The secret behind the smile., Berenice Monzon [read along books .txt] 📗

that way. She had nobody else to blame things on, But why? Why did it have to be this way? Why doesn’t she just take the blame, and except that she has made a mistake that she is not the person that she clamed to be. She just never knew how to do that. She can never forgive is like if she doesn’t have feelings. She just looked at the world from a different perspective like if the world was going to attack her. She just had fear so she turned fear into hate. She just has so much hate inside her that when she let it out she really let it out, but not to the world she did it to us. That woman harmed my life so bad I’m not a teen I don’t see the world like a kid, now I see the world like an adult because that’s how she made me see it like a grownup all my decisions are so important. Like if over night I became an adult because that’s what she wanted because the war is too hard for a kid to stand. I had to become an adult to take the war because I needed to win that war the war is not over yet so I have to keep trying and to give it all to help kids like me. Kids cannot tell there mom that they love them because they feel weird. Because hugging is stupid because their mom wasn’t there ether when they needed them and there life was miserable. I understand having your mom so close to you but you can’t hug her or kiss her because you are invisible to her. And that’s her way she thinks we hate her. Guiltiness was everywhere in our house. Because nothing is her fault because you have to take the blame cause if you don’t she will start screaming at our face and more issues. I feel guilty because I try… I try so hard but nothing seems to work anything, how I wish there was something I can do just something that will work to change that woman at least just once only once because I need that woman so bad that when I see her I just want to tell her why… don’t you love me but I don’t I don’t ask her because I know the answer but its just stupid. I just want her to say it Berenice I don’t love you because… because…you look like… your dad. I want to hear it come out of her mouth and tell her why… that’s not my fault I look how I look… mom.

Chapter 5: I’m tired of breaking my head of.

I’m tired of breaking my head of trying to please her. Like a flower is innocent I might look, but don’t mess with me because I got spikes too. What is it in life if its nothing the only thing it brings is suffering you can’t control it or stop it, it takes it all and leaves you nothing, A parent who knows his child is worth it who ever doesn’t is nothing. And will never find a path to life, when life teaches you a lesson its not to let it pass, is to think about it and start the task. I’ve learned this the hard, hard way. I guess that’s what god wants. I think and I say why… why if I know this is my war I stop and cant go on if that’s the first thing I should do. I’m so tired so, so tired how I wish I could stop all badly and I cry because I say come on this is all I can give. Sometimes I want to give so much but I can’t. I want to change the entire world. Because I care because, I love and give so much but get nothing in exchange. Mom: I never seem to understand. The time, the place, and who I am. It’s like I’m living a lie. I stop and feel sad. Let the past be it; however I will love you always no matter what you will always be… my mom. Even thou you hate me I don’t because you gave it all we all have made mistakes but I won’t judge its okay I want to be honest I love you no matter what don’t let me fall stay don’t fade away, can I trust you, will you trust me lets be a family. Will you die for me, were only humans we all have problems, let’s be only you and me. Free into love, life can be hard but together… please. Trust that we will be strong, I need to know that if life knocks us down can you hold on. Now I see things differently I want simple things, I want to be happy I hope you feel the same so come on. All non believers stand aside and let love walk by, a new day is marching in. you could stop me; thru the struggles you’ve endured. I’ve rice my goal of innocence provided all the consequences now what does it mater. Cause I can’t go home. As only if I never owned them anything and I’ve found my way out, in the trust I’ve seen my path on home spend my time well before I go. Was it greed that pushed my heart through the struggles you've endured? There's a hell in all of us spend your time well before you go... In a law that's all your own there are no secrets you can’t hide from yourself in your mind leaves the worst of all behind. Walking in the air and floating the sky. I’m holding very tight. Far across the world, hope goes by like dreams, the rivers and the hills the forest and the streams. In my heart there’s something that wants to get out, I open my wings and I start flying. I never guessed something like this come I invite you to dream, open your eyes everything will come true, don’t let anything beat you.

Chapter 6: How things work around my house.

How things work around my house, things around here are well… let me tell you… you can’t judge because people are already judging you. Where critics are everywhere they don’t like you jeans they don’t get your hair. They always criticize its like if people pay them to be mean. You just got to get used to it, because that’s not going to change. You just got to lift your self up that’s what I have been trying to do for the past seven year’s non stop. I don’t promise its going to be easy, just give it your best. Things are not how they appear. The lesson that life has showered me is to never trust anyone because soon they will let you down. My house its like how can I explain… well basically like jail like if you where in this mental institute where everything is ruled by this evil which. And her powers torment you, and there’s no way out. Weekends, how I hate weekends probably because I have to sand her screaming. Because I have to do everything in my house but catch this I never do anything. Life because of that turned out to be… well like her life basically. And that’s what I hate the most that I try so hard to make things differently but nothing works. I guess things will never change, but I’m not going to give up. I have to fight for what I believe even if I know there are going to be some hard times along the way. I just have to keep trying, but I’m scared. What if I don’t win the war? What if I give up along the way? I don’t want that. I want to be free I want to shine. I want peace I want to bee a teen, because that’s what I am. I want my mom, I want her to be there when I turned fifteen, and when I graduate or when I get married or have my first job and my first kid. But I guess she is too good for that. Maybe she doesn’t care or just would not be part of that I’m tired of being screamed at every day for something that never has happened I just want to cry I do sometimes I just want to break down and just cry all day. I just want to run away once just to not be screamed at every single day for something I did not do I want my mom to be here with me PLEASE MOM PLEASE!!! Like usually she is not I’m use to seeing kids with their parents on teacher parent night or any after school kid parent thing and me all by my self because my mom is at home on the couch. I just want to scream at her get up!! No!! It’s time for you! To get involve in my crap! But I don’t because I respect her. And I want to tell her I’m your daughter respect that because nobody else will love you like I will!!!


Chapter 7: How people see me.

For people I’m awesome I don’t let people bring me down that I’m a care bear. I’m a good friend. To always be this way and I rock. Others say that I’m very smart that I have a lot going on in my life. That I always think positive that I always do great in life and in school because people claim to know who I am but they don’t they only know the other side of berenice I want to tell them don’t judge me don’t because you don’t know what I go thru every stinking day . you don’t know how my life is, because you don’t live in my house because nobody screams, cries and destroys you 24/7 every day of your life and I do and I live with it and there’s nothing I can do. This is how I see my self, I see my self like a workless peace of nothing that nobody cares about so why should I, I’m stupid my life stupid every thing is stupid nobody pays attention to me, maybe some day I have to paint my hair red so people could start talking about me and be noticed once. But I want people to notice me for what I am and for what I become. I want my mom to be proud when I graduate and when I’m walking the path to life I want her to say that’s my daughter and feel very special. But I’m afraid she is not going to be there. And for my graduation there’s going to be an empty chair and I am going to turn to one of my classmates and say you see that empty spot… my mom was supposed to be there but she was never there. And she never has been there.

Chapter 8: Her life.

Her life was so hard she lived a poor life; her mom (Maria) had six children, two girls’ four boys (Francisco, Cristian, Salvador, Jose, Lorena and Maria). She did go to school but people had to pay for her supplies because they where too poor. She cooked and clean washed her family clothes I understand her. My mom had to work from the age of eight, she had to do everything in her house and that’s what se wants us to do. She was basically the slave in her house. Her dad was a man that drank a lot and did stupid stuff, my dad did the same. So I know what she had to go thru