Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad [simple e reader TXT] 📗

about me—

and into my thoughts. It was somber enough too—and pitiful—

not extraordinary in any way—not very clear either. No, not very clear.

And yet it seemed to throw a kind of light.

 

“I had then, as you remember, just returned to London after a lot of Indian Ocean, Pacific, China Seas—a regular dose of the East—six years or so, and I was loafing about, hindering you fellows in your work and invading your homes, just as though I had got a heavenly mission to civilize you.

It was very fine for a time, but after a bit I did get tired of resting. Then I began to look for a ship—I should think the hardest work on earth. But the ships wouldn’t even look at me.

And I got tired of that game too.

 

“Now when I was a little chap I had a passion for maps.

I would look for hours at South America, or Africa, or Australia, and lose myself in all the glories of exploration.

At that time there were many blank spaces on the earth, and when I saw one that looked particularly inviting on a map (but they all look that) I would put my finger on it and say, `When I grow up I will go there.’ The North Pole was one of these places, I remember. Well, I haven’t been there yet, and shall not try now.

The glamour’s off. Other places were scattered about the Equator, and in every sort of latitude all over the two hemispheres.

I have been in some of them, and … well, we won’t talk about that.

But there was one yet—the biggest, the most blank, so to speak—

that I had a hankering after.

 

“True, by this time it was not a blank space any more.

It had got filled since my boyhood with rivers and lakes and names.

It had ceased to be a blank space of delightful mystery—a white patch for a boy to dream gloriously over. It had become a place of darkness.

But there was in it one river especially, a mighty big river, that you could see on the map, resembling an immense snake uncoiled, with its head in the sea, its body at rest curving afar over a vast country, and its tail lost in the depths of the land. And as I looked at the map of it in a shop-window, it fascinated me as a snake would a bird—

a silly little bird. Then I remembered there was a big concern, a Company for trade on that river. Dash it all! I thought to myself, they can’t trade without using some kind of craft on that lot of fresh water—steamboats! Why shouldn’t I try to get charge of one?

I went on along Fleet Street, but could not shake off the idea.

The snake had charmed me.

 

“You understand it was a Continental concern, that Trading society; but I have a lot of relations living on the Continent, because it’s cheap and not so nasty as it looks, they say.

 

“I am sorry to own I began to worry them. This was already a fresh departure for me. I was not used to get things that way, you know.

I always went my own road and on my own legs where I had a mind to go.

I wouldn’t have believed it of myself; but, then—you see—I felt somehow I must get there by hook or by crook. So I worried them.

The men said `My dear fellow,’ and did nothing. Then—would you believe it?—I tried the women. I, Charlie Marlow, set the women to work—

to get a job. Heavens! Well, you see, the notion drove me.

I had an aunt, a dear enthusiastic soul. She wrote: `It will be delightful.

I am ready to do anything, anything for you. It is a glorious idea.

I know the wife of a very high personage in the Administration, and also a man who has lots of influence with,’ &c., &c. She was determined to make no end of fuss to get me appointed skipper of a river steamboat, if such was my fancy.

 

“I got my appointment—of course; and I got it very quick.

It appears the Company had received news that one of their captains had been killed in a scuffle with the natives.

This was my chance, and it made me the more anxious to go.

It was only months and months afterwards, when I made the attempt to recover what was left of the body, that I heard the original quarrel arose from a misunderstanding about some hens.

Yes, two black hens. Fresleven—that was the fellow’s name, a Dane—thought himself wronged somehow in the bargain, so he went ashore and started to hammer the chief of the village with a stick. Oh, it didn’t surprise me in the least to hear this, and at the same time to be told that Fresleven was the gentlest, quietest creature that ever walked on two legs.

No doubt he was; but he had been a couple of years already out there engaged in the noble cause, you know, and he probably felt the need at last of asserting his self-respect in some way.

Therefore he whacked the old nigger mercilessly, while a big crowd of his people watched him, thunderstruck, till some man,—

I was told the chief’s son,—in desperation at hearing the old chap yell, made a tentative jab with a spear at the white man—

and of course it went quite easy between the shoulder-blades.

Then the whole population cleared into the forest, expecting all kinds of calamities to happen, while, on the other hand, the steamer Fresleven commanded left also in a bad panic, in charge of the engineer, I believe. Afterwards nobody seemed to trouble much about Fresleven’s remains, till I got out and stepped into his shoes. I couldn’t let it rest, though; but when an opportunity offered at last to meet my predecessor, the grass growing through his ribs was tall enough to hide his bones.

