Laid Bare: Essays and Observations, Judson, Tom [best self help books to read .TXT] 📗

goods. The towel lining the basket was of the same blue-striped cotton as the tablecloth. The twins then joined me at the table, one sitting on either side of me. Mark (Scott?) poured orange juice into three glasses before distributing them.

I lifted the glass, the parallel rings etched into the surface creating an alternating smooth/rough sensation in my hand. I looked from one identical face to the other and raised my glass in front of me. After a moment’s pause I toasted them; “Vive la difference,” I uttered, and swallowed the tangy liquid in one gulp. Mark and Scott looked at me and then at each other and then they drank their orange juice.

The men stood in the entryway as I pulled away from their enormous house. The double door was fully open to allow them to stand side by side and they waved to me before turning back inside. I watched in the rear-view mirror as the two halves of the door swung closed and met to become one complete unit.

My mind mulled over the previous evening’s events as I approached the Holland Tunnel in the light Saturday morning traffic. Sailing through the tollbooth as the sensor read my pre-paid tag I looked up and caught a glimpse of the twin towers of the World Trade Center just as my car entered the tile-lined tunnel that would take me to Manhattan and home.

RECOUNTING THE ABBOTTS

With Apologies to Ruth Draper...

Hello?... Well, good morning... Oh, my, it was a fantastic night. I was a participant in the 2005 George Abbott Awards for Excellence in the Theater presented to Rob Marshall, Kathleen Marshall and Harvey Fierstein! I'm still recovering. Not even out of bed yet, to be honest. You know how these benefits are; fun but exhausting... Details, details, it is all about details with you, isn't it? Very well, I'll be happy to tell you about the evening. Well you know, we opened the show with that charming “Wilkommen” from “Cabaret” that Robbie choreographed. A slightly shorter version, of course... What? Yes I dragged out the old alto sax for the occasion. Thank god there was a reed in the case. I haven't played it since last fall... No, my dear, we had one rehearsal a few days before. Yes, just the one... It's called "professionalism", darling. You wouldn't know about that... Joking... I'm joking! You know I have the ultimate respect for your cruise ship work... So demanding, all that rolling as you come out of the Panama Canal and all... Yes, I do remember hearing all about your rendition of “Memory” while wearing taps. Legendary, really. Anyway, darling, the evening closed with a bunch of us gypsies singing “So Long, Farewell” because, well, I'm sure you know, Robbie and Kathleen Marshall's first job in the theater was playing two of those charming Von Trapp children in Pittsburgh... Yes, Pittsburgh... Kathleen? Well, my dear, she never looked lovelier. I've always thought she resembled a younger, more lithe Tammy Grimes. So much like Tammy, don't you think?... Yes, I suppose you would have to add “but sane” to that list. You are wicked. We do love laGrimes, though, don't we? Simply worship her... Now, where was I? Oh, of course, the finale... we had one very quick rehearsal just before the event to stage the number... Come again? Oh, about three dozen of us, I suppose... Yes, it was like the Von Trapps had gone Mormon or something! Row upon row of pivot-step-march-march-march... Who was in it? Well, you know those gypsies; lots of faces one recognizes, but one is never sure from where. There did seem to be one large group who all knew each other or were in one show together or something. I don't really know because they kept to themselves... Oh, I tried, darling. You know me: a regular Pearl Mesta when it comes to a meet-and-greet... No, they just weren't having me... Oh, now stop! There were not more Tony Awards than brain cells among them. No, I won't have you speak ill of dancers... Well, because it's just too easy, that's why... Well, yes, we were invited to the event as guests, not just as the entertainment. It was interesting going to a job in my suit and carrying my casual clothes to wear in the number, rather than the other way around... Oh, it's too true; one simply wants to take a tray of canapes and make the rounds. Yes, it's in one's blood I suppose. Ah well... Black tie, of course... Mostly just your basic tux. A questionable waistcoat here and there, perhaps... Me? Well, no, I don't own a tux anymore, I'm afraid... That Calvin Klein suit. You know the one... Yes, it's fantastic... No, no tie. A shimmery black t-shirt... Three dollars from the Salvation Army!... What's that?... Yes, I am very Sharon Stone that way... Of course I made the rounds! I'm capable of mingling and talking with new people... A lovely fellow named Shaun.... An old friend, Bill, whom I hadn't seen in ages... Yes, of course you know him, I forgot! Oh, I don't know, puppets or something. Oh, and that divine William Ivey Long. You know, he dressed me in “Cabaret”... “Undressed” me in “Cabaret”? Well put, my dear, considering those costumes... Yes, of course he is doing "that movie". Had just come from his final fitting with Nathan Lane, in fact... Oh, come on, you know Nathan and Matthew are doing the film... How's that?... No, I think I'll live without being one of a hundred singing Nazis.... Oh, it's so true; there's that whole set of chorus boys who can shuttle back and forth between “The Producers” and “Sound of Music.” So lucky for them really. Blondes, you know... Dinner was fantastic, although I only had a bite or two as we performed afterwards... Now, you stop! Only two glasses before the show... White... Well, yes,