Danger! and Other Stories, Arthur Conan Doyle [most life changing books .txt] 📗

the stile.  Was it the beer—or was it the tea?  Or was it that the landlord was right and that other, the man with the black, shiny coat, he who had answered the sign of the strange man in the corner?  But the master drank tea with beer.  Yes, but the master also had the screaming horror.  All this I thought as I grasped the bar of British oak, which was the top of the stile.  For half an hour the horror was upon me.  Then it passed, and I was left feeling very weak and still grasping the oaken bar.

I had not moved from the stile, where I had been seized by the screaming horror, when I heard the sound of steps behind me, and turning round I perceived that a pathway led across the field upon the farther side of the stile.  A woman was coming towards me along this pathway, and it was evident to me that she was one of those gipsy Rias, of whom the master has said so much.  Looking beyond her, I could see the smoke of a fire from a small dingle, which showed where her tribe were camping.  The woman herself was of a moderate height, neither tall nor short, with a face which was much sunburned and freckled.  I must confess that she was not beautiful, but I do not think that anyone, save the master, has found very beautiful women walking about upon the high-roads of England.  Such as she was I must make the best of her, and well I knew how to address her, for many times had I admired the mixture of politeness and audacity which should be used in such a case.  Therefore, when the woman had come to the stile, I held out my hand and helped her over.

“What says the Spanish poet Calderon?” said I.  “I doubt not that you have read the couplet which has been thus Englished:

Oh, maiden, may I humbly pray
That I may help you on your way.”

The woman blushed, but said nothing.

“Where,” I asked, “are the Romany chals and the Romany chis?”

She turned her head away and was silent.

“Though I am a gorgio,” said I, “I know something of the Romany lil,” and to prove it I sang the stanza—

Coliko, coliko saulo wer
Apopli to the farming ker
Will wel and mang him mullo,
Will wel and mang his truppo.

The girl laughed, but said nothing.  It appeared to me from her appearance that she might be one of those who make a living at telling fortunes or “dukkering,” as the master calls it, at racecourses and other gatherings of the sort.

“Do you dukker?” I asked.

She slapped me on the arm.  “Well, you are a pot of ginger!” said she.

I was pleased at the slap, for it put me in mind of the peerless Belle.  “You can use Long Melford,” said I, an expression which, with the master, meant fighting.

“Get along with your sauce!” said she, and struck me again.

“You are a very fine young woman,” said I, “and remind me of Grunelda, the daughter of Hjalmar, who stole the golden bowl from the King of the Islands.”

She seemed annoyed at this.  “You keep a civil tongue, young man,” said she.

“I meant no harm, Belle.  I was but comparing you to one of whom the saga says her eyes were like the shine of sun upon icebergs.”

This seemed to please her, for she smiled.  “My name ain’t Belle,” she said at last.

“What is your name?”

“Henrietta.”

“The name of a queen,” I said aloud.

“Go on,” said the girl.

“Of Charles’s queen,” said I, “of whom Waller the poet (for the English also have their poets, though in this respect far inferior to the Basques)—of whom, I say, Waller the poet said:

That she was Queen was the Creator’s act,
Belated man could but endorse the fact.”

“I say!” cried the girl.  “How you do go on!”

“So now,” said I, “since I have shown you that you are a queen you will surely give me a choomer”—this being a kiss in Romany talk.

“I’ll give you one on the ear-hole,” she cried.

“Then I will wrestle with you,” said I.  “If you should chance to put me down, I will do penance by teaching you the Armenian alphabet—the very word alphabet, as you will perceive, shows us that our letters came from Greece.  If, on the other hand, I should chance to put you down, you will give me a choomer.”

I had got so far, and she was climbing the stile with some pretence of getting away from me, when there came a van along the road, belonging, as I discovered, to a baker in Swinehurst.  The horse, which was of a brown colour, was such as is bred in the New Forest, being somewhat under fifteen hands and of a hairy, ill-kempt variety.  As I know less than the master about horses, I will say no more of this horse, save to repeat that its colour was brown—nor indeed had the horse or the horse’s colour anything to do with my narrative.  I might add, however, that it could either be taken as a small horse or as a large pony, being somewhat tall for the one, but undersized for the other.  I have now said enough about this horse, which has nothing to do with my story, and I will turn my attention to the driver.

