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in my heart, hoping and praying it would be the one I have come to love so much before we ever attempted making this journey to Africa.

A friend I so cherished and loved in my thoughts without a spoken word to her because of fear of rejection and comments by people. One whose heart belonged to another, a man i so respect and called friend amongst friends. If it were to be true, what would be said of me by my folks back in the state? Would I still be known and called friend or would i be known as a traitor and betrayer. I couldn’t think clearly. I was tormented in my thoughts, anxious to know who my secret admirer was. To make matters worse, Nadifa refused to tell.

We drove for about an hour in the desert road and then suddenly the truck in front of ours stopped

“Whoa, why are we stopping? Peterson asked

“I don’t know,

“I think it’s because the truck in front stopped” I replied stunned

As we spoke, the driver and others in the first truck came down, so we had to come down too, to verify what might have been the problem

“Why did we stop? I asked

“The truck is bad” Nadifa replied

“What!

“No, way not today

“This can’t be happening” Peterson responded

“What’s seems to be the problem with the truck? I asked

“We don’t know” Nadifa replied

“Is there gas? Stephaney asked

“Yes there is, it just stopped” Nadifa answered

“Can we fix it? Stephaney asked again

Nadifa walking towards the bonnet to open it, she answered

“I don’t know, until we figure out what the problem is…..

“So what do we do now? Peterson asked

“You guys should move along,

“You take the wounded along with you using the other two trucks,

“I will stay behind with Nadifa and four of her men until we get this truck fixed,

“We promise to catch up with you guys…. I replied

“Are you nuts?

“I ‘m not going anywhere without you Rambo,

“We are going together” Peterson responded

Turning towards me Nadifa said

“Hey, you can go….

“We will catch up,

“We will be fine

[I chuckled] and replied

“No, I am not going anywhere, I volunteered to stay

“And I am staying, I have told them we will catch up with them, you guys can go, and I will be o.k.

They all entered the other two movable trucks, except Peterson and Stephaney who were never going to leave without me

“Stephaney please, you need to go with them, I will be fine

“We will catch up with you guys, I promise…

As though my words held no weight, falling on deaf ears she walked closer to me and replied, with tears on her eyes

“I am not going any were without you, save your breath……

“End of discussion” she replied as she walked passed me towards the bonnet of the truck that was broke down,

I turned towards Peterson

“Peterson? I called

“You heard the lady; I’m not leaving without you” he answered

I felt so hopeless in my attempt to convince them to leave without me, so we all came to an agreement they stay behind but insisted Ratliff and Fatima go along with the wounded victims and other survivals but to their amazement, Fatima refused to go.

“He is injured, he should go,

“I am staying behind and I am not leaving without you guys” Fatima said

I was not surprised at her discussion because I expected it to happen, I was only afraid of the consequences that would follow. Ratliff who was stunned by the sudden decision of his wife became very unhappy with her and opposed her decision of wanting to stay behind; he was injured and expected she would be with him but her decision of wanting to stay behind sent the wrong message, making Ratliff very sad. As she tried to kiss and embrace him in comfort, sending a message that she will be fine, he walked away without saying a word into the truck as they moved.

Here she stood sobering and weeping, regretting- I thought -her decision of staying behind wasn’t a good idea but never wanting to change her mind because it was already made up. As she wept, Stephaney went close by and embraced her with comfort. Walking passed me,Nadifa whispered

“I told you, she liked you.

“What! I exclaimed in great amazement and shock

Her whispered words made me more confused and uncomfortable, so I walked to Peterson

“Could I ask a consideration of you? I asked

“Yes boss, anything” he answered

“Could you help he confirm from Nadifa, who the lady she talked about the other night was?

“Why? He asked as he looks towards Fatima’s direction

“Oh! My God” He exclaimed

“I can’t believe this,

“You are in love with her” he spoke in amazement

“Love with whom? I asked

[He chuckled]

“I can see it written all over you eyes,

“No wonder she wept when she looked at you,

“You are one sick bastard, [He chuckled]

“So you are in love with her? He asked

“Yes I am and I can’t explain why, so don’t border asking”

“Have you told her? He asked

“No I haven’t” I replied

“There are two kinds of people in this world, those that make things happen and those that watch them happen,” he said as he looked at me with a smile and then asked

“Which do you want to be Lewis?

“I don’t know,

“I think I am scared” I answered

“In love there is no fear,

“The older we get the more precious we are, you are not a kid, you just have to tell her how you feel” he replied with a smile and a tap on my back as he walked away towards the truck that broke down.

We spent hours working on the truck without being able to detect the fault; we worked and worked until the night came gradually

“What do we do now? Peterson asked

“I don’t know but we can’t stay here? Nadifa replied

“What do you mean? I asked

“Hassan will not be far behind now; he might have been tracking use for long,

“Trust me; you don’t want to be found by him” she replied

“You mean the butcher of Baidoa? Peterson asked

“Yes, the butcher” she replied

“Whoa, great- so what do we do?

