Riding the Twister, Jane C [ebook voice reader TXT] 📗

The next morning, Tuesday, I woke up in a jumble of nerves. Both Mom and Dad had already left the house. They were playing the avoidance game, which was fine by me. I had a feeling today was going to be a very interesting day, considering the fact that today was the first day in my life where more than one person knew I was lesbian. I wasn't sure that I was prepared to accept what others would think of me. I considered skipping school and staying home that day, but I knew that I would eventually have to go back to school. It was now or never, and as much as I wanted it to be never, I knew that I could not avoid this.

During school that day, I felt extremely jumpy. I guess I had the right to be, considering that every time I walked by someone, the person started whispering to whomever was beside them. I would just roll my eyes and continue walking, although on the inside I was boiling and just wanted to address whatever was being said about me. I got that chance to do so later on on the day when a guy made a remark towards me with his friends around him. I assumed it was just to show them 'how tough' he was.

As I was walking by him he called me a dyke, and told me that I wasn't straight yet, because I hadn't been with him. I turned around and in retort, said to him that I was not remotely interested in him, and that even if I had slept with him, he wouldn't be able to perform up to my expectations. The guys just laughed at him, and I held my head up high as I walked away from the immature group of guys.

One of my good friends, Jen, stuck by me as much as she could throughout the day. The whole morning people had been either avoiding me, giving me weird looks, or acted like nothing new was going on. At lunch, I sat with a smaller group of friends then usual. However, most of lunch period. I talked with just Jen.

"Guess what, Jess? Tyler asked me to prom today! I told him yes, and I am so excited!"

I looked at Jen in disgust and disbelief. "Your going to prom with Tyler? You do realize he was the one that outed me to Michael, don't you? And, he is also the one who had been telling everyone I'm lesbian? He's such a jock! He thinks he is the best football player and the best gift from God to this planet! He is such a pig!"

Jen looked at me, and answered me with a look of fury on her face. "Jessica, Tyler may have "outed" you, as you say. But, what were you thinking of kissing Haley in school anyway, if you didn't want anyone to find out? If Tyler hadn't told anyone, someone else would have, eventually! Not only that, but you never have even talked with Tyler! You only know Tyler through Michael. And, by the way, if Michael is good friends with him, he isn't that bad then, is he? You better watch it, Jess, because you are already driving people away because of your sexuality. You better not make your real friends mad at you and leave you too, or all you will end up having left is Haley.

After Jen's speech to me, I glared at her for a moment and then sighed. "Sorry, Jen. I didn't mean to blow up on you. I'm just stressed. You are right. I should have not kissed Haley in school. I'm still pissed at Tyler, and can't believe you would give him a minute of your time. But that's for you to decide. You know where I stand concerning him. I'm glad you have a date to prom, but believe me, you could have done way better. But do you realize how much it sucks to have to constantly hide who you are and worry about who will find out about you? Mom and Dad know the truth and they flipped out at me last night. It was bad. And Michael is concerned about me bringing Haley to prom. He does not want me to get hurt. He's heard what people have been saying about me and Haley. Think about it, Jen. Nobody is going to think twice about you and Tyler going to prom together tonight. You won't get stares or snickers directed towards you and the person you like."

Jen responded, "Well, thanks for your input, but I will be happy with Tyler, believe me. Don't worry about that! Your parents will accept you, just give them time. And, as for everyone else, Julia, just ignore those other idiots. You are happiest with Haley... don't think I haven't noticed how different you've been acting the past few months. I still can't believe you did not tell me. You must have known I would have been nothing but happy for you?!"

"I know, Jen. I feel bad not telling you nor Michael. I guess I am finding out who my true friends really are, aren't I?"

At that point, an acquaintance that was in one of my classes started walking towards the table. Her name was Stacey. We never became close friends, but we were friendly. So I was curious and on edge wondering why she was coming up to me.

"Hey, Jen. Hey, Jess. How are you?"

"I'm hanging in there, I guess. How are you?" I asked warily.

"I'm well". Then Stacey looked at Jen and asked if she would mind if her and I could talk alone for a minute. Jen looked at me, and I nodded.

