The Book of Good Manners, W. C. Green [primary phonics books .TXT] 📗

weddings held in churches, and when they are used no one should be admitted to the church without one. They are sent with the wedding invitations.

CARRIAGES.

BALLS. See BALLS-CARRIAGES.

DANCES. See DANCES-CARRIAGES.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS-CARRIAGES.

MEN. In a general way a man should provide a carriage when escorting a woman in evening dress to any function. If she does not wear evening dress, and they are going to an informal affair, it would be proper to take a street-car.

SUPPERS. See SUPPER AND THEATRE PARTIES—MEN—CARRIAGES.

THEATRES. See THEATRES AND OPERA PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN—CARRIAGES.

WOMEN. A woman accepting, with her mother’s or chaperone’s consent, a man’s invitation to the theatre may, with propriety, request him not to provide a carriage unless full dress on her part is requested.

CATHOLIC PRIEST—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Father Wilson, and ends: I beg to remain faithfully yours, The address on the envelope is: The Reverend John J. Wilson. But if he holds the degree of D.D. (Doctor of Divinity), the address is: Reverend John J. Wilson, D.D., or Reverend Dr. John J. Wilson.

CELERY is eaten with the fingers.

CHANGE OF RESIDENCE. WOMEN. After a change of residence, the cards of the entire family should be sent out as soon as possible.

CHAPERONE. A chaperone takes precedence of her charge in entering drawing or dancing rooms and on ceremonious occasions. At an entertainment both enter together, and the chaperone should introduce her protege to the hostess and to others. The two should remain together during the evening. In a general way the chaperon takes under her charge the social welfare of her protege.

BALLS. A mother should attend balls with her daughters, going and returning with them, and if she is not invited, it is in good taste for the daughters to decline the invitation.

A father can act as escort, if need be, instead of the mother. A mother can delegate her powers to some one else when requested to act as a chaperone.

MEN CALLING. A man should ask the chaperone’s permission to call upon her protege, and once it is granted no further permission is necessary. The chaperone should be present while a debutante receives male callers the first year, and when the first call is made she should be present throughout the evening and should decide as to the necessity of her presence during subsequent visits.

CARDS. A chaperone introducing and accompanying young women should leave her own card with that of her protege.

DANCES. The chaperone should give her permission to a man who desires to dance, promenade, or go to supper with her charge, who should not converse with him at length save at the chaperon’s side, and the chaperon should accompany both to supper. If without an escort, the young woman may accept the invitation of her last partner before supper is announced.

INTRODUCTIONS. A man should never be introduced direct by card or letter to a young unmarried woman. If he desires to be introduced, the letter or card of introduction should be addressed to her chaperone or mother, who may then introduce him to the young woman if she deems it advisable.

At an entertainment a chaperone may ask a young man if he wishes to be introduced to the one under her care.

LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. A man having a letter of introduction to a young woman should present it in person to the chaperone.

If the latter is out when he calls, he should mail it to her, and she may then notify him when he may call, and should herself be present.

SUPPER, TEA, DINNER. A young woman receiving an invitation to a man’s supper, tea, or dinner may accept if she has the consent of her mother or chaperone, and is assured that a chaperone will be present.

THEATRES. A chaperone’s permission should be asked before a man’s invitation to the theatre can be accepted. The chaperone can also accept, on behalf of her protege, invitations from men to theatre parties or suppers, if she too is invited.

The chaperone should be present at mixed theatre parties—one for small, and two or more for larger parties and suppers. The chaperones may use their own carriage to call for the guests, and then meet the men at the places of entertainment. The chaperone should say when the entertainment shall close.

UNABLE TO BE PRESENT. When a chaperone is unable to fulfill her duties, she may delegate them to another, provided it is agreeable to all concerned.

CHEESE is first cut into small bits, then placed on pieces of bread or cracker, and lifted by the fingers to the mouth.

CHINA WEDDING. This is the twentieth wedding anniversary, and is not usually celebrated; but if it is, the invitation may bear the words NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation. An entertainment is usually provided for. Any article of china is appropriate as a gift.

CHOIR-BOYS AT WEDDINGS. These form a brilliant addition to a church wedding, and when employed they meet the bridal party in the vestibule, and precede them to the altar, singing a hymn or other appropriate selection.

CHRISTENING.

DRESS. The mother wears an elaborate reception gown to the church, with white gloves and a light hat or bonnet.

If the ceremony is at the house, she can wear an elaborate tea-gown.

The guests wear afternoon or evening dress, according whether the ceremony comes before or after 6 P.M.

FLOWERS. A christening ceremony offers a good opportunity for the guests who desire to present flowers to the mother. This is not obligatory, however, and must remain a matter of personal taste.

GIFTS. A christening ceremony offers a good opportunity for the invited guests, if they desire, to send a present to the baby.

