Without A Glance, N.L.Gallagher [best non fiction books to read txt] 📗

and a walk in closet so really you’re not going to see me complaining about where I live.
I am just leisurely leaning against my bike, when I see her. She is walking across the parking lot slowly as though she has nowhere important to be. By me taking a wild guess I would say, she is really depressed. She walks as though she has nothing to live for, as though her whole life is over. I watch her as she makes her way slowly to a car that was huffing and puffing. I can barely make out a guy that’s in the front seat. He looks at her and smiles softly. His whole face transforms as she smiles at him. He is obviously close to her. But then my attention goes from him to her. I look at her as soon as her face shuts down. She gets in the car and as they pass me, she looks at me for a second, but I get no register of emotion on her face. She looks completely lifeless, but when I smile at her, her whole body goes rigid. Her driver friend or her dad, I don’t know but he looked over at her sharply as though she was a prized possession and he was scared she would break at any moment.
When he looked away from her and towards where her eyes were, he gave me such a look of hate that I literally flinched. I looked away at the ground for a second and that hurt me deeply when I saw the girl look hurt. I didn’t even know what her name but I couldn’t seem to get her of my mind. She was like a heart that was broken that I felt I could mend, that I needed to mend.
. . .
I saw him look at me in a way that many people have looked at me since my dad died. He looked at me, as though he wished that he could take away all of my pain and make me whole again. He barely even knew me and he was trying to be friendly to me. I mean, I know that he was amazingly cute but that was it, I mean you can’t judge a person by the way they look and I’m sure that he is a nice guy but I can’t let anyone in my life again. Not after what happened with my dad.
The night my dad died was the night of my prom, I was a freshman and I was taken there by my best friend who is in college now, Benji Kartrite, and was having the time of my life. My dad was the chaperone of the dance that night along with some other teachers. He was a supposed to be a survivor of brain cancer. He was an amazing guy and despite all of the studies scientists have done he was a scientific engineer. He beat all of the odds and pushed through all of his problems and made them his strength.
My dad was the strongest guy I know. Sasha didn’t know what she was talking about when she told me to move on. The pain of losing my dad is a great one as I’m sure if she lost her little sister she would know what I felt only three times less. My dad died of a brain failure. He was in a coma for a while but then he died and was gone. My mom has to work three hours away from our small town so I have my still really close friend Bradley also known to me as D pick me up every day to take me home. I have known Bradley since I was able to walk. I met him on the football field and we played tackle football together, our arms barely able to reach all the way around the football. Me, in my pink hello kitty dress and boots and him in his blue’s clues hat, jacket, red shirt, and jeans. We were the town’s sweethearts. We would spill chocolate milk on our clothes and while other kids looked at us weird we laughed our butts off.
I realized that he was in love with me in the fourth grade when he pulled the chairs out for me in class. He was everything I would want in a guy but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship because I knew I would have to end it soon. He would always look at me with these puppy dog eyes and I would smile at him. He has never told me that he likes me but I know that he does.
I looked at that boy and when he looked away, I flinched. It hurt to be the one to get all of the unwanted pity but he didn’t know of my father’s death. I didn’t want him to know but I know someone will tell him. I saw some girls’ all around him already. He is already a catch towards the women so it’s no surprise when in the rearview mirror I see guys huddling around him trying to become his friend.
I look at D and see his face looking grim. But when he sees me looking at him, I can practically see him melting on the inside as he turns toward me, smiling sweetly, his chocolate brown eyes warm. I smile back at him and he practically beams.
“So how was school today?” he asks me after a couple of minutes.
“It was stupid as usual. Same people being annoying with their pitiful looks. But there was some new kid at school, catching everyone’s attention so it was less than usual.” He looked at me sharply.
“That idiot kid leaning against his bike like he owned the whole school already?” He scoffed.” Yeah, right. He’s just like that now but wait until he steals away everyone big bubblehead girlfriends that are so self-absorbed that they can hardly walk in a straight line.”
