Bureaucracy, Honoré de Balzac [best classic books to read .txt] 📗

/> Bixiou [with his finger on a paragraph]. "Here /you/ are, pere Saillard. Listen" [reads]:--

"Saillard.--The office of cashier to be suppressed in all the ministries; their accounts to be kept in future at the Treasury. Saillard is rich and does not need a pension.

"Do you want to hear about your son-in-law?" [Turns over the leaves.] "Here he is" [reads]:--

"Baudoyer.--Utterly incapable. To be thanked and dismissed. Rich; does not need a pension.

"And here's for Godard" [reads]:--

"Godard.--Should be dismissed; pension one-third of his present salary.

"In short, here we all are. Listen to what I am" [reads]: "An artist who might be employed by the civil list, at the Opera, or the Menus-Plaisirs, or the Museum. Great deal of capacity, little self-respect, no application,--a restless spirit. Ha! I'll give you a touch of the artist, Monsieur Rabourdin!"

Saillard. "Suppress cashiers! Why, the man's a monster?"

Bixiou. "Let us see what he says of our mysterious Desroys." [Turns over the pages; reads.]

"Desroys.--Dangerous; because he cannot be shaken in principles that are subversive of monarchial power. He is the son of the Conventionel, and he admires the Convention. He may become a very mischievous journalist."

Baudoyer. "The police are not worse spies!"

Godard. "I shall go the general-secretary and lay a complaint in form; we must all resign in a body if such a man as that is put over us."

Dutocq. "Gentlemen, listen to me; let us be prudent. If you rise at once in a body, we may all be accused of rancor and revenge. No, let the thing work, let the rumor spread quietly. When the whole ministry is aroused your remonstrances will meet with general approval."

Bixiou. "Dutocq believes in the principles of the grand air composed by the sublime Rossini for Basilio,--which goes to show, by the bye, that the great composer was also a great politician. I shall leave my card on Monsieur Rabourdin to-morrow morning, inscribed thus: 'Bixiou; no self-respect, no application, restless mind.'"

Godard. "A good idea, gentlemen. Let us all leave our cards to-morrow on Rabourdin inscribed in the same way."

Dutocq [leading Bixiou apart]. "Come, you'll agree to make that caricature now, won't you?"

Bixiou. "I see plainly, my dear fellow, that you knew all about this affair ten days ago" [looks him in the eye]. "Am I to be under-head-clerk?"

Dutocq. "On my word of honor, yes, and a thousand-franc fee beside, just as I told you. You don't know what a service you'll be rendering to powerful personages."

Bixiou. "You know them?"

Dutocq. "Yes."

Bixiou. "Well, then I want to speak with them."

Dutocq [dryly]. "You can make the caricature or not, and you can be under-head-clerk or not,--as you please."

Bixiou. "At any rate, let me see that thousand francs."

Dutocq. "You shall have them when you bring the drawing."

Bixiou. "Forward, march! that lampoon shall go from end to end of the bureaus to-morrow morning. Let us go and torment the Rabourdins." [Then speaking to Saillard, Godard, and Baudoyer, who were talking together in a low voice.] "We are going to stir up the neighbors." [Goes with Dutocq into the Rabourdin bureau. Fleury, Thuillier, and Vimeux are there, talking excitedly.] "What's the matter, gentlemen? All that I told you turns out to be true; you can go and see for yourselves the work of this infamous informer; for it is in the hands of the virtuous, honest, estimable, upright, and pious Baudoyer, who is indeed utterly incapable of doing any such thing. Your chief has got every one of you under the guillotine. Go and see; follow the crowd; money returned if you are not satisfied; execution /gratis/! The appointments are postponed. All the bureaus are in arms; Rabourdin has been informed that the minister will not work with him. Come, be off; go and see for yourselves."

They all depart except Phellion and Poiret, who are left alone. The former loved Rabourdin too well to look for proof that might injure a man he was determined not to judge; the other had only five days more to remain in the office, and cared nothing either way. Just then Sebastien came down to collect the papers for signature. He was a good deal surprised, though he did not show it, to find the office deserted.

Phellion. "My young friend" [he rose, a rare thing], "do you know what is going on? what scandals are rife about Monsieur Rabourdin whom you love, and" [bending to whisper in Sebastien's ear] "whom I love as much as I respect him. They say he has committed the imprudence to leave a paper containing comments on the officials lying about in the office--" [Phellion stopped short, caught the young man in his strong arms, seeing that he turned pale and was near fainting, and placed him on a chair.] "A key, Monsieur Poiret, to put down his back; have you a key?"

Poiret. "I have the key of my domicile."

[Old Poiret junior promptly inserted the said key between Sebastien's shoulders, while Phellion gave him some water to drink. The poor lad no sooner opened his eyes than he began to weep. He laid his head on Phellion's desk, and all his limbs were limp as if struck by lightning; while his sobs were so heartrending, so genuine, that for the first time in his life Poiret's feelings were stirred by the sufferings of another.]

Phellion [speaking firmly]. "Come, come, my young friend; courage! In times of trial we must show courage. You are a man. What is the matter? What has happened to distress you so terribly?"

Sebastien [sobbing]. "It is I who have ruined Monsieur Rabourdin. I left that paper lying about when I copied it. I have killed my benefactor; I shall die myself. Such a noble man!--a man who ought to be minister!"

Poiret [blowing his nose]. "Then it is true he wrote the report."

