Dombey and Son, Charles Dickens [top ten ebook reader .TXT] 📗

that young lady and his dear boy Wal’r, had proved altogether so favourable as he could have wished, and as he at the time believed. The Captain was troubled with a serious misgiving that he had done more harm than good, in short; and in his remorse and modesty he made the best atonement he could think of, by putting himself out of the way of doing any harm to anyone, and, as it were, throwing himself overboard for a dangerous person.

Self-buried, therefore, among the instruments, the Captain never went near Mr Dombey’s house, or reported himself in any way to Florence or Miss Nipper. He even severed himself from Mr Perch, on the occasion of his next visit, by dryly informing that gentleman, that he thanked him for his company, but had cut himself adrift from all such acquaintance, as he didn’t know what magazine he mightn’t blow up, without meaning of it. In this self-imposed retirement, the Captain passed whole days and weeks without interchanging a word with anyone but Rob the Grinder, whom he esteemed as a pattern of disinterested attachment and fidelity. In this retirement, the Captain, gazing at the packet of an evening, would sit smoking, and thinking of Florence and poor Walter, until they both seemed to his homely fancy to be dead, and to have passed away into eternal youth, the beautiful and innocent children of his first remembrance.

The Captain did not, however, in his musings, neglect his own improvement, or the mental culture of Rob the Grinder. That young man was generally required to read out of some book to the Captain, for one hour, every evening; and as the Captain implicitly believed that all books were true, he accumulated, by this means, many remarkable facts. On Sunday nights, the Captain always read for himself, before going to bed, a certain Divine Sermon once delivered on a Mount; and although he was accustomed to quote the text, without book, after his own manner, he appeared to read it with as reverent an understanding of its heavenly spirit, as if he had got it all by heart in Greek, and had been able to write any number of fierce theological disquisitions on its every phrase.

Rob the Grinder, whose reverence for the inspired writings, under the admirable system of the Grinders’ School, had been developed by a perpetual bruising of his intellectual shins against all the proper names of all the tribes of Judah, and by the monotonous repetition of hard verses, especially by way of punishment, and by the parading of him at six years old in leather breeches, three times a Sunday, very high up, in a very hot church, with a great organ buzzing against his drowsy head, like an exceedingly busy bee—Rob the Grinder made a mighty show of being edified when the Captain ceased to read, and generally yawned and nodded while the reading was in progress. The latter fact being never so much as suspected by the good Captain.

Captain Cuttle, also, as a man of business; took to keeping books. In these he entered observations on the weather, and on the currents of the waggons and other vehicles: which he observed, in that quarter, to set westward in the morning and during the greater part of the day, and eastward towards the evening. Two or three stragglers appearing in one week, who ‘spoke him’—so the Captain entered it—on the subject of spectacles, and who, without positively purchasing, said they would look in again, the Captain decided that the business was improving, and made an entry in the day-book to that effect: the wind then blowing (which he first recorded) pretty fresh, west and by north; having changed in the night.

One of the Captain’s chief difficulties was Mr Toots, who called frequently, and who without saying much seemed to have an idea that the little back parlour was an eligible room to chuckle in, as he would sit and avail himself of its accommodations in that regard by the half-hour together, without at all advancing in intimacy with the Captain. The Captain, rendered cautious by his late experience, was unable quite to satisfy his mind whether Mr Toots was the mild subject he appeared to be, or was a profoundly artful and dissimulating hypocrite. His frequent reference to Miss Dombey was suspicious; but the Captain had a secret kindness for Mr Toots’s apparent reliance on him, and forbore to decide against him for the present; merely eyeing him, with a sagacity not to be described, whenever he approached the subject that was nearest to his heart.

‘Captain Gills,’ blurted out Mr Toots, one day all at once, as his manner was, ‘do you think you could think favourably of that proposition of mine, and give me the pleasure of your acquaintance?’

‘Why, I tell you what it is, my lad,’ replied the Captain, who had at length concluded on a course of action; ‘I’ve been turning that there, over.’

‘Captain Gills, it’s very kind of you,’ retorted Mr Toots. ‘I’m much obliged to you. Upon my word and honour, Captain Gills, it would be a charity to give me the pleasure of your acquaintance. It really would.’

‘You see, brother,’ argued the Captain slowly, ‘I don’t know you.’

‘But you never can know me, Captain Gills,’ replied Mr Toots, steadfast to his point, ‘if you don’t give me the pleasure of your acquaintance.’

The Captain seemed struck by the originality and power of this remark, and looked at Mr Toots as if he thought there was a great deal more in him than he had expected.

‘Well said, my lad,’ observed the Captain, nodding his head thoughtfully; ‘and true. Now look’ee here: You’ve made some observations to me, which gives me to understand as you admire a certain sweet creetur. Hey?’

‘Captain Gills,’ said Mr Toots, gesticulating violently with the hand in which he held his hat, ‘Admiration is not the word. Upon my honour, you have no conception what my feelings are. If I could be dyed black, and made Miss Dombey’s slave, I should consider it a compliment. If, at the sacrifice of all my property, I could get transmigrated into Miss Dombey’s dog—I—I really think I should never leave off wagging my tail. I should be so perfectly happy, Captain Gills!’

