Without Hesitation, Talia Jager [warren buffett book recommendations txt] 📗

went against him.” Her blue eyes bore into mine. “Your family—”

“Probably dead.”

She closed her eyes and when she opened them again, they were wet. “Why? Why did you come for me?”

All the feelings that I felt for her came rushing at me. “Because…because you’re you.”

Her breath hitched.

“When we get off this planet, what will happen?” she asked.

“I’ll get you home.”

“What will happen to you?”

I looked back at the clouds. “A bear.”

She followed my gaze. “I’m not letting it go.”

“He’ll kill me.” I sighed, not wanting to think about it, but not wanting to keep anything from her either. “He’s probably killed my family, my crew, and their families. If he finds me, he’ll kill me.”

“So we have to kill him first.”

My eyes darted back to her. “No. There’s no ‘we’ in this.”

“Like hell there isn’t.” She sat up and pulled me toward her with a sense of urgency. Her eyes flashed with anger and despair. Not waiting a second longer, her mouth crashed down on mine. I couldn’t hold back and let myself succumb to her kiss.

Vulnerable.

I was vulnerable in her arms.

Yet, I felt safe.

She made me feel safe and loved. Something I had never felt before. My eyes pricked with tears and my chest swelled to the point of bursting.

I had figured out her tells. When her hand was tangled in the back of my hair, like it was right now, she was trying to figure out what to do next. I took the lead, moving my lips to her neck, under her ear, over to the dimple on her cheek, and then back to her mouth. My hand slipped under her shirt and she gasped at the feel of my skin against hers. The kisses were long and slow, as if we had all the time in the world to do nothing more than kiss.

She pulled away, a little out of breath, and said, “Tell me again, how there’s no ‘we’ in this.”

“Kaci…”

Her face lit up in a wide smile.

“What?”

“I love it when you say my name.”

“Kaci,” I said again. “I just got done saving you. I’m not putting you in harm’s way again.”

“Ever, you’re the reason he had me in the first place. I still struggle with that. With my feelings. But, there’s one thing I know, he’ll never stop coming after either of us as long as he’s alive.”

“There’s nothing we can do about it right now.” If we did make it off this planet, then I needed to get her safe, and go after Caspar myself. I needed revenge for everything that he’s done. I was done with being his slave.

I lay in between her legs that evening with the stupid monkey-like animal curled up in my lap. I almost brushed him off, but Akacia made some ‘aw’ sound and it melted my heart a little. She was becoming attached, naming him and all.

She traced my eyebrows, my ear, and then down my jawbone. “How did you get this scar?”

I ran my finger over it. “Caspar.”

“In training?” she guessed.

“No.” It wasn’t a pleasant memory.

“If it’s too personal—”

“He marked me so I wasn’t beautiful, so I’d fear him, so I knew I belonged to him. He wanted to tame me, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t break me. He thought that since he had us so young, we’d be loyal to him. I was stubborn, so he tried to disfigure me. When that didn’t work, he killed my best friend, and threatened my parents. I finally agreed to do what he wanted. It used to be worse, thicker, and red. He even clipped off part of my ear lobe.” I touched my lobe, which was normal looking now. “I had some treatments done that have helped heal it.”

She was quiet for a minute and I wondered what she was thinking. Then she leaned down and kissed my ear and the scar. “A scar doesn’t make you ugly or make you belong to someone. What about the rest of your crew? They seem loyal to you.”

“Briar pretended to be loyal to Caspar from early on. Hux and Zabe, they were loyal to him at first, but within a few months of being with us, we changed their thinking. We still did what Caspar wanted because he threated the lives of our loved ones, but we were one with our hate for him.” I pushed the memory to the far back of my mind. “Tell me about your days.”

“My days?” She looked confused.

“What do you do all day? What is the job of an Empress?”

She ran her fingers along my arm. “Though I am an Empress, I don’t live in a castle nor was I pampered.”

I raised my eyebrows and opened my mouth to make a comment, but she stared me down. “Yes, I had a chef and someone to make my clothes. I didn’t want for anything, other than my parents and freedom.”

It didn’t get past me that we both yearned for the same things.

