Danger! and Other Stories, Arthur Conan Doyle [most life changing books .txt] 📗

the gloom I could see that he was smiling the gentle, wistful smile which I connected with him.

I was quite unable to move.  Indeed, I had not any desire to try to move.  But my senses were exceedingly alert.  I saw the wreck of the motor lit up by the moving lanterns.  I saw the little group of people and heard the hushed voices.  There were the lodge-keeper and his wife, and one or two more.  They were taking no notice of me, but were very busy round the car.  Then suddenly I heard a cry of pain.

“The weight is on him.  Lift it easy,” cried a voice.

“It’s only my leg!” said another one, which I recognized as Perkins’s.  “Where’s master?” he cried.

“Here I am,” I answered, but they did not seem to hear me.  They were all bending over something which lay in front of the car.

Stanley laid his hand upon my shoulder, and his touch was inexpressibly soothing.  I felt light and happy, in spite of all.

“No pain, of course?” said he.

“None,” said I.

“There never is,” said he.

And then suddenly a wave of amazement passed over me.  Stanley!  Stanley!  Why, Stanley had surely died of enteric at Bloemfontein in the Boer War!

“Stanley!” I cried, and the words seemed to choke my throat—“Stanley, you are dead.”

He looked at me with the same old gentle, wistful smile.

“So are you,” he answered.

IX.  THE PRISONER’S DEFENCE

The circumstances, so far as they were known to the public, concerning the death of the beautiful Miss Ena Garnier, and the fact that Captain John Fowler, the accused officer, had refused to defend himself on the occasion of the proceedings at the police-court, had roused very general interest.  This was increased by the statement that, though he withheld his defence, it would be found to be of a very novel and convincing character.  The assertion of the prisoner’s lawyer at the police-court, to the effect that the answer to the charge was such that it could not yet be given, but would be available before the Assizes, also caused much speculation.  A final touch was given to the curiosity of the public when it was learned that the prisoner had refused all offers of legal assistance from counsel and was determined to conduct his own defence.  The case for the Crown was ably presented, and was generally considered to be a very damning one, since it showed very clearly that the accused was subject to fits of jealousy, and that he had already been guilty of some violence owing to this cause.  The prisoner listened to the evidence without emotion, and neither interrupted nor cross-questioned the witnesses.  Finally, on being informed that the time had come when he might address the jury, he stepped to the front of the dock.  He was a man of striking appearance, swarthy, black-moustached, nervous, and virile, with a quietly confident manner.  Taking a paper from his pocket he read the following statement, which made the deepest impression upon the crowded court:—

I would wish to say, in the first place, gentlemen of the jury, that, owing to the generosity of my brother officers—for my own means are limited—I might have been defended to-day by the first talent of the Bar.  The reason I have declined their assistance and have determined to fight my own case is not that I have any confidence in my own abilities or eloquence, but it is because I am convinced that a plain, straightforward tale, coming direct from the man who has been the tragic actor in this dreadful affair, will impress you more than any indirect statement could do.  If I had felt that I were guilty I should have asked for help.  Since, in my own heart, I believe that I am innocent, I am pleading my own cause, feeling that my plain words of truth and reason will have more weight with you than the most learned and eloquent advocate.  By the indulgence of the Court I have been permitted to put my remarks upon paper, so that I may reproduce certain conversations and be assured of saying neither more nor less than I mean.

It will be remembered that at the trial at the police-court two months ago I refused to defend myself.  This has been referred to to-day as a proof of my guilt.  I said that it would be some days before I could open my mouth.  This was taken at the time as a subterfuge.  Well, the days are over, and I am now able to make clear to you not only what took place, but also why it was impossible for me to give any explanation.  I will tell you now exactly what I did and why it was that I did it.  If you, my fellow-countrymen, think that I did wrong, I will make no complaint, but will suffer in silence any penalty which you may impose upon me.

I am a soldier of fifteen years’ standing, a captain in the Second Breconshire Battalion.  I have served in the South African Campaign and was mentioned in despatches after the battle of Diamond Hill.  When the war broke out with Germany I was seconded from my regiment, and I was appointed as adjutant to the First Scottish Scouts, newly raised.  The regiment was quartered at Radchurch, in Essex, where the men were placed partly in huts and were partly billeted upon the inhabitants.  All the officers were billeted out, and my quarters were with Mr. Murreyfield, the local squire.  It was there that I first met Miss Ena Garnier.

