Varney the Vampire; Or, the Feast of Blood, Prest and Rymer [a book to read txt] 📗
- Author: Prest and Rymer
Book online «Varney the Vampire; Or, the Feast of Blood, Prest and Rymer [a book to read txt] 📗». Author Prest and Rymer
"You infernal scoundrel; how dare you preach to me in such a way, you lubberly rascal?"
"Cos you desarves it."
"Mutiny—mutiny—by Jove! Jack, I'll have you put in irons—you're a scoundrel, and no seaman."
"No seaman!—no seaman!"
"Not a bit of one."
"Very good. It's time, then, as I was off the purser's books. Good bye to you; I only hopes as you may get a better seaman to stick to you and be your walley de sham nor Jack Pringle, that's all the harm I wish you. You didn't call me no seaman in the Bay of Corfu, when the bullets were scuttling our nobs."
"Jack, you rascal, give us your fin. Come here, you d——d villain. You'll leave me, will you?"
"Not if I know it."
"Come in, then"
"Don't tell me I'm no seaman. Call me a wagabone if you like, but don't hurt my feelings. There I'm as tender as a baby, I am.—Don't do it."
"Confound you, who is doing it?"
"The devil."
"Who is?"
"Don't, then."
Thus wrangling, they entered the inn, to the great amusement of several bystanders, who had collected to hear the altercation between them.
"Would you like a private room, sir?" said the landlord.
"What's that to you?" said Jack.
"Hold your noise, will you?" cried his master. "Yes, I should like a private room, and some grog."
"Strong as the devil!" put in Jack.
"Yes, sir-yes, sir. Good wines—good beds—good—"
"You said all that before, you know," remarked Jack, as he bestowed upon the landlord another terrific dig in the ribs.
"Hilloa!" cried the admiral, "you can send for that infernal lawyer, Mister Landlord."
"Mr. Crinkles, sir?"
"Yes, yes."
"Who may I have the honour to say, sir, wants to see him?"
"Admiral Bell."
"Certainly, admiral, certainly. You'll find him a very conversible, nice, gentlemanly little man, sir."
"And tell him as Jack Pringle is here, too," cried the seaman.
"Oh, yes, yes—of course," said the landlord, who was in such a state of confusion from the digs in the ribs he had received and the noise his guests had already made in his house, that, had he been suddenly put upon his oath, he would scarcely have liked to say which was the master and which was the man.
"The idea now, Jack," said the admiral, "of coming all this way to see a lawyer."
"Ay, ay, sir."
"If he'd said he was a lawyer, we would have known what to do. But it's a take in, Jack."
"So I think. Howsomdever, we'll serve him out when we catch him, you know."
"Good—so we will."
"And, then, again, he may know something about Master Charles, sir, you know. Lord love him, don't you remember when he came aboard to see you once at Portsmouth?"
"Ah! I do, indeed."
"And how he said he hated the French, and quite a baby, too. What perseverance and sense. 'Uncle,' says he to you, 'when I'm a big man, I'll go in a ship, and fight all the French in a heap,' says he. 'And beat 'em, my boy, too,' says you; cos you thought he'd forgot that; and then he says, 'what's the use of saying that, stupid?—don't we always beat 'em?'"
The admiral laughed and rubbed his hands, as he cried aloud,—
"I remember, Jack—I remember him. I was stupid to make such a remark."
"I know you was—a d——d old fool I thought you."
"Come, come. Hilloa, there!"
"Well, then, what do you call me no seaman for?"
"Why, Jack, you bear malice like a marine."
"There you go again. Goodbye. Do you remember when we were yard arm to yard arm with those two Yankee frigates, and took 'em both! You didn't call me a marine then, when the scuppers were running with blood. Was I a seaman then?"
"You were, Jack—you were; and you saved my life."
"I didn't."
"You did."
"I say I didn't—it was a marlin-spike."
"But I say you did, you rascally scoundrel.—I say you did, and I won't be contradicted in my own ship."
"Call this your ship?"
"No, d—n it—I—"
"Mr. Crinkles," said the landlord, flinging the door wide open, and so at once putting an end to the discussion which always apparently had a tendency to wax exceedingly warm.
"The shark, by G—d!" said Jack.
A little, neatly dressed man made his appearance, and advanced rather timidly into the room. Perhaps he had heard from the landlord that the parties who had sent for him were of rather a violent sort.
"So you are Crinkles, are you?" cried the admiral. "Sit down, though you are a lawyer."
"Thank you, sir. I am an attorney, certainly, and my name as certainly is Crinkles."
"Look at that."
The admiral placed the letter in the little lawyer's hands, who said,—
"Am I to read it?"
"Yes, to be sure."
"Aloud?"
"Read it to the devil, if you like, in a pig's whisper, or a West India hurricane."
"Oh, very good, sir. I—I am willing to be agreeable, so I'll read it aloud, if it's all the same to you."
He then opened the letter, and read as follows:—
"To Admiral Bell.
"Admiral,—Being, from various circumstances, aware that you take a warm and a praiseworthy interest in your nephew, Charles Holland, I venture to write to you concerning a matter in which your immediate and active co-operation with others may rescue him from a condition which will prove, if allowed to continue, very much to his detriment, and ultimate unhappiness.
"You are, then, hereby informed, that he, Charles Holland, has, much earlier than he ought to have done, returned to England, and that the object of his return is to contract a marriage into a family in every way objectionable, and with a girl who is highly objectionable.
"You, admiral, are his nearest and almost his only relative in the world; you are the guardian of his property, and, therefore, it becomes a duty on your part to interfere to save him from the ruinous consequences of a marriage, which is sure to bring ruin and distress upon himself and all who take an interest in his welfare.
"The family he wishes to marry into is named Bannerworth, and the young lady's name is Flora Bannerworth. When, however, I inform you that a vampyre is in that family, and that if he marries into it, he marries a vampyre, and will have vampyres for children, I trust I have said enough to warn you upon the subject, and to induce you to lose no time in repairing to the spot.
"If you stop at the Nelson's Arms at Uxotter, you will hear of me. I can be sent for, when I will tell you more.
"Yours, very obediently and humbly,
"JOSIAH CRINKLES."
"P.S. I enclose you Dr. Johnson's definition of a vampyre, which is as follows:
"VAMPYRE (a German blood-sucker)—by which you perceive how many vampyres, from time immemorial, must have been well entertained at the expense of John Bull, at the court of St. James, where no thing hardly is to be met with but German blood-suckers."
The lawyer ceased to read, and the amazed look with which he glanced at the face of Admiral Bell would, under any other circumstances, have much amused him. His mind, however, was by far too much engrossed with a consideration of the danger of Charles Holland, his nephew, to be amused at anything; so, when he found that the little lawyer said nothing, he bellowed out,—
"Well, sir?"
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