Writings @ Ankur Mutreja, Ankur Mutreja [best beach reads of all time .TXT] 📗

The toll in the Chamunda Mata temple stampede, has risen to 224, an official spokesman said.

Colorful dresses! But, unfortunately, no color can takeover white this time.

Chapter 1.1.27: Stampedes v. Terror Attacks

Stampedes are bigger killers in India than bomb blasts that so dramatically capture our mindspace. In 2008 alone so far, over 360 people lost their life in major stampedes compared to 156 killed by bomb blasts.

But, there is a difference: Stampedes are suicidal deaths, which are not crime under the IPC; whereas, terror attacks are murders, which carry the maximum punishment under the IPC. Of course, instigation to commit suicide is a crime, but no one ever gets booked for instigating religious suicides.

Chapter 1.1.28: Advice for India: Atleast Don't Get the Virus

India on Wednesday sought to downplay the controversial provisions of a bill cleared by the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the India-United States nuclear agreement with a rider that will prevent the transfer of nuclear equipment, materials or technology from the Nuclear Suppliers Group countries or any other source in the event of New Delhi conducting a test.

“I would not like to comment on their internal process,” Foreign Secretary Shiv Shanker Menon told reporters when asked for the Indian government’s reaction to the Senate Committee’s clearance of a bill with a rider. “We are not going to comment on what they (Congress) do internally,” he said.

I must appreciate the US. They are brashly truthful about their intentions to f___ India. And, India is also brashly shameless about its pathetic status in the relationship. Pleasure, for some, can come from complete domination; but, for others, from complete submission to sadism. But, an advice for India: At least don’t get the virus.

Chapter 1.1.29: Balapur Ganesh Laddu Shouldn't Be Auctioned

The famous Balapur Ganesh Laddu fetched Rs 5.07 lakh in an auction held in the final stages of the Vinayaka Chathurdhi and Ganesh idols immersion today. The devotees believe that their families would prosper and possess abundant wealth, if they spray the laddu in their agricultural field.

I strongly condemn this practice of auctioning national treasure like Balapur Ganesh Laddu. This is the filthiest form of Capitalism. Such precious articles should be declared public property, and no one person should be allowed to garner extraordinary profits out of it. The Government should immediately confiscate this Laddu and make a billion exact replica of it with the sincere services of the modern Godmen like Ravishankar, Ramdev, Shankaracharya, Sathya Saibaba, etc. Each Indian has a right to spray this Laddu where ever he wants, whenever he wants, and become rich and prosperous.

Chapter 1.1.30: Rules of Survival in Bombay oops Mumbai

Continuing their protests against the Bachchan family even after Jaya Bachchanapologised for speaking in Hindiat a function on September 6, Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) activists pelted stones at the PVR theatre in Juhu in north-west Mumbai, where the premiere of Amitabh Bachchan’s latest movie ”The Last Lear” was scheduled.

I am surprised that after living for so many years in Bombay oops Mumbai, Jaya Bachchan could make such a mistake! For the benefit of the Bachchans, there are certain other rules which they need to follow at all times for survival in Bombay oops Mumbai:

1) Give seat to a Marathi lady in preference to any other lady (if ever Bachchans travel in any public transport) and apply this rule intelligently in other similar situations.

2) Never ever in your wildest dream make fun of Shivaji.

3) Thackereys are the self acclaimed representatives of Bombayites oops Mumbaikars, and give them respect for this very reason, out of fear, of course.

4) Learn to accept that a non-Marathi is always wrong in Bombay oops Mumbai, whatever may be the dispute.

5) It’s Mumbai, not Bombay

6) And, most importantly, always remember that the color of soil in Maharashtra is RED.

Chapter 1.1.31: De-Facto Nuclear Power Status of India

The Congress on Saturday hailed the NSG decision to provide a waiver to India stating that it is a unique development that confers de facto nuclear power status to the country.

Terming it as the “greatest event in the 20th-21st century,” party chief spokesperson M. Veerappa Moily said countries that were hostile to India after New Delhi conducted nuclear tests and the P-5 (permanent five members of the U.N. Security Council) had agreed to the waiver. “We have become P-6. It is a historical event,” he said.

We have really reached a landmark. This de-facto nuclear power status of India is nothing less than the Government-in-Exile status of the Tibetan Government.

Chapter 1.1.32: Increase Police Budget for Better Results

Arun Kumar (22) was arrested by T Nagar Police on charges of stealing 40 sovereigns of gold from his friend’s house. He lost nine fingers allegedly due to torture by police. He moved Madras High Court seeking a compensation of Rs ten lakh.

This just doesn’t make sense. For 40 sovereigns, nine fingers! And compensation of ten Lakhs for nine fingers! It is again the mistake of the police. They didn’t do their job well. If, instead of nine, they had cut ten fingers, all the figures would have matched: 1 finger for 4 sovereigns each, and 1 Lakh for every finger. I think the TN police work on a tight budget; the TN Government should increase the budget of the police so that they can perform their duty of torturing people fully and satisfactorily, without worrying about the prospective costs. And, also the court, while awarding compensation, should take into account the annual budget for torture duty related expenses minus the hard-earned private money received by the police for inflicting torture and should accordingly award compensation.

