Autobiography Of A Duffer, Santosh Jha [books you have to read .TXT] 📗

created and shaped only his body parts. He was born with a date with life and packaged with a zeal for it, which made him go through all his troubles with a smile, which is this duffer’s signature on life. I also must admit, we doctors only undid, which his parents consciously and unconsciously did to him. However, what made him is something, he was born with and what his brilliant grandpa very carefully chiseled out of him.

I am bound by my professional ethics not to reveal anything about the treatment and physical status of my patients. That is why I shall stick here to his personality and uniqueness of character. What I shall tell will be a friend telling about his dear friend, though I am more than his father’s age. He has given me the liberty and I truly wish to use this opportunity to tell things, as a common human being, which I could not as a doctor.

The first thing I wish to say is about the idea of abnormal and disorder. This boy was brought to me at the age of ten with his parents seriously complaining about he being abnormal and having disorders. All over the world, people are paying and psychologists are raking up fortunes treating people for abnormalities and disorders. The weird and somehow stupid element of rigidity about normal and orderly in our culture is landing so many people over the fence and they find themselves on our doors. I need to talk about it then only his readers can decide whether he is a duffer or what! Also, they can then decide who is actual duffer.

Let us first put the straight question – what is ‘order, or ‘orderly’? What precisely is the criterion of the term order? Technically, an order is a condition of logical-methodical or comprehensible-prescribed arrangement, the established system of social organization, a sequence or arrangement of successive things, a customary procedure, an authoritative sanction of a prescribed model, etc.

In simple words, it is easily decipherable to anyone that definitions of ‘order’ are expressly collective, societal and authoritative. Order and consequently, disorder shall also remain an interpretation of the collective will of a contemporary society and culture; that too at a point of time and keeps changing.

To make it clear; disorder is essentially a cultural benchmark, mostly enjoying the authoritative sanction. An individual positioning, as often, may stand in complete or partial contrast with the established norms and benchmarks of ‘order’ and lead to a stand which may sound like a ‘disorder’ but only by the established societal pathology. An individual might always say, ‘he is right and in perfect order!

An extreme of this may be an individual, or a small collective labeling the benchmark of order of the authoritative collectivity as a ‘disorder’ itself. It is already happening globally, as newer generations are reluctant to go by established norms of order. The technology is helping their flight of fancy and every day, new trends are emerging, which challenge established orders. It has always happened in the past too but in very small measures. It is so strange. At a time, when the fine line between normal and deviant has almost lost its existence, it is somehow a misnomer to accept the age-old benchmarks of a person, whom we can accept as psychologically a perfectly poised and normal thing.

All rational people in this world have always respected and even welcomed individual perspectives. Revolutions, which bring about refreshing changes in societal-political order, have always germinated from individual initiatives or from a small collectivity, which initially were butchered by the established order. All definitions of ‘order’ and ‘disorder’ are bordering beyond what may be termed as authoritative. What authoritatively is ‘orderly’, may well be a ‘disorder’ in popular perception and the vice-versa. Old benchmarks of authoritative and societal-cultural order and pattern are in for a toss. The new benchmarks of ‘order’ are more on the wrong side of popular perceptions. It is truly difficult to say what should ideally be the ‘order’ of the day!

The word ‘disorder’ is a generalization, which is less specific than the term ‘problem’ but often labeled as if it were a trouble. There are psychologists who are campaigning for acceptance of the word ‘Mind Issues’, instead of the term mind disorders. Certain mind positioning may not be problem for others but may not be conducive to long-term mental health of the individual, in the contemporary socio-cultural milieu he or she lives. Therefore, psychologists wish to make a larger perspective of widest possible mind issues.

What I mean to say in easy sounding words is, we humans are essentially culturally inclined minds. There is a straight line drawn for all of us and we all are expected to follow it. Anyone, expecting to experiment willfully or wavering away from the line because of some other idea or attitude is a sure case for a psychologist. The terms normal and order are very much cultural perceptions and they keep changing. Therefore, the idea and benchmarks of normal and order also get altered with time and space. In a contemporary culture of instant-self-gratification and cult of trigger-happy consumption and fun, a teenage boy or girl talking of purity and virginity is promptly labeled abnormal. A few decades back, the reverse was abnormality. A young boy keeping away from girls and showing little joy in wild sexual and other adventurisms of modernist culture is taken to a psychologist by parents. Few decades back it was essential character need for a good boy. Few years back, psychologists would do counseling for people who had, what their closed ones labeled as abnormal sexual orientation. Now they do not come to us as larger society has now accepted them as individual choice. Every small and big benchmark of normal and abnormal is in for a toss in modern world. Already, the old label of deviant and taboo is the new style statement, especially if they come from celebrities and pop icons. As new trends shall get established in society, the new culture shall keep redefining benchmarks of normal.

