Frozen in Time, Radia Al Rashid [reading like a writer txt] 📗

 

“Girl, when will you bring a plus one to home, huh?” Julia quirks her brow while decorating the wall with balloons.

“Um, it sounds more like it; listen carefully N-E-V-E-RR.”

“Yeah right! Stop being such a nonchalant diva, Evy! Look at you, such a gorgeous young woman with a promising career.”

“Promising? More like struggling but meh! It’s Sam the brat’s birthday, Jules. Come on, let’s not make it all about me. We can talk about it later, save it.” I grin.

“Just one question, I mean answer this one and I won’t bother asking anymore.”

“Alright, what is it?” I roll my eyes.

“Are you gay?”

“What made you think so?”

“Do not answer my question with another question you silly.”

“Nope! I’m not gay and that’s what I can assure you completely. Now, shall we?” I motion towards the heap of balloons.

“My question had two parts. You just answered the first part and the second one is still due.”

“Jules! Seriously?”

“Shut it. Now tell me, are you asexual?” the creases formed on her temple is saying how anxious she actually is at this point.

“I don’t know yet. You know, I didn’t get the chance to figure it out. I know my being virgin at the age of what 25? Yeah, right I’m halfway through the 20s, wow! Whatever, so at this stage being virgin seems a bit off to you guys but trust me, I’m doing just fine.”

“You sure? You can give it a shot, I mean you can figure out if you really are asexual or not, right?”

“Julia, is this a sex education class going on here? Believe me sister, I’m just FINE.”

“If you say so.” She mumbles. She is turning into my mom being overly anxious and totally freaked out about anything and everything. I gently squeeze her shoulder with a reassuring smile before going to catch the little brat.

I have never really been too hooked on dating or relationships in my life. Of course, I still have tons and tons of celebrity crushes but well, it’s just about crush. They are only some really ripped and hot people to fantasize a thing or two about. Imagining kissing Lucas Bravo or Chris Evans once in a while just feels great. That’s it, nothing deeper, nothing more. I might be an asexual, who knows!

Right! With Richard, things were different, you used to feel different and you were crazy impatient to meet him. You are not asexual dummy! You’re just broken.

“Wow! That’s harsh, why am I always so mean while talking to myself! I should consider being more polite from now on.”

“With whom?”

“What?” I spin around to find Drake’s bright smile.

“You came? Wow!”

“Uh-huh and don’t forget it’s not you who invited me. it’s Jules, such a sweetheart. You really should consider being much politer with me.” he smirks.

“I wasn’t talking about you dumbo! But whatever, now that you are here, I can’t kick you out, can I?” I hug him smiling.

“Hey, you are here, Drake, right?” Julia’s voice floats in from behind.

“Yeah hey! Look at you.” Drake pulls her into a hug.

“I’m really glad you made it.”

“He is really hot, consider being a little closer.” She mouths at me before leaving the room.

I knew it! Argh.

“So, um what are you doing tomorrow?”

Is he trying to ask me out? That’d be really weird to turn him down. Gosh! Why am I so afraid of dating!

“Um well, I am meeting a friend, I guess.”

“Cool! Friend from work or university?”

“First of all, I don’t have any friend in work except you and I’m talking to you now, so no, it’s not you. Yeah, she is from university, I mean my first university, you know I had to switch twice later.”

“Yeah, right but I still don’t know why did you switch...”

“I’ll tell you when I’m ready. Leave it for now.”

“Sure, so is this friend someone special?” he pumps his brows playfully.

“It’s a girl and I’m not gay so nope, not anyone special.”

“Such a tough cookie!”

“Who, me? I think I’m just a little jerk, nothing else.” I laugh.

“About that? I don’t have any doubt though.”

“I’ll kill you.” I slightly punch his bicep while giggling.

“Guys! Where are you?” Kate’s voice is not to be mistaken, always too cheerful.

“Katie!” I squeal with excitement, “I missed you loads!”

She hugs me tight, “Honey! you’re so grown up now and so beautiful! OMG! I missed you more.”

“Is it our dearest aunt I’m hearing?”

“Jules! O my God! You’re a fricking cool mom now.” Kate pulls her into the group hug.

“Where’s Joshua? Not seeing him around.” Julia looks over at the door.

“He couldn’t make it, sorry!” Kate pouts, “That workaholic thing cannot lift his head from the heap of works.”

“It’s fine. We all know how busy he always is but be careful, he must be out of work on his wedding day at least.” Julia teases.

In reply Kate chuckles with a tinge of blush on her cheeks. Joshua is her fiancé whom she met around two years back. He is a very successful lawyer; hence, workaholic but his handsome face and charming nature totally align with Kate’s. They look so fricking good together.

“So, who’s this young man? Am I finally meeting our little Evy’s oh-so-stunning boyfriend?” Kate winks looking the way Drake keeps standing with a clueless expression.

