The Alchemist, Ben Jonson [great novels .TXT] 📗
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SUB. The skirts,
And kiss 'em. So!
DOL. Let me now stroak that head.
"Much, nephew, shalt thou win, much shalt thou spend,
Much shalt thou give away, much shalt thou lend."
SUB [ASIDE]. Ay, much! indeed.—
Why do you not thank her grace?
DAP. I cannot speak for joy.
SUB. See, the kind wretch!
Your grace's kinsman right.
DOL. Give me the bird.
Here is your fly in a purse, about your neck, cousin;
Wear it, and feed it about this day sev'n-night,
On your right wrist—
SUB. Open a vein with a pin,
And let it suck but once a week; till then,
You must not look on't.
DOL. No: and kinsman,
Bear yourself worthy of the blood you come on.
SUB. Her grace would have you eat no more Woolsack pies,
Nor Dagger frumety.
DOL. Nor break his fast
In Heaven and Hell.
SUB. She's with you every where!
Nor play with costarmongers, at mum-chance, tray-trip,
God make you rich; (when as your aunt has done it);
But keep
The gallant'st company, and the best games—
DAP. Yes, sir.
SUB. Gleek and primero; and what you get, be true to us.
DAP. By this hand, I will.
SUB. You may bring's a thousand pound
Before to-morrow night, if but three thousand
Be stirring, an you will.
DAP. I swear I will then.
SUB. Your fly will learn you all games.
FACE [WITHIN]. Have you done there?
SUB. Your grace will command him no more duties?
DOL. No:
But come, and see me often. I may chance
To leave him three or four hundred chests of treasure,
And some twelve thousand acres of fairy land,
If he game well and comely with good gamesters.
SUB. There's a kind aunt! kiss her departing part.—
But you must sell your forty mark a year, now.
DAP. Ay, sir, I mean.
SUB. Or, give't away; pox on't!
DAP. I'll give't mine aunt. I'll go and fetch the writings.
[EXIT.]
SUB. 'Tis well—away!
[RE-ENTER FACE.]
FACE. Where's Subtle?
SUB. Here: what news?
FACE. Drugger is at the door, go take his suit,
And bid him fetch a parson, presently;
Say, he shall marry the widow. Thou shalt spend
A hundred pound by the service!
[EXIT SUBTLE.]
Now, queen Dol,
Have you pack'd up all?
DOL. Yes.
FACE. And how do you like
The lady Pliant?
DOL. A good dull innocent.
[RE-ENTER SUBTLE.]
SUB. Here's your Hieronimo's cloak and hat.
FACE. Give me them.
SUB. And the ruff too?
FACE. Yes; I'll come to you presently.
[EXIT.]
SUB. Now he is gone about his project, Dol,
I told you of, for the widow.
DOL. 'Tis direct
Against our articles.
SUB. Well, we will fit him, wench.
Hast thou gull'd her of her jewels or her bracelets?
DOL. No; but I will do't.
SUB. Soon at night, my Dolly,
When we are shipp'd, and all our goods aboard,
Eastward for Ratcliff, we will turn our course
To Brainford, westward, if thou sayst the word,
And take our leaves of this o'er-weening rascal,
This peremptory Face.
DOL. Content, I'm weary of him.
SUB. Thou'st cause, when the slave will run a wiving, Dol,
Against the instrument that was drawn between us.
DOL. I'll pluck his bird as bare as I can.
SUB. Yes, tell her,
She must by any means address some present
To the cunning man, make him amends for wronging
His art with her suspicion; send a ring,
Or chain of pearl; she will be tortured else
Extremely in her sleep, say, and have strange things
Come to her. Wilt thou?
DOL. Yes.
SUB. My fine flitter-mouse,
My bird o' the night! we'll tickle it at the Pigeons,
When we have all, and may unlock the trunks,
And say, this's mine, and thine; and thine, and mine.
[THEY KISS.]
[RE-ENTER FACE.]
FACE. What now! a billing?
SUB. Yes, a little exalted
In the good passage of our stock-affairs.
