To Let, John Galsworthy [good non fiction books to read txt] 📗

His

Sire Living On Within Him? And Again Came That Scent Of     Cigar

Smoke--From The     Old Saturated Leather. Well! He Would Tackle It, Write

To Jon, And Put The     Whole Thing Down In Black And White! And Suddenly

He Breathed With Difficulty, With A Sense Of     Suffocation, As If His

Heart Were Swollen. He Got Up And Went Out Into The     Air. Orion's Belt

Was Very Bright. He Passed Along The     Terrace Round The     Corner Of     The

House, Till, Through The     Window Of     The     Music-Room, He Could See Irene

At The     Piano, With Lamplight Falling On Her Powdery Hair; Withdrawn

Into Herself She Seemed, Her Dark Eyes Staring Straight Before Her, Her

Hands Idle. Jolyon Saw Her Raise Those Hands And Clasp Them Over Her

Breast. 'It's Jon, With Her,' He Thought; 'All Jon! I'm Dying Out Of

Her--It's Natural!'

 

  

And, Careful Not To Be Seen, He Stole Back.

 

  

Next Day, After A Bad Night, He Sat Down To His Task. He Wrote With

Difficulty And Many Erasures.

 

   

"My Dearest Boy,

 

  

"You Are Old Enough To Understand How Very Difficult It Is For Elders

To Give Themselves Away To Their Young. Especially When--Like Your

Mother And Myself, Though I Shall Never Think Of     Her As Anything But

Young--Their Hearts Are Altogether Set On Him To Whom They Must

Confess. I Cannot Say We Are Conscious Of     Having Sinned Exactly--People

In Real Life Very Seldom Are, I Believe, But Most Persons Would Say We

Had, And At All Events Our Conduct, Righteous Or Not, Has Found Us Out.

The Truth Is, My Dear, We Both Have Pasts, Which It Is Now My Task To

Make Known To You, Because They So Grievously And Deeply Affect Your

Future. Many, Very Many Years Ago, As Far Back Indeed As 1883, When She

Was Only Twenty, Your Mother Had The     Great And Lasting Misfortune To

Make An Unhappy Marriage--No, Not With Me, Jon.

Part III I (Old Jolyon Walks) Pg 56

Without Money Of     Her

Own, And With Only A Stepmother--Closely Related To Jezebel--She Was

Very Unhappy In Her Home Life. It Was Fleur's Father That She Married,

My Cousin Soames Forsyte. He Had Pursued Her Very Tenaciously And To Do

Him Justice Was Deeply In Love With Her. Within A Week She Knew The

Fearful Mistake She Had Made. It Was Not His Fault; It Was Her Error Of

Judgment--Her Misfortune."

 

   

So Far Jolyon Had Kept Some Semblance Of     Irony, But Now His Subject

Carried Him Away.

 

  

 "Jon, I Want To Explain To You If I Can--And It's Very Hard--How It Is

That An Unhappy Marriage Such As This Can So Easily Come About. You

Will Of     Course Say: 'If She Didn't Really Love Him How Could She Ever

Have Married Him?' You Would Be Quite Right If It Were Not For One Or

Two Rather Terrible Considerations. From This Initial Mistake Of     Hers

All The     Subsequent Trouble, Sorrow, And Tragedy Have Come, And So I

Must Make It Clear To You If I Can. You See, Jon, In Those Days And

Even To This Day--Indeed, I Don't See, For All The     Talk Of

Enlightenment, How It Can Well Be Otherwise--Most Girls Are Married

Ignorant Of     The     Sexual Side Of     Life. Even If They Know What It Means

They Have Not Experienced It. That's The     Crux. It Is This Actual Lack

Of Experience, Whatever Verbal Knowledge They Have, Which Makes All The

Difference And All The     Trouble. In A Vast Number Of     Marriages--And Your

Mother's Was One--Girls Are Not And Cannot Be Certain Whether They Love

The Man They Marry Or Not; They Do Not Know Until After That Act Of

Union Which Makes The     Reality Of     Marriage. Now, In Many, Perhaps In

Most Doubtful Cases, This Act Cements And Strengthens The     Attachment,

But In Other Cases, And Your Mother's Was One, It Is A Revelation Of

Mistake, A Destruction Of     Such Attraction As There Was. There Is

Nothing More Tragic In A Woman's Life Than Such A Revelation, Growing

Daily, Nightly Clearer. Coarse-Grained And Unthinking People Are Apt To

Laugh At Such A Mistake, And Say 'What A Fuss About Nothing!' Narrow

And Self-Righteous People, Only Capable Of     Judging The     Lives Of     Others

By Their Own, Are Apt To Condemn Those Who Make This Tragic Error, To

Condemn Them For Life To The     Dungeons They Have Made For Themselves.

You Know The     Expression: 'She Has Made Her Bed, She Must Lie On It!' It

Is A Hard-Mouthed Saying, Quite Unworthy Of     A Gentleman Or Lady In The

Best Sense Of     Those Words; And I Can Use No Stronger Condemnation. I

Have Not Been What Is Called A Moral Man, But I Wish To Use No Words To

You, My Dear, Which Will Make You Think Lightly Of     Ties Or Contracts

Into Which You Enter.

