Samantha at the World's Fair, Marietta Holley [most life changing books txt] 📗
- Author: Marietta Holley
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But I sez, "Foreign customs have got to be adopted with megumness, Josiah Allen." Sez I, "With your rumatiz, how would you climb up on't a dozen times a day?"
He hadn't thought of that, and he gin up the idee.
Then the ideal figger of the Japanese wimmen is narrer shoulders and big waist.
And though I hailed the big waist joyfully, I drawed the line at the narrer shoulders.
They have long poles about their housen, with holes bored in 'em, through which the wind blows with a mournful sort of a voice, and they think that that noise skairs away evil sperits.
When they come here each of their little verandas had a cage with a sacred bird in it to coax the good sperits; they all died off, and now they've got some pigens for 'em, and made 'em think that they wuz sacred birds.
[Pg 597]
And Josiah, as he see 'em, instinctively sez, "Dum 'em, I'd ruther have the evil sperits themselves round than them pigens, any time."
He hates 'em, and I spoze they do pull up seeds considerable.
Them Japanese wimmen are dretful cheerful-lookin', and Josiah and I talked about it considerable.
Sez Josiah, "It's queer when, accordin' to their belief, a man's horse can go to Heaven, but their wives can't; but the minute they leave this world another celestial wife meets him, and he and his earth wife parts forever. It is queer," sez he, "how under them circumstances that the wimmen can look so happy."
And I sez, "It can't be that they hail anhialation as a welcome rest from married life, can it?"
Josiah acted mad, and sez he, "I'd be a fool if I wuz in your place!"
And bein' kinder mad, he snapped out, "Them wimmen don't look as if they knew much more than monkeys; compared to American wimmen, it's a sight."
But I sez, "You can't always tell by looks, Josiah Allen." Sez I, "As small as they be, they've showed some of the greatest qualities since they've been here—Constancy, Fidelity, Love."
[Pg 598]
Now one of them females lost a baby while she wuz here. Did she act as some of our fashionable American wimmen do? No. They own twenty Saritoga trunks, and wear their entire contents, but they do, as is well known, commit crime to evade the cares of motherhood.
But this little woman right here in Chicago, she jest laid down broken-hearted and died because her baby died. Her true heart broke.
Little and humbly, no doubt, and not many clothes on, but from a upper view I wonder if her soul don't look better than the civilized, fashionably dressed murderess?
There wuz theatres here with dancin' girls goin' as fur ahead, they said, of Louie Fuller and Carmenciti as them two go ahead of Josiah and Deacon Sypher as skirt-dancers.
I guess that Josiah Allen would have gone in, regardless of price, to see this sight, so onbecomin' to a deacon and a grandfather, but I broke it up at the first hint he gin. Sez I, "What would your pasture say to your ondertakin' such a enterprise? What would be the opinion of Jonesville?"
"Dum it all," sez he; "David danced before the Ark."
[Pg 600]
[Pg 599]
"Wall," sez I, "I hain't seen no ark, and I hain't seen no David." Sez I reasonably, "I wouldn't object to your seein' David dance if he wuz here and I wouldn't object to your seein' the Ark."
"Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we wandered into the German Village.
"Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we wandered into the German Village.
The German Village represents housen in the upper Bavarian Mountains.
There are thirty-six different buildin's. Inside the village is a Country Fair, the German Concert Garden, a Water Tower, and two Restaurants, Tyrolese dancers, Beer Hall, etc.
In the centre is a 16th century castle, with moat round it, and palisades.
Josiah wuz all took up with this, and said "how he would love to have a moat round our house." Sez he, "Jest let some folks that I know try to git in, wouldn't I jest hist up the drawbridge and drop 'em outside?"
And I sez, "Heaven knows, Josiah, that sech a thing would be convenient ofttimes, but," sez I, "anxieties and annoyances have a way of swimmin' moats, you can't keep 'em out."
But he said "that he believed that he and Ury could dig a moat, and rig up a drawbridge." And to git his mind off on't I hurried him on.
Inside the castle is a dretful war-like-lookin' group of iron men, all dressed up [Pg 601]in full uniform, and there wuz all kinds of weepons and armor of Germany.
The Town Hall of this village is a museum.
In the village market-place is sold all kinds of German goods. Two bands of music pipe up, and everybody is a-talkin' German. It made it considerable lively to look at, but not so edifyin' to us as if we knew a word they said.
And then come the Street of Cairo, a exact representation of one of the most picturesque streets in old Cairo, with queer-lookin' kinder square housen, and some of the winders stood open, through which we got lovely views of a inner court, with green shrubs, and flowers, and fountains.
On both sides of this street are dance halls, mosques, and shops filled with manufactures from Arabia and the Soudan. In the Museum are many curious curiosities from Cairo and Alexandria.
And the street is filled with dogs, and donkeys, and children and fortune-tellers, and dromedaries, and sedan chairs, with their bearers, and camels, and birds, and wimmen with long veils on coverin' most of their faces, jest their eyes a-peerin' out as if they would love to git acquainted with the strange Eastern world, where wimmen walk with faces uncovered, and swung out into effort and achievement.
I guess they wuz real good-lookin'. I know that the men with their turbans [Pg 602]and long robes looked quite well, though odd. In the shops wuz the most beautiful jewelry and precious stuns, and queer-lookin' but magnificent silk goods, and cotton, and lamps, and leather goods, and weepons, etc., etc., etc.
