Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare [room on the broom read aloud TXT] 📗

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Benvolio.
Why, what is Tybalt?

Mercutio.
More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he's the
courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you sing
prick-song - keeps time, distance, and proportion; rests me his
minim rest, one, two, and the third in your bosom: the very
butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of
the very first house, - of the first and second cause: ah, the
immortal passado! the punto reverso! the hay. -

Benvolio.
The what?

Mercutio.
The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting fantasticoes; these
new tuners of accents! - 'By Jesu, a very good blade! - a very tall
man! - a very good whore!' - Why, is not this a lamentable thing,
grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with these strange
flies, these fashion-mongers, these pardonnez-moi's, who stand so
much on the new form that they cannot sit at ease on the old
bench? O, their bons, their bons!

Benvolio.
Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo!

Mercutio.
Without his roe, like a dried herring. - O flesh, flesh, how art
thou fishified! - Now is he for the numbers that Petrarch flowed
in: Laura, to his lady, was but a kitchen wench, - marry, she had
a better love to be-rhyme her; Dido, a dowdy; Cleopatra, a gypsy;
Helen and Hero, hildings and harlots; Thisbe, a gray eye or so,
but not to the purpose, -

[Enter Romeo.]

Signior Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation to your
French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night.

Romeo.
Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?

Mercutio.
The slip, sir, the slip; can you not conceive?

Romeo.
Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in such a
case as mine a man may strain courtesy.

Mercutio.
That's as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a
man to bow in the hams.

Romeo.
Meaning, to court'sy.

Mercutio.
Thou hast most kindly hit it.

Romeo.
A most courteous exposition.

Mercutio.
Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.

Romeo.
Pink for flower.

Mercutio.
Right.

Romeo.
Why, then is my pump well-flowered.

Mercutio.
Well said: follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out
thy pump;that, when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may
remain, after the wearing, sole singular.

Romeo.
O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness!

Mercutio.
Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint.

Romeo.
Swits and spurs, swits and spurs; or I'll cry a match.

Mercutio.
Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have done; for
thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits than, I am
sure, I have in my whole five: was I with you there for the
goose?

Romeo.
Thou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not
there for the goose.

Mercutio.
I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.

Romeo.
Nay, good goose, bite not.

Mercutio.
Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most sharp
sauce.

Romeo.
And is it not, then, well served in to a sweet goose?

Mercutio.
O, here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch
narrow to an ell broad!

Romeo.
I stretch it out for that word broad: which added to the
goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.

Mercutio.
Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? now art
thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; not art thou what thou art, by
art as well as by nature: for this drivelling love is like a
great natural, that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble
in a hole.

Benvolio.
Stop there, stop there.

Mercutio.
Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.

Benvolio.
Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.

Mercutio.
O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short: for I was
come to the whole depth of my tale; and meant indeed to occupy
the argument no longer.

Romeo.
Here's goodly gear!

[Enter Nurse and Peter.]

Mercutio.
A sail, a sail, a sail!

Benvolio.
Two, two; a shirt and a smock.

Nurse.
Peter!

Peter.
Anon.

Nurse.
My fan, Peter.

Mercutio.
Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan's the fairer face.

Nurse.
God ye good morrow, gentlemen.

Mercutio.
God ye good-den, fair gentlewoman.

Nurse.
Is it good-den?

Mercutio.
'Tis no less, I tell ye; for the bawdy hand of the dial is
now upon the prick of noon.

Nurse.
Out upon you! what a man are you!

Romeo.
One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to mar.

Nurse.
By my troth, it is well said; - for himself to mar, quoth
'a? - Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I may find the young
Romeo?

Romeo.
I can tell you: but young Romeo will be older when you have
found him than he was when you sought him: I am the youngest of
that name, for fault of a worse.

Nurse.
You say well.

Mercutio.
Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith; wisely,
wisely.

Nurse.
If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.

Benvolio.
She will indite him to some supper.

Mercutio.
A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! So ho!

Romeo.
What hast thou found?