“We don’t have balls or fancy parties. I don’t dress in frilly, poofy dresses. I have a crown I only wear to ceremonies when I go off-planet. Well, I guess I should say I had a crown. It was lost on Caipra.” She blinked back tears. “It had been passed down from my great-great-grandmother, Malou. I told you how I was hidden away after my parents were killed. My friend, Bristow, was as well. We grew up together, learned together, trained together. He’s my family. They trained us in everything. How to live off the land. How to fight. How to grow food. Plus all the math, science, and universe history someone could handle. Every once in a while we were allowed to go into the forest through a secret tunnel to practice our survival skills. When I was older, they finally brought me out of hiding. I met the people of Valinor, no longer a child, but an Empress. I promised them safety and a happy, prospering place to live. I promised equality for all, no matter what. We’re peaceful. The people have freedom to live as they choose. It’s not about who has the best job or the most money. Mostly we don’t deal in money at all. They trade with each other and take care of each other.” She looked down at me. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“All cynical. This is how we live. It works. Our population isn’t huge. We don’t have countries spread all over our world. This is why others have wanted my planet. They want the resources we have and they want to turn it into a money making machine. I won’t allow that.”

“If they think you’re dead…”

I heard her swallow. “It could be bad if another administration has found out, they could attack. I’m hoping they put Bristow in charge. He’s prepared. But I know that’s not what he wants. He wants to explore, like you. What scares me the most…I hope I have a home to go home to.”

“We’ll get you home.”

She sighed, lost in her thoughts for a few minutes. “I read a lot while in hiding. They were the only adventures I got to go on. What about you? When you’re not kidnapping Empresses?”

“You happen to the be the only Empress I’ve ever kidnapped.” I looked back at her.

“Really?” She bit down on her lip to hide the smile that was growing on her face.

“Honest. We cruise around exploring when we’re not on jobs for Caspar.”

“Sounds so adventurous. Tell me about your favorite adventure.”

“I once visited a planet that had weak gravity. If you walked carefully, you could stay on the ground, but if you moved fast or jumped, up you’d go. We had a lot of fun just playing on that planet. We weren’t there to play though. We had heard about a cave full of glowing treasure, so we set out to find it.”

She stared at me with wide, curious eyes.

“The planet had little darkness, so our sleeping patterns were off. We were there for five of their days though before we found it. And it was magnificent,” I recalled the beautiful rocks and gems that were in the cave, all of them glowing. “We each took one and we left the cave. We’ve never told anybody where it was. It was so breathtaking we didn’t want it destroyed.”

“What does Caspar have you do?”

“Usually we steal for him. Sometimes he’ll have us spy or plant something.”

We were quiet for a while. Her fingers traced the jaguar design on my arm.

“Have you ever been in love?” she asked.

My heart banged in my chest. “No.”

“Never?”

“I’ve had…relationships, not even sure that’s the right word, but never been…” I cleared my throat. “No.”

“Relationships. Tell me about them.”

“Really?”

“You have something better to do?” she asked.

“Well…no.”

“Then spill.”

“I don’t do serious. I can’t. I guess you could say I have one night stands.”

“Because of Caspar?”

Letting out a long breath, I confirmed what she had already assumed. “I can’t love someone when he owns me.”

“Tomorrow isn’t promised,” she said. “You should live life to the fullest. Without hesitation.”

It wasn’t the first time she said that. It was a good motto. One that I wish I could adopt. But that couldn’t be how I lived. Because of Caspar. Because of the Authority. Whoever I fell in love with would be in danger in one way or the other. I couldn’t do that to anyone. Couldn’t do that to her.

That night, Akacia woke up screaming. I reached out to her, wanting to pull her close, but she pushed me away. Tears streamed down her face, but she wouldn’t even look at me. I wondered if the nightmare was about me. My heart felt like a brick in my chest. She didn’t talk about it, not then, not in the morning. When I woke, she had already brought me food, and was ready to clean the wound.

I didn’t talk, didn’t ask about the nightmare. I just let her do what needed to be done.

“Try to stand up.” She grabbed me under one arm and helped me up.

Carefully, I put weight on my leg. It hurt, but it wasn’t excruciating. I took a few steps. “I’ll be fine, but slow.”

“Would you rather stay here another day or two?”

The past two days had been nice. I almost wished we could stay for good. We could build a house, plant some food, and be together. Nobody trying to kill us. Nobody to answer to. Nobody to take care of but us. But that was a fantasy.

“Ever?”

I shook myself out of my daydream. “We can go.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“Staying here.” Ignoring the curious and confused look she gave me, I grabbed my spear. Not waiting for her to say anything else, I started walking. Nero followed, running between her and me, twittering.

The walk was difficult with my injured leg. We had to rest a lot, which was okay with me. I felt like it made the journey longer and as long as no more of those monsters attacked, I didn’t mind and she didn’t seem to either.

“Tell me the story behind the jaguar tattoo that you have,” she asked after we set out the next morning. “I assume that’s what it is.”

“Yes.” I ran my hand over my arm. “It’s a part of who I am. Something in me wanted to express it somehow.”

“I like how you chose to do that.