Cousin Pons, Honoré de Balzac [popular books of all time TXT] 📗

der door. I am a voreigner, I know nodings of die laws."

"Poor man!" thought Gaudissart, foreseeing the probable end of the unequal contest.--"Listen," he began, "do you know what you ought to do in this business?"

"I haf ein mann of pizness!"

"Very good, come to terms at once with the next-of-kin; make them pay you a lump sum of money down and an annuity, and you can live in peace--"

"I ask noding more."

"Very well. Let me arrange it for you," said Gaudissart. Fraisier had told him the whole story only yesterday, and he thought that he saw his way to making interest out of the case with the young Vicomtesse Popinot and her mother. He would finish a dirty piece of work, and some day he would be a privy councillor, at least; or so he told himself.

"I gif you full powers."

"Well. Let me see. Now, to begin with," said Gaudissart, Napoleon of the boulevard theatres, "to begin with, here are a hundred crowns--" (he took fifteen louis from his purse and handed them to Schmucke).

"That is yours, on account of six months' salary. If you leave the theatre, you can repay me the money. Now for your budget. What are your yearly expenses? How much do you want to be comfortable? Come, now, scheme out a life for a Sardanapalus--"

"I only need two suits of clothes, von for der vinter, von for der sommer."

"Three hundred francs," said Gaudissart.

"Shoes. Vour bairs."

"Sixty francs."

"Shtockings--"

"A dozen pairs--thirty-six francs."

"Half a tozzen shirts."

"Six calico shirts, twenty-four francs; as many linen shirts, forty-eight francs; let us say seventy-two. That makes four hundred and sixty-eight francs altogether.--Say five hundred, including cravats and pocket-handkerchiefs; a hundred francs for the laundress--six hundred. And now, how much for your board--three francs a day?"

"No, it ees too much."

"After all, you want hats; that brings it to fifteen hundred. Five hundred more for rent; that makes two thousand. If I can get two thousand francs per annum for you, are you willing?... Good securities."

"Und mein tobacco."

"Two thousand four hundred, then.... Oh! Papa Schmucke, do you call that tobacco? Very well, the tobacco shall be given in.--So that is two thousand four hundred francs per annum."

"Dat ees not all! I should like som monny."

"Pin-money!--Just so. Oh, these Germans! And calls himself an innocent, the old Robert Macaire!" thought Gaudissart. Aloud he said, "How much do you want? But this must be the last."

"It ees to bay a zacred debt."

"A debt!" said Gaudissart to himself. What a shark it is! He is worse than an eldest son. He will invent a bill or two next! We must cut this short. This Fraisier cannot take large views.--What debt is this, my good man? Speak out."

"Dere vas but von mann dot haf mourned Bons mit me.... He haf a tear liddle girl mit wunderschones haar; it vas as if I saw mein boor Deutschland dot I should nefer haf left.... Baris is no blace for die Germans; dey laugh at dem" (with a little nod as he spoke, and the air of a man who knows something of life in this world below).

"He is off his head," Gaudissart said to himself. And a sudden pang of pity for this poor innocent before him brought a tear to the manager's eyes.

"Ah! you understand, mennesir le directeur! Ver' goot. Dat mann mit die liddle taughter is Dobinard, vat tidies der orchestra and lights die lamps. Bons vas fery fond of him, und helped him. He vas der only von dat accombanied mein only friend to die church und to die grafe.... I vant dree tausend vrancs for him, und dree tausend for die liddle von--"

"Poor fellow!" said Gaudissart to himself.

Rough, self-made man though he was, he felt touched by this nobleness of nature, by a gratitude for a mere trifle, as the world views it; though for the eyes of this divine innocence the trifle, like Bossuet's cup of water, was worth more than the victories of great captains. Beneath all Gaudissart's vanity, beneath the fierce desire to succeed in life at all costs, to rise to the social level of his old friend Popinot, there lay a warm heart and a kindly nature. Wherefore he canceled his too hasty judgments and went over to Schmucke's side.

"You shall have it all! But I will do better still, my dear Schmucke. Topinard is a good sort--"

"Yes. I haf chust peen to see him in his boor home, vere he ees happy mit his children--"

"I will give him the cashier's place. Old Baudrand is going to leave."

"Ah! Gott pless you!" cried Schmucke.

"Very well, my good, kind fellow, meet me at Berthier's office about four o'clock this afternoon. Everything shall be ready, and you shall be secured from want for the rest of your days. You shall draw your six thousand francs, and you shall have the same salary with Garangeot that you used to have with Pons."

"No," Schmucke answered. "I shall not lif.... I haf no heart for anydings; I feel that I am attacked--"

"Poor lamb!" Gaudissart muttered to himself as the German took his leave. "But, after all, one lives on mutton; and, as the sublime Beranger says, 'Poor sheep! you were made to be shorn,'" and he hummed the political squib by way of giving vent to his feelings. Then he rang for the office-boy.