This was a man with a broad, florid face and brown side-whiskers.  He was of a stout build and had rounded shoulders, with a small mole of a reddish colour over his left eyebrow.  His jacket was of velveteen, and he had large, iron-shod boots, which were perched upon the splashboard in front of him.  He pulled up the van as he came up to the stile near which I was standing with the maiden who had come from the dingle, and in a civil fashion he asked me if I could oblige him with a light for his pipe.  Then, as I drew a matchbox from my pocket, he threw his reins over the splashboard, and removing his large, iron-shod boots he descended on to the road.  He was a burly man, but inclined to fat and scant of breath.  It seemed to me that it was a chance for one of those wayside boxing adventures which were so common in the olden times.  It was my intention that I should fight the man, and that the maiden from the dingle standing by me should tell me when to use my right or my left, as the case might be, picking me up also in case I should be so unfortunate as to be knocked down by the man with the iron-shod boots and the small mole of a reddish colour over his left eyebrow.

“Do you use Long Melford?” I asked.

He looked at me in some surprise, and said that any mixture was good enough for him.

“By Long Melford,” said I, “I do not mean, as you seem to think, some form of tobacco, but I mean that art and science of boxing which was held in such high esteem by our ancestors, that some famous professors of it, such as the great Gully, have been elected to the highest offices of the State.  There were men of the highest character amongst the bruisers of England, of whom I would particularly mention Tom of Hereford, better known as Tom Spring, though his father’s name, as I have been given to understand, was Winter.  This, however, has nothing to do with the matter in hand, which is that you must fight me.”

The man with the florid face seemed very much surprised at my words, so that I cannot think that adventures of this sort were as common as I had been led by the master to expect.

“Fight!” said he.  “What about?”

“It is a good old English custom,” said I, “by which we may determine which is the better man.”

“I’ve nothing against you,” said he.

“Nor I against you,” I answered.  “So that we will fight for love, which was an expression much used in olden days.  It is narrated by Harold Sygvynson that among the Danes it was usual to do so even with battle-axes, as is told in his second set of runes.  Therefore you will take off your coat and fight.”  As I spoke, I stripped off my own.

The man’s face was less florid than before.  “I’m not going to fight,” said he.

“Indeed you are,” I answered, “and this young woman will doubtless do you the service to hold your coat.”

“You’re clean balmy,” said Henrietta.

“Besides,” said I, “if you will not fight me for love, perhaps you will fight me for this,” and I held out a sovereign.  “Will you hold his coat?” I said to Henrietta.

“I’ll hold the thick ’un,” said she.

“No, you don’t,” said the man, and put the sovereign into the pocket of his trousers, which were of a corduroy material.  “Now,” said he, “what am I to do to earn this?”

“Fight,” said I.

“How do you do it?” he asked.

“Put up your hands,” I answered.

He put them up as I had said, and stood there in a sheepish manner with no idea of anything further.  It seemed to me that if I could make him angry he would do better, so I knocked off his hat, which was black and hard, of the kind which is called billy-cock.

“Heh, guv’nor!” he cried, “what are you up to?”

“That was to make you angry,” said I.

“Well, I am angry,” said he.

“Then here is your hat,” said I, “and afterwards we shall fight.”

I turned as I spoke to pick up his hat, which had rolled behind where I was standing.  As I stooped to reach it, I received such a blow that I could neither rise erect nor yet sit down.  This blow which I received as I stooped for his billy-cock hat was not from his fist, but from his iron-shod boot, the same which I had observed upon the splashboard.  Being unable either to rise erect or yet to sit down, I leaned upon the oaken bar of the stile and groaned loudly on account of the pain of the blow which I had received.  Even the screaming horror had given me less pain than this blow from the iron-shod boot.  When at last I was able to stand erect, I found that the florid-faced man had driven away with his cart, which could no longer be seen.  The maiden from the dingle was standing at the other side of the stile, and a ragged man was running across the field from the direction of the fire.

“Why did you not warn me, Henrietta?” I asked.

“I hadn’t time,” said she.  “Why were you such a chump as to turn your back on him like that?”

The ragged man had reached us, where I stood talking to Henrietta by the stile.  I will not try to write his conversation as he said it, because I have observed that the master never condescends to dialect, but prefers by a word introduced here and there to show the fashion of a man’s speech.  I will only say that the man from the dingle spoke as did the Anglo-Saxons, who were wont, as is clearly shown by the venerable Bede, to call their leaders ’Enjist and ’Orsa, two words which in their proper meaning signify a horse and a mare.

“What did he hit you for?” asked the man from the dingle.  He was exceedingly ragged, with a powerful frame, a lean brown face, and an oaken cudgel in his hand.  His voice was very hoarse and rough, as is