Just Me, M J Marlow [best autobiographies to read .txt] 📗

suddenly and the room went circling around me as I collapsed to the floor. When I came to, I was lying on the couch and Ruth had her stethoscope to my chest. “I’m fine,” I said as I tried to sit up. I knew I was not fine, but I hated having people fuss over me. I could hear the wheeze in my voice. “Let me up, Ruth.” “No,” Ruth shook her head. “You’re not going anywhere but to the hospital for some tests. This is no cold you’re suffering from.” She looked at me with real concern in her expression. Joseph was coming into the room and his face showed he was worried. “Why didn’t you ever tell us you had a heart problem, Maggie?” “I don’t have a heart problem,” I said to her, puzzled. “Why would you think such a thing?” She put the ear pieces in my ears and I listened to my heart beating erratically. “That’s me?” “It’s probably just the stress,” Ruth nodded, “but I don’t believe in taking any chances. Joseph is taking you to Methodist. I’ve called ahead and the hospital’s Administrator, Dr. Norman, is waiting for you. He’s going to make certain you get the best care the staff there can provide.” “I can’t afford their worst care,” I protested, “much less their best…” “No arguments,” Joseph said as he got a blanket and wrapped it around me. “You heard your doctor.” Hospitals horrified me. I had bad memories of being in and out of them when I was very young. I had forgotten just why that had been necessary but the phobia was still there. People caused you pain in hospitals and I didn’t want to go there. I had to think of some way to stall what I could see was an inevitability as I saw twin expressions of concern on the faces of Joseph and his sister, Ruth. “I need to call Maxine and ask her to reschedule that meeting,” I insisted, as I tried to get off the couch. “I’ll do that, Maggie,” Ruth stated. “No more stalling now. You need to go.” Joseph carried me out to his patrol car and put me in the passenger seat. He made certain I was strapped in and then he ran around to the driver’s side and strapped himself in. He put on the sirens and took off at a speed that would have given me a panic attack if I weren’t already suffering from one. My chest was aching by the time we got to the hospital and I was finding it even harder to breathe. He kept talking to me, giving my mind something to focus on besides the fear that was eating at me. “Margaret Mason,” Joseph shouted as he ran directly into the ER with me in his arms. “Doctor Norman was called.” He saw the man already waiting for them and nodded. “This is your patient, Doc. She had a major panic attack last night and was numb for over half an hour before it passed. Had another attack a half hour ago that is still in progress. Chest palpitations and shortness of breath, along with arrhythmia.” He set me down on the examination table and held my hand. “Some sick bastard has been playing some very disturbing pranks on her. Ruth thinks it could be just the stress.” “But your sister is a cautious and competent practitioner,” Norman nodded, “so she had you bring Miss Mason to me.” “She’s been complaining of being tired the past couple weeks,” Joseph said to the man. “She thought it was just a cold coming on.” I looked at the tall, brown-haired man looming over me and I knew him. I could remember him leaning over me like this when I was a terrified four year old looking at me with the same kind smile. I had to bite my lip to keep from shrieking when his cold hand touched mine. “Try to relax, Miss Mason,” Norman smiled as he took my pulse and other vital signs. He listened to my heart and frowned. “That’s a very disturbing rhythm your heart is beating out.” He looked at the Nurse. “Tell Abrams I want the full spectrum. We need to know if this is stress induced or there is an underlying pathology at work.” He looked at me kindly. “Do you know your medical history, Miss Mason?” “I could really have a heart problem?” I asked him quietly. “Wouldn’t the nuns have been aware of it?” “Not necessarily,” Norman replied. “It might be some early damage that’s waited all these years to become a problem or merely the stress of handling overwork and thoughtless pranks.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t worry. You’re in the best of hands now, Miss Mason. I’ll make certain our people find out exactly what is going on with your dear little heart.” He smiled as the Nurse came with the chair. “Nurse Daniels is going to be your personal escort. Once the preliminary tests are done, she’ll settle you into a private room where you can have a nice rest…” “I can’t afford any of this,” I protested. “Joseph, please just take me home. I’ll go to County on Monday…” “Nonsense,” Norman broke in. “You are now a special case, Miss Mason. I take them on from time to time for my friends. Ruth asked me to help you and I am going to do it.” He helped me down off the table. “You go on now, Miss Mason. Let us take care of you.” I tried to protest again but I could see I was going to be vetoed. Joseph’s expression assured me he would cuff me to the exam table before he would let me leave. For some reason I did not fully understand, Doctor Norman had been asked to look after me. I was having a disturbing sense of déjà vu. I had been