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Chapter 16

 

 

 

 

 

Now,  With Regard To Fountains,  It Is To Be Noted That Nepenthe,  An

Islet Of Volcanic Stone Rising Out Of The Blue Mediterranean,  Has

Never--For All Its Natural Attractions--Been Renowned For Cool Springs

And Bubbling Streamlets. There Is,  To Be Sure,  A Charming Couplet In

Some Old Humanist About Lympha Nepenthi; But Modern Scholars Are

Disposed To Think Either That The Text Is Corrupt And That The Writer

Was Picturing An Imaginary Nympha--Some Laughing Sea-Lady--Or Else That

He Merely Indulged In One Of Those Poetic Flights Which Are A Feature

Of The Literature Of His Period. For Whatever The Cause May Be--Whether

Internal Fires Have Scorched Up The Natural Humours Of The Soil,  Or

Whether The Waters Of Nepenthe Are Of Such Peculiar Heaviness That,

Instead Of Flowing Upwards In The Shape Of Fountains,  They Tumble

Downwards Into Caverns Below The Sea--The Fact Remains: Nepenthe Is A

Waterless Land. And This May Well Be The Reason,  As Several Thoughtful

Observers Have Already Pointed Out,  Why Its Wines Are So Abundant In

Quantity,  So Cheap In Price,  And Of Such Super-Excellent Flavour. For

It Is A Fact Conformable To That Law Of Compensation Which Regulates

All Earthly Affairs,  A Fact Borne Out By The Universal Experience Of

Mankind,  That God,  When He Takes Away With One Hand,  Gives With The

Other. Lack Of Water,  On The Face Of Things,  Might Be Deemed A

Considerable Hardship. There Are Tracts In Africa Where People Have

Been Known To Barter Wives And Children For A Cupful Of The Liquid

Element. Of The Inhabitants Of Nepenthe It Must Be Said To Their Credit

That They Endure Their Lot With Equanimity,  And Even Cheerfulness.

Their Wine Costs Nothing. Why Grumble At The Inscrutable Ways Of

Providence? Why Be Thirsty,  Why Be Sober,  When You Can Get As Drunk As

A Lord For The Asking?

 

For The Rest,  There Are Indications To Show That Such Was Not The

Original Condition Of Affairs On The Island. On The Contrary,  Certain

Legends Still Current Among The Country-Folk Lead One To Suspect That

Fountains Once Flowed On This Arid Rock. And More Than Legends.

Monsignor Perrelli,  In His Antiquities Of Nepenthe,  Has Gone Into The

Subject With His Usual Thoroughness. The Reader Who Takes The Trouble

To Consult That Work Will Find,  In The Twenty-Sixth Chapter Of The

Third Section Dealing With The Natural Productions And Water-Supply Of

The Island,  An Enumeration Of No Less Than Twelve Fountains Still

Flowing During The Author's Lifetime. Some Of Them Issued High Up,  In

Rocky Clefts; Others At The Middle Heights,  Among Vineyards And

Orchards; The Majority At,  Or Near,  The Seashore. All Of These Springs,

He Tells Us,  Had The Following Features In Common: They Were More Or

Less Hot,  Unpleasant To The Taste,  Of Foetid Odour And Therefore Unfit

For Culinary Or Other Common Uses. "But Let It Not Be Supposed," He

Hastens To Add,  "That They Were Worthless,  Inasmuch As There Is No Such

Thing As A Worthless Gift Of Providence. Whoever Argues On Such

Fallacious Lines," He Says,  "Will Stand Convicted Both Of Folly And Of

Irreverence,  Seeing That It Is The Business Of Mankind,  When Confronted

By A Phenomenon Which Seems To Mock Their Intelligence,  Humbly To

Ponder The Evidence--To Investigate Causes And Ascertain Results." In

The Present Case The Utility Of The Waters,  If Not For Cooking Or

Drinking Then For Other Specific Purposes,  Had Been Put To The Proof

Time Out Of Mind,  In An Empirical Fashion; Though It Was Not Till The

Reign Of The Good Duke Alfred That A Series Of Classical Experiments

Placed Our Knowledge Of Their Medicinal Properties On A Sound

Scientific Footing.