"Sure, good talking with you, Stacey." With that said, Jen turned her attention to the other talk around the table.

Stacey hesitated before she started. "Listen, Jessica. I hope I am not overstepping any boundaries, but I thought I would give you this". She handed me a piece of paper with a bunch of numbers on it and websites. "What is this all about? "Well, I talked to my sister last night. She's in college. I talked to her about you and asked her if I could give you any sort of advice or help. So she gave me these phone numbers and websites that you can easily access if you need them."

"Thanks, Stacey. I didn't know that your sister was lesbian." I scanned the paper that she gave me. On it said this: http://www.glbtnationalhelpcenter.org/find/local.html. It was for youth talk lines and chats.

"Thank you, Stacey. I will hold onto this in case I need it. My parents and sister don't know that I am lesbian yet. This may come in handy."

I wanted to change the topic, so I said, "Who are you going to prom with, Stacey?"

"Chris," she told me and smiled. "He asked me to prom a week ago.I am glad I am going with him. What about you, Julia? Are you taking Haley?"

"Chris is a good friend to my brother. I am glad you are going with him. I am taking Haley to prom! We are both so excited, and a little nervous, too."

"I understand that. It'll be okay though, I think. Well, my number is on there to, so feel fee to call or text me if you ever want to talk to someone."

"Okay, thanks, I will."

"Your welcome. Good luck!" She smiled at me, and then left the table.

The bell rang, indicating lunch to be over. I met up with Haley at my locker, as usual, and gave her a big hug and a bold kiss, not caring about the many stares, remarks or whistles that came our way. I finally found a sense of relief holding Haley in my arms. At that very moment I could care less what was said at me.

The rest of the afternoon passed with no incident. Michael drove me home as usual that day. Haley went home separately, as she figured Michael might need some time to get used to her and I being together.

We got in the car, and after a few minutes of silence, Michael asked me, "So, Jessica, how was your day? How'd everything go?" I knew automatically he wasn't just asking the simple question like he usually would. The question today was different, because he was wondering how my first day at school being out was.

"It wasn't too bad, Michael. Just the usual stuff that one would expect. Some people are so crazy and think that just because I am outed, I am a completely different person then I was a few days ago. I knew people would look at me differently. But why is it so hard for people to look at me the same?"

"It just takes time, Jess. You know there aren't many people in our school that are out. Those that are have a hard time being out. Remember Lacey, the girl that was in our year last year but moved? She moved to a new school because her being out became to much for her to handle. The people at our school can be cruel. They just don't care to understand that type of relationship. It's been branded in our heads for years that people who are gay will go to Hell and that they do not deserve the same rights that straight people have. Jessica, you've chosen a tough path in life. That is why Mom and Dad are so upset that you have chosen to be gay."

"That is just it, Michael! Do you think I have a choice in deciding wether or not I am gay?" I demanded.

"Don't you?" Michael asked me in a puzzled voice.

"Michael, please think about this for a minute. Why would I ever want to be lesbian? Why would I want to feel different then every else? You know how hard it is being with someone in a regular relationship. Why would I want to make it any more difficult? Why would I subject myself to all the degrading comments and gossip? I would much rather not be talked about by the whole school, and not be looked upon in a negative light. I would rather not risk having my family be mad at me and not talk to me for being this way! Don't you see? I would much rather be straight then lesbian! I've tried, and it just doesn't work for me. I don't get that same sense of completion to my life."

Michael pondered on this for a few minutes and did not say a word. I waited tensely to hear how he thought of this subject now that he heard it from my point of view. Michael parked the car, and turned the engine off. We were home. Silently, Michael got out of the car and I followed him into the house.

I broke the silence, asking him, "Well? What do you think? Why aren't you saying anything?"

Michael turned to me. "Sorry, Jess. I was lost in my own thoughts. I am starting to look at this differently. I can see why you would not want to be subject to harassment and judgement just for being lesbian. I can see why you feel like you are who you are and have no choice. Let me continue to think about this. Thank you for telling me your side of how all of this is for you."

The rest of the evening passed. I did my homework, watched television, talked with Haley, and went to bed.