FACE. Drugger has brought his parson; take him in, Subtle,
And send Nab back again to wash his face.
SUB. I will: and shave himself?
[EXIT.]
FACE. If you can get him.
DOL. You are hot upon it, Face, whate'er it is!
FACE. A trick that Dol shall spend ten pound a month by.
[RE-ENTER SUBTLE.]
Is he gone?
SUB. The chaplain waits you in the hall, sir.
FACE. I'll go bestow him.
[EXIT.]
DOL. He'll now marry her, instantly.
SUB. He cannot yet, he is not ready. Dear Dol,
Cozen her of all thou canst. To deceive him
Is no deceit, but justice, that would break
Such an inextricable tie as ours was.
DOL. Let me alone to fit him.
[RE-ENTER FACE.]
FACE. Come, my venturers,
You have pack'd up all? where be the trunks? bring forth.
SUB. Here.
FACE. Let us see them. Where's the money?
SUB. Here,
In this.
FACE. Mammon's ten pound; eight score before:
The brethren's money, this. Drugger's and Dapper's.
What paper's that?
DOL. The jewel of the waiting maid's,
That stole it from her lady, to know certain—
FACE. If she should have precedence of her mistress?
DOL. Yes.
FACE. What box is that?
SUB. The fish-wives' rings, I think,
And the ale-wives' single money. Is't not, Dol?
DOL. Yes; and the whistle that the sailor's wife
Brought you to know an her husband were with Ward.
FACE. We'll wet it to-morrow; and our silver-beakers
And tavern cups. Where be the French petticoats,
And girdles and hangers?
SUB. Here, in the trunk,
And the bolts of lawn.
FACE. Is Drugger's damask there,
And the tobacco?
SUB. Yes.
FACE. Give me the keys.
DOL. Why you the keys?
SUB. No matter, Dol; because
We shall not open them before he comes.
FACE. 'Tis true, you shall not open them, indeed;
Nor have them forth, do you see? Not forth, Dol.
DOL. No!
FACE. No, my smock rampant. The right is, my master
Knows all, has pardon'd me, and he will keep them;
Doctor, 'tis true—you look—for all your figures:
I sent for him, indeed. Wherefore, good partners,
Both he and she be satisfied; for here
Determines the indenture tripartite
'Twixt Subtle, Dol, and Face. All I can do
Is to help you over the wall, o' the back-side,
Or lend you a sheet to save your velvet gown, Dol.
Here will be officers presently, bethink you
Of some course suddenly to 'scape the dock:
For thither you will come else.
[LOUD KNOCKING.]
Hark you, thunder.
SUB. You are a precious fiend!
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Open the door.
FACE. Dol, I am sorry for thee i'faith; but hear'st thou?
It shall go hard but I will place thee somewhere:
Thou shalt have my letter to mistress Amo—
DOL. Hang you!
FACE. Or madam Caesarean.
DOL. Pox upon you, rogue,
Would I had but time to beat thee!
FACE. Subtle,
Let's know where you set up next; I will send you
A customer now and then, for old acquaintance:
What new course have you?
SUB. Rogue, I'll hang myself;
That I may walk a greater devil than thou,
And haunt thee in the flock-bed and the buttery.
[EXEUNT.]
And kiss 'em. So!
DOL. Let me now stroak that head.
"Much, nephew, shalt thou win, much shalt thou spend,
Much shalt thou give away, much shalt thou lend."
SUB [ASIDE]. Ay, much! indeed.—
Why do you not thank her grace?
DAP. I cannot speak for joy.
SUB. See, the kind wretch!
Your grace's kinsman right.
DOL. Give me the bird.
Here is your fly in a purse, about your neck, cousin;
Wear it, and feed it about this day sev'n-night,
On your right wrist—
SUB. Open a vein with a pin,
And let it suck but once a week; till then,
You must not look on't.
DOL. No: and kinsman,
Bear yourself worthy of the blood you come on.
SUB. Her grace would have you eat no more Woolsack pies,
Nor Dagger frumety.
