Mr. H.O.A., Carina Taylor [uplifting book club books .txt] 📗

would have cut my losses and left it. I didn’t want to risk being seen by any more neighbors. One was enough.

But leaving my phone there could have been equally disastrous. I promised myself I’d make a quick stop—pick up my phone and take one last quick shower in the glorious outdoor shower before I never laid eyes on the house again.

The foreclosure I’d carefully planned on buying was pulled off of the market at the last minute. My entire plan was blown to pieces. The owners had somehow managed to pay all the back taxes that were owed and halted the foreclosure. Which meant I still didn’t have a place to live.

If only I could find a permanent place.

And so, against my better judgment, I returned to the Cypress Avenue house to retrieve my phone. I brought my backpack out of the car so I could take that shower as long as no neighbors were around.

Grabbing my backpack out of the car, I headed into the backyard, latching the gate behind me. I found my phone still plugged into an outlet in the outdoor kitchen.

I headed behind the wood partition and turned the water on, getting it to a nice temperature. I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into spray. Showering seemed to wash away all the worries of the day. After twenty minutes standing there, I shut the water off.

I snagged the towel off the top of the pallet wall and wrapped it around my waist, then stepped out of the shower.

"Hello again!"

My stomach dropped to my feet.

Not again.

I stifled a groan and turned around to find Carol standing in the center of the yard, holding a paper. This time I hadn't had time to even don a shirt.

"Good evening, Carol." I forced a smile. "How can I help you?"

"I was just stopping by to bring you the welcome flyer for the neighborhood and to remind you that the HOA meeting is tonight at seven. You know, the other day I was talking to Marcia, and she told me she thought that the couple who owned this house were married. She was convinced that you were about to retire. I assured her you were quite young and handsome, not even close to thinking about retirement."

Carol looked at me with raised eyebrows, waiting for my explanation. One that I didn't have. "Well, thank you for that, Carol. It's nice to know someone actually knows me."

"Exactly," Carol said. "I told her she didn't have any room to speak since she hadn't met you yet. Some people age better than others. Marcia isn't one of those. I thought it was only her looks going, but I guess her memory isn't very good anymore either. But she was adamant about you having a wife. She even saw her park in your garage today. I told her that of course I would have noticed if you were married. You would have told me!"

There was a woman in the house? My heart dropped to my toes. I reached for my T-shirt and was about to put it on when the door to the house opened. My heart skipped a few beats. It might've even stopped altogether when Nola stepped onto the back patio. This was bad. This was really bad. The T-shirt fell to the ground.

What was she doing here?

Carol filled the silence with her chattering. "Oh, hello. You must be Bane’s wife. He was just about to tell me all about you."

"Yes, Carol. This is my wife." The words shot out of my mouth before I'd even thought them.

Nola looked between the two of us with wide eyes. This was not the time to hesitate. I stepped closer and threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her toward my chest. My bare chest. "Honey, I'd like you to meet Carol, our neighbor across the street. She's the one who brought us those delicious cookies the other yesterday."

"Cookies?" Nola asked as she awkwardly patted my chest. "Oh, yes, cookies. I remember now. That was very nice of you. It's wonderful to meet you, Carol." Nola's voice sounded like an automatic recording. I patted her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. It was a nice head. I don’t know why it made such perfect sense to pretend she was my wife—and even if it was the worst idea ever, it was fun to see the shocked look on her face.

Carol shifted from side to side as she watched us. "How long have you two been married? You're just the sweetest together."

"She probably says that to everyone who wears a towel," Nola whispered to me out of the side of her mouth.

"We're pretty much newlyweds," I answered. "We've been married for two years now. "

"Seems like just today that we got married," Nola added.

I smirked at her. "I know what you mean, snookums."

"Well, it will be so wonderful having you two in the neighborhood," Carol said. "Here. I brought the flyer tonight. We’re beginning to look for a new HOA president. I know I mentioned this to Bane last time we spoke."

"Oh, Barty would be just perfect for that job. He's so wonderful at organization." Nola patted my chest again. I rested a hand on the towel to make sure it stayed up when she wrapped her other hand around my waist. It wasn't a very big towel as far as towels were concerned.

Carol’s eyes brightened at Nola’s suggestion.

"Well, I’ve got to run, but it was wonderful seeing you again, Bane." Carol waved and headed out of the yard.

I waited until the yard gate swung shut before I turned on Nola. She spoke first. "What do you mean we're married? Are you insane? They'll be inviting us over for dinner every night."

"What are you doing here?" I asked her, ignoring her questions. "And how did you get inside the house?"

"I opened the door. That's how most people get into houses; they don't just shower in the backyard or stand out here naked with only a towel around