 

In A Dissertation Attached To This Twenty-Sixth Chapter--A Dissertation

Larded With Illustrative Extracts From Galen Celsus,  Avicenna,  Antonius

Musa,  Oribasius Salvus And About Fifty Others Of The Ancients Who

Professed The Healing Art--Monsignor Perrelli Condenses For His Readers

The Results Of These Classical Experiments; He Hands Down The Names Of

These Springs And Their Manifold Healing Virtues.

 

The Fountain Of Saint Calogero,  Described As One Of The Most Famous,

Was Lukewarm,  Of Ammoniacal And Alkaline Flavour; A Glassful Of It

Produced The Most Violent Retchings And Vomitings. Properly Applied,

However,  The Water Had Been Found To Relieve The Gout,  The Discomforts

Of Child-Bearing,  Leprosy,  Irritation Of The Mucous Membrane Of The

Nose,  Impetigo,  Strabismus And Ophthalmia. If The Patient Observed Care

In His Diet,  Avoiding Articles Of Calorific Nature Such As Fried Fish

And Boiled Lentils,  He Would Find Himself Greatly Benefited By Its Use

In The Case Of Cornucopic Hydrocephalus,  Flatulence,  Tympanitis And

Varicose Veins. It Was Useful,  Furthermore,  As A Cure For The Stings Of

Scorpions And Other Venomous Beasts.

 

The So-Called "Fountain Of Paradise," Of Nitrous Ingredients,  Spurted

Forth With A Prodigious Hissing Noise At A Temperature Of Boiling Lead,

From So Inaccessible A Fissure In The Rocks That Little Had Been Done

To Investigate Its Peculiar Properties. It Was Held None The Less To Be

Efficacious For The Distemper Known As Plica Polonica,  And The Peasant

Folk,  Mixing Its Spray With The Acorns On Which Their Pigs Were

Fattened,  Had Observed That These Quadrupeds Prospered Vastly In Health

And Appearance.

 

The Fountain Of Hercules,  Laxative And Tartaric,  Had Proved Its

Efficacy In Cases Of Enlarged Spleen,  Hare-Lip,  Vertigo,  Apoplexy,

Cachexia,  Cacodoria,  Cacochymia Senilis And Chilblains. It Was Also

Considered To Be A Sovereign Remedy For That Distressing And Almost

Universal Complaint,  The Piles.

 

The Fountain Known As "La Salina," Of Arsenical Nature,  Was Frequented

Chiefly By Women Who Found In Its Waters An Alleviation For Troubles

Which Monsignor Perrelli Does Not Specify. It Was Recommended,

Moreover,  As A Sheep-Dip.

 

The Fountain Of The Virgin,  Purgative And Blastopeptic,  Had Given

Relief To Sufferers From The Quartan Fever,  Herpes,  Elephantiasis,  And

To All Persons Of Atrobiliary And Lunatick Temperament.

 

The So-Called "Old Fountain," Of Sub-Acidulate And Vitriolique Flavour,

Chalybeate And Cataplastic,  Was Renowned For Removing Stains From

Household Linen. Taken In Minute Doses,  Under Medical Advice,  It Gave

Relief To Patients Afflicted With The Wolfe,  Noli Me Tangere,

Crudities,  Bablyonian Itch,  Globular Pemphlegema,  Fantastical Visions,

Koliks,  Asthma And Affections Of The Heart. It Also "Fortifies The

Stomach,  Comforts The Bowels,  Reduces The Gallstone To Sand,  The Sand

To Mud,  The Mud To Water--Water Which Can Be Passed Out Of The System By

The Usual Channels."

