A KNIGHT OF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY, Edward Payson Roe [top young adult novels TXT] 📗
- Author: Edward Payson Roe
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Proudest Citizen."
The Moment He Ceased his Passionate Utterance, Mrs. Arnot Said Kindly
And Gravely:
"Egbert, You Are Mistaken. There Was No Scorn In my Eyes, But Rather
Deep Pity And Sorrow. While Your Course Has Been Very Wrong, You Have No
Occasion To Despair, And As Long As You Will Try To Become A True Man
You Shall Have My Sympathy And Friendship. You Do Not Understand Your
Mother. She Loves You As Truly As Ever, And Is Willing To Make Any
Sacrifice For You. Only, Her Fuller Knowledge Of The World Makes Her
Realize More Truly Than You Yet Can The Consequences Of Your Act. The
Sudden Shock Has Overwhelmed her. Her Distress Shows How Deeply She Is
Wounded, And You Should Try To Comfort Her By A Lifetime Of Kindness."
"The Best Way I Can Comfort Her Is By Deeds That Will Wipe Out The
Memory Of My Disgrace; And," He Continued, His Impulsive, Sanguine
Spirit Kindling With The Thought And Prospect, "I Will Regain All And
More Than I Have Lost. The Time Shall Come When Neither She Nor My
Sisters Will Have Occasion To Blush For Me, Nor To Seclude Themselves
From The World Because Of Their Relation To Me."
"I Should Think My Heart Was Sufficiently Crushed and Broken Already,"
Mrs. Haldane Sobbed, "Without Your Adding To Its Burden By Charging Me
With Being an Unnatural Mother. I Cannot Understand How A Boy Brought Up
As Religiously As You Have Been Can Show Such Strange Depravity. The
Idea That A Child Of Mine Could Do Anything Which Would Bring Him To
Such A Place As This!"
His Mother'S Words And Manner Seemed to Exasperate Her Son Beyond
Endurance, And He Exclaimed passionately:
"Well, Curse It All! I Am Here. What'S The Use Of Harping On That Any
Longer? Can'T You Listen When I Say I Want To Retrieve Myself? As To My
Religious Bringing Up, It Never Did Me A Particle Of Good. If You Had
Whipped my Infernal Nonsense Out Of Me, And Made Me Mind When I Was
Little--There, There, Mother," He Concluded more Considerately, As She
Began To Grow Hysterical Under His Words, "Do, For God'S Sake, Be More
Composed! We Can'T Help What Has Happened now. I'Ll Either Change The
World'S Opinion Of Me, Or Else Get Out Of It."
"How Can I Be Composed when You Talk In so Dreadful A Manner? You Can'T
Change The World'S Opinion. It Never Forgives And Never Forgets. It'S
The Same As If You Had Said, I'Ll Either Do What Is Impossible Or Throw
Away My Life!"
"My Dear Mrs. Haldane," Said Mrs. Arnot, Gently But Firmly, "Your Just
And Natural Grief Is Such That You Cannot Now Judge Correctly And Wisely
Concerning This Matter. The Emergency Is So Unexpected and So Grave That
Neither You Nor Your Son Should Form Opinions Or Make Resolves Until
There Has Been Time For Calmer Thought. Let Me Take You Home With Me
Now, And As Soon As Egbert Is Released he Can Join You There."
"No, Mrs. Arnot," Said Haldane Decidedly; "I Shall Never Enter Your
Parlor Again Until I Can Enter It As A Gentleman--As One Whom Your
Other Guests, Should I Meet Them, Would Recognize As A Gentleman. Your
Kindness Is As Great As It Is Unexpected, But I Shall Take No Mean
Advantage Of It."
"Well, Then," Said Mrs. Arnot With A Sigh, "Nothing Can Be Gained by
Prolonging This Painful Interview. We Are Detaining Mr. Melville, And
Delaying Egbert'S Release. Come, Mrs. Haldane; I Can Take You To The
Private Entrance Of A Quiet Hotel, Where You Can Be Entirely Secluded
Until You Are Ready To Return Home. Egbert Can Come There As Soon As The
Needful Legal Forms Are Complied with."