DOL. Nor break his fast
In Heaven and Hell.
SUB. She's with you every where!
Nor play with costarmongers, at mum-chance, tray-trip,
God make you rich; (when as your aunt has done it);
But keep
The gallant'st company, and the best games—
DAP. Yes, sir.
SUB. Gleek and primero; and what you get, be true to us.
DAP. By this hand, I will.
SUB. You may bring's a thousand pound
Before to-morrow night, if but three thousand
Be stirring, an you will.
DAP. I swear I will then.
SUB. Your fly will learn you all games.
FACE [WITHIN]. Have you done there?
SUB. Your grace will command him no more duties?
DOL. No:
But come, and see me often. I may chance
To leave him three or four hundred chests of treasure,
And some twelve thousand acres of fairy land,
If he game well and comely with good gamesters.
SUB. There's a kind aunt! kiss her departing part.—
But you must sell your forty mark a year, now.
DAP. Ay, sir, I mean.
SUB. Or, give't away; pox on't!
DAP. I'll give't mine aunt. I'll go and fetch the writings.
[EXIT.]
SUB. 'Tis well—away!
[RE-ENTER FACE.]
FACE. Where's Subtle?
SUB. Here: what news?
FACE. Drugger is at the door, go take his suit,
And bid him fetch a parson, presently;
Say, he shall marry the widow. Thou shalt spend
A hundred pound by the service!
[EXIT SUBTLE.]
Now, queen Dol,
Have you pack'd up all?
DOL. Yes.
FACE. And how do you like
The lady Pliant?
DOL. A good dull innocent.
[RE-ENTER SUBTLE.]
SUB. Here's your Hieronimo's cloak and hat.
FACE. Give me them.
SUB. And the ruff too?
FACE. Yes; I'll come to you presently.
[EXIT.]
SUB. Now he is gone about his project, Dol,
I told you of, for the widow.
DOL. 'Tis direct
Against our articles.
SUB. Well, we will fit him, wench.
Hast thou gull'd her of her jewels or her bracelets?
DOL. No; but I will do't.
SUB. Soon at night, my Dolly,
When we are shipp'd, and all our goods aboard,
Eastward for Ratcliff, we will turn our course
To Brainford, westward, if thou sayst the word,
And take our leaves of this o'er-weening rascal,
This peremptory Face.
DOL. Content, I'm weary of him.
SUB. Thou'st cause, when the slave will run a wiving, Dol,
Against the instrument that was drawn between us.
DOL. I'll pluck his bird as bare as I can.
SUB. Yes, tell her,
She must by any means address some present
To the cunning man, make him amends for wronging
His art with her suspicion; send a ring,
Or chain of pearl; she will be tortured else
Extremely in her sleep, say, and have strange things
Come to her. Wilt thou?
DOL. Yes.
SUB. My fine flitter-mouse,
My bird o' the night! we'll tickle it at the Pigeons,
When we have all, and may unlock the trunks,
And say, this's mine, and thine; and thine, and mine.
[THEY KISS.]
[RE-ENTER FACE.]
FACE. What now! a billing?
SUB. Yes, a little exalted
In the good passage of our stock-affairs.
FACE. Drugger has brought his parson; take him in, Subtle,
And send Nab back again to wash his face.
SUB. I will: and shave himself?
[EXIT.]
FACE. If you can get him.
DOL. You are hot upon it, Face, whate'er it is!
FACE. A trick that Dol shall spend ten pound a month by.
[RE-ENTER SUBTLE.]
Is he gone?
SUB. The chaplain waits you in the hall, sir.
FACE. I'll go bestow him.
[EXIT.]
DOL. He'll now marry her, instantly.
SUB. He cannot yet, he is not ready. Dear Dol,
Cozen her of all thou canst. To deceive him
Is no deceit, but justice, that would break
Such an inextricable tie as ours was.
DOL. Let me alone to fit him.
[RE-ENTER FACE.]
FACE. Come, my venturers,
You have pack'd up all? where be the trunks? bring forth.
SUB. Here.
