The Home and the World, Rabindranath Tagore [robert munsch read aloud txt] 📗
- Author: Rabindranath Tagore
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seemed to be lifted from Sandip's countenance also. His delight
beamed forth from his features. Unable to control his sudden
revulsion of feeling, he sprang up from his seat towards me.
What he intended I know not. I flashed a lightning glance
towards Amulya--the colour had left the boy's face as at the
stroke of a whip. Then with all my strength I thrust Sandip from
me. As he reeled back his head struck the edge of the marble
table and he dropped on the floor. There he lay awhile,
motionless. Exhausted with my effort, I sank back on my seat.
Amulya's face lightened with a joyful radiance. He did not even
turn towards Sandip, but came straight up, took the dust of my
feet, and then remained there, sitting on the floor in front of
me. O my little brother, my child! This reverence of yours is
the last touch of heaven left in my empty world! I could contain
myself no longer, and my tears flowed fast. I covered my eyes
with the end of my sari, which I pressed to my face with
both my hands, and sobbed and sobbed. And every time that I felt
on my feet his tender touch trying to comfort me my tears broke
out afresh.
After a little, when I had recovered myself and taken my hands
from my face, I saw Sandip back at the table, gathering up the
sovereigns in his handkerchief, as if nothing had happened.
Amulya rose to his seat, from his place near my feet, his wet
eyes shining.
Sandip coolly looked up at my face as he remarked: "It is six
thousand."
"What do we want with so much, Sandip Babu?" cried Amulya.
"Three thousand five hundred is all we need for our work."
"Our wants are not for this one place only," Sandip replied. "We
shall want all we can get."
"That may be," said Amulya. "But in future I undertake to get
you all you want. Out of this, Sandip Babu, please return the
extra two thousand five hundred to the Maharani."
Sandip glanced enquiringly at me.
"No, no," I exclaimed. "I shall never touch that money again.
Do with it as you will."
"Can man ever give as woman can?" said Sandip, looking towards
Amulya.
"They are goddesses!" agreed Amulya with enthusiasm.
"We men can at best give of our power," continued Sandip. "But
women give themselves. Out of their own life they give birth,
out of their own life they give sustenance. Such gifts are the
only true gifts." Then turning to me, "Queen!" said he, "if
what you have given us had been only money I would not have
touched it. But you have given that which is more to you than
life itself!"
There must be two different persons inside men. One of these in
me can understand that Sandip is trying to delude me; the other
is content to be deluded. Sandip has power, but no strength of
righteousness. The weapon of his which rouses up life smites it
again to death. He has the unfailing quiver of the gods, but the
shafts in them are of the demons.
Sandip's handkerchief was not large enough to hold all the coins.
"Queen," he asked, "can you give me another?" When I gave him
mine, he reverently touched his forehead with it, and then
suddenly kneeling on the floor he made me an obeisance.
"Goddess!" he said, "it was to offer my reverence that I had
approached you, but you repulsed me, and rolled me in the dust.
Be it so, I accept your repulse as your boon to me, I raise it to
my head in salutation!" with which he pointed to the place where
he had been hurt.
Had I then misunderstood him? Could it be that his outstretched
hands had really been directed towards my feet? Yet, surely,
even Amulya had seen the passion that flamed out of his eyes, his
face. But Sandip is such an adept in setting music to his chant
of praise that I cannot argue; I lose my power of seeing truth;
my sight is clouded over like an opium-eater's eyes. And so,
after all, he gave me back twice as much in return for the blow I
had dealt him--the wound on his head ended by making me bleed at
heart. When I had received Sandip's obeisance my theft seemed to
gain a dignity, and the gold glittering on the table to smile
away all fear of disgrace, all stings of conscience.
Like me Amulya also was won back. His devotion to Sandip, which
had suffered a momentary check, blazed up anew. The flower-vase
of his mind filled once more with offerings for the worship of
Sandip and me. His simple faith shone out of his eyes with the
pure light of the morning star at dawn.
After I had offered worship and received worship my sin became
radiant. And as Amulya looked on my face he raised his folded
hands in salutation and cried Bande Mataram! I cannot
expect to have this adoration surrounding me for ever; and yet
this has come to be the only means of keeping alive my self-
respect.
