Mother's Remedies, Thomas Jefferson Ritter [reading well .TXT] 📗

2 ounces
    Tincture of Arnica 1-1/2 ounce

No better liniment; is an excellent remedy to bathe the back with; will not blister."

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 685] MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS FOR OUR GREAT MIDDLE CLASS AS WELL AS OUR BEST SOCIETY

Correspondence, Cards and Introductions, Dress for Different Occasions,
Weddings, Christenings, Funerals, Etc.,
Social Functions, Dinners, Luncheons.

Gifts, "Showers," Calls, and
Hundreds of Other Essential
Subjects so Vital to Culture and Refinement of Men,
Women, School-Girls and Boys at Home and in Public.

By MRS. ELIZABETH JOHNSTONE

"The small courtesies sweeten life, the greater ennoble it."

The social code which we call etiquette is no senseless formula. It has a meaning and a purpose. It is the expression of good manners, and good manners have been rightly called the minor morals. This is true in the sense that they are the expression of the innate kindness and good will that sum up what we call good breeding. As to its importance, Sir Walter Scott once said that a man might with more impunity be guilty of an actual breach of good morals than appear ignorant of the points of etiquette.

[684 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

Every social custom has a foundation established by usage as a recognition of social needs, and intended to prevent rudeness and confusion; intended also to make polite society polite. We must conform, according to our circle, to social conventions as thus established, since they are the ripened results of long and varied experience in what is most suitable and becoming. Not to observe them is to advertise our ignorance and expose ourselves to criticism.

Importance of Knowledge.—That the importance of a knowledge of social customs is widely felt is proved by the pathetic letters addressed to the editors of women's magazines and departments, asking for information to enlighten ignorance. Such letters range from the naive inquiry of the unsophisticated girl as to whether it is "proper" to allow her "gentleman friend" to kiss her good night, up to the plaint of the novice who doesn't know how to make her spoons and forks come out even at a dinner-party. Here in America, where circumstances may lift a family from poverty and obscurity to wealth, with a position to win in a few brief years, the first great anxiety of those not "to the manor born" is to learn how to comport themselves in their new situation, and educate their children in correct behavior.

Good manners are a necessary equipment of both men and women. In many circles, success is impossible without such equipment. An agreeable manner, a knowledge of what to do and when to do it, is indispensable to the woman in society, and any man who meets other men in a business way will willingly bear testimony to the reluctance with which he approaches the gruff, brusque man, whose manners are patterned after those of Ursa Major. The man whose manners are agreeable may be as ugly as Caliban, yet please everybody.

Moreover, there is no weapon so effective against the rude and ill-mannered as a calm politeness—a courtesy which marks the person who can practise it as superior to the one who cannot. For one's own peace of mind, one should learn the art of good manners.

A Matter of Habit.—Manners, like everything else in life, must be learned by rule, the only possible exception being in the case of those who have been brought up in what we call our best society, where what to do and how to dress and behave have been matters of habit from earliest childhood. When once the rules of etiquette are firmly fixed, they become instinctive and are obeyed unconsciously. The individual then has "good manners." No one can be easy and graceful who must stop to think how to do things. Familiarity with form breeds ease and grace of manner. Therefore those who would be letter perfect must practise the rules of good form at all times and places. Manners cannot be put on and off like a garment. Moreover, as has just been said, the politeness that comes of such observance is the best possible armor against the rudeness or boorishness of the ignorant and untrained.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 685]

Many books on etiquette are written, most of which are intended for those in fashionable society who have a number of servants and entertain both extensively and expensively. Other writers take too much for granted; they presuppose a knowledge of the subject which the novice who needs instruction does not possess. This department is intended for those who desire to add to their knowledge of social forms, who do not wish to appear ignorant and awkward, and who, in a more limited social sphere, still wish to entertain properly and pleasantly, and comport themselves in correct form.

CONCERNING INTRODUCTIONS.

The first and most positive rule in regard to introductions is that a man is introduced to a woman; never the reverse, no matter how distinguished the man may be.

The best form is the simplest. "Mrs. A., allow me to introduce Mr. B." If the introduction has been solicited, the hostess may say "Mrs. A., Mr. B. desires the honor of knowing you." If either party resides in another city, she may mention the fact, or any other little circumstance that may aid the two to enter into conversation. The woman does not rise when a man is introduced, but if she is standing may offer her hand. To say "How do you do" is much better form than "Glad to know you" or "Pleased to meet you,"

The person who performs an introduction should be careful to choose an opportune moment. Do not interrupt a conversation to introduce another party, unless, as hostess, you feel it has continued so long that it is time the talk became more general. It is not courteous to simply acknowledge an introduction, and not exchange a few words.

Women and Introductions.—In introducing women, the younger is introduced to the older; if nearly of the same age a distinction is immaterial. Young girls are introduced to matrons, and the younger matrons to those older.