"No," Said The Young Man With His Former Decision, "Mother And I Must
Take Leave Of Each Other Here. Mother Wants No Jail-Birds Calling On Her
At The Hotel. When I Have Regained my Social Footing--When She Is Ready
To Take My Arm And Walk Up Main Street Of This City--Then She Shall See
Me As Often As She Wishes. It Was My Own Cursed folly That Brought Me To
The Gutter, And If Mother Will Pay The Price Of My Freedom, I Will Alone
And Unaided make My Way Back Among The Highest And Proudest."
"I Sincerely Hope You May Win Such A Position," Said Mrs. Arnot Gravely,
"And It Is Not Impossible For You To Do So, Though I Wish You Would Make
The Attempt In a Different Spirit; But Please Remember That These
Considerations Do Not Satisfy And Comfort A Mother'S Heart. You Should
Think Of All Her Past Kindness; You Should Realize How Deeply You Have
Now Wounded her, And Strive With Tenderness And Patience To Mitigate The
Blow."
"Mother, I Am Sorry, More Sorry Than You Can Ever Know," He Said,
Advancing To Her Side And Taking Her Hand, "And I Have Been Bitterly
Punished; But I Did Not Mean To Do What I Did; I Was Drunk--"
"Drunk!" Gasped the Mother, "Merciful Heaven!"
"Yes, Drunk--May The Next Drop Of Wine I Take Choke Me!--And I Did Not
Know What I Was Doing. But Do Not Despair Of Me. I Feel That I Have It
In Me To Make A Man Yet. Go Now With Mrs. Arnot, And Aid In her Kind
Efforts To Procure My Release. When You Have Succeeded, Return Home, And
Think Of Me As Well As You Can Until I Make You Think Better," And He
Raised and Kissed her With Something Like Tenderness, And Then Placed
Within Mrs. Arnot'S Arm The Hand Of The Poor Weak Woman, Who Had Become
So Faint And Exhausted from Her Conflicting Emotions That She Submitted
To Be Led away After A Feeble Remonstrance.
Mrs. Arnot Sent Mr. Melville To The Prisoner, And Also The Food She Had
Brought. She Then Took Mrs. Haldane To A Hotel, Where, In the Seclusion
Of Her Room, She Could Have Every Attention And Comfort. With Many
Reassuring Words She Promised to Call Later In the Day, And If Possible
Bring With Her The Unhappy Cause Of The Poor Gentlewoman'S Distress.
Chapter XVI (The Impulses Of Wounded pride)
That Which At First Was Little More Than An Impulse, Caused by Wounded
Pride, Speedily Developed into A Settled purpose, And Haldane Would
Leave His Prison Cell Fully Bent On Achieving Great Things. In
Accordance With A Tendency In impulsive Natures, He Reacted from
Something Like Despair Into Quite A Sanguine And Heroic Mood. He Would
"Face And Fight The World, Ay, And Conquer It, Too." He Would Go Out
Into The Streets Which Had Witnessed his Disgrace, And, Penniless,
Empty-Handed, Dowered only With Shame, He Would Prove His Manhood By
Winning a Position That Would Compel Respect And More Than Respect.
Mrs. Arnot, Who Returned immediately To The Prison, Was Puzzled to Know
How To Deal With Him. She Approved of His Resolution To Remain In
Hillaton, And Of His Purpose To Regain Respect And Position On The Very
Spot, As It Were, Where, By His Crime And Folly, He Had Lost Both. She
Was Satisfied that Such A Course Promised far Better For The Future Than
A Return To His Mother'S Luxurious Home. With All Its Beauty And Comfort
It Would Become To Him Almost Inevitably A Slough, Both Of "Despond" And
Of Dissipation--Dissipation Of The Worst And Most Hopeless Kind,
Wherein The Victim'S Ruling Motive Is To Get Rid Of Self. The Fact That
The Young Man Was Capable Of Turning Upon And Facing a Scornful And
Hostile World Was A Good And Hopeful Sign. If He Had Been Willing To
Slink Away With His Mother, Bent Only On Escape From Punishment And On
The Continuance Of Animal Enjoyment, Mrs. Arnot Would Have Felt That His
Nature Was Not Sufficiently Leavened with Manhood To Give Hope Of
Reform.
