To All the Boys that Broke my Heart Before, Belén Domínguez [books to read to get smarter .TXT] 📗

“He is probably immature, you should be with someone older”

“Are you sure about that?”

“He’s a kid”

I did try to ignore those comments because, at the end of the day, I should do whatever I wanted. If I felt I wanted to hang out with him, I should, right? So, we did plan to see each other, probably go to the mall and watch a movie. We said that we would hang out on Saturday. I remember him being so excited that we would finally see each other, it was adorable, I must admit.

I was in finals’ week, and he wished me good luck with a test I was going to have. I was pretty nervous, but he was so sweet saying that I was going to do an amazing job. He wanted to see me so badly that he offered to give me a ride home after my classes. I wanted to see him too, so I agreed and would let him know when my test ends.

I was pretty nervous about seeing him, to be completely honest. It was a mixture of nervousness and excitement. When my test was over, he told me that he was almost there. I decided to wait for his arrival with my two best friends. Anyway, when he arrived he texted me letting me know where exactly was he waiting. So, I went out and saw him standing there while checking something on his phone. I slowly approached, taking in his features. He was taller, way taller. His face had this charm pretty hard not to like. He had these cute boyish features that made him look so adorable. He seemed like a good guy, with a kind heart. Even distracted he looked good—oh how I envied that. As soon as he saw that I was walking towards him, he flashed me a smile. It seemed like the most awkward and shyest smile I’ve ever seen in my life. Can’t blame him though, because I was being the same way, but I knew how to dissimulate better. I remember that we just greeted each other, not really knowing what to say. Since we had sort of more trust in one another, he removed some hair off my face and placed it behind my ear, smiling the entire time. He had this face that seemed like he wasn’t quite believing that we were finally in front of each other. I swear he couldn’t look me in the eyes though, he was just awkwardly staring at the ground. At the time, I thought he was the most adorable guy ever, his shyness was so hard not to fall for.

We talked for a little bit before we walked towards his car. After we were on our way, he seemed more open. I tried my best to avoid any awkwardness by making jokes, trying to make him laugh; also because I liked it when he did. It made me feel satisfied when he would throw his head back laughing over something I said. He had this deep voice that I couldn’t stop craving to hear. I just loved everything about it. Even though he seemed so good, it was still too soon to fall for him. The thing about it is that as you saw before, I’ve had the experience of falling too quickly and too deeply. I wanted to learn from my mistakes and see if it was worth it to actually think about if what I wanted was to start something with this boy. I didn’t want to get hurt again. . .

Keep that in mind as you read.

When we arrived we decided to stay a bit longer outside of my house—none of us wanted to say goodbye just yet. We talked about whatever random topic we could think about. With him, I felt like time wasn’t passing by. We flirted, of course, I couldn’t help myself, he looked so cute and for some reason, he was smiling.

I remember he always hated his smile, I loved it.

It seemed sincere and genuine.

We finally said our goodbyes and I went inside my house. Now that I had an even closer look at him, I had this urge to know him even more, but for that, I would have to wait till Saturday. I felt different with him, to be completely honest. I felt that he was kind, funny, and noticed the little things—which to me, was extremely important. For example, one day, I sent him a selfie after going to the hair salon to get my hair cut. I cut it just a few inches. People tend to never notice because they think that I look the same as always. I know, I have long hair, but it was kind of noticeable whenever I got a hair cut, I didn’t need to have a pixie cut for it to show that I have gone to the hair salon.

“Hey, did you get a haircut?”

I was shocked, seriously. I know it’s nothing, but to me, it meant so much that he noticed.

“YES! How did you know?” I just couldn’t believe it.

“Because your edges look different, it looks so nice”

Those were very attractive assets that I found on him—the way he noticed the little things. He took the time to see my features, analyze them, and mention what I did differently. I feel like for him, I was special enough to be noticed.

All of this about him sounds amazing, though unfortunately, we’re reaching the part where I explain when everything went wrong.

The day came and he offered to pick me up so we can go together to the mall. We arrived and went directly to the cinema. He offered to pay, which I thought was very sweet, though I wish he had let me pay for myself—even though they’re being gentlemen, I can’t help but thinking how I owe something. Anyway, I believed things were doing great. He was doing all the right things and behaving in the best way possible. I was actually having a good time since he was being so funny. We saw the movie—horrible by the way, Frederic and I agreed on that—then went to get some coffee.