Part III I (Old Jolyon Walks) Pg 57

Heaven Forbid! But With The     Experience Of     A Life

Behind Me I Do Say That Those Who Condemn The     Victims Of     These Tragic

Mistakes, Condemn Them And Hold Out No Hands To Help Them, Are Inhuman

Or Rather They Would Be If They Had The     Understanding To Know What They

Are Doing. But They Haven't! Let Them Go! They Are As Much Anathema To

Me As I, No Doubt, Am To Them. I Have Had To Say All This, Because I Am

Going To Put You Into A Position To Judge Your Mother, And You Are Very

Young, Without Experience Of     What Life Is. To Go On With The     Story.

After Three Years Of     Effort To Subdue Her Shrinking--I Was Going To Say

Her Loathing And It's Not Too Strong A Word, For Shrinking Soon Becomes

Loathing Under Such Circumstances--Three Years Of     What To A Sensitive,

Beauty-Loving Nature Like Your Mother's, Jon, Was Torment, She Met A

Young Man Who Fell In Love With Her. He Was The     Architect Of     This Very

House That We Live In Now, He Was Building It For Her And Fleur's

Father To Live In, A New Prison To Hold Her, In Place Of     The     One She

Inhabited With Him In London. Perhaps That Fact Played Some Part In

What Came Of     It. But In Any Case She, Too, Fell In Love With Him. I

Know It's Not Necessary To Explain To You That One Does Not Precisely

Choose With Whom One Will Fall In Love. It Comes. Very Well! It Came. I

Can Imagine--Though She Never Said Much To Me About It--The Struggle

That Then Took Place In Her, Because, Jon, She Was Brought Up Strictly

And Was Not Light In Her Ideas--Not At All. However, This Was An

Overwhelming Feeling, And It Came To Pass That They Loved In Deed As

Well As In Thought. Then Came A Fearful Tragedy. I Must Tell You Of     It

Because If I Don't You Will Never Understand The     Real Situation That

You Have Now To Face. The     Man Whom She Had Married--Soames Forsyte, The

Father Of     Fleur--One Night, At The     Height Of     Her Passion For This Young

Man, Forcibly Reasserted His Rights Over Her. The     Next Day She Met Her

Lover And Told Him Of     It. Whether He Committed Suicide Or Whether He

Was Accidentally Run Over In His Distraction, We Never Knew; But So It

Was. Think Of     Your Mother As She Was That Evening When She Heard Of     His

Death. I Happened To See Her. Your Grand-Father Sent Me To Help Her If

I Could. I Only Just Saw Her, Before The     Door Was Shut Against Me By

Her Husband. But I Have Never Forgotten Her Face, I Can See It Now. I

Was Not In Love With Her Then, Nor For Twelve Years After, But I Have

Never Forgotten. My Dear Boy--It Is Not Easy To Write Like This. But

You See, I Must. Your Mother Is Wrapped Up In You, Utterly, Devotedly.

I Don't Wish To Write Harshly Of     Soames Forsyte. I Don't Think Harshly

Of Him. I Have Long Been Sorry For Him; Perhaps I Was Sorry Even Then.

As The     World Judges She Was In Error, He Was Within His Rights. He

Loved Her--In His Way. She Was His Property.

Part III I (Old Jolyon Walks) Pg 58

That Is The     View He Holds

Of Life--Of Human Feelings And Hearts--Property. It's Not His Fault--So

Was He Born! To Me It Is A View That Has Always Been Abhorrent--So Was

I Born! Knowing You As I Do, I Feel It Cannot Be Otherwise Than

Abhorrent To You. Let Me Go On With The     Story. Your Mother Fled From

His House That Night; For Twelve Years She Lived Quietly Alone Without

Companionship Of     Any Sort, Until, In 1899 Her Husband--You See, He Was

Still Her Husband, For He Did Not Attempt To Divorce Her, And She Of

Course Had No Right To Divorce Him, Became Conscious, It Seems, Of     The

Want Of     Children, And Commenced A Long Attempt To Induce Her To Go Back

To Him And Give Him A Child. I Was Her Trustee Then, Under Your

Grandfather's Will, And I Watched This Going On. While Watching, I

Became Devotedly Attached To Her. His Pressure Increased, Till One Day

She Came To Me Here And Practically Put Herself Under My Protection.

Her Husband, Who Was Kept Informed Of     All Her Movements, Attempted To

Force Us Apart By Bringing A Divorce Suit, Or At All Events By

Threatening One; Anyway Our Names Were Publicly Joined. That Decided

Us, And We Became United In Fact. She Was Divorced, Married Me, And You

Were Born. We Have Lived In Perfect Happiness, At Least I Have, And I

Believe Your Mother Also. Soames, Soon After The     Divorce, Married

Fleur's Mother, And She Was Born. That Is The     Story, Jon. I Have Told

It You, Because By The     Affection Which We See You Have Formed For This

Man's Daughter You Are Blindly Moving Towards What Must Utterly Destroy

Your Mother's Happiness, If Not Your Own. I Don't Wish To Speak Of

Myself, Because At My Age There's No Use Supposing I Shall Cumber The

Ground Much Longer, Besides, What I Should Suffer Would Be Mainly On

Her Account, And On Yours. But What I Want You To Realise Is That

Feelings Of     Horror And Aversion Such As Those Can Never Be Buried Or

Forgotten. They Are Alive In Her To-Day. Only Yesterday At Lord's We

Happened To See Soames Forsyte. Her Face, If You Had Seen It, Would

Have Convinced You. The     Idea That You Should Marry His Daughter Is A

Nightmare To Her, Jon. I Have Nothing To Say Against Fleur Save That

She Is