But While His Action Did Suggest Hope, It Also Contained elements Of
Discouragement. She Did Not Find Fault With What He Proposed to Do, But
With The Spirit In which He Was Entering On His Most Difficult Task. His
Knowledge Of The World Was So Crude And Partial That He Did Not At All
Realize The Herculean Labor That He Now Became Eager To Attempt; And He
Was Bent On Accomplishing Everything In a Way That Would Minister To His
Own Pride, And Proposed to Be Under Obligations To No One.
Mrs. Arnot, With Her Deep And Long Experience, Knew How Vitally
Important It Is That Human Endeavor Should Be Supplemented by Divine
Aid, And She Sighed deeply As She Saw That The Young Man Not Only
Ignored this Need, But Did Not Even Seem Conscious Of It. Religion Was
To Him A Matter Of Form And Profession, To Which He Was Utterly
Indifferent. The Truth That God Helps The Distressed as A Father Helps
And Comforts His Child, Was A Thought That Then Made No Impression On
Him Whatever. God And All Relating To Him Were Abstractions, And He Felt
That The Emergency Was Too Pressing, Too Imperative, For Considerations
That Had No Practical And Immediate Bearing Upon His Present Success.
Indeed, Such Was His Pride And Self-Confidence, That He Refused to
Receive From Mrs. Arnot, And Even From His Mother, Anything More Than
The Privilege Of Going Out Empty-Handed into The City Which Was To
Become The Arena Of His Future Exploits.
He Told Mrs. Arnot The Whole Story, And She Had Hoped that She Could
Place His Folly And Crime Before Him In its True Moral Aspects, And By
Dealing Faithfully, Yet Kindly, With Him, Awaken His Conscience. But She
Had The Tact To Discover Very Soon That Such Effort Was Now Worse Than
Useless. It Was Not His Conscience, But His Pride, That Had Been Chiefly
Wounded. He Felt His Disgrace, His Humiliation, In the Eyes Of Men
Almost Too Keenly, And He Was Consumed with Desire To Regain Society'S
Favor. But He Did Not Feel His Sin. To God'S Opinion Of Him He Scarcely
Gave A Thought. He Regarded his Wrong Act In the Light Of A Sudden And
Grave Misfortune Rather Than As The Manifestation Of A Foul And Inherent
Disease Of His Soul. He Had Lost His Good Name As A Man Loses His
Property, And Believed that He, In his Own Strength, And Without Any
Moral Change, Could Regain It.
When Parting at The Prison, Mrs. Arnot Gave Him Her Hand, And Said:
"I Trust That Your Hopes May Be Realized, And Your Efforts Meet With
Success; But I Cannot Help Warning You That I Fear You Do Not Realize
What You Are Attempting. The World Is Not Only Very Cold, But Also
Suspicious And Wary In its Disposition Toward Those Who Have Forfeited
Its Confidence. I Cannot Learn That You Have Any Definite Plans Or
Prospects. I Have Never Been Able To Accomplish Much Without God'S Help.
You Not Only Seem To Forget Your Need of Him, But You Are Not Even
Willing To Receive Aid From Me Or Your Own Mother. I Honor And Respect
You For Making The Attempt Upon Which You Are Bent, But I Fear That
Pride Rather Than Wisdom Is Your Counsellor In carrying Out Your
Resolution; And Both God'S Word And Human Experience Prove That Pride
Goes But A Little Way Before A Fall."
"I Have Reached a Depth," Replied haldane, Bitterly, "From Whence I
Cannot Fall; And It Will Be Hereafter Some Consolation To Remember That
I Was Not Lifted out Of The Mire, But That I Got Out. If I Cannot Climb
Up Again It Were Better I Perished in the Gutter Of My Shame."
"I Am Sorry, Egbert, That You Cut Yourself Off From The Most Hopeful And
Helpful Relations Which You Can Ever Sustain. A Father Helps His
Children Through Their Troubles, And So God Is Desirous Of Helping Us.
There Are Some Things Which We Cannot Do Alone--It Is Not Meant That We
Should. God Is Ever Willing To Help Those Who Are Down, And Christians
Are Not Worthy Of The Name Unless They Are Also Willing. It Is Our Duty
To
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