 

The Fountain Of Saint Vulcan,  Anti-Blepharous And Amygdaloidal,  Was

Charged With Such Potent Minerals That A Single Spoonful Produced A

Diarrhoea More Distressing To Witness Than Cholera. None The Less,

Applied Externally,  It Was A Wondrous Remedy In Cases Of Jaundice,

Toothache And Open Wounds.

 

The Fountain Of The Capon,  Sedative And Scorbutic,  Was Indicated For

Rheumatisms Of Every Kind,  Not Excluding Sprained Limbs,  Hydrophobia,

Lycanthropy,  Black Choler,  Oppilations And Procrastinating Catapepsia.

 

The Fountain Known As "Spina Santa" Was Resorted To By All Persons

Suffering From Maladies Of The Alimentary Canal,  Such As Dysentery,

Cloven Palate,  Follicular Hepatitis,  And Trabulated Hyperaemia Of The

Bivonian Passage.

 

The Fountain Of Saint Feto Had,  By Virtue Of Its Smell Alone,  Applied

To Her Nose As She Lay In Her Coffin,  Raised From The Dead A Certain

Anna Da Pasto.

 

The Fountain Popularly Called "La Pisciarella" Was Peculiarly Adapted

To Those Ailments Which Are Incidental To Childhood And Youth--To Wit:

Chlorosis,  St. Vitus' Dance,  Constipation,  Ringworm,  Otootitis And

Other Perimingeal Disturbances,  Urticaria,  Moon-Sickness,  Scrofula And

Incontinence Of Urine.

 

Lastly,  The Fountain Of Saint Elias,  Sulphurous And Saponaceous,  Was

Renowned For Its Calming Influence Upon All Who Suffered From Abuse Of

Lechery Or Alcohol,  Or From Ingrowing Toe-Nails.

 

This Concludes The List.

 

"Whence We May Safely Infer," Says Monsignor Perrelli At The

Termination Of This Chapter,  "That Our Island Is Second To No Part Of

The Globe In This Divine Gift Of Salutary Waters. And If Some Should

Ask Why Certain Of These Springs Have Recently Undergone A Marked

Diminution In Volume We Can But Answer,  Simply And Truthfully,  That

Their Virtues Are No Longer In As Great Demand As Formerly. For Is It

Not A Fact That Distempers Like Leprosy And Plica Polonica Are Now

Almost Unknown On Nepenthe? It Follows That The Waters Adapted To

Maladies Such As These Have Performed Their Appointed Task,  So Far As

This Island Is Concerned. They Are Doubtless Flowing Elsewhere,  Through

Mysterious Channels Of The Earth,  To Carry Their Health-Giving Virtues

Into Fresh Regions For The Saving Of Men's Lives,  To The Glory Of Their

Creator."

 

Thus Far The Learned And Ingenious Monsignor Perrelli. . . .

 

It Stands To Reason That So Remarkable A Chapter Should Not Have

Escaped The Notice Of The Bibliographer Who,  As Already Observed,  Had

Been Engaged For The Last Quarter Of A Century In Elucidating The Text

Of The Old Historian And Enriching It With Footnotes For The Better

Understanding Of Modern Students. In The Interval Of Three And A Half

Centuries Many Changes Had Taken Place In The Physical Aspect Of

Nepenthe; Among Other Things,  These Twelve Streams Of Pestilential

Odour Had Ceased To Flow,  All Save The Fountain Of Saint Elias; Their

Very Sites Had Been Forgotten,  Though Traditions Of Their Former

Existence Still Lingered Among The Populace.

 

Searching Among The Archives For Whatever Might Bear On The Ancient

History Of These Springs,  Mr. Eames Had Accumulated Abundant Material

For Footnotes Geological,  Hydrographical And Balneo-Therapic.

Furthermore,  His Personal Explorations On The Island Had Enabled Him To

Locate The Site Of At Least Four Of These Old Fountains,  And To Prove

That If Some Of Them Had Been Covered Up Under The Debris Of

Landslides,  The Majority Had Disappeared In Consequence Of A General

Desiccation Of The Province.