Mr Toots said it with watery eyes, and pressed his hat against his bosom with deep emotion.

‘My lad,’ returned the Captain, moved to compassion, ‘if you’re in arnest—’

‘Captain Gills,’ cried Mr Toots, ‘I’m in such a state of mind, and am so dreadfully in earnest, that if I could swear to it upon a hot piece of iron, or a live coal, or melted lead, or burning sealing-wax, Or anything of that sort, I should be glad to hurt myself, as a relief to my feelings.’ And Mr Toots looked hurriedly about the room, as if for some sufficiently painful means of accomplishing his dread purpose.

The Captain pushed his glazed hat back upon his head, stroked his face down with his heavy hand—making his nose more mottled in the process—and planting himself before Mr Toots, and hooking him by the lapel of his coat, addressed him in these words, while Mr Toots looked up into his face, with much attention and some wonder.

‘If you’re in arnest, you see, my lad,’ said the Captain, ‘you’re a object of clemency, and clemency is the brightest jewel in the crown of a Briton’s head, for which you’ll overhaul the constitution as laid down in Rule Britannia, and, when found, that is the charter as them garden angels was a singing of, so many times over. Stand by! This here proposal o’ you’rn takes me a little aback. And why? Because I holds my own only, you understand, in these here waters, and haven’t got no consort, and may be don’t wish for none. Steady! You hailed me first, along of a certain young lady, as you was chartered by. Now if you and me is to keep one another’s company at all, that there young creetur’s name must never be named nor referred to. I don’t know what harm mayn’t have been done by naming of it too free, afore now, and thereby I brings up short. D’ye make me out pretty clear, brother?’

‘Well, you’ll excuse me, Captain Gills,’ replied Mr Toots, ‘if I don’t quite follow you sometimes. But upon my word I—it’s a hard thing, Captain Gills, not to be able to mention Miss Dombey. I really have got such a dreadful load here!’—Mr Toots pathetically touched his shirt-front with both hands—‘that I feel night and day, exactly as if somebody was sitting upon me.’

‘Them,’ said the Captain, ‘is the terms I offer. If they’re hard upon you, brother, as mayhap they are, give ‘em a wide berth, sheer off, and part company cheerily!’

‘Captain Gills,’ returned Mr Toots, ‘I hardly know how it is, but after what you told me when I came here, for the first time, I—I feel that I’d rather think about Miss Dombey in your society than talk about her in almost anybody else’s. Therefore, Captain Gills, if you’ll give me the pleasure of your acquaintance, I shall be very happy to accept it on your own conditions. I wish to be honourable, Captain Gills,’ said Mr Toots, holding back his extended hand for a moment, ‘and therefore I am obliged to say that I can not help thinking about Miss Dombey. It’s impossible for me to make a promise not to think about her.’

‘My lad,’ said the Captain, whose opinion of Mr Toots was much improved by this candid avowal, ‘a man’s thoughts is like the winds, and nobody can’t answer for ‘em for certain, any length of time together. Is it a treaty as to words?’

‘As to words, Captain Gills,’ returned Mr Toots, ‘I think I can bind myself.’

Mr Toots gave Captain Cuttle his hand upon it, then and there; and the Captain with a pleasant and gracious show of condescension, bestowed his acquaintance upon him formally. Mr Toots seemed much relieved and gladdened by the acquisition, and chuckled rapturously during the remainder of his visit. The Captain, for his part, was not ill pleased to occupy that position of patronage, and was exceedingly well satisfied by his own prudence and foresight.

But rich as Captain Cuttle was in the latter quality, he received a surprise that same evening from a no less ingenuous and simple youth, than Rob the Grinder. That artless lad, drinking tea at the same table, and bending meekly over his cup and saucer, having taken sidelong observations of his master for some time, who was reading the newspaper with great difficulty, but much dignity, through his glasses, broke silence by saying—

‘Oh! I beg your pardon, Captain, but you mayn’t be in want of any pigeons, may you, Sir?’

‘No, my lad,’ replied the Captain.

‘Because I was wishing to dispose of mine, Captain,’ said Rob.

‘Ay, ay?’ cried the Captain, lifting up his bushy eyebrows a little.

‘Yes; I’m going, Captain, if you please,’ said Rob.

‘Going? Where are you going?’ asked the Captain, looking round at him over the glasses.

‘What? didn’t you know that I was going to leave you, Captain?’ asked Rob, with a sneaking smile.

The Captain put down the paper, took off his spectacles, and brought his eyes to bear on the deserter.

‘Oh yes, Captain, I am going to give you warning. I thought you’d have known that beforehand, perhaps,’ said Rob, rubbing his hands, and getting up. ‘If you could be so good as provide yourself soon, Captain, it would be a great convenience to me. You couldn’t provide yourself by to-morrow morning, I am afraid, Captain: could you, do you think?’

‘And you’re a going to desert your colours, are you, my lad?’ said the Captain, after a long examination of his face.

‘Oh, it’s very hard upon a cove, Captain,’ cried the tender Rob, injured and indignant in a moment, ‘that he can’t give lawful warning, without being frowned at in that way, and called a