Love's Labour's Lost, William Shakespeare [best summer reads of all time .txt] 📗

charge-house on the top of the
mountain?

HOLOFERNES.
Or mons, the hill.

ARMADO.
At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.

HOLOFERNES.
I do, sans question.

ARMADO.
Sir, it is the King's most sweet pleasure and affection to
congratulate the princess at her pavilion, in the posteriors of
this day, which the rude multitude call the afternoon.

HOLOFERNES.
The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is liable,
congruent, and measurable, for the afternoon. The word is well
culled, chose, sweet, and apt, I do assure you, sir; I do assure.

ARMADO.
Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my familiar, I do
assure ye, very good friend. For what is inward between us, let
it pass: I do beseech thee, remember thy courtsy; I beseech
thee, apparel thy head: and among other importunate and most
serious designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let that
pass: for I must tell thee it will please his Grace, by the
world, sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder, and with his royal
finger thus dally with my excrement, with my mustachio: but,
sweet heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no fable:
some certain special honours it pleaseth his greatness to impart
to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel, that hath seen the world:
but let that pass. The very all of all is, but, sweet heart, I do
implore secrecy, that the King would have me present the
princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation, or show,
or pageant, or antic, or firework. Now, understanding that the
curate and your sweet self are good at such eruptions and sudden
breaking-out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you withal,
to the end to crave your assistance.

HOLOFERNES.
Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies. Sir
Nathaniel, as concerning some entertainment of time, some
show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by our
assistance, the King's command, and this most gallant,
illustrate, and learned gentleman, before the princess, I say
none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.

NATHANIEL.
Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?

HOLOFERNES.
Joshua, yourself; myself, Alexander; this gallant
gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great
limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the page, Hercules,--

ARMADO.
Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for that
Worthy's thumb; he is not so big as the end of his club.

HOLOFERNES.
Shall I have audience? He shall present Hercules in minority: his
enter and exit shall be strangling a snake; and I will have an
apology for that purpose.

MOTH.
An excellent device! So, if any of the audience hiss, you may
cry 'Well done, Hercules; now thou crushest the snake!' That is
the way to make an offence gracious, though few have the grace to
do it.

ARMADO.
For the rest of the Worthies?--

HOLOFERNES.
I will play three myself.

MOTH.
Thrice-worthy gentleman!

ARMADO.
Shall I tell you a thing?

HOLOFERNES.
We attend.

ARMADO.
We will have, if this fadge not, an antic. I beseech you,
follow.

HOLOFERNES.
Via, goodman Dull! Thou has spoken no word all this while.

DULL.
Nor understood none neither, sir.

HOLOFERNES.
Allons! we will employ thee.

DULL.
I'll make one in a dance, or so, or I will play on the tabor to
the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.

HOLOFERNES.
Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away.

[Exeunt.]


SCENE II. The same. Before the Princess's pavilion.

[Enter the PRINCESS, KATHARINE, ROSALINE and MARIA.]

PRINCESS.
Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,
If fairings come thus plentifully in.
A lady wall'd about with diamonds!
Look you what I have from the loving king.

ROSALINE.
Madam, came nothing else along with that?

PRINCESS.
Nothing but this! Yes, as much love in rime
As would be cramm'd up in a sheet of paper
Writ o' both sides the leaf, margent and all,
That he was fain to seal on Cupid's name.

ROSALINE.
That was the way to make his godhead wax;
For he hath been five thousand years a boy.

KATHARINE.
Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too.

ROSALINE.
You'll ne'er be friends with him: a' kill'd your sister.

KATHARINE.
He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy;
And so she died: had she been light, like you,
Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,
She might ha' been a grandam ere she died;
And so may you, for a light heart lives long.

ROSALINE.
What's your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word?

KATHARINE.
A light condition in a beauty dark.

ROSALINE.
We need more light to find your meaning out.

KATHARINE.
You'll mar the light by taking it in snuff;
Therefore I'll darkly end the argument.

ROSALINE.
Look what you do, you do it still i' the dark.

KATHARINE.
So do not you; for you are a light wench.

ROSALINE.
Indeed, I weigh not you; and therefore light.

KATHARINE.
You weigh me not? O! that's you care not for me.

ROSALINE.
Great reason; for 'past cure is still past care.'

PRINCESS.
Well bandied both; a set of wit well play'd.
But, Rosaline, you have a favour too:
Who sent it? and what is it?

ROSALINE.
I would you knew.
An if my face were but as fair as yours,
My favour were as great: be witness this.
Nay, I have verses too, I thank Berowne;
The numbers true, and, were the numbering too,
I were the fairest goddess on the ground:
I am compar'd to twenty thousand fairs.
O! he hath drawn my picture in his letter.