"Call my carriage," he said.

"Rue de Hanovre," he told the coachman.

The man of ambitions by this time had reappeared; he saw the way to the Council of State lying straight before him.


And Schmucke? He was busy buying flowers and cakes for Topinard's children, and went home almost joyously.

"I am gifing die bresents..." he said, and he smiled. It was the first smile for three months, but any one who had seen Schmucke's face would have shuddered to see it there.

"But dere is ein condition--"

"It is too kind of you, sir," said the mother.

"De liddle girl shall gif me a kiss and put die flowers in her hair, like die liddle German maidens--"

"Olga, child, do just as the gentleman wishes," said the mother, assuming an air of discipline.

"Do not scold mein liddle German girl," implored Schmucke. It seemed to him that the little one was his dear Germany. Topinard came in.

"Three porters are bringing up the whole bag of tricks," he said.

"Oh! Here are two hundred vrancs to bay for eferydings..." said Schmucke. "But, mein friend, your Montame Dobinard is ver' nice; you shall marry her, is it not so? I shall gif you tausend crowns, and die liddle vone shall haf tausend crowns for her toury, and you shall infest it in her name.... Und you are not to pe ein zuper any more--you are to pe de cashier at de teatre--"

"_I_?--instead of old Baudrand?"

"Yes."

"Who told you so?"

"Mennesir Gautissart!"

"Oh! it is enough to send one wild with joy!... Eh! I say, Rosalie, what a rumpus there will be at the theatre! But it is not possible--"

"Our benefactor must not live in a garret--"

"Pshaw! for die few tays dat I haf to lif it ees fery komfortable," said Schmucke. "Goot-pye; I am going to der zemetery, to see vat dey haf don mit Bons, und to order som flowers for his grafe."


Mme. Camusot de Marville was consumed by the liveliest apprehensions. At a council held with Fraisier, Berthier, and Godeschal, the two last-named authorities gave it as their opinion that it was hopeless to dispute a will drawn up by two notaries in the presence of two witnesses, so precisely was the instrument worded by Leopold Hannequin. Honest Godeschal said that even if Schmucke's own legal adviser should succeed in deceiving him, he would find out the truth at last, if it were only from some officious barrister, the gentlemen of the robe being wont to perform such acts of generosity and disinterestedness by way of self-advertisement. And the two officials took their leave of the Presidente with a parting caution against Fraisier, concerning whom they had naturally made inquiries.

At that very moment Fraisier, straight from the affixing of the seals in the Rue de Normandie, was waiting for an interview with Mme. de Marville. Berthier and Godeschal had suggested that he should be shown into the study; the whole affair was too dirty for the President to look into (to use their own expression), and they wished to give Mme. de Marville their opinion in Fraisier's absence.

"Well, madame, where are these gentlemen?" asked Fraisier, admitted to audience.

"They are gone. They advise me to give up," said Mme. de Marville.

"Give up!" repeated Fraisier, suppressed fury in his voice. "Give up! ... Listen to this, madame:--

"'At the request of'... and so forth (I will omit the
formalities)... 'Whereas there has been deposited in the hands
of M. le President of the Court of First Instance, a will drawn up
by Maitres Leopold Hannequin and Alexandre Crottat, notaries of
Paris, and in the presence of two witnesses, the Sieurs Brunner
and Schwab, aliens domiciled at Paris, and by the said will the
Sieur Pons, deceased, has bequeathed his property to one Sieur
Schmucke, a German, to the prejudice of his natural heirs:

"'Whereas the applicant undertakes to prove that the said will
was obtained under undue influence and by unlawful means; and
persons of credit are prepared to show that it was the testator's
intention to leave his fortune to Mlle. Cecile, daughter of the
aforesaid Sieur de Marville, and the applicant can show that the
said will was extorted from the testator's weakness, he being
unaccountable for his actions at the time:

"'Whereas as the Sieur Schmucke, to obtain a will in his favor,
sequestrated the testator, and prevented the family from
approaching the deceased during his last illness; and his
subsequent notorious ingratitude was of a nature to scandalize the
house and residents in the quarter who chanced to witness it when
attending the funeral of the porter at the testator's place of
abode:

"'Whereas as still more serious charges, of which applicant is
collecting proofs, will be formally made before their worships the
judges:

"'I, the undersigned Registrar of the Court, etc., etc., on
behalf of the aforesaid, etc., have summoned the Sieur Schmucke,
pleading, etc., to appear before their worships the judges of the
first chamber of the Tribunal, and to be present when application
is made that the will received by Maitres Hannequin and Crottat,
being evidently obtained by undue influence, shall be regarded as
null and void in law; and I, the undersigned, on behalf of the
aforesaid, etc., have likewise given notice of protest, should the
Sieur Schmucke as universal legatee make application for an order
to be put into possession of the estate, seeing that the applicant
opposes such order, and makes objection by his application bearing
date of to-day, of which a copy has been duly deposited with the