Around the World with Josiah Allen's Wife, Marietta Holley [best e reader for academics .txt] 📗
- Author: Marietta Holley
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“But,” sez the Elder, “the courtesy with which women are treated, the politeness, the deference–––”
“If you wuz kicked out of your meetin’ house, Elder Wessel, would it make any difference to you whether the shue you wuz kicked with wuz patent leather or cowhide? 135 The important thing to you would be that you wuz layin’ on the ground outside, and the door locked behind you.”
Sez Elder Wessel, “That is a strong metafor, Sister Arvilly. I had never looked at it in that light before.”
“I presume so,” sez she. “The very reason why there are so many cryin’ abuses to-day is because good men spend their strength in writin’ eloquent sermons aginst sin, and lettin’ it alone, instead of grapplin’ with it at the ballot box. Our Lord took a whip and scourged the money changers out of the temple. And that is what ministers ort to do, and have got to do, if the world is saved from its sins––scourge the money changers who sell purity and honor, true religion and goodness for money.
“Satan don’t care how much ministers talk about temperance and goodness and morality in the pulpit to a lot of wimmen and children that the congregations are made up of mostly, or how many essays are writ about it, tied with blue ribbin. But when ministers and church members take hold on it as Ernest White has and attacks it at the ballot box, and defends and reinforces the right and left flank with all the spiritual and material and legal forces he can muster, why then Satan feels his throne tremble under him and he shakes in his shues.”
But before Elder Wessel could frame a reply Josiah come in with the news that the steamer had approached and brung mail to the passengers. And we all hurried up to see what we had got.
Well, the steamer wuz passin’ away like ships in the night, but I found that I had several letters from home. The children wuz gettin’ well. Philury and Ury well and doin’ well. And one letter wuz from Cousin John Richard, that blessed creeter! who, it will be remembered, went to Africa as a missionary to help the colony of freedmen to a knowledge of the true freedom in Christ Jesus. Only two idees that blessed creeter ever seemed to have: first, what his duty wuz, and, second, to do it. His letter run as follows:
136“Dear Cousin: Here in the far off tropics where I thought to live and die with the people I have loved and given my life to help, the Lord has wonderfully blessed our labors. The Colony is prospering as I never expected to see it. The people are beginning to see that a true republic can only exist by governing one’s own self, that in the hands of each individual is the destiny of the nation. We are a peaceful people, greatly helped under the Lord by the fact that not a saloon blackens the pure air of Victor.
“How can the crazed brain of a drunken man help a nation only to weaken and destroy? How can children born under the curse of drink be otherwise than a burden and curse to the public weal? How can a righteous ruler handle this menace to freedom and purity save to stamp it beneath his feet? As we have no saloons in Victor, so we have no almshouses or prisons, the few poor and wrongdoers being cared for by private individuals, remunerated by public tax.
“So greatly has the Lord prospered us that I felt I was needed elsewhere more than here; I felt that America instead of Africa needed the help of teachers of the Most High. Tidings have reached me from the Philippines that made me think it was my duty to go there. Into these islands, inhabited, as has been said, by people ‘half devil, half child,’ has been introduced the worst crime of America, the drink evil, the worst demon outside the bottomless pit, making of sane, good men brutes and demons, a danger to themselves and the whole community.
“It is hard to believe that a Christian civilization, a Christian ruler, should send regiments of bright young boys so far from all the deterring influences of home and home life; send those who were the light of happy homes, the idols of fond hearts, to face the dreadful climate, the savage warfare, to colonize the graveyards in the sodden earth, to be thrown into the worst evils of war, to face danger and death, and with all this provided by the government that should protect 137 them this dreadful temptation to ensnare their boyish wills and lead them into captivity.
“Then I could not leave Victor, but now that I can I feel that God is calling me to go there to preach the gospel of Christ, to fight this mighty foe, Intemperance, to preach the gospel of sane and clean living and thinking. Knowing from my experience here in Victor, had I no other knowledge of it, how that blessed gospel of love is the only true liberty. For what advantage is liberty of the body when the soul, the weak will, is bound in the most galling of chains?
“America is doing a great work in educating and helping this country, and were it not for this evil I go to combat, its work would be blessed of God and man.
“So, as I said, I sail to-morrow for the Philippines with three of my native converts, good Christians, willing to die, if need be, for their faith.”
This letter had been written more than a month, so long had it been comin’ to me, and I wuz tickled enough to think that when we got to the Philippines we should see Cousin John Richard.
The shore of Manila looked dretful low and flat as we come up to it some as old Shelmadine’s land lays along the lake shore. So you’d think that if it rained hard and raised the water a inch it would overflow it. And the houses looked dretful low and squatty, mebby it wuz on account of earthquakes they built ’em so. Josiah thought it wuz so they could shingle ’em standin’ on the ground. I inclined to the earthquakes.
Our boat wuz small enough to go over the surf and up the Pasig River. The water didn’t look very clean, and on it wuz floatin’ what looked like little cabbage heads. Josiah thought they wuz, and sez he real excited:
“Thank fortin if they have cabbages to throw away here I shall be likely to git a good biled dinner, and mebby a biled puddin’ with lemon sass.”
