All About The Benjamin's, Teasha Adams [best new books to read .TXT] 📗

I used to be. Lately, it's been all about me and Devon, and his lifestyle. A lifestyle that I'm not so sure that I fit into.
In life you can't help who you fall in love with, nor can your child control who its' parents are. That's part of the reason why I haven't gone through with the whole "I want an abortion" ordeal. I've thought about it, don't get me wrong, I just can't see myself harming a child that didn't really ask to be here. I have to be strong for the sake of my child, and for the sake of my future. That's part of the reason why I've decided to drop out of school.
Maybe later, I'll have another shot at getting my degree but as of now I don't really have to time nor support to do so.
I sat down in an empty chair and picked up the first brochure that I saw. I wasn't even really reading, I just needed something to keep my mind off of what was soon to come.
I want to tell Devon what's going on with me, but I can't find the courage to talk to him. It's hard to confide in someone who is responsible for all of the hurt that you've experienced within the last year. I've been through hell and back with Devon, but for some reason I can't find the strength to even attempt to live without him. I wish I'd never met him sometimes, but I can't deny the fact that I love him and I want to be with him forever. I wish this was all over.
"Lyric Mason!"
I looked up to see the Dean standing in front of her office door holding her clipboard. I'd only spoken to her once before, and that was on good terms. I don't know what type of term this is, but I doubt I'll be happy when I leave.
I sat the brochure back down on the coffee table and followed her back into her office.
She sat down on the other side, then I sat. "How are you today Ms. Mason?"
I smiled. "I'm okay, I guess."
"You guess? You should be positive about your emotions." She looked over at her computer and proceeded to type. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this meeting?"
"Well," I took a deep breath and clasped my fingers today. "As you may know, my life is a little bit hectic right now--"
"How would I know that?" She interrupted me.
"I assumed you read about me in the tabloids and what not." I answered.
She shook her head, "You should never assume."
There was a pause between us, before I continued to speak.
"Anyways, my life has been hectic and I'm not so sure if I can continue to attend school and focus on things outside of school--"
"Things like what?" She asked, removing the thin framed glasses from her face. "Jobs, relationships---kids?" She stared at me for a moment and I could've sworn she was looking right through my soul and reading my story. There was something so strange about her and the way her light hazel eyes were staring over at me. She grinned and placed her glasses back on her face. "So which is it?"
"I thought you didn't know anything about me?"
"You should never assume things." She repeated.
"I came to get some information about dropping my classes." I said. "I can't continue to come here everyday and not be able to focus."
She sighed. "Well according to my records, your grades are in decent shape. You've just been absent more than enough times." She looked over at me.
"Like I said, I have a lot going on and I can't handle this and my personal life."
She sighed and turned away from her computer. "Okay, that is fully your decision. I nor anyone else can tell you what to do, so as an adult I will tell you this. Once you drop out of school and decide to come back, it'll be hard trying to catch up. I will not tell you what to do Lyric, but as the Dean of Students it's my job to make sure that everyone of my students are successful here at NYU. Before I give you this information, I need you to be certain that this is what you want to do. I would hate to see you back in my office in a couple of months."
"Can't I just apply again?" I asked.
She sighed. "You could apply Lyric, but our waiting list is huge. We get applications from all over the world, including China and India. It would be my pleasure to let everyone here Lyric, but the truth is that it's not that easy. I could put in a good word for you, but that's all about all there is that I can

do."
In my reality I had only two options; I could stay in school and try to raise my child and attend NYU, or I could take care of my child first before deciding to come back to school. Option two sounded a whole lot better than option one, but I'd already worked so hard just to complete my freshmen year and get ahead in my sophomore year. This couldn't get any worst for me.

