Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare [robert munsch read aloud .txt] 📗

Cleopatra a gipsy; Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior Romeo, bon jour! there’s a French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night. Romeo Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you? Mercutio The ship, sir, the slip; can you not conceive? Romeo Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy. Mercutio That’s as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams. Romeo Meaning, to court’sy. Mercutio Thou hast most kindly hit it. Romeo A most courteous exposition. Mercutio Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy. Romeo Pink for flower. Mercutio Right. Romeo Why, then is my pump well flowered. Mercutio Well said: follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain after the wearing sole singular. Romeo O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness. Mercutio Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint. Romeo Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I’ll cry a match. Mercutio Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five: was I with you there for the goose? Romeo Thou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not there for the goose. Mercutio I will bite thee by the ear for that jest. Romeo Nay, good goose, bite not. Mercutio Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most sharp sauce. Romeo And is it not well served in to a sweet goose? Mercutio O here’s a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell broad! Romeo I stretch it out for that word “broad;” which added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose. Mercutio Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature: for this drivelling love is like a great natural, that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole. Benvolio Stop there, stop there. Mercutio Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair. Benvolio Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large. Mercutio O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short: for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer. Romeo Here’s goodly gear! Enter Nurse and Peter. Mercutio A sail, a sail! Benvolio Two, two; a shirt and a smock. Nurse Peter! Peter Anon! Nurse My fan, Peter. Mercutio Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan’s the fairer face. Nurse God ye good morrow, gentlemen. Mercutio God ye good den, fair gentlewoman. Nurse Is it good den? Mercutio ’Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the prick of noon. Nurse Out upon you! what a man are you! Romeo One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to mar. Nurse By my troth, it is well said; “for himself to mar,” quoth a’? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I may find the young Romeo? Romeo I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when you have found him than he was when you sought him: I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse. Nurse You say well. Mercutio Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i’ faith; wisely, wisely. Nurse If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you. Benvolio She will indite him to some supper. Mercutio A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! So ho! Romeo What hast thou found? Mercutio

No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie, that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent. Sings.

An old hare hoar,
And an old hare hoar,
Is very good meat in lent:
But a hare that is hoar
Is too much for a score,
When it hoars ere it be spent.

Romeo, will you come to your father’s? we’ll to dinner, thither.

Romeo I will follow you. Mercutio Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, Singing. “lady, lady, lady.” Exeunt Mercutio and Benvolio. Nurse Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery? Romeo A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month. Nurse An a’ speak anything against me, I’ll take him down, an a’ were lustier than he is, and twenty such Jacks; and if I cannot, I’ll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure? Peter I saw no man use you a pleasure; if I had, my weapon should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side. Nurse Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word: and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself: but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into a fool’s paradise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing. Romeo Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto thee⁠— Nurse Good heart, and, i’ faith, I will tell her as much: Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman. Romeo What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me. Nurse I will