South Wind(Fiscle Part-3), Norman Douglas [most important books of all time .TXT] 📗

Their Time And Money,

Often Their Lives,  To Alleviating The Distress Of Others. However That

May Be,  They Are Generalities. We Came To You About A Practical Matter,

And An Urgent One. We Want To Remove A Crying Scandal From The Island.

The Habits Of Miss Wilberforce,  As I Think I Pointed Out,  Are Shocking

To All Decent Folks. I Suppose You Won't Deny That?"

 

"I Remember Your Using Those Words. They Struck Me As Remarkable

Because,  For My Own Part,  I Have Not Yet Discovered Any Man,  Woman,  Or

Child Who Could Shock Me. Some Persons Make A Profession Of Being

Scandalized. I Am Profoundly Distrustful Of Them. It Is The Prerogative

Of Vulgarians To Be Shocked. If I Ever Felt Inclined To Blush,  It Would

Not Be A The Crooked Behaviour Of Men,  But At Their Crooked

Intellectual Processes. Whenever A So-Called Scandal Comes My Way,  I

Thank God For The Opportunity Of Seeing Something New And Learning

Something To My Advantage."

 

"There Is Nothing Very New About The Scandalous Conduct Of Miss

Wilberforce,  Save Her Unfortunate Habit Of Divesting Herself--"

 

"Please To Note That There Is A Good Deal Of Loose And Exaggerated Talk

Going On Here. But One Thing Is Quite Certain. These Exhibitions,

Supposing They Really Take Place,  Have Never Been Known To Occur Until

After Midnight--With The Lamentable Exception Of Yesterday Afternoon,

When It Was Even Darker Than Midnight. If Your Decent Folks Are So

Squeamish,  What Are They Doing In The Streets At That Unearthly Hour? I

Am Asleep Them,  As They Ought To Be. This May Account For The Fact That

I Have Never Seen The Lady In A State Of Alcoholic Exhilaration. But If

I Had The Good Luck To Stumble Upon Her,  I Would Certainly Not Be

Shocked."

 

"And What,  May I Ask,  Would You Do?"

 

"My Feelings Towards The Spectacle Would Depend Upon The Momentary

State Of My Mind. I Might,  For Example,  Be In A Frolicsome Elizabethan

Mood. In That Case I Would Appreciate The Humour Of The Situation. If

Only Half Of What I Hear Is True,  She Must Be Extremely Funny At Such

Moments. I Would Probably Laugh Myself Into An Apoplexy. I Wish The

English Still Possessed A Shred Of The Old Sense Of Humour Which

Puritanism,  And Dyspepsia,  And Newspaper Reading,  And Tea-Drinking Have

Nearly Extinguished. It Ought To Be Revived Afresh. Nothing Like A Good

Drunkard For That Purpose. As A Laughter-Provoking Device It Is Cheaper

And More Effective Than Any Pantomime Yet Invented; And None The Worse,

Surely,  For Being A Little Old-Fashioned?"

 

"I Must Say,  Mr. Keith,  I Don't Think God Created Anybody To Be Laughed

At."

 

"Maybe He Didn't. But A Fellow Can't Help Laughing,  All The Same. On

The Other Hand,  I Might Be In That Interfering Humanitarian Mood Which

Is Liable To Beset Even The Wisest Of Us. I Would Then Be Tempted To

Lead Her Homeward Gently But Firmly,  Simulating Intoxication,  If I

Could Bring Myself To Do It--Pretending,  You Understand,  To Be In The

Same State As Herself,  If I Could Manage It With Any Prospect Of

Success--In Order To Make Her Feel Thoroughly At Ease. I Should Not

Dream Of Ruffling Her State Of Mind By A Single Word F Reproach; The

Private Feelings And Self-Respect,  Even Of A Drunkard,  Should Never Be

Violated. Again,  If I Were In My Ordinary Reflective Condition,  I

Should Doubtless Stand Aside And Muse,  As I Have Often Mused,  Upon The

Folly Of Intemperance. Drunkenness--That Shameful Vice! How Many

Estimable Men And Women Have Succumbed To It; Men I Have Known,  Women I

Have Loved And Even Respected! This Makes Me Think That We Ought To Be

Grateful To Have So Glaring An Example Of Insobriety Before Our Eyes.

We Ought To Regard Miss Wilberforce,  If Your Account Of Her Be True,  As

A Divine Warning. Warnings Are Not Sent For Nothing. And You

Gentlemen--You Propose To Hide Away This Heaven-Sent Warning In A

Sanatorium. That Strikes Me As Flying In The Face Of Providence."