It may not seem proper at such a time and place as this that I should describe that lady.  And yet her personality is the very essence of my case.  Let me only say that I cannot believe that Nature ever put into female form a more exquisite combination of beauty and intelligence.  She was twenty-five years of age, blonde and tall, with a peculiar delicacy of features and of expression.  I have read of people falling in love at first sight, and had always looked upon it as an expression of the novelist.  And yet from the moment that I saw Ena Garnier life held for me but the one ambition—that she should be mine.  I had never dreamed before of the possibilities of passion that were within me.  I will not enlarge upon the subject, but to make you understand my action—for I wish you to comprehend it, however much you may condemn it—you must realize that I was in the grip of a frantic elementary passion which made, for a time, the world and all that was in it seem a small thing if I could but gain the love of this one girl.  And yet, in justice to myself, I will say that there was always one thing which I placed above her.  That was my honour as a soldier and a gentleman.  You will find it hard to believe this when I tell you what occurred, and yet—though for one moment I forgot myself—my whole legal offence consists in my desperate endeavour to retrieve what I had done.

I soon found that the lady was not insensible to the advances which I made to her.  Her position in the household was a curious one.  She had come a year before from Montpellier, in the South of France, in answer to an advertisement from the Murreyfields in order to teach French to their three young children.  She was, however, unpaid, so that she was rather a friendly guest than an employée.  She had always, as I gathered, been fond of the English and desirous to live in England, but the outbreak of the war had quickened her feelings into passionate attachment, for the ruling emotion of her soul was her hatred of the Germans.  Her grandfather, as she told me, had been killed under very tragic circumstances in the campaign of 1870, and her two brothers were both in the French army.  Her voice vibrated with passion when she spoke of the infamies of Belgium, and more than once I have seen her kissing my sword and my revolver because she hoped they would be used upon the enemy.  With such feelings in her heart it can be imagined that my wooing was not a difficult one.  I should have been glad to marry her at once, but to this she would not consent.  Everything was to come after the war, for it was necessary, she said, that I should go to Montpellier and meet her people, so that the French proprieties should be properly observed.

She had one accomplishment which was rare for a lady; she was a skilled motor-cyclist.  She had been fond of long, solitary rides, but after our engagement I was occasionally allowed to accompany her.  She was a woman, however, of strange moods and fancies, which added in my feelings to the charm of her character.  She could be tenderness itself, and she could be aloof and even harsh in her manner.  More than once she had refused my company with no reason given, and with a quick, angry flash of her eyes when I asked for one.  Then, perhaps, her mood would change and she would make up for this unkindness by some exquisite attention which would in an instant soothe all my ruffled feelings.  It was the same in the house.  My military duties were so exacting that it was only in the evenings that I could hope to see her, and yet very often she remained in the little study which was used during the day for the children’s lessons, and would tell me plainly that she wished to be alone.  Then, when she saw that I was hurt by her caprice, she would laugh and apologize so sweetly for her rudeness that I was more her slave than ever.

Mention has been made of my jealous disposition, and it has been asserted at the trial that there were scenes owing to my jealousy, and that once Mrs. Murreyfield had to interfere.  I admit that I was jealous.  When a man loves with the whole strength of his soul it is impossible, I think, that he should be clear of jealousy.  The girl was of a very independent spirit.  I found that she knew many officers at Chelmsford and Colchester.  She would disappear for hours together upon her motor-cycle.  There were questions about her past life which she would only answer with a smile unless they were closely pressed.  Then the smile would become a frown.  Is it any wonder that I, with my whole nature vibrating with passionate, whole-hearted love, was often torn by jealousy when I came upon those closed doors of her life which she was so determined not to open?  Reason came at times and whispered how foolish it was that I should stake my whole life and soul upon one of whom I really knew nothing.  Then came a wave of passion once more and reason was submerged.

I have spoken of the closed doors of her life.  I was aware that a young, unmarried Frenchwoman has usually less liberty than her English sister.  And yet in the case of this lady it continually came out in her conversation that she had seen and known much of the world.  It was the more distressing to me as whenever she had made an observation which pointed to this she would afterwards, as I could plainly see, be annoyed by her own indiscretion, and endeavour to remove the impression by every means in her power.  We had several