The Uncalled, Paul Laurence Dunbar [brene brown rising strong .TXT] 📗

give it to 'em, Freddie. It was worth a dollar." He would have hurried out, but the young man sprang up and seized his hand, exclaiming, "It was wrong, Uncle 'Liph, it was wrong of me. I saw them sitting about me like jackals waiting for their prey; I remembered all that I had been and all that I was; I knew what they were thinking, and I was angry, angry. God forgive me! That sermon was preached from as hot a heart as ever did murder."

The old man stroked the young one's hair as he would a child's. "Never mind," he said. "It don't matter what you felt. That 's between you an' Him. I only know what you said, an' that 's all I care about. Did n't you speak about the Lord a-whippin' the money-changers from the temple? Ain't lots o' them worse than the money-changers? Was n't Christ divine? Ain't you human? Would a body expect you to feel less'n He did? Huh! jest don't you worry; remember that you did n't hit a head that was n't in striking distance." And the old man pressed the boy back into his chair and slipped out.


CHAPTER XII

Beside an absolute refusal again to supply, Brent made no sign of the rebellion which was in him, and his second year slipped quickly and uneventfully away. He went to and from his duties silent and self-contained. He did not confide in Mr. Hodges, because his guardian seemed to grow more and more jealous of their friendship. He could not confide in Elizabeth, on account of a growing conviction that she did not fully sympathise with him. But his real feelings may be gathered from a letter which he wrote to his friend Taylor some two months after the events recorded in the last chapter.


"MY DEAR TAYLOR," it ran, "time and again I have told myself that I
would write you a line, keeping you in touch, as I promised, with
my progress. Many times have I thought of our last talk together,
and still I think as I thought then--that, in spite of all your
disadvantages and your defeats, you have the best of it. When you
fail, it is your own failure, and you bear down with you only your
own hopes and struggles and ideals. If I fail, there falls with me
all the framework of pride and anxiety that has so long pushed me
forward and held me up. For my own failure I should not sorrow: my
concern would be for the one who has so carefully shaped me after a
pattern of her own. However else one may feel, one must be fair to
the ambitions of others, even though one is the mere material that
is heated and beaten into form on the anvil of another's will. But
I am ripe for revolt. The devil is in me,--a restrained, quiet,
well-appearing devil, but all the more terrible for that.

"I have at last supplied one of the pulpits here, that of my own
church. The Rev. Mr. Simpson was afflicted with a convenient and
adaptable indisposition which would not allow him to preach, and I
was deputed to fill his place. I knew what a trial it would be, and
had carefully written out my sermon, but I am afraid I did not
adhere very strictly to the manuscript. I think I lost my head. I
know I lost my temper. But the sermon was a nine days' wonder, and
I have had to refuse a dozen subsequent offers to supply. It is all
very sordid and sickening and theatrical. The good old Lowry tried
to show me that it was my duty and for my good, but I have set my
foot down not to supply again, and so they let me alone now.

"It seems to me that that one sermon forged a chain which holds me
in a position that I hate. It is a public declaration that I am or
mean to be a preacher, and I must either adhere to it or break
desperately away. Do you know, I feel myself to be an arrant
coward. If I had half the strength that you have, I should have
been out of it long ago; but the habit of obedience grows strong
upon a man.

"There is but one crowning act to be added to this drama of deceit
and infamy,--my ordination. I know how all the other fellows are
looking forward to it, and how, according to all the prescribed
canons, I should view the momentous day; but I am I. Have you ever
had one of those dreams where a huge octopus approaches you slowly
but certainly, enfolding you in his arms and twining his horrid
tentacles about your helpless form? What an agony of dread you
feel! You try to move or cry out, but you cannot, and the arms
begin to embrace you and draw you towards the great body. Just so I
feel about the day of the ceremony that shall take me into the body
of which I was never destined to be a member.

"Are you living in a garret? Are you subsisting on a crust? Happy,
happy fellow! But, thank God, the ordination does not take place
until next year, and perhaps in that time I may find some means of
escape. If I do not, I know that I shall have your sympathy; but
don't express it. Ever sincerely yours, BRENT."


