It Gets Worse, Alasdair Mackenzie [books on motivation TXT] 📗

cries every time we meet eye to eye, my father abuses me hoping he could whack the devil out of me. I stand strong because I know, somewhere in my life, things get better. Even if it's not what you hope or dream of, when life get's better at it's own pace, it's ten times for than what you imagine. Do NOT speak to me about the word of God, ever. You don't know me, no one does."

 

***

 

I couldn't help but pray for Athan. He had been hurt and is still hurting. I told my brother about all of this. He bit his bottom lips. Something he does when he's proclaimed guilty.

 

"Big brother? What is it? What have you done?" I asked, now worried about him. He sighed and lead me into his room, no one was in there, he closed the door, not bothering to lock it He sat on his bed, his head in his hands for a while before he looked up at me.

 

"I....I kissed the boy, that boy who was dancing with Athan. Oh little brother, I am turning impure". I was taken aback. What should I say? What should I do? My body seemed to have a mind of it's own and I went to give my brother a hug, suddenly, I felt Justin pull me backwards so my back was collided on the bed, he began to kiss me then my neck.

 

I froze. It felt so good yet so wrong. He was my brother! Incest and homosexual acts were both impure in God's eyes. If anyone, anyone saw this, we would both be shamed. I tried my best to pry off of him but his grip becomes stronger and stronger as he began to rub down where my crotch was.

 

A sharp gasp escaped from my lips when he rubbed me down at the crotch. I stopped trying to get him to stop when I heard my zipper unzip and his mouth in my cock, sucking me as if I were a Popsicle. I was about to come but he undid his pants and positioned himself; I knew what he was going to do next.

 

Oh god please no. Please, someone....help...

 

***

 

The door was literally kicked open and an angered Athan appeared. He pushed my brother off of me and began to punch him, sock him out of consciousness. I was still for a moment but I knew I had to get in front of Athan, to stop him.

 

"Athan! Athan what are you doing!?" I shouted, attempting to stop him but he protested and kept on socking my brother even though he was out like a light. I managed to get Athan off of Justin to look at me. His eyes were filled with tears as if he had a flashback while he socked my brother.

 

"I...I'm sorry. But...the...the same thing ha-happened to me," He said in a hoarse voice. I asked him why while leading us both to the bed. "The..the man...he's my step-father my...my real father, le...left us. But no, know in your mind, he was not the cause of my being gay. But...he is the cause, of another. He...r...raped me."

 

***

 

"Daniel? Daniel? DANIEL!" Zach shouted in my ear, snapping his fingers trying to snap me out of my trance. I blinked my eyes rapidly and looked at him. He had a tray filled with food in each hand. "I'll need help."

I blinked once more and nodded. I took of one the trays off of his hand and followed. I couldn't help but avert my eyes down to his round buttocks. He had a fine butt indeed. Incest...was I attempting a crime? No, I'm not a criminal. Am I?

Chapter 3

I left the restaurant for a few short minutes to go have lunch at Taco Bell. It was 2:00, not really the best time for me. Much too crowded inside and in the drive through. When I finally found a suitable parking spot, I died the engine down and went inside.

 

I waited in line in which in my opinion, took forever. I decided to keep myself occupied by looking around and deciding what I wanted as I waited in line. When it was finally my turn after the sixth one, I ordered my meal, paid, and then went over to an empty seat.

 

Bored and thirsty, I got back up to retrieve a cup and poured some diet coke on the rocks before I went to sit back down and stared at the turned-off TV in front of me taking a sip of my diet coke every now and then. I sighed as memories of Athan's suicide ran through my mind, tears actually started to form. Quickly, I wiped them with the back of my hand and took a sip of my diet coke.

 

"Order number 237. Order number 237." The worker announced as I got up to retrieve my order. I sat back down after paying the man and giving a twenty dollar tip. I ate my food slowly, savoring the taste.

 

***

 

It has been months since summer camp was over and Athan has not changed one bit, but I think I have. I started to like spending time with Athan even if we did sit separate in church. We would glance at each other while the adults weren't looking and make faces. My brother would catch us once in every while and glare.

