William Tell Told Again, P. G. Wodehouse [uplifting books for women .TXT] 📗

And he patted Friesshardt on the head. Friesshardt bellowed.

Gessler beckoned to one of his courtiers.

"Have you a handkerchief?" he said.

"I have a handkerchief, your Excellency."

"Then dry this man's eyes."

The courtier did as he was bidden.

"Now," said Gessler, when the drying was done, and Friesshardt's tears had ceased, "what has been happening here? I heard a cry of 'Help!' as I came up. Who cried 'Help!'?"

"Please, your lordship's noble Excellencyship," said Friesshardt, "it was me, Friesshardt."

"You should say, 'It was I,'" said Gessler. "Proceed."

"Which I am a loyal servant of your Excellency's, and in your Excellency's army, and seeing as how I was told to stand by this 'ere pole and guard that there hat, I stood by this 'ere pole, and guarded that there hat--all day, I did, your Excellency. And then up comes this man here, and I says to him--'Bow down to the hat,' I says. 'Ho!' he says to me--'ho, indeed!' and he passed on without so much as nodding. So I takes my pike, and I taps him on the head to remind him, as you may say, that there was something he was forgetting, and he ups and hits me, he does. And then the crowd runs up with their sticks and hits me and Leuthold cruel, your Excellency. And while we was a-fighting with them, this here man I'm a-telling you about, your Excellency, he outs with an arrow, puts it into his bow, and sends it through the hat, and I don't see how you'll ever be able to wear it again. It's a waste of a good hat, your Excellency--that's what it is. And then the people, they puts me and Leuthold on the ground, and hoists this here man--Tell, they call him--up on their shoulders, and he starts making a speech, when up you comes, your Excellency. That's how it all was."

Gessler turned pale with rage, and glared fiercely at Tell, who stood before him in the grasp of two of the bodyguard.

"Ah," he said, "Tell, is it? Good-day to you, Tell. I think we've met before, Tell? Eh, Tell?"

"We have, your Excellency. It was in the ravine of Sch�chenthal," said Tell firmly.

"Your memory is good, Tell. So is mine. I think you made a few remarks to me on that occasion, Tell--a few chatty remarks? Eh, Tell?"

"Very possibly, your Excellency."

"You were hardly polite, Tell."

"If I offended you I am sorry."

"I am glad to hear it, Tell. I think you will be even sorrier before long. So you've been ill-treating my soldiers, eh?"

"It was not I who touched them."

"Oh, so you didn't touch them? Ah! But you defied my power by refusing to bow down to the hat. I set up that hat to prove the people's loyalty. I am afraid you are not loyal, Tell."

"I was a little thoughtless, not disloyal. I passed the hat without thinking."

"You should always think, Tell. It is very dangerous not to do so. And I suppose that you shot your arrow through the hat without thinking?"

"I was a little carried away by excitement, your Excellency."

"Dear, dear! Carried away by excitement, were you? You must really be more careful, Tell. One of these days you will be getting yourself into trouble. But it seems to have been a very fine shot. You are a capital marksman, I believe?"

"Father's the best shot in all Switzerland," piped a youthful voice. "He can hit an apple on a tree a hundred yards away. I've seen him. Can't you, father?"

Walter, who had run away when the fighting began, had returned on seeing his father in the hands of the soldiers.

Gessler turned a cold eye upon him.

"Who is this?" he asked.

"It is my son Walter, your Excellency," said Tell.

"Your son? Indeed. This is very interesting. Have you any more children?"

"I have one other boy."

"And which of them do you love the most, eh?"

"I love them both alike, your Excellency."

"Dear me! Quite a happy family. Now, listen to me, Tell. I know you are fond of excitement, so I am going to try to give you a little. Your son says that you can hit an apple on a tree a hundred yards away, and I am sure you have every right to be very proud of such a feat. Friesshardt!"

"Your Excellency?"

"Bring me an apple."

Friesshardt picked one up. Some apples had been thrown at him and Leuthold earlier in the day, and there were several lying about.

"Which I'm afraid as how it's a little bruised, your Excellency," he said, "having hit me on the helmet."

"Thank you. I do not require it for eating purposes," said Gessler. "Now, Tell, I have here an apple--a simple apple, not over-ripe. I should like to test that feat of yours. So take your bow--I see you have it in your hand--and get ready to shoot. I am going to put this apple on your son's head. He will be placed a hundred yards away from you, and if you do not hit the apple with your first shot your life shall pay forfeit."

And he regarded Tell with a look of malicious triumph.

"Your Excellency, it cannot be!" cried Tell; "the thing is too monstrous. Perhaps your Excellency is pleased to jest. You cannot bid a father shoot an apple from off his son's head! Consider, your Excellency!"

"You shall shoot the apple from off the head of this boy," said Gessler sternly. "I do not jest. That is my will."

"Sooner would I die," said Tell.

"If you do not shoot you die with the boy. Come, come, Tell, why so cautious? They always told me that you loved perilous enterprises, and yet when I give you one you complain. I could understand anybody else shrinking from the feat. But you! Hitting apples at a hundred yards is child's play to you. And what does it matter where the apple is--whether it is on a tree or on a boy's head? It is an apple just the same. Proceed, Tell."

The crowd, seeing a discussion going on, had left the edge of the meadow and clustered round to listen. A groan of dismay went up at