I must confess that the main problem I had with him at that moment was how he was moving too fast. We acted as if we were already a couple and I wasn’t ready just yet.

My mind kept going back about all the things people have commented about him every time I would mention that I was inclined to start something. The whole time, I thought to myself that he was very sweet, that he was great, that he could be perfect for me. But, like a broken disc, every comment kept replaying over and over again. I shouldn’t have cared, I know. . . Well, just wait.

Above all that was the fact that he was moving too fast as I said. I guess I was scared. Right there, I wasn’t blaming him, I promise. The next day I texted him that I wanted some time to think about it. He kind of took it okay, even though he totally seemed disappointed. But, he tried to comprehensive which I found nice of him. We didn’t talk to each other for almost two weeks. Then we started to text once again, going slow this time. Again, he wanted something more/ What I didn’t like about him is that he acted like he was ready for everything with me, but I wasn’t, and I would constantly feel that pressure. We did flirt a lot, I know, but with him, it was inevitable to do so, everything he commented was all flirty. I liked him, but I wanted to go out with him more to know if it was meant to be.

We saw each other again, that time I was for sure going to take things slow. We went out for dinner, caught up with each other, laughed, and so on. There were times where we found each other on the edge of making a move, the tension was pretty thick. Every time he was close to my face I would turn away, blushing. I thought to myself repeatedly that things were supposed to go slow, I couldn’t kiss him just yet, I wasn’t sure about that. I’ve made that mistake in the past and I didn’t want to do it again. We did kiss on the prior hangout and I got scared that it would happen again and ruin the plan of moving steadily. That’s why I was always confused about all of that. I was very friend-like with him, which he noticed and wasn’t too convinced. But, if he wanted to be something with me, he needed to understand that I wanted some time and not going directly to just making out, ignoring the fact that we still needed some time before jumping into anything at all. Did he understand that? Much later, I realized that no, he kind of didn’t.

After he dropped me off at home, I said goodbye with a kiss on his cheek; he didn’t exactly look so thrilled, since he for sure thought I was going to at least give him a peck on the lips. I was trying to learn from my mistakes because it has happened that I would move too quickly and then get heartbroken almost instantly. It was that constant fear that made me realize that I should in fact just try and do things right. But, the next morning, he texted me that now he wanted time off from both of us. He said something about watching a movie and then went on about talking about how he doesn’t want to feel about a second choice anymore. Weird how he jumped from one thing to the other. I said that I understood since I didn’t know what else to say. I mean, I wanted to keep him in my life because he was pretty important. I loved it when we talked when he would say something funny, and just, in general, hanging out. But, he respected my time, now it was his turn. . . I guess.

We didn’t talk for some more time, again. Then we started to just text each other as friends, which was good because the last thing that I wanted is for him to vanish completely. I started seeing that a couple of weeks after that he asked for some “time” he started posting Instagram stories with some other girl. Mmmm, weird, huh? I didn’t think too much about it, but it made me curious as to who she was since literally, she came out of nowhere. I think one day I asked him about her. We were arguing with each other, in a jokingly way and then I go with:

“Oh please, stop it, you know what? Go cry on with your new girlfriend”

He replied with “Lmao jealous?”

I left him on read I remember, I hated when he said that. I wasn’t jealous in all honesty. Alright, I wasn’t completely sure of what I was feeling at that moment. But, it wasn’t funny whenever he would say that I was jealous.

The next morning, very early, by the way, I receive text after text, making me wake up. It was him.

“Hey, I don’t want to be mean, but that girl is my girlfriend”

It was indeed kind of obvious since at that point he was constantly putting pictures with her and whatnot. My response took him by surprise though.

“Oh my! Congratulations!”

“Wait, really?”

It was almost as if he couldn’t believe that I was congratulating him. He asked for some time to figure things out, in the middle of it he started dating this girl while “thinking about stuff”, who by the way, was his ex—I know, shocker. But, even though that was the situation, I felt happy for him. Like, he deserves to be happy, right? The conversation