The Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde [book suggestions .TXT] 📗

to be⁠—and not quite so very alluring in appearance. In fact, if I may speak candidly⁠— Cecily Pray do! I think that whenever one has anything unpleasant to say, one should always be quite candid. Gwendolen Well, to speak with perfect candour, Cecily, I wish that you were fully forty-two, and more than usually plain for your age. Ernest has a strong upright nature. He is the very soul of truth and honour. Disloyalty would be as impossible to him as deception. But even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others. Modern, no less than Ancient History, supplies us with many most painful examples of what I refer to. If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable. Cecily I beg your pardon, Gwendolen, did you say Ernest? Gwendolen Yes. Cecily Oh, but it is not Mr. Ernest Worthing who is my guardian. It is his brother⁠—his elder brother. Gwendolen Sitting down again. Ernest never mentioned to me that he had a brother. Cecily I am sorry to say they have not been on good terms for a long time. Gwendolen Ah! that accounts for it. And now that I think of it I have never heard any man mention his brother. The subject seems distasteful to most men. Cecily, you have lifted a load from my mind. I was growing almost anxious. It would have been terrible if any cloud had come across a friendship like ours, would it not? Of course you are quite, quite sure that it is not Mr. Ernest Worthing who is your guardian? Cecily Quite sure. A pause. In fact, I am going to be his. Gwendolen Inquiringly. I beg your pardon? Cecily Rather shy and confidingly. Dearest Gwendolen, there is no reason why I should make a secret of it to you. Our little county newspaper is sure to chronicle the fact next week. Mr. Ernest Worthing and I are engaged to be married. Gwendolen Quite politely, rising. My darling Cecily, I think there must be some slight error. Mr. Ernest Worthing is engaged to me. The announcement will appear in the Morning Post on Saturday at the latest. Cecily Very politely, rising. I am afraid you must be under some misconception. Ernest proposed to me exactly ten minutes ago. Shows diary. Gwendolen Examines diary through her lorgnette carefully. It is certainly very curious, for he asked me to be his wife yesterday afternoon at 5:30. If you would care to verify the incident, pray do so. Produces diary of her own. I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. I am so sorry, dear Cecily, if it is any disappointment to you, but I am afraid I have the prior claim. Cecily It would distress me more than I can tell you, dear Gwendolen, if it caused you any mental or physical anguish, but I feel bound to point out that since Ernest proposed to you he clearly has changed his mind. Gwendolen Meditatively. If the poor fellow has been entrapped into any foolish promise I shall consider it my duty to rescue him at once, and with a firm hand. Cecily Thoughtfully and sadly. Whatever unfortunate entanglement my dear boy may have got into, I will never reproach him with it after we are married. Gwendolen Do you allude to me, Miss Cardew, as an entanglement? You are presumptuous. On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one’s mind. It becomes a pleasure. Cecily Do you suggest, Miss Fairfax, that I entrapped Ernest into an engagement? How dare you? This is no time for wearing the shallow mask of manners. When I see a spade I call it a spade. Gwendolen Satirically. I am glad to say that I have never seen a spade. It is obvious that our social spheres have been widely different. Enter Merriman, followed by the footman. He carries a salver, table cloth, and plate stand. Cecily is about to retort. The presence of the servants exercises a restraining influence, under which both girls chafe. Merriman Shall I lay tea here as usual, Miss? Cecily Sternly, in a calm voice. Yes, as usual. Merriman begins to clear table and lay cloth. A long pause. Cecily and Gwendolen glare at each other. Gwendolen Are there many interesting walks in the vicinity, Miss Cardew? Cecily Oh! yes! a great many. From the top of one of the hills quite close one can see five counties. Gwendolen Five counties! I don’t think I should like that; I hate crowds. Cecily Sweetly. I suppose that is why you live in town? Gwendolen bites her lip, and beats her foot nervously with her parasol. Gwendolen Looking round. Quite a well-kept garden this is, Miss Cardew. Cecily So glad you like it, Miss Fairfax. Gwendolen I had no idea there were any flowers in the country. Cecily Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss Fairfax, as people are in London. Gwendolen Personally I cannot understand how anybody manages to exist in the country, if anybody who is anybody does. The country always bores me to death. Cecily Ah! This is what the newspapers call agricultural depression, is it not? I believe the aristocracy are suffering very much from it just at present. It is almost an epidemic amongst them, I have been told. May I offer you some tea, Miss Fairfax? Gwendolen With elaborate politeness. Thank you. Aside. Detestable girl! But I require tea! Cecily Sweetly. Sugar? Gwendolen Superciliously. No, thank you. Sugar is not fashionable any more. Cecily looks angrily at her, takes up the tongs and puts four lumps of sugar into the cup. Cecily Severely. Cake or bread and butter? Gwendolen In a bored manner. Bread and butter, please. Cake is rarely seen at the best houses nowadays. Cecily Cuts a very large slice of cake, and puts it on the tray. Hand that to Miss Fairfax. Merriman