If He Only Knew, Shy Shy [books for 9th graders .txt] 📗

Burning from the inside

Nikki POV:

 

I was angry, I was hurt.  All I can think about was revenge.  The first time I talked to that girl Michelle, I thought that would be enough.  I thought I could leave Lance alone and she would too, hell, I had almost 2 years with him and she told me they hadn't been together that long.  I don't know why, I just could not leave it alone.  The bastard told me out of his own mouth that he was working on making things right with his "girl".  What?  I was supposed to be his girl!  I left alone friends and familly to make him happy, I can only imagine what he is telling her. 

 

I've heard about them having family get togethers and parties at their house together.  They were living together and there is nothing that I can do but bury myself in a bath of self pity.  Why did he do this to me.  I'm so pissed.  I'm so hurt and all I want to do is make someone else hurt too.  I can't hurt him, I know this now, unless I can hurt her.  He must love her. 

 

I left messages, texted and several calls, still, this girl didn't answer.  All of a sudden I hear her voice on the other end of the reciever, she had answered my call.

 

"Hello? Michelle? This is Nikki, is Lance with you?"  I asked quisically.

 

This was my chance, my opportunity.  I told her everything, even making up some things in between.  What difference did it make, he was still cheating on her with me, but then again, didn't her cheat on me with her?  I felt no remorse.  I needed my $800 back that he had gotten from me to find a place.  I knew he used it so that they could move in together but I was buying his bullshit because I wanted his love and I thought I could put an end to this thing he had with this woman.  I always did.  They never lasted long and then he was back with me full time, whispering sweet nothings in my ear as usual.  I loved him for the way he made me feel for the time being, and right now, I felt he had actually fallen for this girl since he shut me out.  I was beginning to hate her.

 

The thought of everything he has put me through even after I had been there for him and he started a life with someone else.  I want him to know how it feels. 

 

Nikki goes to her bedroom closet and takes down the shoe box from the shelf.  She opens it to reveal the hand gun her brother gave her  when he wanted to rid himself of the gun he used to commit a robbery.  She never shot a gun before, never had a reason too, but as hurt as she was, all she wanted to do was hurt him. 

 

She pulled up infront of the house.  Both cars were home.  She didn't expect his so called woman to be home, she knew she worked out and expected her to be at the gym from what her status read on facebook just 30 minutes ago, she was on her way.  Nikki waited a while, to see if Michelle would leave, but the anticipation was too much.  She saw the shadow of Lance cross the window and anger swelled up inside of her.  Taking the gun from the passenger seat she switched off the safety as tears fell from her eyes, angry tears from swollen eyes.

 

Nikki slowly stepped out of the car, leaving the door ajar.  Walking up to the house she could hear her pulse beating in her ears.  The consistent drum beating and blood flowing adrenaline while walking up those steps, she didn't even realize she had opened the screen and knocked on the front door.

 

Michelle opened the door.  Nikki just stared at her.  The woman looked confused, then petrified when she saw the gun, Nikki moved forward seeing the man come behind her that she wanted to hurt.  Suddenly she heard from Michelle, "Oh my God", Nikki then focused and pointed the gun on the retreating woman and fired.

 

"Nikki stop, what are you doing," I heard him scream. "Don't do this, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, put the gun down!"

 

"You just didn't know how to stop did you? I fucking hate you and I hope you die."

 

POW! POW! POW!

Something about the past

 
     Michelle was a beautiful woman of 29.  She made a career in the criminal justice field as a parole officer with no children and was a woman of integrity and morals, yet always seemed to make the committment to a man whom had a lot going for himself, yet had the worst conceitment and outlook on life. 

 

She assumed this man would be different.  They started a life together, entwined their finances and responsibilities.  Lance was a good guy and an excellent father to his children, but he had a thing for attention.  He felt he could have any woman he wanted.

 

Lance had a childhood filled with black eyes by his stepfather, no protection from his mother, estrangement from his father, and loneliness from the entire ordeal from his mother disowning him for the comfort of her battered yet priviledged life with her husband.  To him women were a disappointment.  He carried a huge hole in his heart and for him, never committing to someone who would be a disappointment to him was not neccessary.....until he met Michelle Johnson. 

 

He wanted to do the right thing, cancel all his social media accounts, change his number, be upfront and honest, and he thought he would, it just didn't happen as it should have.  Being a womanizer for so long, it now seemed like an addiction, and when they would have a falling out, it was only natural for him to gravitate toward someone else for affection.  He had a problem, he knew he needed help or else he was going to lose everything that he ever wanted that he had right now at this moment.  He didn't want to hurt Nikola, but he didn't love her either.  He never wanted to be with her indefinitely, never crossed his mind, but she was devoted and crazy in love with him.  He loved the attention and neediness from her toward him.  If he only knew the consequences behind that.

 

Nikola Shockley was a deeply troubled woman whom had been hurt and burned several times in her life from her father, to her husband who up and left her for someone else while heavily pregnant with her daughter five years ago.  He beat her, kept her from family and friends, yet after having him thrown in jail and then promising it would never happen again, he just left her telling her to never contact him because she wasn't shit and every man woudl beat her because she wasn't shit and then they would leave her.  Little did she know, he had already had a whole other family the entire time with two other children whom he went on to marry one week after their divorce was finalized.  She embarked out and had several other relationships,  with hand problems,  drug problems and they all hit her.  Until she met Lance.

 

Lance was a handsome man, young and bald.  She was working at a daycare when he came in one day to pick up his son.  For the next week, he was there every afternoon, asking her how she was doing, flashing his winning smile when he picked up his son.  He always genuinely cared about whether she had a good day or not, and that one Friday, when she seemed like she had all the weight of the world on her shoulders and looked evil.  He asked her out for coffee for the next morning at the starbucks.  That's how it all started.  He never hit her, had never touched drugs or smoked a cigarette.  He was a devoted father and he even went to church.  He didn't even drink coffee, instead he enjoyed a hot chocolate that morning.  She was head over heels in love.

 

Lance had a childhood where in a home with a woman whom was supposed to protect him, his mother was an accomplice to harsh beatings, degrading comments, embarrassing moments, and attending church where members thought his parents were perfect.  Everyone's kids in the family lived them, kids parents would die, and his would take custody, recieving the death benefits meant for the children, buying fancy cars, a home and forcing the children to work to buy school clothes and pay rent.  He was locked in the bedroom days at a time, only to be let out for school and to return, with no dinner and a pot to piss in.  He left home at 15 and never looked back.  All of his siblings and cousins were under their control, but would finally escape later, leaving his mother and step father to attempt to actively steal their children from right under their noses.  They didn't abuse these kids though, for they were granted to them by the court.  His real father was kept from him.  When he found him, he had six months to live, and then he died, but not before telling Lance how much he loved him and wished they had more time.

 

He was a hurt man, a broken man, who knew nothing about love but that it hurt.  He hurt everyone he came across, while telling them he loved them.  It was true, but caos was all he knew.  When he met Michelle and got to know her, he never thought that he would actually consider marriage one day.  He also realized that because he REALLY loved her, she could be the one to hurt him, so he continued to play his games, wanting to stay ahead.  All along, not realizing that his life could change and he'd lose her anyway on his own through his wrong doing.

Really Unreal

 
She's been out for two weeks!  What if she doesn't make it?  If she dies....if my baby dies, I'll kill him! 

She's not going to die.  Didn't you hear the doctor's she is getting stronger and stronger everyday? 

 

Michelle opens her eyes slowly to see her