OMG! The good reason I didn’t want him to be here today.

“Kate, Kate... Kate, no! he’s not my stunning boyfriend. He’s simply a friend, a good friend if you say.”

“Really, Eve? That’s not fair. You guys look dead gorgeous together.”

“It’s okay Kate, maybe they need a little more time to get to know each other more, you know. No pressure.” Julia intervenes with a generous smile.

“Yeah course!” I agree with her immediately to shift the topic to something else. “Anyway, for now meet my good friend, Drake. Drake, it’s my aunt Kate.”

“It’s an absolute pleasure meeting you, Miss?” Drake looks relieved.

“Kate, just call me Kate. Likewise! You’re such a nice guy, I can say that from the first look.” She hugs him.

A sudden crashing noise floats in from the living room making us a bit startled.

“O boy! Jules, it’s your brat, again. Let me see what else she just broke?” I duck out of the room laughing.

I feel so guilty and sad at the same time for not being able to be 100% present in anything. Although I just laughed and screamed and leapt like a baby to tenfold the excitement of the party, I felt empty inside. In fact, I am feeling like running away from the party and crawl on my bed to fall asleep that will last forever. I want to escape from the reality and no, I don’t have any energy to make any difference. It’s been a year I’ve stopped seeing my psychiatrist cos everything seemed to be coming down to the normal Evelyn I know from the day one. Has it really been better? Easier for me to deal with life? NOPE! I’m drowning every single second of my existence. I feel choked being right in the middle of laughter and flooding happiness. I fake to be the happiest, most nonchalant diva while dying inside bit by bit. Nobody sees, nobody knows how constantly the bleak storm is taking over me, my body, my soul... my whole being.

“You okay, dummy?”

“You haven’t left yet? The party is almost over.” I tease Drake with an evil smirk.

“You suck big time, you know that?” he chuckles.

“O yeah! I am very much aware of it.”

“So, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

Will he also ask if I’m gay or not? O boy!

“Go ahead.” I try to sound casual.

“Are you sad? I mean, I don’t know, you always seem so cheerful and all but something does not quite look good to me, you know.”

“I mean, who isn’t sad here and there? We all are right? It’s no big deal.”

“I know that but well, if you think you’re okay then fine. I would suggest get a date and come out of your Nun life. Things can change.” He shrugs.

“Really! I’m not nun, you jerk! It’s just, romance doesn’t work for me the way it does for you all.” I laugh it off. How do I respond to this? I myself do not have any idea why I am so freaked out of dating! I’m a hot mess.

“Am I interrupting here?” Kate stands at the door to the living room.

“Nope! Not at all. Come on in.” we say in unison which makes Kate more suspicious of Drake’s being something like my soulmate. What she doesn’t know is we’ve been completing each other’s sentences for eons now and still we don’t feel anything more than just friendship between us.

“Wow! That was so meant to be.” she winks with a the-guy-is-your-destiny smile.

“Kate! Come on, what is it you came to say?” I smile back with a hint of that’s enough!

“So, we are I mean me and Jules are unpacking the gifts, you wanna join in?”

“Course! Yay! This is the best part.” I leap up. “You wanna come or maybe you can just join Matthew and others to do some dumb guy stuff.” I smirk.

“I better do that. At least, the dumb guy stuff is much better than unpacking gifts.” He mouths at me. in reply, I just stick my middle finger at him with a big smile.

Chapter Three

 

The next day, I wake up around 1 pm with the urge to sleep some more hours. I am feeling too exhausted to even move. I’ve become thoroughly boring these days. Nothing excites me, dang it. Before closing my eyes again, my stomach growls so hard to let me know that I better lift my butt off of this bed soon. Groaning at my non-cooperative body, I slide down my bed making the bed sheet and blanket drop on the ground with me.

“Argh! why is everything so haaaaaard.”

Suddenly, the thought about meeting Sarah crosses my mind. Not that I’ve been planning for this meet up, it’s just what came out of my mouth while ducking from the possibility of Drake’s asking me out last night at Jules’.

I think, I should give it a shot. I mean, I still have her number saved and I kinda saw her the other day here in New York. Just texting will not do much harm, I guess. But wait, what if she gets super mad for contacting her after decades? What if she already forgot me? What if she ignores me with such a bitterness that will push me further down the depressive spiral? Why! Why is life so hard!

The simple thought of shooting her a text starts a full-blown carnival inside my stomach. All the what ifs are literally choking me alive. Yes, my anxiety and panic attacks are here, AGAIN after one whole year.

“What the EF! It’s just a text Evelyn, and no, it’s not Richard you are gonna send the text to, it’s Sarah! Your friend SARAH!” I shout at my ridiculous mental state.

Yet for another 20 minutes I grabbed the phone and without even tapping on the screen, threw it on the bed. Glancing at the clock, I scowl in frustration.

Come on, idiot! Your stomach is getting ready to get out of