But they wuzn’t cabbages, they wuz some kind of a water plant that growed right there in the water. As we sailed along some queer lookin’ boats, lookin’ some like corn houses standin’ on end, bulged out towards us from the shore. They said they wuz cargo lighters to onload ships, and mebby they wuz. And one peculiarity I see that I despised. The natives all seemed to wear their shirts over their pantaloons, hangin’ loose, and some on ’em didn’t have on any pantaloons, jest the shirt, and some not even that, jest a sash or so tied round about ’em.
I despised the sight and sez to Josiah: “They might do as much as Adam did anyway; they might wear some leaves round ’em, there is plenty of fig trees here I spoze.”
And he sez: “I have been thinkin’ that it is a crackin’ 139 good idee to wear the shirt over the pantaloons; it would be cool and look all right after we got used to it; the bottom of the shirt could be ruffled or trimmed with tattin or red braid, and they would look as dressy agin as I’ve always wore ’em.”
I looked daggers at him out of my eyes and sez: “What won’t you take it into your head to do next, Josiah Allen?”
But our attention wuz drawed off by Arvilly, who approached us. She looked skornfully at the costoom of the natives, and I hearn her say to herself: “Not much chance to canvass here.” But even as she spoke her eye fell hopefully on the opposite shore, like a good book agent scanning the earth and heavens for a possible subscriber.
Miss Meechim, who had come on deck with Dorothy and Robert, looked benignantly at the natives and sez: “The poor ye shall always have with you,” and she put her hand in the little bag that she always wore at her side and said: “I wonder if I have got a copy of that blessed tract with me, ‘The Naked Sinner Clothed and in His Right Mind.’”
But Robert sez to her: “They wouldn’t thank you for clothes, Aunt Albina; you will have to wait until we reach New York; some of the naked there would be gladly covered up from the snow and storms.”
“Oh, don’t compare our own blessed land with this heathen clime.”
“But,” sez Robert, “the warm breezes here bring only joy and comfort to that sinner’s naked limbs, and the sin of ignorance may be forgiven. But the shivering sinners, crouching on the cold stone doorsteps, hearing dimly through their benumbed senses prayers and thanksgivings to the Most High for mercies they have no part in, why that is quite a different matter.”
Aronette wuz standing a little ways apart, talking with a young man. He wuz payin’ her compliments, I knew, for there wuz a pink flush on her pretty face, and his eyes had 140 admiration in them. I didn’t like his looks at all; he looked dissipated and kinder mean, and I thought I would warn her aginst him when I got a good chance. Lucia Wessel, too, wuz holding her young charge by the hand, but her attention wuz all drawed off by another young chap that I’d seen with her a number of times, and I didn’t like his looks; he had the same sort of a dissipated look that the other young man had, but I see by the expression of Lucia’s innocent eyes that she didn’t share in my opinion; she looked as if she wuz fairly wropped up in him. I wondered what Elder Wessel would have said if he could have seen that look. But he wuz in blissful ignorance. He thought her bosom wuz composed of a equal mixture of snow and crystal, through which he could read every thought and emotion as soon as they wuz engraved on it. He thought there was no characters written there as yet by any manly hand save his own writ in characters of fatherly and daughterly love. He wuz holdin’ forth to Arvilly, and she with her nose turned up as fur as nater would let it go, wuz listenin’ because he wouldn’t let her git away. I thought by her expression he wuz praisin’ the license laws, for on no other subject wuz he so eloquent, and on no other did Arvilly’s nose turn up to such a hite.
Dorothy and Tommy wondered what those strange trees were that grew on the shore in front, and Robert Strong hastened to their side to help them to such information as he had on the subject. And he had knowledge on almost every subject under the heavens, so it seemed to me.
Well, anon or a little after, we found ourselves on shore and I wuz glad to feel terry firmy under my feet once more. Lots of times on board ship the terry wuz so fur from the firmy that the solid land felt good under the soles of our shoes. Yes, indeed! And though for some time tables and chairs, and even beds and bureaus had a way of advancin’ up towards us and then retreatin’ away from us over and 141 over, yet as I say terry wuz considerable more firmy than the deck had been.
Well, it wuzn’t long before we found ourselves at a comfortable hotel, not too comfortable, but decently so; and in the fulness of time we wuz seated at the table partaking of food which, though it didn’t taste like my good Jonesville vittles, still I could eat and be thankful for. Josiah whispered to me:
“Onions and garlicks and peppers; I never could bear any on ’em, and here I be filled up with ’em; there hain’t a single dish on this table but what’s full of ’em. Oh, Samantha!” sez he pitifully, “if I could only eat one of your good dinnerses or supperses agin’ it seems as if I would be willin’ to die.”
And I whispered back to him to be calm. Sez I, “Do be reasonable; it ain’t logic or religion to expect to be to home and travellin’ abroad at the same time.”
He see it wuzn’t and subsided with a low groan, and begun to nibble
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