Mercutio.
No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie, that is
something stale and hoar ere it be spent.
[Sings.]
An old hare hoar,
And an old hare hoar,
Is very good meat in Lent;
But a hare that is hoar
Is too much for a score
When it hoars ere it be spent.

Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll to dinner thither.

Romeo.
I will follow you.

Mercutio.
Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, -
[singing] lady, lady, lady.

[Exeunt Mercutio, and Benvolio.]

Nurse.
Marry, farewell! - I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was
this that was so full of his ropery?

Romeo.
A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk; and
will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.

Nurse.
An 'a speak anything against me, I'll take him down, an'a
were lustier than he is, and twenty such Jacks; and if I cannot,
I'll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his
flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates. - And thou must stand
by too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure!

Peter. I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon
should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare draw as soon
as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law
on my side.

Nurse.
Now, afore God, I am so vexed that every part about me
quivers. Scurvy knave! - Pray you, sir, a word: and, as I told
you, my young lady bid me enquire you out; what she bade me say I
will keep to myself: but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead
her into a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross
kind of behaviour, as they say: for the gentlewoman is young;
and, therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were
an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak
dealing.

Romeo.
Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto
thee, -

Nurse.
Good heart, and i' faith I will tell her as much: Lord,
Lord, she will be a joyful woman.

Romeo.
What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me.

Nurse.
I will tell her, sir, - that you do protest: which, as I
take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.

Romeo.
Bid her devise some means to come to shrift
This afternoon;
And there she shall at Friar Lawrence' cell
Be shriv'd and married. Here is for thy pains.

Nurse.
No, truly, sir; not a penny.

Romeo.
Go to; I say you shall.

Nurse.
This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.

Romeo.
And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey-wall:
Within this hour my man shall be with thee,
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair;
Which to the high top-gallant of my joy
Must be my convoy in the secret night.
Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains:
Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.

Nurse.
Now God in heaven bless thee! - Hark you, sir.

Romeo.
What say'st thou, my dear nurse?

Nurse.
Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,
Two may keep counsel, putting one away?

Romeo.
I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.

Nurse.
Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady. - Lord, Lord!
when 'twas a little prating thing, - O, there's a nobleman in
town, one Paris, that would fain lay knife aboard; but she, good
soul, had as lief see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger
her sometimes, and tell her that Paris is the properer man; but
I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout
in the versal world. Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with
a letter?

Romeo.
Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.

Nurse.
Ah, mocker! that's the dog's name. R is for the dog: no; I
know it begins with some other letter: - and she hath the
prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it would
do you good to hear it.

Romeo.
Commend me to thy lady.

Nurse.
Ay, a thousand times. [Exit Romeo.] - Peter!

Peter.
Anon?

Nurse.
Peter, take my fan, and go before.

[Exeunt.]


Scene V. Capulet's Garden.

[Enter Juliet.]

Juliet.
The clock struck nine when I did send the nurse;
In half an hour she promis'd to return.
Perchance she cannot meet him: that's not so. -
O, she is lame! love's heralds should be thoughts,
Which ten times faster glide than the sun's beams,
Driving back shadows over lowering hills:
Therefore do nimble-pinion'd doves draw love,
And therefore hath the wind-swift Cupid wings.
Now is the sun upon the highmost hill
Of this day's journey; and from nine till twelve
Is three long hours, - yet she is not come.
Had she affections and warm youthful blood,
She'd be as swift in motion as a ball;
My words would bandy her to my sweet love,
And his to me:
But old folks, many feign as they were dead;
Unwieldy, slow, heavy and pale as lead. -
O God, she comes!
[Enter Nurse and Peter].
O honey nurse, what news?
Hast thou met with him? Send thy man away.

Nurse.
Peter, stay at the gate.

[Exit Peter.]

Juliet.
Now, good sweet nurse, - O Lord, why look'st thou sad?
Though news be sad, yet tell them merrily;
If good, thou sham'st the music of sweet news
By playing it to me with so sour a face.

Nurse.
I am aweary, give me leave awhile; -
Fie, how my bones ache! what a jaunt have I had!

Juliet.
I would thou hadst my bones, and I thy