PRINCESS.
Anything like?

ROSALINE.
Much in the letters; nothing in the praise.

PRINCESS.
Beauteous as ink; a good conclusion.

KATHARINE.
Fair as a text B in a copy-book.

ROSALINE.
'Ware pencils! how! let me not die your debtor,
My red dominical, my golden letter:
O, that your face were not so full of O's!

KATHARINE.
A pox of that jest! and beshrew all shrows!

PRINCESS.
But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumaine?

KATHARINE.
Madam, this glove.

PRINCESS.
Did he not send you twain?

KATHARINE.
Yes, madam; and, moreover,
Some thousand verses of a faithful lover;
A huge translation of hypocrisy,
Vilely compil'd, profound simplicity.

MARIA.
This, and these pearl, to me sent Longaville;
The letter is too long by half a mile.

PRINCESS.
I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart
The chain were longer and the letter short?

MARIA.
Ay, or I would these hands might never part.

PRINCESS.
We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.

ROSALINE.
They are worse fools to purchase mocking so.
That same Berowne I'll torture ere I go.
O that I knew he were but in by th' week!
How I would make him fawn, and beg, and seek,
And wait the season, and observe the times,
And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rimes,
And shape his service wholly to my hests,
And make him proud to make me proud that jests!
So perttaunt-like would I o'ersway his state
That he should be my fool, and I his fate.

PRINCESS.
None are so surely caught, when they are catch'd,
As wit turn'd fool: folly, in wisdom hatch'd,
Hath wisdom's warrant and the help of school
And wit's own grace to grace a learned fool.

ROSALINE.
The blood of youth burns not with such excess
As gravity's revolt to wantonness.

MARIA.
Folly in fools bears not so strong a note
As fool'ry in the wise when wit doth dote;
Since all the power thereof it doth apply
To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity.

[Enter BOYET.]

PRINCESS.
Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.

BOYET.
O! I am stabb'd with laughter! Where's her Grace?

PRINCESS.
Thy news, Boyet?

BOYET.
Prepare, madam, prepare!--
Arm, wenches, arm! encounters mounted are
Against your peace: Love doth approach disguis'd,
Armed in arguments; you'll be surpris'd:
Muster your wits; stand in your own defence;
Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence.

PRINCESS.
Saint Denis to Saint Cupid! What are they
That charge their breath against us? Say, scout, say.

BOYET.
Under the cool shade of a sycamore
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour;
When, lo, to interrupt my purpos'd rest,
Toward that shade I might behold addrest
The king and his companions: warily
I stole into a neighbour thicket by,
And overheard what you shall overhear;
That, by and by, disguis'd they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page,
That well by heart hath conn'd his embassage:
Action and accent did they teach him there;
'Thus must thou speak' and 'thus thy body bear,'
And ever and anon they made a doubt
Presence majestical would put him out;
'For' quoth the King 'an angel shalt thou see;
Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.'
The boy replied 'An angel is not evil;
I should have fear'd her had she been a devil.'
With that all laugh'd, and clapp'd him on the shoulder,
Making the bold wag by their praises bolder.
One rubb'd his elbow, thus, and fleer'd, and swore
A better speech was never spoke before.
Another with his finger and his thumb
Cried 'Via! we will do't, come what will come.'
The third he caper'd, and cried 'All goes well.'
The fourth turn'd on the toe, and down he fell.
With that they all did tumble on the ground,
With such a zealous laughter, so profound,
That in this spleen ridiculous appears,
To check their folly, passion's solemn tears.

PRINCESS.
But what, but what, come they to visit us?

BOYET.
They do, they do, and are apparell'd thus,
Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess.
Their purpose is to parley, court, and dance;
And every one his love-feat will advance
Unto his several mistress; which they'll know
By favours several which they did bestow.

PRINCESS.
And will they so? The gallants shall be task'd:
For, ladies, we will every one be mask'd;
And not a man of them shall have the grace,
Despite of suit, to see a lady's face.
Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,
And then the king will court thee for his dear;
Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine,
So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline.
And change you favours too; so shall your loves
Woo contrary, deceiv'd by these removes.

ROSALINE.
Come on, then, wear the favours most in sight.

KATHARINE.
But, in this changing, what is your intent?

PRINCESS.
The effect of my intent is to cross theirs;
They do it but in mocking merriment;
And mock for mock is only my intent.
Their several counsels they unbosom shall
To loves mistook, and so be mock'd withal
Upon the next occasion that we meet
With visages display'd to talk and greet.

ROSALINE.
But shall we dance, if they desire us to't?

PRINCESS.
No, to the death, we will not move a foot,
Nor to their penn'd speech render we no grace;
But while 'tis spoke each turn away her face.

BOYET.