 

Lastly And Chiefly,  His Investigations Had Brought Him In Contact With

That Manuscript,  Already Mentioned,  Of The Dominican Monk Father

Capocchio-A Manuscript In Which He Alighted Upon A Curious But

Troublesome Literary Discovery Anent These Very Fountains. The Author,

A Contemporary Of Monsignor Perrelli,  A Hater Of Nepenthe,  A Cleric Of

Lascivious And Lecherous Temperament,  Has In This Parchment Preserved

What He Calls A "Popular Joke"--A Saying Which He Declares To Have Been

"Common Property Of The Whole Country" On The Subject Of Nepenthe And

Its Evil-Smelling Waters. It Was One Of Those Scholarly,  Ponderous And

Yet Helplessly Straightforward Jokes Of The Late Renaissance; A Joke To

Which Monsignor Perrelli Does Not Allude,  Both For Reasons Of Local

Patriotism And Of General Decorum; Some Vulgar Dictum,  In Short,

Connected With The Name Of The Patron Saint Of Nepenthe Who,  He Urged,

Was Simply A Local Nature-God,  Christianized.

 

When The Bibliographer's Eagle Eye First Fell Upon This Passage He Was

Staggered. Then,  On Reflection,  He Found Himself In An Awkward

Predicament--His Natural Modesty As A Man Contending With A No Less

Natural And Legitimate Pride And Desire As Historian That The Fruits Of

His Labours Should Not Be Lost.

 

"These," He Said,  "Are The Dilemmas Which Confront The Conscientious

Annotator."

 

What Position Was He To Take Up? Should He Exclude The Miserable Joke

Altogether From His Amended And Enlarged Edition Of Perrelli? He Did

Not Feel Himself Justified In This Line Of Conduct. Some Future

Investigator Would Be Sure To Unearth It And Get The Credit For His

Industry. Should He Re-State It In Such Terms As To Make It Palatable

To Refined Readers,  Diluting Its Primary Pungency Without Impairing Its

Essential Signification? He Was Disposed To Adopt That Course,  But,

Unfortunately,  All Attempts At Verbal Manipulation Failed. Good Scholar

As Mr. Eames Was,  The Joke Proved To Be Obdurate,  Uncompromising;

Vainly He Wrestled With It; Try As He Would,  It Stood Out Naked And

Unashamed,  Refusing To Be Either Cajoled Or Bullied Into

Respectability. There Was No Circumventing That Joke,  He Decided.

Should He Reproduce It There Fore In Extenso? Such,  After Mature

Deliberation And Not Without Certain Moral Misgivings,  He Conceived To

Be His Duty Towards Posterity. Veiled In The Obscurity Of A Learned

Tongue,  The Joke Was Surreptitiously Introduced Into The Company Of A

Thousand Chaste Footnotes That Could Dispense With Such Covering

Devices.

 

Of The Subsequent History Of The Saint Elias Fountain,  Which Alone

Still Continued To Flow,  The Bibliographer Also Learned Much--How Its

Fame Had Grown In The Seventeenth And Eighteenth Centuries Till It

Attracted Invalids From The Most Distant Provinces,  Necessitating The

Erection Of A Palatial Pump-Room For The Better Accommodations Of

Visitors; How Latterly Again The Waters Had Unaccountably Fallen Into

Disfavour With The Public. And This,  Notwithstanding The Fact That In

1872 The Celebrated Privy Councillor Dr. Saponaro,  Director Of The

Montecitorio Home For Incurables,  Had Written,  At The Urgent

Solicitation Of The Nepenthe Town Authorities (Who Were Alarmed At The

Decrease In Their Bathing-Tax Revenue) A Pamphlet--A Pamphlet Which,  By

The Way,  Cost Them A Mint Of Money In View Of The Author's Deserved

Reputation As An Incorruptible Scientist--A Pamphlet Extolling The

Virtue Of The Spring; Proving,  By Elaborate Chemical Analysis,  That Its

Ingredients Had Not Only Not Changed A White Since The Days Of

Monsignor Perrelli

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