 

"Our Project Would At Least Secure Her From The Risk Of Being Run Over

By Some Vehicle."

 

"Pray,  Why Should The Dear Lady Not Choose To Be Run Over? Surely She

Can Please Herself? It Would Be An Appropriate Ending To A Brief And

Merry Career. It Would Be More Than This. We Spoke,  Just Now,  Of Her

Example As A Deterrent To Others. Well,  This Example,  So Far As We

Spectators Are Concerned,  Would Lose Its Point And Pungency If She Died

As You Propose--A Half-Reclaimed Inebriate In Some Home. She Must Be Run

Over,  Or Otherwise Violently Destroyed,  If We Are To Have The Full

Benefit Of The Example. It Is Only Then That We Shall Be Able To Say To

Ourselves: Ah,  We Always Thought It Was Risky To Drink Strong Waters,

But Now We Know."

 

"A Fatal Accident Of This Kind,  Quite Apart From Other Considerations,

Would Involve Her Relatives In All Kinds Of Trouble With The Legal

Authorities Of This Country."

 

"I Am Glad You Mentioned The Legal Aspects Of The Case; I Had Nearly

Forgotten Them. They Are Most Important. In Electing To Be Crushed

Under A Vehicle She Acts On Her Own Initiative. What You Propose Is

Nothing Less Than A Curtailment Of Her Liberty Of Action. How Do You

Think The Local Authorities Would Envisage Such An Arbitrary Step? I

Imagine It May Cost You Dear To Arrogate To Yourselves A Power Which,

In This Country At Least,  Is Vested In The Proper Authorities. You May

Well Find Yourselves In Collision With The Penal Code Of Italy Which

Has Been Framed,  And Is Now Administered,  By Men Of Uncommonly Wide

Views--Men Who Reverence Personal Freedom Above Gold And Rubies. I

Should Not Be Surprised If Our Magistrate In Nepenthe Were To Take,  On

Legal Grounds,  The Same View Of The Case As I Hold On Purely Moral

Ones,  Namely,  That Your Action Towards Miss Wilberforce Would Amount To

An Unwarranted Persecution. He Would Regard It,  Very Likely,  As The

Unjustifiable Incarceration Of A Perfectly Harmless Individual. Signor

Malipizzo,  I May Say,  Has Pronounced Views As To His Duties Towards

Society."

 

This Was Too Much For One Of The Respectable Members Of The Deputation.

He Asked:

 

"Are You Referring To That Blackguard,  That Pestilential Hog,  Who Calls

Himself A Judge?"

 

"Perhaps You Do Not Know Him As Well As I Do. I Wish You Knew Him

Better. I Wish You Knew Him As Well As I Do! He Is Worth Knowing. Let

Me Tell You Something About Him--Something New And Characteristic. Like

Many Natives,  He Is Scrupulously Fair Minded And Honest. Now I Can Get

On,  At A Pinch,  Even With An Upright Man. That Is Because I Always Try

To Discover The Good Side Of My Fellow-Creatures. But Other People

Cannot. Accordingly,  Being An Incorruptible Magistrate,  He Is Liable To

Encounter Hostility Among A Certain Disreputable Section Of The

Populace. His Conscientious Methods Expose Him To The Accusation Of

Harsh Dealing. This Has Happened More Than Once. It Happened Only Two

Days Ago,  When He Sentenced To Prison A Batch Of Russian Lunatics Who

Were Responsible,  Among Other Damage,  For The Death Of Three Innocent

School-Children. I Commend His Action. He Erred,  If At All,  On The Side

Of Leniency; For We Really Cannot Have A Pack Of Raving Wolves At Large

Here. It Is Different In Russia. You Can Go Mad There--Indeed That

Country,  With Its Vast Plains And Trackless Forests,  Seems To Have Been

Especially Created For The Purpose Of Running Amok. But This Island Is

Really Too Small; There Are So Many Glass Windows And Babies

About--Don't You Think So,  Gentlemen?"

 

"Nepenthe Is Certainly A Small Place,  Mr. Keith."