FACE. Let us see them. Where's the money?
SUB. Here,
In this.
FACE. Mammon's ten pound; eight score before:
The brethren's money, this. Drugger's and Dapper's.
What paper's that?
DOL. The jewel of the waiting maid's,
That stole it from her lady, to know certain—
FACE. If she should have precedence of her mistress?
DOL. Yes.
FACE. What box is that?
SUB. The fish-wives' rings, I think,
And the ale-wives' single money. Is't not, Dol?
DOL. Yes; and the whistle that the sailor's wife
Brought you to know an her husband were with Ward.
FACE. We'll wet it to-morrow; and our silver-beakers
And tavern cups. Where be the French petticoats,
And girdles and hangers?
SUB. Here, in the trunk,
And the bolts of lawn.
FACE. Is Drugger's damask there,
And the tobacco?
SUB. Yes.
FACE. Give me the keys.
DOL. Why you the keys?
SUB. No matter, Dol; because
We shall not open them before he comes.
FACE. 'Tis true, you shall not open them, indeed;
Nor have them forth, do you see? Not forth, Dol.
DOL. No!
FACE. No, my smock rampant. The right is, my master
Knows all, has pardon'd me, and he will keep them;
Doctor, 'tis true—you look—for all your figures:
I sent for him, indeed. Wherefore, good partners,
Both he and she be satisfied; for here
Determines the indenture tripartite
'Twixt Subtle, Dol, and Face. All I can do
Is to help you over the wall, o' the back-side,
Or lend you a sheet to save your velvet gown, Dol.
Here will be officers presently, bethink you
Of some course suddenly to 'scape the dock:
For thither you will come else.
[LOUD KNOCKING.]
Hark you, thunder.
SUB. You are a precious fiend!
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Open the door.
FACE. Dol, I am sorry for thee i'faith; but hear'st thou?
It shall go hard but I will place thee somewhere:
Thou shalt have my letter to mistress Amo—
DOL. Hang you!
FACE. Or madam Caesarean.
DOL. Pox upon you, rogue,
Would I had but time to beat thee!
FACE. Subtle,
Let's know where you set up next; I will send you
A customer now and then, for old acquaintance:
What new course have you?
SUB. Rogue, I'll hang myself;
That I may walk a greater devil than thou,
And haunt thee in the flock-bed and the buttery.
[EXEUNT.]
SCENE 5.3.
AN OUTER ROOM IN THE SAME.
ENTER LOVEWIT IN THE SPANISH DRESS, WITH THE PARSON.
LOUD KNOCKING AT THE DOOR.
LOVE. What do you mean, my masters?
MAM [WITHOUT]. Open your door,
Cheaters, bawds, conjurers.
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Or we will break it open.
LOVE. What warrant have you?
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Warrant enough, sir, doubt not,
If you'll not open it.
LOVE. Is there an officer, there?
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Yes, two or three for failing.
LOVE. Have but patience,
And I will open it straight.
[ENTER FACE, AS BUTLER.]
FACE. Sir, have you done?
Is it a marriage? perfect?
LOVE. Yes, my brain.
FACE. Off with your ruff and cloak then; be yourself, sir.
SUR [WITHOUT]. Down with the door.
KAS [WITHOUT]. 'Slight, ding it open.
LOVE [OPENING THE DOOR]. Hold,
Hold, gentlemen, what means this violence?
[MAMMON, SURLY, KASTRIL, ANANIAS, TRIBULATION,
AND OFFICERS, RUSH IN.]
MAM. Where is this collier?
SUR. And my captain Face?
MAM. These day owls.
SUR. That are birding in men's purses.
MAM. Madam suppository.
KAS. Doxy, my suster.
ANA. Locusts
Of the foul pit.
TRI. Profane as Bel and the dragon.
ANA. Worse than the grasshoppers, or the lice of Egypt.
LOVE. Good gentlemen, hear me. Are you officers,
And cannot stay this violence?
1 OFFI. Keep the peace.
LOVE. Gentlemen, what is the matter? whom do you seek?
MAM. The chemical cozener.