If a woman is seated when another woman is introduced she should rise and offer her hand, and then invite the new acquaintance to a seat near her where they may converse. If a man has been talking with the lady who rises, he should rise also and remain standing until they are seated, when he may bow and take himself away unless requested to remain. Generally, this is the proper moment to leave.

When Calling.—If making a call, and another visitor enters, the lady of the house rises to greet her and introduces any other guests who may be present. A man must rise and find a scat for the newcomer, but the women bow without rising. If only one guest is present, she should rise if the hostess and latest caller remain standing, or if a change of seats seems desirable. Introductions of this kind are semi-formal; they do not establish a later acquaintance unless both are agreeable; the social intent is to bridge over a situation that might seem awkward. However, many pleasant friendships have been made by such casual encounters at the house of a mutual friend.

[686 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

On the other hand, if two women who are not on friendly terms happen thus to meet and are introduced, it would be a most grievous breach of etiquette not to acknowledge the introduction courteously and exchange a remark or two. Neither has a right to embarrass a hostess by airing a private animosity under the roof of a friend—or in society generally.

General lntroductions.—The only "collective" introduction possible is that of a speaker or essayist to an audience. At a club meeting or other assemblage where a stranger is present as guest of honor, the members should request the hostess or the president of the club to present them severally.

Men and lntroductions.—Men seldom ask introductions. They have the privilege of speaking without them. A man's title should always be given him in an introduction. A man must request permission before bringing another man to be introduced to a woman or to a friend's house. In the latter case he will present his companions to the lady of the house and any of the family who are present; if others arrive, the hostess should introduce him to them.

After an introduction, the man waits for the woman to recognize him at their next meeting. She should bow, even if she does not care to establish an acquaintance. A casual introduction between women may not be recognized afterwards, though a slight bow is more courteous.

A Few Things Not To Do.—Do not introduce a person as your "'friend." It is not supposed you will introduce anyone who is not a friend. Moreover, in certain circles the term friend is employed in naming a companion, secretary, governess or managing housekeeper to one's guests. In this connection it may be mentioned that one should not speak of "visiting a friend" or "staying at a friend's house." Name the person referred to; or if you do not wish to do so, do not allude to the circumstance. Naturally, one visits only friends.

The indistinctness with which people who introduce often pronounce a name is not infrequently the cause of awkwardness. The failure to hear is no fault on the part of those introduced, but rather a mishap chargeable to the person who brings them together. In this case, try to think of something besides "I didn't catch the name;" that is so cut and dried. Say rather, "I'm sorry, but I didn't understand Mrs. A. when she presented me." Forgetting a name in the act of introducing someone is a much more grievous failure; it speaks for your own social unaccustomedness, and is a poor compliment to the person you introduce. Do not attempt an introduction unless you are sure of your names.

One of the society woman's most necessary accomplishments is the ability to remember names and fit them to the individual to whom they belong. It is an art she should sedulously cultivate.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 687]

It is not etiquette, but misplaced politeness, to perform what may be termed casual introductions—as in accidental encounters. Never introduce on the street, unless your acquaintance is to join you. Don't introduce in a street car or any public conveyance. In "our best society"—so-called—it is not considered good form to introduce people in church. People do not go to church for social purposes. In village neighborhoods and the less fashionable city churches, this rule is often violated in the vestibule, where acquaintances linger to greet each other and introductions are not infrequent. But in the body of the church—the space set apart for purposes of worship—an introduction is wholly out of place.

Try to remember family relationships and feuds, that you may not attempt to introduce those at enmity with each other. A woman once introduced, at a crowded function, two sisters who had not recognized each other for years, and afterwards exulted in having "made them speak." Their manners were far superior to hers.

In Company.—At a reception or dinner-party it is perfectly proper for those who have never been introduced to converse with each other without such formality. The roof under which they meet confers the privilege. Indeed, it is often the greatest kindness to speak to a shy person or one who evidently has few acquaintances present, relieving his embarrassment and putting him at ease. Not to reply courteously to such overtures is great rudeness. The story is told of a prominent society woman who addressed a stranger at such a function and actually received no reply. Later, the hostess brought up the strange person and introduced her. Then she explained that, not having been properly introduced, she felt she could not respond. The society woman quietly remarked, "Oh, was that the trouble? I thought you were deaf and dumb."

The late H. C. Bunner and the more recently deceased T. B. Aldrich cherished an aversion for each other. They were not acquainted, but disliked each other on general principles, both being engaged in literary work. They happened to meet at an entertainment where Bunner was in the house of his friends and Aldrich an outsider. Bunner's native kindliness and courtesy made it impossible for him to see anyone uncomfortable in a friend's house. He introduced himself, carried Aldrich to his host's "den," and over a cigar and a glass of "Scotch" began a friendship that was ended only by death.

School Girls' Etiquette.—Etiquette is not so formal among school girls, though its form remains the same. Propinquity in classes, and the being thrown together