I looked away quickly, not letting him know how much his little statement hurt. I was like that once but was pulled out of it by my fathers’ death. Sure, I wasn’t self-absorbed like the rest of them but I was a girlfriend to the quarterback of our football team. All of the girls were jealous of me being, Jeff Donnahuey’s girlfriend. Being his girlfriend gave some advantages like going to all of his game and getting him to blow me a kiss on the field, and going to the strictly cheerleader and football parties, which were amazing. But one day, after a game, I went home early with D and Jeff got jealous so he yelled at me and told me I was a sleep around and that I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t want to put up with his jealousy, so I broke up with him. In front of the football team so he didn’t even dare try to tell people that he broke up with me. After that, I was asked out by many of the guys, but I turned them down because after Jeff, I decided that I would be careful when letting my heart be exposed to this disease called love. But hiding my emotions from D is like hiding a piece of candy from a child. He realized what he said and tried to take it back. Tears went down my cheeks and I only realized how senseless all these tears were. I had become extra sensitive since my dad died. Before I was always nice to people but was sort of out of it sometimes. He stretched over and took my hand in his, seeing my silent tears. I wanted to tug my hand away, but just didn’t have the energy.
“Look, I’m so sorry, Teddy. I didn’t mean that about you. I just wasn’t thinking right at the moment. Please, Teddy, will you forgive me?” This only made me cry harder because that’s the last thing my dad said to me.
We were having a disagreement over a stupid party that I wanted to go to, but my dad wouldn’t let me go because of him and my mom’s anniversary. I begged to go but he said that their anniversary was just as significant as any party that I wanted to go to. I screamed at him and told him that he ruined everything.
“Teddy, please calm down. Just settle down. Missing a party isn’t going to change anything in your life.” His face looked so miserable that morning.” Please, Teddy, please forgive me.”
That was the night of the prom. I never got to speak to my dad again. And I will never be able to. This last thought made me cry harder. D pulled over and sauntered to my side of the car. He opened my door and embraced me, hard. I felt like my bones were going to crack at any second. I hugged him back. Feeling completely normal and well again, as though nothing ever happened in the first place.
I wish that was the actual case.
. . .
I take off my helmet, feeling the air rush around me. It was a windy day, but the sun was shining and the clouds were entirely gone. I felt a rush of excitement and fears go through me as I look at the gates before me. I could always skip but I wanted to see that girl. I looked around and saw I flash of white out of the corner of my eyes. I turn casually and looked towards where the white flashed. It came from a backpack that was mixed with grey, black, and white. My heart tugged when I saw that it was the girl holding the backpack. She had her hair down today and it whipped around in the air. She looked like she was a model, so carefree for a moment then she looked my way and met my eyes, then practically ran away. I tried not to look wounded. She ran from me and she didn’t even know who I was.
I took out my keys out stuffed them in my pocket as I walked to the school’ gates. I looked everywhere for the girl but either she was very good at dodging me or she was already in the big mass of people. I pulled out my schedule and went to whatever it said on there. As I made my way to the class room, I realized I’m the only one in the hall. I pull open the door and step in. The teacher looked at me, smiling gently.
“Yes?” She asked.
I looked at my schedule one more time.” I’m new.”
She laughed.” Sweetie, I think I already knew that. What’s your name?”
I blushed, embarrassed.” Oh. It’s Connor Lewis.”
“Okay, Connor Lewis, you can just pick a seat anywhere.”
I chose a seat at the back next to a girl that pulled a hoodie over her head then laid it down on her desk, as though she were sleeping. I saw a flash of black, white, and grey. I looked down and saw the backpack of the girl. I looked up quick to see her staring at me but her head was still low. I stared back, not believing I was this close to her. I tried to smile but I was frozen in shock. My staring must have made her uncomfortable, because she blushed mightily as she tried to look away, but I held her gaze. Her eyes were filled with an emotion I couldn’t place.
“Why do you keep staring at me?” She asked quietly.
“Um, uh. I’m sorry. But why are you so sad all the time?”
She stiffened.” That’s none of your business.”
She ignored me for the rest of the class and I was left