I can no longer enter my bedroom. The bedstead seems to thrust
out a forbidding hand, the iron safe frowns at me. I want to get
away from this continual insult to myself which is rankling
within me. I want to keep running to Sandip to hear him sing my
praises. There is just this one little altar of worship which
has kept its head above the all-pervading depths of my dishonour,
and so I want to cleave to it night and day; for on whichever
side I step away from it, there is only emptiness.
Praise, praise, I want unceasing praise. I cannot live if my
wine-cup be left empty for a single moment. So, as the very
price of my life, I want Sandip of all the world, today.
XVII
When my husband nowadays comes in for his meals I feel I cannot
sit before him; and yet it is such a shame not to be near him
that I feel I cannot do that either. So I seat myself where we
cannot look at each other's face. That was how I was sitting the
other day when the Bara Rani came and joined us.
"It is all very well for you, brother," said she, "to laugh away
these threatening letters. But they do frighten me so. Have you
sent off that money you gave me to the Calcutta bank?"
"No, I have not yet had the time to get it away," my husband
replied.
"You are so careless, brother dear, you had better look out..."
"But it is in the iron safe right inside the inner dressing-
room," said my husband with a reassuring smile.
"What if they get in there? You can never tell!"
"If they go so far, they might as well carry you off too!"
"Don't you fear, no one will come for poor me. The real
attraction is in your room! But joking apart, don't run the risk
of keeping money in the room like that."
"They will be taking along the Government revenue to Calcutta in
a few days now; I will send this money to the bank under the same
escort."
"Very well. But see you don't forget all about it, you are so
absent-minded."
"Even if that money gets lost, while in my room, the loss cannot
be yours, Sister Rani."
"Now, now, brother, you will make me very angry if you talk in
that way. Was I making any difference between yours and mine?
What if your money is lost, does not that hurt me? If Providence
has thought fit to take away my all, it has not left me
insensible to the value of the most devoted brother known since
the days of Lakshman." [25]
"Well, Junior Rani, are you turned into a wooden doll? You have
not spoken a word yet. Do you know, brother, our Junior Rani
thinks I try to flatter you. If things came to that pass I
should not hesitate to do so, but I know my dear old brother does
not need it!"
Thus the Senior Rani chattered on, not forgetting now and then to
draw her brother's attention to this or that special delicacy
amongst the dishes that were being served. My head was all the
time in a whirl. The crisis was fast coming. Something must be
done about replacing that money. And as I kept asking myself
what could be done, and how it was to be done, the unceasing
patter of my sister-in-law's words seemed more and more
intolerable.
What made it all the worse was, that nothing could escape my
sister-in-law's keen eyes. Every now and then she was casting
side glances towards me. What she could read in my face I do not
know, but to me it seemed that everything was written there only
too plainly.
Then I did an infinitely rash thing. Affecting an easy, amused
laugh I said: "All the Senior Rani's suspicions, I see, are
reserved for me--her fears of thieves and robbers are only a
feint."
The Senior Rani smiled mischievously. "You are right, sister
mine. A woman's theft is the most fatal of all thefts. But how
can you elude my watchfulness? Am I a man, that you should
hoodwink me?"
"If you fear me so," I retorted, "let me keep in your hands all I
have, as security. If I cause you loss, you can then repay
yourself."
"Just listen to her, our simple little Junior Rani!" she laughed
back, turning to my husband. "Does she not know that there are
losses which no security can make good, either in this world or
in the next?"
My husband did not join in our exchange of words. When he had
finished, he went off to the outer apartments, for nowadays he
does not take his mid-day rest in our room.
All my more valuable jewels were in deposit in the treasury in
charge of the cashier. Still what I kept with me must have been
worth thirty or forty thousand. I took my jewel-box to the Bara
Rani's room and opened it out before her, saying: "I leave these
with you, sister. They will keep you quite safe from all worry."
The Bara Rani made a gesture of mock despair. "You positively
astound me, Chota Rani!" she said. "Do you really suppose I
spend sleepless nights for fear of being robbed by you?"
"What harm if you did have a wholesome fear of me? Does anybody
know anybody else in this world?"
"You want to teach me a lesson by trusting me? No, no! I am
bothered enough to know what to do with my own jewels, without
keeping watch over yours. Take them away, there's a dear, so
many prying servants are about."
I went straight from my sister-in-law's room to the sitting-room
outside, and sent for Amulya. With him Sandip came along too. I
was in a great hurry, and said to Sandip: "If you don't mind, I
want to have a word or two with Amulya. Would you..."
Sandip smiled a wry smile. "So Amulya and I are separate in
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