SUR. And the captain pander.
KAS. The nun my suster.
MAM. Madam Rabbi.
ANA. Scorpions,
And caterpillars.
LOVE. Fewer at once, I pray you.
2 OFFI. One after another, gentlemen, I charge you,
By virtue of my staff.
ANA. They are the vessels
Of pride, lust, and the cart.
LOVE. Good zeal, lie still
A little while.
TRI. Peace, deacon Ananias.
LOVE. The house is mine here, and the doors are open;
If there be any such persons as you seek for,
Use your authority, search on o' God's name.
I am but newly come to town, and finding
This tumult 'bout my door, to tell you true,
It somewhat mazed me; till my man, here, fearing
My more displeasure, told me he had done
Somewhat an insolent part, let out my house
(Belike, presuming on my known aversion
From any air o' the town while there was sickness,)
To a doctor and a captain: who, what they are
Or where they be, he knows not.
MAM. Are they gone?
LOVE. You may go in and search, sir.
[MAMMON, ANA., AND TRIB. GO IN.]
Here, I find
The empty walls worse than I left them, smoak'd,
A few crack'd pots, and glasses, and a furnace:
The ceiling fill'd with poesies of the candle,
And madam with a dildo writ o' the walls:
Only one gentlewoman, I met here,
That is within, that said she was a widow—
KAS. Ay, that's my suster; I'll go thump her. Where is she?
[GOES IN.]
LOVE. And should have married a Spanish count, but he,
When he came to't, neglected her so grossly,
That I, a widower, am gone through with her.
SUR. How! have I lost her then?
LOVE. Were you the don, sir?
Good faith, now, she does blame you extremely, and says
You swore, and told her you had taken the pains
To dye your beard, and umber o'er your face,
Borrowed a suit, and ruff, all for her love;
And then did nothing. What an oversight,
And want of putting forward, sir, was this!
Well fare an old harquebuzier, yet,
Could prime his powder, and give fire, and hit,
All in a twinkling!
[RE-ENTER MAMMON.]
MAM. The whole nest are fled!
LOVE. What sort of birds were they?
MAM. A kind of choughs,
Or thievish daws, sir, that have pick'd my purse
Of eight score and ten pounds within these five weeks,
Beside my first materials; and my goods,
That lie in the cellar, which I am glad they have left,
I may have home yet.
LOVE. Think you so, sir?
MAM. Ay.
LOVE. By order of law, sir, but not otherwise.
MAM. Not mine own stuff!
LOVE. Sir, I can take no knowledge
That they are yours, but by public means.
If you can bring certificate that you were gull'd of them,
Or any formal writ out of a court,
That you did cozen your self, I will not hold them.
MAM. I'll rather lose them.
LOVE. That you shall not, sir,
By me, in troth: upon these terms, they are yours.
What! should they have been, sir, turn'd into gold, all?
MAM. No,
I cannot tell—It may be they should.—What then?
LOVE. What a great loss in hope have you sustain'd!
MAM. Not I, the commonwealth has.
FACE. Ay, he would have built
The city new; and made a ditch about it
Of silver, should have run with cream from Hogsden;
That every Sunday, in Moorfields, the younkers,
And tits
AN OUTER ROOM IN THE SAME.
ENTER LOVEWIT IN THE SPANISH DRESS, WITH THE PARSON.
LOUD KNOCKING AT THE DOOR.
LOVE. What do you mean, my masters?
MAM [WITHOUT]. Open your door,
Cheaters, bawds, conjurers.
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Or we will break it open.
LOVE. What warrant have you?
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Warrant enough, sir, doubt not,
If you'll not open it.
LOVE. Is there an officer, there?
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Yes, two or three for failing.
LOVE. Have but patience,
And I will open it straight.
[ENTER FACE, AS BUTLER.]
FACE. Sir, have you done?
Is it a marriage? perfect?
LOVE. Yes, my brain.
FACE. Off with your ruff and cloak then; be yourself, sir.
SUR [WITHOUT]. Down with the door.