“You guys heard what she just said; the butcher is behind, probably tracking us,

“Great! Great!!

“So what do we do Huh? He asked

”We move on,

“Get all our belongings” I responded

“What!

“But how? Peterson asked

“We travel by foot” I replied

“Foot, on the desert

How great!

“You heard the man, get your belongings

Wonderful!” he murmured as he walked towards the truck to get his bag

Fatima walked towards me and asked

“Are you sure we will make it on foot?

“It’s getting dark; and I don’t think it will be a wise decision

“I understand but I am not ready to take any chances staying here, you heard what Nadifa said,

“The butcher is not far behind” I answered

So we packed all our belongings, the truck battery and head lamps of the truck and set off on our way to Mogadishu by foot. We walked for hours before we finally got to a point where we made camp to rest for the night. Where I sat close to the fire, Nadifa came and sat close by

“Are you ready to man up? She asked

“What? I asked stunned by her question

“I mean are you willing and ready to tell her how much you care about her? She asked

“You mistake intentions,

“She is married for crying out loud and the wife to my best friend and moreover I don’t have feelings for her” I whispered

“Married? I never knew she was” she replied

“What do you mean?

“Who are you referring to? I asked as I wondered

“Who do you think am referring to? She asked

“Fatima”, I replied

“Are you sick? Fatima is married, why should I think she desires you” she replied with an obnoxious look on her face

“Thank God,” I responded with great relieve

“For once I thought you were referring to Fatima as my secret admirer” I said

“Not at all” she replied

“Then who were you referring to? I asked with curiosity

“Stephaney,” she replied

“Wow, you mean she likes me? I asked

“Yes, and I know you share same feelings with her

“Yes I do, the problem is, I don’t know how to tell her” I answered

“How do you mean? She asked

“You wouldn’t understand,

“Sometimes, when you are overcome by the power of love, you become speechless

It automatically turns you into a mute” I replied with a smile

She turned towards me, hit a wood on my head and said with a smile on her face

“You should be ashamed of yourself,

You mean you cannot tell a woman to her face you like her?

“It’s not that I can’t tell a woman to her face I like her, is just that this is different,

What I feel for her is different, I have never felt this way before” I replied

“So you are in love with her” she asked

“Yes, I think so” I replied

“You think so? Or you know so? She asked

“Sorry, I know so” I replied

She lay down and looked upward towards the heaven and then said

“I was once in love,

“Sorry?” I asked stunned

“Are you surprised? She asked with a smile

“Yeah, I am” I replied

“You don’t have to be,

I fell in love when I was fifteen years old with a man old enough to be my father,

It was a beautiful experience, one I prayed never to end or ever let go but as time went by after his death, I was getting further and further away, from all that I ever was. I felt lost, chasing a ghost I might never find but what I found I wasn’t prepared for. Everywhere I looked; there was crime without punishment, hunger without food, and thirst without water.Every night was a struggle, and every meal a gift,

How could anyone love in such conditions?

But yet I fell in love,

I couldn’t see the war, I couldn’t feel the hunger nor was the thirst, and all I could feel was love and all I could see was my lover. But here you lay with the woman you love, cease this opportunity or forever be the fool’’ she said

I really felt stupid after the conversation I had with her. A seventeen year old lecturing me on how to become a real man, it wasn’t fun to begin with. As we kept chatting about love and its beauty, she brought out a picture from her left pocket, stirred at it for few minutes and kissed it, in tears.

Are you alright? I asked

[Chuckled] she answered, of course am not. How can anyone pretend to be alright in such conditions? She asked, Are you alright Doctor?

No I am not but am just trying to be positive. Maybe believe we could get out of here alive [chuckled] I answered

Is she a relative of yours? I mean the little girl in the picture, I asked

She gave me the picture, still with tears running down her cheeks and chuckled

It’s my daughter Awa. She answered

What! Whoa! am so sorry, I didn’t know you had a daughter.

Is she the little child you carried back in the camp?[stammering as I asked]

Yes she is. She answered

And I loved her as much as I loved her father La’ban

Oh! La’ban,

Your leader? I asked

Yes! He was the love of my life. He saved my life so many times even at the expense of others. She answered

I understand your pain. There is always that special one in every one’s life. Go to sleep now, we have a long journey ahead of us tomorrow. I said

We both said goodnight to each other and went to sleep as the night came to an end.

In the early hours of the morning when I woke up, I found dead bodies lying on the floor. Nadifa, Stephaney, Peterson, and Fathia were all gone. At first I thought I was dreaming. I was so confused and disturbed of what might have happened to them all a night before. I had no noise, there were no gunshots that could have awaken me that night to it all but yet blood and dead bodies lying on the floor. Bodies of the four men that Nadifa ask to accompany us when our truck broke down, with bullets everywhere. I was bleeding on the back of my head and at the

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