 

After church, Athan ran up to me with a smile. "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to join me for lunch, just as friends". He was careful not to as "as a date" around my parents who were icky about him.

 

"Of course." I casually said as I follow him to his truck. The drive was pretty long and I thought lunch meant burgers, tacos, or subway. Not...a...a.... fancy restaurant?!

 

Athan stopped the truck once he parked it and smiled, "hope it's not too much for a gorgeous young man like you". Gorgeous? He called me gorgeous? I couldn't help but feel a blush on my cheeks as I followed him inside the restaurant.

 

I followed Athan closely behind. I could not help but sin and my eyes gazed down on that perfect toned muscular arse. His legs looked firm and strong. I blinked and shook my head mentally to get rid of these "thoughts".

 

***

 

We sat near the window, a great view to see the ocean. I was glad our table was set inside and not out. I hear it was going to get freezing cold. The Lord must have loved me for this night. No sooner than later did I felt Athan's hand gently on mine.

 

I felt both electricity and a warm sensation. Two things I was not suppose to feel. Going out with Athan was supposed to prove my own loyalty and the Lord's that I was straight. What is this? My hormones? Yes, my hormones. Man's body was made for evil and impure things. Yes, blame my body and hormones.

 

"You are blaming your hormones aren't you?" Athan asked, not turning to look at me. My eyes widen as I turn to look at him, a blank impression settled on his face, his lips moved a little and all I wanted to do was to just grab his face and kiss him here and now. Ugh! Stupid hormones! "That's what they all think when they don't want to admit they are either curious, bi, or gay themselves. They'll make up any excuse to believe they are good, straight, and normal. No one is all good, straight things can be bent or broken, and what is normal anyways? Is normal being assaulted? Being bullied? Being accepted by few? Having to live and tell a lie?"

 

His words hit me to the core. He was right. What is the definition of those three things now? Do they really mean anything to anyone? Stilling having my hand in Athan's I looked at him as he continued to watch the waves crash against the rocks or come in a quarter of the way on the beach.

 

***

 

"Sir? Sir?" A man asked. I blinked from my flashback trance and looked up at him. I noticed his uniform that he was a security guard. Am I in trouble? "The mall is about to close in a few minutes, best if you go home now while the doors are still unlocked."

 

I nodded and thanked the security guard as he tipped his hat and walked away as I got up and put my trash away then headed down the stairs and out the door towards home slowly, it was not as if I had something good to look forward to if I did then I am cursed.

 

When I arrived home, I opened the door to be greeted by a loud screech. My 'lovely' wife was home and on one of her tempers tantrums. I swear she is so immature and childish when she doesn't get EVERYTHING she wants. I sighed and closed my door then stalked to where that horrid voice was when I went into the living room, my eyes widen slightly.

 

Mom? Dad?

 

***

 

It was a month later after Athan had killed himself and was buried. None of my family came but Zach and two of his brothers who were either married or engaged. Athan's family and friends came too, none took blame or pointed fingers. It was his choice to go. We were all depressed he decided to leave all of us.

 

As I drove back home, I noticed a white care parked in my parking space, I sighed and parked behind the car. It looked vaguely familiar but I could not point my finger to it. When I got out of my car and into my house, my parents had huge grins on their faces. I raised my eyebrow in confusion.

 

"Mom? Dad? Why are you both grinning like the Cheshire Cat?" I asked receiving a giggle from my mother. My father's grin turned into a smile as they both stepped to the side to reveal the one woman I wish never to see in my entire life dead or alive.

 

Marriah

 

***

 

"Marriah was just telling us you abused her to get what you want then you go off with friends to drink loads and loads of beers and shots." My father said sternly. My mother had a scowl on her face as Marriah pretended to shed tears but I knew and she knew she was faking. I glared at her but was careful not to let my parents see my impression.

 

I stood tall and faced the man called my father. "Believe what you want to believe. I never loved her so if what she said is true then let it be, I would love to do all she had said to you, sounds more fun than shopping for a whorish bitch."

 

My mother gasp as Marriah fake cried louder. My father took a step forward and punched me across the face, I fell on the floor from the full force of the impact and rubbed my jack, this was going to leave an mark. I quickly stood up and punched back. I took martial arts with Athan