Sebastien [still sobbing]. "But it was to--there, I was going to tell his secrets! Ah! that wretch of a Dutocq; it was he who stole the paper."

His tears and sobs recommenced and made so much noise that Rabourdin came up to see what was the matter. He found the young fellow almost fainting in the arms of Poiret and Phellion.

Rabourdin. "What is the matter, gentlemen?"

Sebastien [struggling to his feet, and then falling on his knees before Rabourdin]. "I have ruined you, monsieur. That memorandum,--Dutocq, the monster, he must have taken it."

Rabourdin [calmly]. "I knew that already" [he lifts Sebastien]. "You are a child, my young friend." [Speaks to Phellion.] "Where are the other gentlemen?"

Phellion. "They have gone into Monsieur Baudoyer's office to see a paper which it is said--"

Rabourdin [interrupting him]. "Enough." [Goes out, taking Sebastien with him. Poiret and Phellion look at each other in amazement, and do not know what to say.]

Poiret [to Phellion]. "Monsieur Rabourdin--"

Phellion [to Poiret]. "Monsieur Rabourdin--"

Poiret. "Well, I never! Monsieur Rabourdin!"

Phellion. "But did you notice how calm and dignified he was?"

Poiret [with a sly look that was more like a grimace]. "I shouldn't be surprised if there were something under it all."

Phellion. "A man of honor; pure and spotless."

Poiret. "Who is?"

Phellion. "Monsieur Poiret, you think as I think about Dutocq; surely you understand me?"

Poiret [nodding his head three times and answering with a shrewd look]. "Yes." [The other clerks return.]

Fleury. "A great shock; I still don't believe the thing. Monsieur Rabourdin, a king among men! If such men are spies, it is enough to disgust one with virtue. I have always put Rabourdin among Plutarch's heroes."

Vimeux. "It is all true."

Poiret [reflecting that he had only five days more to stay in the office]. "But, gentlemen, what do you say about the man who stole that paper, who spied upon Rabourdin?" [Dutocq left the room.]

Fleury. "I say he is a Judas Iscariot. Who is he?"

Phellion [significantly]. "He is not here at /this moment/."

Vimeux [enlightened]. "It is Dutocq!"

Phellion. "I have no proof of it, gentlemen. While you were gone, that young man, Monsieur de la Roche, nearly fainted here. See his tears on my desk!"

Poiret. "We held him fainting in our arms.--My key, the key of my domicile!--dear, dear! it is down his back." [Poiret goes hastily out.]

Vimeux. "The minister refused to transact business with Rabourdin to-day; and Monsieur Saillard, to whom the secretary said a few words, came to tell Monsieur Baudoyer to apply for the cross of the Legion of honor,--there is one to be granted, you know, on New-Year's day, to all the heads of divisions. It is quite clear what it all means. Monsieur Rabourdin is sacrificed by the very persons who employed him. Bixiou says so. We were all to be turned out, except Sebastien and Phellion."

Du Bruel [entering]. "Well, gentlemen, is it true?"

Thuillier. "To the last word."

Du Bruel [putting his hat on again]. "Good-bye." [Hurries out.]

Thuillier. "He may rush as much as he pleases to his Duc de Rhetore and Duc de Maufrigneuse, but Colleville is to be our under-head-clerk, that's certain."

Phellion. "Du Bruel always seemed to be attached to Monsieur Rabourdin."

Poiret [returning]. "I have had a world of trouble to get back my key. That boy is crying still, and Monsieur Rabourdin has disappeared." [Dutocq and Bixiou enter.]

Bixiou. "Ha, gentlemen! strange things are going on in your bureau. Du Bruel! I want you." [Looks into the adjoining room.] "Gone?"

Thuillier. "Full speed."

Bixiou. "What about Rabourdin?"

Fleury. "Distilled, evaporated, melted! Such a man, the king of men, that he--"

Poiret [to Dutocq]. "That little Sebastien, in his trouble, said that you, Monsieur Dutocq, had taken the paper from him ten days ago."

Bixiou [looking at Dutocq]. "You must clear yourself of /that/, my good friend." [All the clerks look fixedly at Dutocq.]

Dutocq. "Where's the little viper who copied it?"

Bixiou. "Copied it? How did you know he copied it? Ha! ha! it is only the diamond that cuts the diamond." [Dutocq leaves the room.]

Poiret. "Would you listen to me, Monsieur Bixiou? I have only five days and a half to stay in this office, and I do wish that once, only once, I might have the pleasure of understanding what you mean. Do me the honor to explain what diamonds have to do with these present circumstances."

Bixiou. "I meant papa,--for I'm willing for once to bring my intellect down to the level of yours,--that just as the diamond alone can cut the diamond, so it is only one inquisitive man who can defeat another inquisitive man."

Fleury. "'Inquisitive man' stands for 'spy.'"

Poiret. "I don't understand."

Bixiou. "Very well; try again some other time."

Monsieur Rabourdin, after taking Sebastien to his room, had gone straight to the minister; but the minister was at the Chamber of Deputies. Rabourdin went at once to the Chamber, where he wrote a note to his Excellency, who was at that moment in the tribune engaged in a hot discussion. Rabourdin waited, not in the conference hall, but in the courtyard, where, in spite of the cold, he resolved to remain and intercept his Excellency as he got into his carriage. The usher of the Chamber had told him that the minister was in the thick of a controversy raised by the nineteen members of the extreme Left, and that the session was likely to be stormy. Rabourdin walked to and for in the courtyard