Henry IV, Part II, William Shakespeare [love letters to the dead txt] 📗

two of Sir John Falstaff’s men, as I think. Enter Bardolph and one with him. Bardolph Good morrow, honest gentlemen: I beseech you, which is Justice Shallow? Shallow I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor esquire of this county, and one of the king’s justices of the peace: What is your good pleasure with me? Bardolph My captain, sir, commends him to you; my captain, Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and a most gallant leader. Shallow He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword man. How doth the good knight? may I ask how my lady his wife doth? Bardolph Sir, pardon; a soldier is better accommodated than with a wife. Shallow It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well said indeed too. Better accommodated! it is good; yea, indeed, is it: good phrases are surely, and ever were, very commendable. Accommodated! it comes of “accommodo:” very good; a good phrase. Bardolph Pardon me, sir; I have heard the word. Phrase call you it? by this good day, I know not the phrase; but I will maintain the word with my sword to be a soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good command, by heaven. Accommodated; that is, when a man is, as they say, accommodated; or when a man is, being, whereby a’ may be thought to be accommodated; which is an excellent thing. Shallow It is very just. Enter Falstaff. Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your good hand, give me your worship’s good hand: by my troth, you like well and bear your years very well: welcome, good Sir John. Falstaff I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert Shallow: Master Surecard, as I think? Shallow No, Sir John; it is my cousin Silence, in commission with me. Falstaff Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of the peace. Silence Your good worship is welcome. Falstaff Fie! this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you provided me here half a dozen sufficient men? Shallow Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit? Falstaff Let me see them, I beseech you. Shallow Where’s the roll? where’s the roll? where’s the roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see. So, so, so, so, so, so, so: yea, marry, sir: Ralph Mouldy! Let them appear as I call; let them do so, let them do so. Let me see; where is Mouldy? Mouldy Here, an’t please you. Shallow What think you, Sir John? a good-limbed fellow; young, strong, and of good friends. Falstaff Is thy name Mouldy? Mouldy Yea, an’t please you. Falstaff ’Tis the more time thou wert used. Shallow Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i’ faith! Things that are mouldy lack use: very singular good! in faith, well said, Sir John, very well said. Falstaff Prick him. Mouldy I was pricked well enough before, an you could have let me alone: my old dame will be undone now for one to do her husbandry and her drudgery: you need not to have pricked me; there are other men fitter to go out than I. Falstaff Go to: peace, Mouldy; you shall go. Mouldy, it is time you were spent. Mouldy Spent! Shallow Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside: know you where you are? For the other, Sir John: let me see: Simon Shadow! Falstaff Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under: he’s like to be a cold soldier. Shallow Where’s Shadow? Shadow Here, sir. Falstaff Shadow, whose son art thou? Shadow My mother’s son, sir. Falstaff Thy mother’s son! like enough, and thy father’s shadow: so the son of the female is the shadow of the male: it is often so, indeed; but much of the father’s substance! Shallow Do you like him, Sir John? Falstaff Shadow will serve for summer; prick him, for we have a number of shadows to fill up the muster-book. Shallow Thomas Wart! Falstaff Where’s he? Wart Here, sir. Falstaff Is thy name Wart? Wart Yea, sir. Falstaff Thou art a very ragged wart. Shallow Shall I prick him down, Sir John? Falstaff It were superfluous; for his apparel is built upon his back and the whole frame stands upon pins: prick him no more. Shallow Ha, ha, ha! you can do it, sir; you can do it: I commend you well. Francis Feeble! Feeble Here, sir. Falstaff What trade art thou, Feeble? Feeble A woman’s tailor, sir. Shallow Shall I prick him, sir? Falstaff You may: but if he had been a man’s tailor, he’d ha’ pricked you. Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemy’s battle as thou hast done in a woman’s petticoat? Feeble I will do my good will, sir: you can have no more. Falstaff Well said, good woman’s tailor! well said, courageous Feeble! thou wilt be as valiant as the wrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse. Prick the woman’s tailor: well, Master Shallow; deep, Master Shallow. Feeble I would Wart might have gone, sir. Falstaff I would thou wert a man’s tailor, that thou mightst mend him and make him fit to go. I cannot put him to a private soldier that is the leader of so many thousands: let that suffice, most forcible Feeble. Feeble It shall suffice, sir. Falstaff I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is next? Shallow Peter Bullcalf o’ the green! Falstaff Yea, marry, let’s see Bullcalf. Bullcalf Here, sir. Falstaff ’Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick me Bullcalf till he roar again. Bullcalf O Lord! good my lord captain⁠— Falstaff What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked? Bullcalf O Lord, sir! I am a diseased man. Falstaff What disease hast thou? Bullcalf A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught with ringing in the king’s affairs upon his coronation-day, sir. Falstaff Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown; we wilt have away thy cold; and I will take such order that my friends shall ring for thee. Is here all? Shallow Here is two more called than your number; you must have but four here, sir: and so, I pray you, go in with me to dinner. Falstaff Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry dinner. I am glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow. Shallow O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all