates of my heart enjoin me to accept your too flattering offer. (He puts her cap in his pocket. He kisses her. MISS SUSAN is about to steal away.) Oh, sir, Susan also. (He kisses MISS SUSAN also; and here we bid them good-bye.)
The End.
Imprint
VALENTINE (enlightened at last). I see!
PATTY. And Miss Phoebe and Miss Susan wring their hands, for they are feared Miss Livvy is bedridden here for all time. (Now his sense of humour asserts itself). Thank the Lord, you 're laughing!
(At this he laughs the more, and it is a gay CAPTAIN BROWN on whom MISS SUSAN opens the bedroom door. This desperate woman is too full of plot to note the change in him.)
MISS SUSAN. I am happy to inform you, sir, that Livvy finds herself much improved.
VALENTINE (bolting). It is joy to me to hear it.
MISS SUSAN. She is coming in to see you.
PATTY (aghast). Oh, ma'am!
VALENTINE (frowning on PATTY). I shall be happy to see the poor invalid.
PATTY. Ma'am----!
(But MISS SUSAN, believing that so far all is well, has returned to the bedchamber. CAPTAIN BROWN bestows a quizzical glance upon the maid.)
VALENTINE. Go away, Patty. Anon I may claim a service of you, but for the present, go.
PATTY. But--but----
VALENTINE. Retire, woman.
(She has to go, and he prepares his face for the reception of the invalid. PHOEBE comes in without her cap, the ringlets showing again. She wears a dressing jacket and is supported by MISS SUSAN.)
VALENTINE (gravely). Your servant, Miss Livvy.
PHOEBE (weakly). How do you do?
VALENTINE. Allow me, Miss Susan.
(He takes MISS SUSAN'S place; but after an exquisite moment MISS PHOEBE breaks away from him, feeling that she is not worthy of such bliss.)
PHOEBE. No, no, I--I can walk alone--see.
(She reclines upon the couch.)
MISS SUSAN. How do you think she is looking?
(He makes a professional examination of the patient, and they are very ashamed to deceive him, but not so ashamed that they must confess.)
What do you think?
VALENTINE (solemnly). She will recover. May I say, ma'am, it surprises me that any one should see much resemblance between you and your Aunt Phoebe. Miss Phoebe is decidedly shorter and more thick-set.
PHOEBE (sitting up). No, I am not.
VALENTINE. I said Miss Phoebe, ma'am. (She reclines.) But tell me, is not Miss Phoebe to join us?
PHOEBE. She hopes you will excuse her, sir.
MISS SUSAN (vaguely). Taking the opportunity of airing the room.
VALENTINE. Ah, of course.
MISS SUSAN (opening bedroom door and catting mendaciously). Captain Brown will excuse you, Phoebe.
VALENTINE. Certainly, Miss Susan. Well, ma'am, I think I could cure Miss Livvy if she is put unreservedly into my hands.
MISS SUSAN (with a sigh). I am sure you could.
VALENTINE. Then you are my patient, Miss Livvy.
PHOEBE (nervously). 'Twas but a passing indisposition, I am almost quite recovered.
VALENTINE. Nay, you still require attention. Do you propose making a long stay in Quality Street, ma'am?
PHOEBE. I--I--I hope not. It--it depends.
MISS SUSAN (forgetting herself). Mary is the worst.
VALENTINE. I ask your pardon?
PHOEBE. Aunt Susan, you are excited.
VALENTINE. But you are quite right, Miss Livvy; home is the place for you.
PHOEBE. Would that I could go!
VALENTINE. You are going.
PHOEBE. Yes--soon.
VALENTINE. Indeed, I have a delightful surprise for you, Miss Livvy, you are going to-day.
PHOEBE. To-day?
VALENTINE. Not merely to-day, but now. As it happens, my carriage is standing idle at your door, and I am to take you in it to your home--some twenty miles if I remember.
PHOEBE. You are to take me?
VALENTINE. Nay, 'tis no trouble at all, and as your physician my mind is made up. Some wraps for her, Miss Susan.
MISS SUSAN. But--but----
PHOEBE (in a panic). Sir, I decline to go.
VALENTINE. Come, Miss Livvy, you are in my hands.
PHOEBE. I decline. I am most determined.
VALENTINE. You admit yourself that you are recovered.
PHOEBE. I do not feel so well now. Aunt Susan!
MISS SUSAN. Sir----
VALENTINE. If you wish to consult Miss Phoebe----
MISS SUSAN. Oh, no.
VALENTINE. Then the wraps, Miss Susan.
PHOEBE. Auntie, don't leave me.
VALENTINE. What a refractory patient it is. But reason with her, Miss Susan, and I shall ask Miss Phoebe for some wraps.