 

"Note,  Now,  How Differently He Treats Miss Wilberforce,  Who Not Only

Never Killed Three School-Children But Has Never,  To The Best Of My

Knowledge,  Injured A Living Creature. I Am Informed On Good Authority

That,  After Spending A Tumultuous Night In Gaol,  She Has Already

Regained Her Liberty. And This,  If I Am Not Mistaken,  Is The Second Or

Third Occasion At Least On Which Our Judge Has Behaved In A Similar

Manner Towards Her. Once More I Commend His Action. Why Has Signor

Malipizzo Set The Lady Free? Because,  Unlike A Modern Philanthropist,

He Is Aware Of The Wider Issues Involved; He Acts Not With The Severity

Of A Fanatic,  But With The Understanding,  The Tolerance,  The Mellow

Sympathy Of A Man Of The World. I Said That Everyone On Nepenthe

Treated Miss Wilberforce As A Pariah. That Was A Mistake. I Ought To

Have Allowed For One Exception--Our Admirable Judge! It Strikes Me As

Significant That An Official Who Is Bound To Her By No Ties Of

Blood-Relationship Or Nationality And Who Enjoys,  Moreover,  A

Reputation--However Undeserved--For Harshness,  Should Be The One Person

On Nepenthe To Stretch A Point In Her Favour; The One Person Who

Extends To Her The Hand Of Friendship,  Whose Heart Goes Out In Sympathy

With Her Sad Case. Significant,  And Not Altogether Creditable To Us,

Her Compatriots. Now Who,  I Wonder,  Is The Friend Of Man,  The Modern

Prometheus; You Who Incarcerate Her,  Or This Alien Lawyer Who Sets Her

Free? To Be Perfectly Frank,  I Find Your Attitude Contrasts

Unfavourably With His Own. You Are The Rigorists,  The Harsh Ones. He Is

The Humanitarian. Yes,  Gentlemen! In My Humble Opinion There Is Not A

Shadow Of A Doubt About It. Signor Malipizzo Is The True

Philanthropist. . . ."

 

The Deputation,  Wending To The Market-Place Rather Hurriedly In Order

To Take Their Places In The Funeral Cortege,  Said To Themselves:

 

"We Ought To Have Waited."

 

Thinking It Over As They Marched Along,  The Respectable Members Came To

The Conclusion That The Others,  The Hopkins Section,  Were Really To

Blame For The Discomfiture Of The Expedition. It Was They Who Had

Insisted With Specious Arguments Upon An Interview At This Unseasonable

Hour Of The Morning; As For Themselves,  They Would Gladly Have Waited

For A More Suitable Occasion. In Undertones,  Low But Venomous,  They

Commented Upon The Undue Haste Of Mr. Hopkins And Its Probable Motives.

Later On They Understood Everything. Then They Called Him A Thief And A

Rogue,  Loudly--But Not To His Face.

 

Which Shows Yet Again How Inadequately Causes And Effects Are

Appreciated Here On Earth. The Dubious Mr. Hopkins May Well Have Been

Moved By Mercenary Considerations. But This Fact Had Nothing To Do With

The Unsatisfactory Issue Of The Affair. In Other Words,  Even As The

Saint,  In The Matter Of That Volcanic Eruption,  Had Previously Gotten

The Praise For What Was Not His Merit,  So Now This Sinner Was Blamed

For What Was Not His Fault. Had The Sub-Committee Waited Till The Crack

Of Doom,  It Would Have Made No Difference Whatever To The General Trend

Of Mr. Keith's Sententious Irrelevancies.

 

Perhaps,  If They Had Caught Him In A Better Humour,  He Might Have Had

The Decency To Invite Them To Luncheon After The Funeral.

 

Even This Was Problematical.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 27

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Funeral Was A Roaring Success. The Display Of Ecclesiastics And

Choristers Was Unusually Fine. Torquemada Had Seen To That Part Of The

Business. It Was His Duty Henceforward To Cherish The Bereaved

Representative Of Nicaragua--A Possible Convert,  At His Hand,  To The

True Faith. The Clubmen,  Headed By The Excellent Mr. Richards,  Wore

Their Gravest Faces. Furthermore,  In View Of The Lady's Quasi-Official

Position,  The Authorities Of The Island Were Present In Full Numbers;

The Militia,  Too,  Looked Superb In Their Picturesque Uniforms. And So

Large Was The Unofficial Attendance,  So Deafening The Music,  So

Brilliant The Sunshine,  So Perfect The General Arrangements That Even

The Deceased,  Captious As She Was,  Could Hardly (Under Other

Circumstances) Have Avoided Expressing Her Approval Of The Performance.

 

There Was An Adequate Display Of Fictitious Grief Among Her Social

Equals. Madame Steynlin,  In Particular,  Carried It Off--To Outward

Appearances--With Remarkable Success. She Looked Really Quite Upset,  And

Her Hat,  As Usual,  Attracted The Attention Of All The Ladies. Madame

Steynlin's Hats Were Proverbial. She Was Always Appearing In New Ones

Of The Most Costly Varieties. And Never,  By Any Chance,  Did They Accord

With Her Uncommon And Rather Ripe Style Of Beauty. Madame Steynlin Was

Too Romantic To Dress Well. She Trimmed Her Heart,