But the year was passing, and nothing happened to release him. He found himself being pushed forward at the next term with unusual rapidity, but he did not mind it; the work rather gave him relief from more unpleasant thoughts. He went at it with eagerness and mastered it with ease. His fellow-students looked on him with envy, but he went on his way unheeding and worked for the very love of being active, until one day he understood.

It was nearing the end of the term when a fellow-student remarked to him, "Well, Brent, it is n't every man that could have done it, but you 'll get your reward in a month or so now."

"What do you mean?" asked Brent. "Done what?"

"Now don't be modest," rejoined the other; "I am really glad to see you do it. I have no envy."

"Really, Barker, I don't understand you."

"Why, I mean you are finishing two years in one."

"Oh, pshaw! it will hardly amount to that."

"Oh, well, you will get in with the senior class men."

"Get in with the senior class!"

"It will be kind of nice, a year before your time, to be standing in the way of any appointive plums that may happen to fall; and then you don't have to go miles away from home before you can be made a full-fledged shepherd. Well, here is my hand on it anyway."

Brent took the proffered hand in an almost dazed condition. It had all suddenly flashed across his mind, the reason for his haste and his added work. What a blind fool he had been!

The Church Conference met at Dexter that year, and they had hurried him through in order that he might be ready for ordination thereat.

Alleging illness as an excuse, he did not appear at recitation that day. The shock had come too suddenly for him. Was he thus to be entrapped? Could he do nothing? He felt that ordination would bind him for ever to the distasteful work. He had only a month in which to prevent it. He would do it. From that day he tried to fall gradually back in his work; but it was too late; the good record which he had unwittingly piled up carried him through, _nolens volens_.

The week before Conference met, Frederick Brent, residing at Dexter, by special request of the faculty, was presented as a candidate for ordination. Even his enemies in the community said, "Surely there is something in that boy."

Mrs. Hester Hodges was delighted. She presented him with his ordination suit, and altogether displayed a pride and pleasure that almost reconciled the young man to his fate. In the days immediately preceding the event she was almost tender with him, and if he had been strong enough to make a resolve inimical to her hopes, the disappointment which he knew failure would bring to her would have greatly weakened it.

Now, Conference is a great event in the circles of that sect of which Cory Chapel was a star congregation, and the town where it convenes, or "sets," as the popular phrase goes, is an honoured place. It takes upon itself an air of unusual bustle. There is a great deal of house-cleaning, hanging of curtains, and laying of carpets, just prior to the time. People from the rural parts about come into town and settle for the week. Ministers and lay delegates from all the churches in the district, comprising perhaps half of a large State or parts of two, come and are quartered upon the local members of the connection. For two weeks beforehand the general question that passes from one housewife to another is, "How many and whom are you going to take?" Many are the heartburnings and jealousies aroused by the disposition of some popular preacher whom a dozen members of the flock desire to entertain, while the less distinguished visitors must bide their time and be stuck in when and where they may. The "big guns" of the Church are all present, and all the "little guns" are scattered about them, popping and snapping every time a "big gun" booms.

But of all the days of commotion and excitement, the climax is ordination day, when candidates for the ministry, college students, and local preachers are examined and either rejected or admitted to the company of the elect. It is common on that day for some old dignitary of the church, seldom a less person than the president of the Conference himself, to preach the sermon. Then, if the fatted calf is not killed, at least the fatted fowls are, and feasting and rejoicing rule the occasion.

This ordination day was no exception. A class of ten stood up before the examining committee and answered the questions put to them. Among them stood Frederick Brent. He wished, he tried, to fail in his answers and be rejected, even though it meant disgrace; but, try as he would, he could not. Force of habit was too strong for him; or was it that some unseen and relentless power was carrying him on and on against his will? He clinched his hands; the beads of perspiration broke out on his brow; but ever as the essential questions came to him his tongue seemed to move of its own volition, without command from the brain, and the murmurs of approval told him that he was answering aright. Never did man struggle harder for brilliant success than this one for ignominious failure. Then some whisper in his consciousness told him that it was over. He felt the laying of hands upon his head. He heard the old minister saying, "Behold,