These should be sent a day or two before the ceremony, and if of silver should be marked with the child’s name, initials, or monogram.

GUESTS. The invitations should be promptly answered.

At a church ceremony the guests, as they are few in number, assemble in the front pews.

At a large house christening the affair is conducted somewhat like an afternoon reception.

Wine is drunk to the child’s health, and the guests take leave of the hostess.

INVITATIONS are issued by the wife only to intimate friends, and should be promptly answered.

If the christening is made a formal entertainment, to take place in the drawing-room, the invitations may be engraved.

MEN. If the ceremony is in the afternoon they wear afternoon dress, but at an evening affair evening dress.

At an afternoon ceremony in the summer it is allowable for the men to wear straw hats and light flannel suits.

At a large house christening the affair should be conducted somewhat like a reception, and men on departing should take leave of the hostess.

WOMEN dress as they would for an afternoon reception if the ceremony comes in the afternoon, and if it comes after breakfast or luncheon, as they would for a breakfast or luncheon.

At a large house christening the affair should be conducted like a reception, and women should take leave of the hostess on their departure.

CHURCH. A man usually follows the woman, who leads to the pew, and he enters after her, closing the door as he does so.

He should find the places in the service book for her.

This same courtesy he should extend to a woman who is a stranger to him.

CLERGYMAN.

CHRISTENING FEES. It is customary to send a fee to the officiating clergyman, unless he is a relative or a near friend.

EVENING DRESS. Custom permits a clergyman to wear his clerical dress at all functions at which other men wear evening dress; or, if he wishes, he may also wear the regulation full dress. The wearing of either is a matter of taste.

HOW ADDRESSED. All mail and correspondence should be addressed to Rev. Mr. Smith, but in conversation a clergyman should be addressed as Mr. Smith. If he has received the degree of D.D.

(Doctor of Divinity)from some educational institution, then he is addressed as Dr. Smith, and his mail should be addressed as Rev. Dr. Smith.

WEDDING CEREMONY. The officiating clergyman (minister or priest) is selected by the bride, who usually chooses her family minister, and the latter is then called upon by the groom with regard to the details. If a very intimate friend or relative of the groom is a clergyman, it is in good taste for the bride to ask him either to officiate or to assist.

If from any cause—as, living outside the State—the clergyman is unable to legally perform the ceremony, a magistrate should be present to legalize the ceremony, and should receive a fee.

CARRIAGE. A carriage should be provided by the groom to take the clergyman to the church, then to the reception, and thence to his house.

FEE. A fee should be paid the clergyman by the groom through the best man, who should hand it to him immediately after the ceremony.

If two or three clergymen are present and assist, the fee of the officiating clergyman is double that of the others. The clergyman should receive at least five dollars in gold, clean bills, or check, in a sealed envelope, or more, in proportion to the groom’s financial condition and social position.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The clergyman should always be invited to the reception.

CLUB.

ADDRESS. If residing at a club, a man’s visiting-card should have his club’s name in the lower right-hand corner; if not, the name should be put in lower left-hand corner.

STATIONERY. This is always in good form for social correspondence by men.

COACHING. See DRIVING.

COACHMAN-TIPS. It is customary when a guest leaves a house party after a visit to give the coachman a tip.

COLLEGE DEGREES. Custom, good taste, and the fitness of things forbid a college man having engraved, on his visiting-card, his college degrees—as, A.B., A.M., etc.

COMMERCE, Secretary of—How Addressed. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr, Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary of Commerce.

COMMITTEES-PUBLIC BALLS. Public balls are conducted like private ones, and the etiquette is the same for the guests. The difference in their management is that, in place of a hostess, her functions and duties are filled by committees selected by the organization giving the ball.

CONCLUSION OF A LETTER. The standard conclusions of letters are: I remain sincerely yours, or; Believe me faithfully yours.

For business correspondence the standard conclusions are: Yours truly, or; Very truly yours.

For relatives and dear friends the standard forms are: Affectionately yours, or; Devotedly yours.

One should avoid signing a letter with only initials, Christian name, surnames, or diminutives.

MEN. In writing formally on business to a woman he knows slightly, a man could say: I am respectfully yours. When not on business he could write: I beg to remain yours to command.

He should avoid a signature like: J. Jones Wilson, but write: James J. Wilson WOMEN. In social correspondence a married woman should sign: Minnie Wilson, and not: Mrs. John Wilson.

If she wants to make known in a business letter the fact of her being married, and may not know if the person addressed knows the fact, she may write: Minnie Wilson

(Mrs. John Wilson)

An unmarried woman would sign her name as: Minnie Wilson, and if wishing not to be taken for a widow would sign: Miss Minnie Wilson.

CONDOLENCE.

CALLS. When death occurs in the family of a friend, one should call in person and make kindly inquiries for the family and