in hospitals before. I could remember lying in a bed hooked up to monitors while Mama and Papa sat beside me keeping me calm. I could remember the pain and the fear and the utter helplessness and I didn’t want to go there again. I started to panic again and my eyes rolled up into my head and I passed out. “No,” I cried as I came back and someone was sticking something into my arm. “Let me go! I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.” “Calm down now, Miss Mason,” Norman’s voice broke into my panic, calm, gentle, and kind. “You don’t want to cause another attack.” He stroked my hair and smiled. “We want to take care of you.” I whimpered as I felt something burning into my veins. “Just a little sedative to keep you calm.” He sat down by the bed and put his hand over mine. “Why do you have such a hard time accepting that we want to help you, child?” “Not what I’m used to,” I said groggily, the words hard to push out as my body began to go numb. “Always a catch…” “What kind of orphanage was she raised in?” Norman looked over at Joseph. “The Marquis de Sade School for Girls?” He stroked my hair. “Poor little lady. No wonder she keeps to herself.” He saw Abrams coming in with the preliminary test results. “Let’s see what we have here.” He was frowning as I fell asleep and my sleep was filled with nightmares of people who strapped me down and stuck needles in my arm so they could rip my heart out. When I woke up the next morning, the tests began in earnest. I was so worn out from the stress test that I had another attack. I was sedated again to keep me ‘calm’ and spent another night in the hospital. The third day Joseph came to take me home. Doctor Abrams prescribed a medication for me to take and I was left feeling so exhausted I could hardly function. I hated it. Maxine saw my condition as Joseph carried me in and she was horrified. “I’ll be in later to see you,” Joseph said as he kissed me on the forehead. “Remember what the doctor said. No excitement, and no exertion.” He nodded at Maxine. “Professor Troughton. Please make certain she takes her medication and eats real food. Maggie hasn’t been taking care of herself.” Maxine followed him downstairs as I dozed off and he told her the truth. “She has something wrong with her heart, Maxine,” he said bluntly. “The doctors say she must have had a problem when she was a child that is starting to cause trouble for her now.” He looked worried. “They’re talking surgery.” “That’s serious, Joseph,” Maxine nodded. “Don’t worry. I’ll look after your girl for you.” She saw him blush and knew she’d hit it right. “She is your girl, isn’t she?” “Tell her that,” Joseph said softly. “She’ll probably sleep most of the rest of the day. Just make certain she doesn’t forget her medication?” Maxine nodded and saw him out. She went back to the bedroom and saw that I was sound asleep. So she made herself comfortable in my office and made a few phone calls. She had her secretary cancel all the appointments for the rest of the day and went into the kitchen to make a snack and some tea. When she took it up, I was waking up. I smiled as she set the tray on the dresser and helped me sit up. “You don’t need to wait on me, Maxie,” I protested weakly as she set the tray across my lap. “You’ve been in the hospital almost three days, Maggie,” Maxine stated, as she saw how pale I was. “You’re as weak as a newborn.” She went to my closet once she made certain I was eating. “I am packing your bag. You are moving in with me.” “But Doctor Abrams said I shouldn’t exert myself, Maxie,” I parroted the instructions that had been beaten into my mind. “I’ll be fine if I just get some rest.” “You can’t be here on your own,” Maxine insisted. She looked up as someone knocked on the door and saw her stepson standing in the doorway. “Maggie, this is James Kellogg from Minnesota. You remember my telling you about him?” “The man who wanted some research done on the Grady murders,” I nodded and did not open my eyes. “I’m sorry I missed our meeting on Saturday, Mr. Kellogg. I haven’t been feeling well.” “I can see that,” James frowned. Even in his limited medical experience, he could see something was very wrong. “Max is right. You need to be among people who care about you.” He looked over at Maxine. “She’s too weak right now to move. I’ll stay here with her.” “Why should you do that?” I asked in confusion as I did look up then. I felt my heart go up into my throat as the dark-haired green-eyed man standing in the doorway. He was the very image of every swashbuckler and medieval hero I had ever fashioned in my fertile imagination. I gathered my wits about me and frowned at him. “I don’t even know you.” I looked over at Maxine who had her stern ‘take no prisoners’ face on. “I don’t know why you think I should allow a perfect stranger to intrude in my life, Maxie. I’ll be fine. I just need to rest and then I’ll feel better…” “You’re not going to get better taking these,” James said after he took the medication and opened the bottle and sniffed the pills. He recognized that scent. It was not heart medication. He carried it into the bathroom and I heard him dumping the pills into the toilet. A minute later, he brought the empty bottle back out. He had rinsed it out and dried it thoroughly. “Do you