The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, vol 1, Sir Richard Francis Burton [8 ebook reader TXT] 📗

half dead; and soon after in came the slave girl who unbound him, and said to him, “I and my lady are right sorry for what hath happened and we have borne thy grief with thee.” But he had no tongue wherewith to answer her from excess of beating and mill turning. Then he retired to his lodging and behold, the clerk who had drawn up the marriage deed came to him[FN#641] and saluted him, saying, “Allah give thee long life! May thy espousal be blessed! This face telleth of pleasant doings and dalliance and kissing and clipping from dusk to dawn.” “Allah grant the liar no peace, O thou thousandfold cuckold!”, my brother replied, “by Allah, I did nothing but turn the mill in the place of the bull all night till morning!” “Tell me thy tale,” quoth he; and my brother recounted what had befallen him and he said, “Thy star agrees not with her star; but an thou wilt I can alter the contract for thee,” adding, “‘Ware lest another cheat be not in store for thee.” And my brother answered him, “See if thou have not another contrivance.” Then the clerk left him and he sat in his shop, looking for some one to bring him a job whereby he might earn his day’s bread. Presently the handmaid came to him and said, “Speak with my lady.” “Begone, O my good girl,” replied he, “there shall be no more dealings between me and thy lady.”

The handmaid returned to her mistress and told her what my brother had said and presently she put her head out of the window, weeping and saying, “Why, O my beloved, are there to be no more dealings ‘twixt me and thee?” But he made her no answer.

Then she wept and conjured him, swearing that all which had befallen him in the mill was not sanctioned by her and that she was innocent of the whole matter. When he looked upon her beauty and loveliness and heard the sweetness of her speech, the sorrow which had possessed him passed from his heart; he accepted her excuse and he rejoiced in her sight. So he saluted her and talked with her and sat tailoring awhile, after which the handmaid came to him and said, “My mistress greeteth thee and informeth thee that her husband purposeth to lie abroad this night in the house of some intimate friends of his; so, when he is gone, do thou come to us and spend the night with my lady in delightsomest joyance till the morning.” Now her husband had asked her, “How shall we manage to turn him away from thee?”; and she answered, “Leave me to play him another trick and make him a laughing stock for all the town.” But my brother knew naught of the malice of women. As soon as it was dusk, the slave girl came to him and carried him to the house, and when the lady saw him she said to him, “By Allah, O my lord, I have been longing exceedingly for thee.” “By Allah,” cried he, “kiss me quick before thou give me aught else.”[FN#642] Hardly had he spoken, when the lady’s husband came in from the next room[FN#643] and seized him, saying, “By Allah, I will not let thee go, till I deliver thee to the chief of the town watch.” My brother humbled himself to him; but he would not listen to him and carried him before the Prefect who gave him an hundred lashes with a whip and, mounting him on a camel, promenaded him round about the city, whilst the guards proclaimed aloud, “This is his reward who violateth the Harims of honourable men!” Moreover, he fell off the camel and broke his leg and so became lame. Then the Prefect banished him from the city; and he went forth unknowing whither he should wend; but I heard of him and fearing for him went out after him and brought him back secretly to the city and restored him to health and took him into my house where he still liveth. The Caliph laughed at my story and said, “Thou hast done well, O Samit, O Silent Man, O

spare of speech!”; and he bade me take a present and go away. But I said, “I will accept naught of thee except I tell thee what befell all my other brothers; and do not think me a man of many words.” So the Caliph gave ear to

 

The Barber’s Tale of his Second Brother.

 

Know, O Commander of the Faithful, that my second brother’s name was Al-Haddar, that is the Babbler, and he was the paralytic. Now it happened to him one day, as he was going about his business, that an old woman accosted him and said, “Stop a little, my good man, that I may tell thee of somewhat which, if it be to thy liking, thou shalt do for me and I will pray Allah to give thee good of it!” My brother stopped and she went on, “I will put thee in the way of a certain thing, so thou not be prodigal of speech.” “On with thy talk,” quoth he; and she, “What sayest thou to handsome quarters and a fair garden with flowing waters, flowers blooming, and fruit growing, and old wine going and a pretty young face whose owner thou mayest embrace from dark till dawn? If thou do whatso I bid thee thou shalt see something greatly to thy advantage.” “And is all this in the world?” asked my brother; and she answered, “Yes, and it shall be thine, so thou be reasonable and leave idle curiosity and many words, and do my bidding.” “I will indeed, O my lady,” said he, “how is it thou hast preferred me in this matter before all men and what is it that so much pleaseth thee in me?” Quoth she, “Did I not bid thee be spare of speech? Hold thy peace and follow me. Know, that the young lady, to whom I shall carry thee, loveth to have her own way and hateth being thwarted and all who gainsay; so, if thou humour her, thou shalt come to thy desire of her.” And my brother said, “I will not cross her in anything.” Then she went on and my brother followed her, an hungering after what she described to him till they entered a fine large house, handsome and choicely furnished, full of eunuchs and servants and showing signs of prosperity from top to bottom. And she was carrying him to the upper story when the people of the house said to him, “What dost thou here?” But the old woman answered them, “Hold your peace and trouble him not: he is a workman and we have occasion for him.” Then she brought him into a fine great pavilion, with a garden in its midst, never eyes saw a fairer; and made him sit upon a handsome couch. He had not sat long, be fore he heard a loud noise and in came a troop of slave girls surrounding a lady like the moon on the night of its fullest.

