The Small House at Allington, Anthony Trollope [best ebook reader for chromebook .txt] 📗

and as they were sitting without other light than that of the fire, she knew that he could not discern the colour which covered her face as her cousin’s name was mentioned. But, had the light of day pervaded the whole room, I doubt whether Crofts would have seen that blush, for he kept his eyes firmly fixed upon the fire.

“Yes, about Bernard. I don’t know whether I ought to ask you.”

“I’m sure I can’t say,” said Bell, speaking words of the nature of which she was not conscious.

“There has been a rumour in Guestwick that he and you⁠—”

“It is untrue,” said Bell; “quite untrue. If you hear it repeated, you should contradict it. I wonder why people should say such things.”

“It would have been an excellent marriage;⁠—all your friends must have approved it.”

“What do you mean, Dr. Crofts? How I do hate those words, ‘an excellent marriage.’ In them is contained more of wicked worldliness than any other words that one ever hears spoken. You want me to marry my cousin simply because I should have a great house to live in, and a coach. I know that you are my friend; but I hate such friendship as that.”

“I think you misunderstand me, Bell. I mean that it would have been an excellent marriage, provided you had both loved each other.”

“No, I don’t misunderstand you. Of course it would be an excellent marriage, if we loved each other. You might say the same if I loved the butcher or the baker. What you mean is, that it makes a reason for loving him.”

“I don’t think I did mean that.”

“Then you mean nothing.”

After that, there were again some minutes of silence during which Dr. Crofts got up to go away. “You have scolded me very dreadfully,” he said, with a slight smile, “and I believe I have deserved it for interfering⁠—”

“No; not at all for interfering.”

“But at any rate you must forgive me before I go.”

“I won’t forgive you at all, unless you repent of your sins, and alter altogether the wickedness of your mind. You will become very soon as bad as Dr. Gruffen.”

“Shall I?”

“Oh, but I will forgive you; for after all, you are the most generous man in the world.”

“Oh, yes; of course I am. Well⁠—goodbye.”

“But, Dr. Crofts, you should not suppose others to be so much more worldly than yourself. You do not care for money so very much⁠—”

“But I do care very much.”

“If you did, you would not come here for nothing day after day.”

“I do care for money very much. I have sometimes nearly broken my heart because I could not get opportunities of earning it. It is the best friend that a man can have⁠—”

“Oh, Dr. Crofts!”

“⁠—the best friend that a man can have, if it be honestly come by. A woman can hardly realize the sorrow which may fall upon a man from the want of such a friend.”

“Of course a man likes to earn a decent living by his profession; and you can do that.”

“That depends upon one’s ideas of decency.”

“Ah! mine never ran very high. I’ve always had a sort of aptitude for living in a pigsty;⁠—a clean pigsty, you know, with nice fresh bean straw to lie upon. I think it was a mistake when they made a lady of me. I do, indeed.”

“I do not,” said Dr. Crofts.

“That’s because you don’t quite know me yet. I’ve not the slightest pleasure in putting on three different dresses a day. I do it very often because it comes to me to do it, from the way in which we have been taught to live. But when we get to Guestwick I mean to change all that; and if you come in to tea, you’ll see me in the same brown frock that I wear in the morning⁠—unless, indeed, the morning work makes the brown frock dirty. Oh, Dr. Crofts! you’ll have it pitch-dark riding home under the Guestwick elms.”

“I don’t mind the dark,” he said; and it seemed as though he hardly intended to go even yet.

“But I do,” said Bell, “and I shall ring for candles.” But he stopped her as she put her hand out to the bell-pull.

“Stop a moment, Bell. You need hardly have the candles before I go, and you need not begrudge my staying either, seeing that I shall be all alone at home.”

“Begrudge your staying!”

“But, however, you shall begrudge it, or else make me very welcome.” He still held her by the wrist, which he had caught as he prevented her from summoning the servant.

“What do you mean?” said she. “You know you are welcome to us as flowers in May. You always were welcome; but now, when you have come to us in our trouble⁠—At any rate, you shall never say that I turn you out.”

“Shall I never say so?” And still he held her by the wrist. He had kept his chair throughout, but she was standing before him⁠—between him and the fire. But she, though he held her in this way, thought little of his words, or of his action. They had known each other with great intimacy, and though Lily would still laugh at her, saying that Dr. Crofts was her lover, she had long since taught herself that no such feeling as that would ever exist between them.

“Shall I never say so, Bell? What if so poor a man as I ask for the hand that you will not give to so rich a man as your cousin Bernard?”

She instantly withdrew her arm and moved back very quickly a step or two across the rug. She did it almost with the motion which she might have used had he insulted her; or had a man spoken such words who would not, under any circumstances, have a right to speak them.

“Ah, yes! I thought it would be so,” he said. “I may go now, and may know that I have been turned out.”

“What is it you mean, Dr. Crofts? What is it you are saying? Why do you talk