Chapter 1.1.33: White Clad Civilian Nuclear India

As the second meeting of the Nuclear Suppliers’ Group draws near, it would appear that India is ready to make some concessions. It has downgraded its demand from an “unconditional” to a “clean” waiver. “We have made it quite clear that we are interested in clean waiver from the NSG. We have presented our case. We have made our position clear to interlocutors,” said external affairs minister Pranab Mukherjee.

The word “clean” means bleaching to make it all white as liked by the “White House”. And, rightly so: The Civil Nuclear India should only wear white clothes after losing the Strategic Nuclear India in the Indo-US nuke deal. This is in sync with the long standing Indian tradition. However, courtesy the movie “WATER”, I know that the White Clad Indian Widows are often forced into prostitution. But, the US wouldn’t do this to India; will it?

Chapter 1.1.34: Marathi Soil is RED

Bal Thackeray’s Shiv Sena is vying with the Raj Thackeray led Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) to get political space on the issue of Marathi signboards.

While the MNS deadline for Mumbai shop owners to change their signboards from English to Marathi has ended, the Shiv Sena has asked Brihanmumbai Municipal Committee (BMC) to enforce Marathi signboards on traders and shopkeepers.

The Thackereys are the sons of the Marathi soil, and, therefore, they want to color the English soil (Bombay) into the color of the Marathi soil (Mumbai); however, it is just unfortunate that the color of soil in Maharashtra is RED.

Chapter 1.1.35: Territory Expansion by Men Is Easy, Courtesy Police

A new study has revealed that a Jamaican lizard called the Anolis engages in impressive displays of reptilian strength – push ups, head bobs, and threatening extension of a colourful neck flap called a dewlap – to defend its territory at dawn and dusk. While female anoles establish small territories allowing access to food and other resources, while males stake out larger territories allowing them access to several females. The dawn chorus may be a way of communicating having survived the night. If in the morning a bird doesn’t hear its neighbour, or an anole doesn’t see its neighbour, it may be an opportunity for the animal to expand its territory.

For men, it is so easy: They just need to earn lots of money and give a part of it to Police, to defend and to expand territory (including access to several women).

Chapter 1.1.36: Mia Bibi Razi to Kya Karega (Strictly Male) Quazi

Muslim clerics have questioned the sanctity of a marriage of a Sunni couple under the Shariat law which was solomonised by a Shia women Quazi

I used to think that at least in Muslims it doesn’t matter what the Quazi thinks, and that’s what the law also states (Muslim marriage is an agreement, not a sacrament). But, no, it seems I was wrong: Muslim couples can marry sans a male Quazi but not in the presence of a female Quazi. Come on, at least make an exception for a Burqa-Clad Female Quazi.

Chapter 1.1.37: Mukesh Ambani does it Again

The tree-lined Altamount Road is a favourite of India’s “very rich”, Wealth-Bulletin said, and added that it was “catapulted into the ranks of the world’s most expensive when India’s wealthiest individual Mukesh Ambani unveiled plans last year to build a residential apartment block on the street at a cost of around $1 billion”.

Proud-to-be-an-Indian Mukesh Ambani has added another feather to his cap by getting Altamount Road included in the Wealth-Bulletin’s world’s most expensive streets in the world, courtesy the extraordinary 27-floor building, called “Antilia”, to be build by Mukesh Ambani on Altamount Road, Mumbai. His patriotism has no bounds!

Chapter 1.1.38: Xbox 360 | the Modi’s Gujarat

The game is “Xbox 360 | the Modi’s Gujarat”. Modi is the champion, and Gujarat is the battle field. The first round went to the Mujahideens: Damage 50 and counting. Modi stages a come back in the second round: 21 bombs recovered and defused in Surat with one of them 20 meters away from the site where Modi was 1 hr ago; damage zero! Modi’s spirits are high, and he is all set to triumph in the other rounds in Rajkot, Vadodra, Gandhi Nagar, etc. Modi is already a champion in the Xbox 2008 championship and all set for the next; but, are the people of Gujarat ready for it because it is just not a game for them after all.

Chapter 1.1.39: The Shiv Sena’s Taj Mahal

The Shiv Sena claims Taj Mahal as an ancient Shiva temple. Now this is some disillusionment. I have been thinking that Taj Mahal was built by Shahjahan in the fond memory of his wife Mumtaj Mahal. I feel pity for the sorry state of our educational system: What all nonsense is put into the innocent minds in the name of historical proofs and evidence! Is there no credibility of the divine knowledge which the Shiv Sena possesses!

We need more political parties like the Shiv Sena so that we can rightfully claim Jama Masjid as an ancient preaching centre of Lord Krishna; Qutab Minar as an ancient helipad of Shri Hanuman; Charminar as an ancient secret hiding place of the pandavas during their banwas; Red Fort as Prithvi Raj Chauhan’s ancient holiday resort; and each and every neighborhood mosque as an ancient Vedic library or an ancient old-age home or an ancient Shri Hanuman akhara or an ancient guli-danda club or…

Chapter 2: Reviews

Chapter 2.1: Travel Locales

Chapter 2.1.1: Shillong, the Beauty

I visited Shillong, which is the capital of Mehgalaya, in August 2014. In fact, it was a side-visit