When he saw her, he rose up and made an obeisance to her, whereupon she welcomed him and bade him be seated. So he sat down and she said to him, “Allah advance thee to honour! Is all well with thee?” “O my lady,” he answered, “all with me is right well.” Then she bade bring in food, and they set before her delicate viands; so she sat down to eat, making a show of affection to my brother and jesting with him, though all the while she could not refrain from laughing; but as often as he looked at her, she signed towards her handmaidens as though she were laughing at them. My brother (the ass!) understood nothing; but, in the excess of his ridiculous passion, he fancied that the lady was in love with him and that she would soon grant him his desire. When they had done eating, they set on the wine and there came in ten maidens like moons, with lutes ready strung in their hands, and fell to singing with full voices, sweet and sad, whereupon delight gat hold upon him and he took the cup from the lady’s hands and drank it standing. Then she drank a cup of wine and my brother (still standing) said to her “Health,” and bowed to her. She handed him another cup and he drank it off, when she slapped him hard on the nape of his neck.[FN#644] Upon this my brother would have gone out of the house in anger; but the old woman followed him and winked to him to return. So he came back and the lady bade him sit and he sat down without a word. Then she again slapped him on the nape of his neck; and the second slapping did not suffice her, she must needs make all her handmaidens also slap and cuff him, while he kept saying to the old woman, “I never saw aught nicer than this.” She on her side ceased not exclaiming, “Enough, enough, I conjure thee, O my mistress!”; but the women slapped him till he well nigh swooned away. Presently my brother rose and went out to obey a call of nature, but the old woman overtook him, and said, “Be patient a little and thou shalt win to thy wish.” “How much longer have I to wait,” my brother replied, “this slapping hath made me feel faint.” “As soon as she is warm with wine,” answered she, “thou shalt have thy desire.” So he returned to his place and sat down, where upon all the handmaidens stood up and the lady bade them perfume him with pastiles and besprinkle his face with rose-water. Then said she to him, “Allah advance thee to honour! Thou hast entered my house and hast borne with my conditions, for whoso thwarteth me I turn him away, and whoso is patient hath his desire.” “O mistress mine,” said he, “I am thy slave and in the hollow of thine hand!” “Know, then,” continued she, “that Allah hath made me passionately fond of frolic; and whoso falleth in with my humour cometh by whatso he wisheth.” Then she ordered her maidens to sing with loud voices till the whole company was delighted; after which she said to one of them, “Take thy lord, and do what is needful for him and bring him back to me forthright.” So the damsel took my brother (and he not knowing what she would do with him); but the old woman overtook him and said, “Be patient; there remaineth but little to do.” At this his face brightened and he stood up before the lady while the old woman kept saying, “Be patient; thou wilt now at once win to thy wish!”; till he said, “Tell me what she would have the maiden do with me?” “Nothing but good,” replied she, “as I am thy sacrifice! She wisheth only to dye thy eyebrows and pluck out thy mustachios.” Quoth he, “As for the dyeing of my eye brows, that will come off with washing,[FN#645] but for the plucking out of my mustachios, that indeed is a somewhat painful process.” “Be cautious how thou cross her,” cried the old woman; “for she hath set her heart on thee.” So my brother patiently suffered her to dye his eyebrows and pluck out his mustachios, after which the maiden returned to her mistress and told her. Quoth she “Remaineth now only one other thing to be done; thou must shave his beard and make him a smooth o’ face.”[FN#646] So the maiden went back and told him what her mistress had bidden her do; and my brother (the blockhead!) said to her, “How shall I do what will