Wall, right there, as we wuz a-wanderin' through that street, from the handsomest of the residences streamed forth a bridal procession. The bride wuz dressed in gorgeous array of the beautiful fabrics of the East.
And the bridegroom, with a train of haughty-lookin' Arabs follerin' him, all swept down the streets towards the Mosque, with music a-soundin' out, and flowers a-bein' throwed at 'em, and boys a-yellin', and dogs a-barkin', etc., etc.
I drew my pardner out of the way, for he stood open-mouthed with admiration a-starin' at the bride, and almost rooted to the spot.
A-starin' at the bride.
But I drawed him back, and sez I, "If you've got to be killed here, Josiah Allen, I don't want you killed by a Arab."
And he sez, "I d'no but I'd jest as lieves be killed by a Arab as a Turkey.
[Pg 603]
"But," sez he, "you tend to yourself, and I'll tend to myself. I wuz jest a-studyin' human nater, Samantha."
And that wuz all the thanks I got for rescuin' him.
It wuz jest as interestin' to walk through that village as it would be to go to Egypt, and more so—for we felt considerable safer right under Uncle Sam's right arm, as it wuz—for here we wuz way off in Africa, amongst their minarets and shops, and tents, men, wimmen, and children in their strange garbs, dancin', playin' music, cookin' and servin' their food, jest as though they wuz to hum, and we wuz neighborin' with 'em, jest as nateral as we neighbor to hum with Sister Henzy or she that wuz Submit Tewksbury.
Then there wuz some native Arabs with 'em who wuz a-eatin' scorpions, and a-luggin' round snakes, and a-cuttin' and piercin' themselves with wicked-lookin' weepons, and eatin' glass; I wuz glad enough to git out of there. I hate daggers, and abominate snakes, and always did.
And then I knew what a case Josiah Allen is to imitate and foller new-fangled idees, and I didn't want my new glass butter dish and cream pitcher to fall a victim to his experiments.
[Pg 604]
Wall, next come Algeria and Tunis, and then Tunicks showed jest how they lived and moved in their own Barbery's state.
Their housen are beautiful, truly Oriental—white, with decorations of pale green, blue, and vermilion.
One is a theatre that will hold 600 folks.
Then comes the panorama of the big volcano Kilauana.
They couldn't bring the volcano with 'em, as volcanoes can't be histed round and lifted up on camels, or packed with sawdust, specially when they're twenty-seven milds acrost.
So they brung this great picter of it. I spoze it is a sight to see it.
But Josiah felt that he couldn't afford to go in and see the sight, and he sez, "It is only a hole with some fire and ashes comin' out of the top of it."
I sez ironically, "Some like our leech barrel, hain't it, with a few cinders on top?"
"Why, yes; sunthin' like that," sez he. "It wouldn't pay to throw away money on ashes and fire that we can see any day to hum."
I didn't argue with him, for I never took to volcanoes much—I never loved to git intimate with 'em. But it wuz a sight to behold, so Miss Plank said—she went in to see it. She said, "It took her breath away the sight on't, but she's got it[Pg 605] back agin (the breath); she talked real diffuse about it. But to resoom. The Chinese Village wuz jest like goin' through China or bein' dropped down onbeknown to you into a China village.
Two hundred Chinamen are here by a special dispensation of Uncle Sam.
And next to China is the Captive Balloon. I had wondered a sight what that meant.
Josiah thought that somebody had catched a young balloon, and wuz bringin' it up by hand, but I knew better than that. I knew that balloons didn't grow indigenious.
And it wuz jest as I'd mistrusted—they had a big balloon here all tied up ready to start off at a minute's notice.
You jest paid your money, and you could go on a trip up in it through the blue fields of air. I told Josiah "that it wouldn't be but a few years before folks would ride round in 'em jest as common as they do in wagons." Sez I, "Mebby we shall have a couple of our own stanchled up in our own barn."
"You mean tied up," sez he, and I do spoze I did mean that.
But now to look up at the great deep overhead, and consider the vastness of space, and consider the smallness of the ropes a-holdin' the balloon down, I said to myself, "Mebby[Pg 606] it wuz jest as well not to tackle the job of ridin' out in it that day."
Jest as I wuz a-meditatin' this Josiah spoke up, and sez, "I won't pay out no two dollars apiece to ride in it."
And I sez, "I kinder want to go up in it, and I kinder don't want to."
And he sez, "That is jest like wimmen—whifflin', onstabled, weak-livered."
Sez I, "I believe you're afraid to go up in it."
"Afraid!" sez he; "I wouldn't be afraid a mite if it broke loose and sailed off free into space."
"Why don't you try it, then?" I urged. "Wall," he sez, a-lookin' round as if mebby he could find some excuse a-layin' round on the ground, or sailin' round in the air, "if I wuz," sez he—"if I had another vest on. I hain't dressed up exactly as I'd want to be to go a-balloon ridin'.
"And then," sez he, a-brightenin' up, "I don't want to skair you. You'd most probable be skairt into a fit if it should break loose and start off independent into space. And it would take away all my enjoyment of such a pleasure excursion to see you a-layin' on the earth in a fit."
Sez I, "It hain't vests or affection that holds you back, Josiah Allen—it's fear."
"Fear!" sez he; "I don't know the meanin' of that word only from what I've re[Pg 607]ad about it in
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