They were all there. The supernatural being had not been touched after he fell. And the village was deserted, the huts gaped black, rotting, all askew within the fallen enclosures.

A calamity had come to it, sure enough. The people had vanished.

Mad terror had scattered them, men, women, and children, through the bush, and they had never returned.

What became of the hens I don’t know either. I should think the cause of progress got them, anyhow. However, through this glorious affair I got my appointment, before I had fairly begun to hope for it.

 

“I flew around like mad to get ready, and before forty-eight hours I was crossing the Channel to show myself to my employers, and sign the contract. In a very few hours I arrived in a city that always makes me think of a whited sepulcher. Prejudice no doubt.

I had no difficulty in finding the Company’s offices. It was the biggest thing in the town, and everybody I met was full of it.

They were going to run an over-sea empire, and make no end of coin by trade.

 

“A narrow and deserted street in deep shadow, high houses, innumerable windows with venetian blinds, a dead silence, grass sprouting between the stones, imposing carriage archways right and left, immense double doors standing ponderously ajar.

I slipped through one of these cracks, went up a swept and ungarnished staircase, as arid as a desert, and opened the first door I came to.

Two women, one fat and the other slim, sat on straw-bottomed chairs, knitting black wool. The slim one got up and walked straight at me—

still knitting with downcast eyes—and only just as I began to think of getting out of her way, as you would for a somnambulist, stood still, and looked up. Her dress was as plain as an umbrella-cover, and she turned round without a word and preceded me into a waiting-room. I gave my name, and looked about.

Deal table in the middle, plain chairs all round the walls, on one end a large shining map, marked with all the colors of a rainbow.

There was a vast amount of red—good to see at any time, because one knows that some real work is done in there, a deuce of a lot of blue, a little green, smears of orange, and, on the East Coast, a purple patch, to show where the jolly pioneers of progress drink the jolly lager-beer. However, I wasn’t going into any of these.

I was going into the yellow. Dead in the center. And the river was there—fascinating—deadly—like a snake. Ough! A door opened, a white-haired secretarial head, but wearing a compassionate expression, appeared, and a skinny forefinger beckoned me into the sanctuary.

Its light was dim, and a heavy writing-desk squatted in the middle.

From behind that structure came out an impression of pale plumpness in a frock-coat. The great man himself. He was five feet six, I should judge, and had his grip on the handle-end of ever so many millions. He shook hands, I fancy, murmured vaguely, was satisfied with my French. Bon voyage.

 

“In about forty-five seconds I found myself again in the waiting-room with the compassionate secretary, who, full of desolation and sympathy, made me sign some document. I believe I undertook amongst other things not to disclose any trade secrets. Well, I am not going to.

 

“I began to feel slightly uneasy. You know I am not used to such ceremonies, and there was something ominous in the atmosphere.

It was just as though I had been let into some conspiracy—

I don’t know—something not quite right; and I was glad to get out.

In the outer room the two women knitted black wool feverishly.

People were arriving, and the younger one was walking back and forth introducing them. The old one sat on her chair.

Her flat cloth slippers were propped up on a foot-warmer, and a cat reposed on her lap. She wore a starched white affair on her head, had a wart on one cheek, and silver-rimmed spectacles hung on the tip of her nose. She glanced at me above the glasses.

The swift and indifferent placidity of that look troubled me.

Two youths with foolish and cheery countenances were being piloted over, and she threw at them the same quick glance of unconcerned wisdom.

She seemed to know all about them and about me too.

An eerie feeling came over me. She seemed uncanny and fateful.

Often far away there I thought of these two, guarding the door of Darkness, knitting black wool as for a warm pall, one introducing, introducing continuously to the unknown, the other scrutinizing the cheery and foolish faces with unconcerned old eyes. Ave! Old knitter of black wool. Morituri te salutant.

Not many of those she looked at ever saw her again—not half, by a long way.

 

“There was yet a visit to the doctor. `A simple formality,’ assured me the secretary, with an air of taking an immense part in all my sorrows.

Accordingly a young chap wearing his hat over the left eyebrow, some clerk I suppose,—there must have been clerks in the business, though the house was as still as a house in a city of the dead,—

came from somewhere up-stairs, and led me forth. He was shabby and careless, with ink-stains on the sleeves of his jacket, and his cravat was large and billowy, under a chin shaped like the toe of an old boot. It was a little too early for the doctor, so I proposed a drink, and thereupon he developed a vein of joviality.

As we sat over our vermouths he glorified the Company’s business, and by-and-by I expressed casually my surprise at him not going out there. He became very cool and