PHOEBE. Sir!
(To their consternation he goes cheerily into the bedroom. MISS PHOEBE saves herself by instant flight, and nothing but mesmeric influence keeps MISS SUSAN rooted to the blue and white room. When he returns he is loaded with wraps, and still cheerfully animated, as if he had found nothing untoward in LIVVY'S bedchamber.)
VALENTINE. I think these will do admirably, Miss Susan.
MISS SUSAN. But Phoebe----
VALENTINE. If I swathe Miss Livvy in these----
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe----
VALENTINE. She is still busy airing the room. (The extraordinary man goes to the couch as if unable to perceive that its late occupant has gone, and MISS SUSAN watches him, fascinated.) Come, Miss Livvy, put these over you. Allow me--this one over your shoulders, so. Be so obliging as to lean on me. Be brave, ma'am, you cannot fall--my arm is round you; gently, gently, Miss Livvy; ah, that is better; we are doing famously; come, come. Good-bye, Miss Susan, I will take every care of her.
(He has gone, with the bundle on his arm, but MISS SUSAN does not wake up. Even the banging of the outer door is unable to rouse her. It is heard, however, by MISS PHOEBE, who steals back into the room, her cap upon her head to give her courage.)
PHOEBE. He is gone! (MISS SUSAN'S rapt face alarms her.) Oh, Susan, was he as dreadful as that?
MISS SUSAN (in tones unnatural to her). Phoebe, he knows all.
PHOEBE. Yes, of course he knows all now. Sister, did his face change? Oh, Susan, what did he say?
MISS SUSAN. He said 'Good-bye, Miss Susan.' That was almost all he said.
PHOEBE. Did his eyes flash fire?
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, it was what he did. He--he took Livvy with him.
PHOEBE. Susan, dear, don't say that. You are not distraught, are you?
MISS SUSAN (clinging to facts). He did; he wrapped her up in a shawl.
PHOEBE. Susan! You are Susan Throssel, my love. You remember me, don't you? Phoebe, your sister. I was Livvy also, you know, Livvy.
MISS SUSAN. He took Livvy with him.
PHOEBE (in woe). Oh, oh! sister, who am I?
MISS SUSAN. You are Phoebe.
PHOEBE. And who was Livvy?
MISS SUSAN. You were.
PHOEBE. Thank heaven.
MISS SUSAN. But he took her away in the carriage.
PHOEBE. Oh, dear! (She has quite forgotten her own troubles now.) Susan, you will soon be well again. Dear, let us occupy our minds. Shall we draw up the advertisement for the reopening of the school?
MISS SUSAN. I do so hate the school.
PHOEBE. Come, dear, come, sit down. Write, Susan. (Dictating.) 'The Misses Throssel have the pleasure to announce----'
MISS SUSAN. Pleasure! Oh, Phoebe.
PHOEBE. 'That they will resume school on the 5th of next month. Music, embroidery, the backboard, and all the elegancies of the mind. Latin--shall we say algebra?'
MISS SUSAN. I refuse to write algebra.
PHOEBE. --for beginners.
MISS SUSAN. I refuse. There is only one thing I can write; it writes itself in my head all day. 'Miss Susan Throssel presents her compliments to the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta Turnbull, and requests the honour of their presence at the nuptials of her sister Phoebe and Captain Valentine Brown.'
PHOEBE. Susan!
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe! (A door is heard banging.) He has returned!
PHOEBE. Oh cruel, cruel. Susan, I am so alarmed.
MISS SUSAN. I will face him.
PHOEBE. Nay, if it must be, I will.
(But when he enters he is not very terrible.)
VALENTINE. Miss Phoebe, it is not raining, but your face is wet. I wish always to kiss you when your face is wet.
PHOEBE. Susan!
VALENTINE. Miss Livvy will never trouble you any more, Miss Susan. I have sent her home.
MISS SUSAN. Oh, sir, how can you invent such a story for us.
VALENTINE. I did not. I invented it for the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta, who from their windows watched me put her into my carriage. Patty accompanies her, and in a few hours Patty will return alone.
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, he has got rid of Livvy!
PHOEBE. Susan, his face hasn't changed!
VALENTINE. Dear Phoebe Throssel, will you be Phoebe Brown?
PHOEBE (quivering). You know everything? And that I am not a garden?
VALENTINE. I know everything, ma'am--except that.
PHOEBE (so very glad to be prim at the end). Sir, the dictates of my heart enjoin me to accept your too flattering offer. (He puts her cap in his pocket. He kisses her. MISS SUSAN is about to steal away.) Oh, sir, Susan also. (He kisses MISS SUSAN also; and here we bid them good-bye.)
The End.
Imprint
Publication Date: 08-06-2010
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