This duffer friend of mine was also brought to me again for the same reason. I found him otherwise healthy and fine. His father however confided in me, “If I had so many lovely chicks in my school days, I would have made half of them pregnant but this stupid son of mine seems allergic to them. His teachers complain of symptoms of exclusivity and withdrawal. Hope his thing is working fine!”

I always feel, if we did not live our lives in societies and cultures, we have created for our so-called brilliance, we humans could have surely done away with hundreds of phobias and thousands of disorders. People go to the wilds and even see the animals in zoo and appreciate the stupidities and weirdness of their action-behavior. If humans do the same, it is a case for psychologists. The simple reason is; human culture has its own copycats of what animals do in wild stupidities and if someone does not follow them, he or she is bound to be labeled abnormal. You name anything a human can do with its heart on it, it becomes a syndrome and an attitude problem. Moreover, we have a culture where markets and enterprises have to sustain and make profits. That is why there is a medicine and a medical treatment for anything, which strays away from the straight line of cultural benchmarks. You have low libido, there is a drug for it. You have high libido, there is psychological help and rehabilitation programs for it. Somehow, if you are curious as what is actually the benchmark of a normal libido, experts would never give you a fixed answer, as they do not have any. They will say, “it depends, people come with different libidos and it is all about how you feel about it.”

And how one can feel about it? You actually do not feel anything independent of the culture within you. So, you look for discussion forums on the internet. Someone boasts of 87 sex partners in the last 11 years and you feel, oh god! I am such a poor thing with only five in whole of my life! Surely, there is something wrong. You come to us and we have a living to make. Who does not love extra fortune knocking his doors! The psychologists would suggest you constant counseling and some populist practices, which shall enhance your sociability, so that you could have greater chance of getting to the marketplace benchmark of 87 sex partners! Then, there are best sellers for your special needs and help! Psychology is the most popular toy for all of us as it is highly suitable for twisting to personal attitudinal needs. People just love psychology in its new and pop star avatar and treat it as celebrity stuff. Everyone has loads of celebrity elements in their consciousness and psychology is somehow a license to all attitudes of personalized will.

This duffer friend of mine is essentially an animal in the zoo, which his parents love to watch and feel great about. They are highly successful people and their position in the society and culture is benchmarks for others. This simple and always happy boy actually never ever had trouble with whatever he was and whatever he did or didn’t. He never complained of any trouble and awkwardness. Every time, either his father would bring him to me or his mother. They never came together for any of his so-called abnormalities and disorders. It was in his parent’s view that he needed help from me and together, we enjoyed mutual benefits. He was happy being with me, as I could understand his mind and I was happy getting the money his parents took pride in giving me. His mother used him and his ‘handicap’ as an emotional lever to get support and push from others in her career. His father proudly told people that he has a million buck son as even when he was just ten, he had spent one and a half million bucks on his treatment. This duffer showcased his money power and influence in social circuits. It was a win-win situation for all. He was happy being away from his parents, the parents were happy seeing him treated for his ‘handicaps’ and I was happy getting part of the millions.

However, the million-dollar question is – what actually was his handicap or disorder, for which his parents were worried and they made him come to me? This need to be told in this duffer’s autobiography. He was born out of a conflict, which sealed his fate. His mother was not willing for babies. His father wanted it desperately. His colleagues had started to create jokes about his impotency as six years after the marriage; there was no ‘good news’. His mother finally agreed to one baby with a condition that she would not be bothered about its daily care. He agreed that he would personally do it. As destiny had it, he arrived much early. His mother was free of his care as doctors and nurses did it for almost a year. Later, he was thrown to the care of maids. When he was one year old, he was hailed as the most brilliant baby as he always smiled and never bothered to move out of the place where he was put. He would be left in his room peacefully for whole day and he would never bother anybody. This suited fine for his parents as they were busy with their careers; left home early morning and came late evening. His mother would dutifully spare ten minutes of her time in the evening and then he would be back to his maids. The parents were happy that their child was so good, well behaved and a true gentleman! However, this same trait, which hailed him as a good kid, became the complaint number one. He was always confined