Chapter Two: Say Goodbye

Devon

As soon as I opened the door, I could hear my step-sisters voice bounce off of every wall inside of the studio. Just by the way that she sung, you could never tell that she'd been raised in Africa. By the look on her face whenever her and Carlos got together, you could never tell that they'd just met a little over a month ago. They're life was going just fine, and mines was not good--not good at all.
All the things I wanted, I got but they didn't turn out to be what I thought they would. I wanted love I got it, but what can love do when the person you love can't stand the thought of being near you. I got a career in music, my dream, but how can I be happy when all I see is my face plastered all over the news and on the covers of magazines. I have a child--and unborn--that I'm responsible for and already I've set a bad example. I can't deal with the pain of knowing that yet again, I've caused another death or hurt. What can I do?
Carlos looked up at me just as Hazel came out of the studio booth. "Hey there Devon what's going on?"
I sat down on the leather sofa and placed my head into the palm of my hands. "I don't know Carlos." I admitted.
Hazel sat down beside me, "What's wrong?" She asked.
Carlos stood up and then joined me on the sofa.
I looked up at the light on the ceiling, "All my life, it's always been about pleasing other people. Pleasing my dad, my classmates, and even my teachers. It wasn't about me anymore. I've been living my life for everybody else but me, and I'm so sick of it."
Hazel and Carlos both looked confused.
"You don't get it do you?" I asked. "Sometimes I feel like I was never meant to be happy. I feel like I don't really have a purpose here on Earth and I don't know what to do. I am responsible for not one, bur three human beings. My life is no longer my life, its the worlds' life. I can't do this no more."
Hazel wrapped her arms around me. "Well if it helps Devon, you do have a purpose."
"Since you know everything, you tell me my purpose." I stated blankly.
"Well, my mother always said that every body here has a purpose in life. She said that when god created you, he already had your life mapped out. He knows what obstacles you're gonna face and what your gonna do. He puts you through these test to prepare you for your purpose." Hazel said. "I don't know what my purpose is, I'm only nineteen, but I can say that a part of it was traveling back here to the United States and meeting my dad. Everybody and everything is here for a reason Devon. You can't help what people have to say about you, because there will always be someone who doesn't like you. That's just life Devon, and you have to learn how to live with it. You said it yourself Devon, you have three people that you are responsible for. You can't give up on them--or yourself."
Carlos nodded his head in agreement. "She's right Devon. I may not be your father, but in my eyes your my only son. I brought you into this business because I knew

you could handle it. I saw a passion in your eyes that I recognized in myself back when I was your age. I saw you

Devon, not Lyric, Gossip, or Justin. You. I put my time into your career because I saw a story in you that I know the world needs to hear. You may not see it Devon, but there are millions of people out there who look up to you and feel what you say. They listen to you because they know you understand them." Carlos stopped for a moment. "As a matter of fact, I got something I need the both of you to see."
Carlos stood up and both Hazel and I followed him out to his car.
****************************************************************************************** Carlos parked the car in front of an old building that was in serious need of some attention. It was made of dark, cracked, brick's and had about four broken window that were boarded up. Whoever was inside tried to make the place look nice because I could see the bright sunflowers planted out front. I looked over at Carlos, he smiled. "Welcome to paradise."
Hazel giggled. "Sarcasm."
Carlos knocked on the door first, before an elderly Hispanic woman opened the door. She wore a loose flower patterned dress, with a white apron. Her light grey hair was pulled back into a loose bun, and her frail hands were placed on her hips. Even though she looked as if she'd been worn out, I could still see her beauty. Like Lyric, she also had pretty bright green eyes. Her skin was smooth and tanned, only dotted with a few freckles. She seemed nice.
Carlos smiled. "Abuela,¿Cómo estás?" He asked, reaching over and hugging her.
A warm smile found its' way onto her face and she returned his hug. "nieto muy bien, ¿y tú?"
Carlos chuckled. "aquí mismo abuela." He responded. "This is my wife Tasha's son, Devon and this is my daughter Hazel. Hazel and Devon, this is my abuela."
"Abuela?"
Hazel laughed. "I'm African and even I know that means Grandmother. Wow Devon, maybe you need to go back to school."
I playfully held my hand up to her face before giving Carlos' grandmother a hug. "Nice to meet you."
"Ahhh he's a gentlemen." She said.