KAS [WITHOUT]. 'Slight, ding it open.
LOVE [OPENING THE DOOR]. Hold,
Hold, gentlemen, what means this violence?
[MAMMON, SURLY, KASTRIL, ANANIAS, TRIBULATION,
AND OFFICERS, RUSH IN.]
MAM. Where is this collier?
SUR. And my captain Face?
MAM. These day owls.
SUR. That are birding in men's purses.
MAM. Madam suppository.
KAS. Doxy, my suster.
ANA. Locusts
Of the foul pit.
TRI. Profane as Bel and the dragon.
ANA. Worse than the grasshoppers, or the lice of Egypt.
LOVE. Good gentlemen, hear me. Are you officers,
And cannot stay this violence?
1 OFFI. Keep the peace.
LOVE. Gentlemen, what is the matter? whom do you seek?
MAM. The chemical cozener.
SUR. And the captain pander.
KAS. The nun my suster.
MAM. Madam Rabbi.
ANA. Scorpions,
And caterpillars.
LOVE. Fewer at once, I pray you.
2 OFFI. One after another, gentlemen, I charge you,
By virtue of my staff.
ANA. They are the vessels
Of pride, lust, and the cart.
LOVE. Good zeal, lie still
A little while.
TRI. Peace, deacon Ananias.
LOVE. The house is mine here, and the doors are open;
If there be any such persons as you seek for,
Use your authority, search on o' God's name.
I am but newly come to town, and finding
This tumult 'bout my door, to tell you true,
It somewhat mazed me; till my man, here, fearing
My more displeasure, told me he had done
Somewhat an insolent part, let out my house
(Belike, presuming on my known aversion
From any air o' the town while there was sickness,)
To a doctor and a captain: who, what they are
Or where they be, he knows not.
MAM. Are they gone?
LOVE. You may go in and search, sir.
[MAMMON, ANA., AND TRIB. GO IN.]
Here, I find
The empty walls worse than I left them, smoak'd,
A few crack'd pots, and glasses, and a furnace:
The ceiling fill'd with poesies of the candle,
And madam with a dildo writ o' the walls:
Only one gentlewoman, I met here,
That is within, that said she was a widow—
KAS. Ay, that's my suster; I'll go thump her. Where is she?
[GOES IN.]
LOVE. And should have married a Spanish count, but he,
When he came to't, neglected her so grossly,
That I, a widower, am gone through with her.
SUR. How! have I lost her then?
LOVE. Were you the don, sir?
Good faith, now, she does blame you extremely, and says
You swore, and told her you had taken the pains
To dye your beard, and umber o'er your face,
Borrowed a suit, and ruff, all for her love;
And then did nothing. What an oversight,
And want of putting forward, sir, was this!
Well fare an old harquebuzier, yet,
Could prime his powder, and give fire, and hit,
All in a twinkling!
[RE-ENTER MAMMON.]
MAM. The whole nest are fled!
LOVE. What sort of birds were they?
MAM. A kind of choughs,
Or thievish daws, sir, that have pick'd my purse
Of eight score and ten pounds within these five weeks,
Beside my first materials; and my goods,
That lie in the cellar, which I am glad they have left,
I may have home yet.
LOVE. Think you so, sir?
MAM. Ay.
LOVE. By order of law, sir, but not otherwise.
MAM. Not mine own stuff!
LOVE. Sir, I can take no knowledge
That they are yours, but by public means.
If you can bring certificate that you were gull'd of them,
Or any formal writ out of a court,
That you did cozen your self, I will not hold them.
MAM. I'll rather lose them.
LOVE. That you shall not, sir,
By me, in troth: upon these terms, they are yours.
What! should they have been, sir, turn'd into gold, all?
MAM. No,
I cannot tell—It may be they should.—What then?
LOVE. What a great loss in hope have you sustain'd!
MAM. Not I, the commonwealth has.
FACE. Ay, he would have built
The city new; and made a ditch about it
Of silver, should have run with cream from Hogsden;
That every Sunday, in Moorfields, the younkers,
And tits
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