The Big Time, Fritz Leiber [book recommendations website TXT] 📗

the operation’s over. It’s sweet to know there’s no cranny of reality so narrow, no privacy so intimate or sacred, no wall of was or will be strong enough, that we can’t shoulder in. Knowledge is a glamorous thing, sweeter than lust or gluttony or the passion of fighting and including all three, the ultimate insatiable hunger, and it’s great to be Faust, even in a pack of other Fausts.

“It’s sweet to jigger reality, to twist the whole course of a man’s life or a culture’s, to ink out his or its past and scribble in a new one, and be the only one to know and gloat over the changes⁠—hah! killing men or carrying off women isn’t in it for glutting the sense of power. It’s sweet to feel the Change Winds blowing through you and know the pasts that were and the past that is and the pasts that may be. It’s sweet to wield the Atropos and cut a Zombie or Unborn out of his lifeline and look the Doubleganger in the face and see the Resurrection-glow in it and Recruit a brother, welcome a newborn fellow Demon into our ranks and decide whether he’ll best fit as Soldier, Entertainer, or what.

“Or he can’t stand Resurrection, it fries or freezes him, and you’ve got to decide whether to return him to his lifeline and his Zombie dreams, only they’ll be a little grayer and horrider than they were before, or whether, if she’s got that tantalizing something, to bring her shell along for a Ghostgirl⁠—that’s sweet, too. It’s even sweet to have Change Death poised over your neck, to know that the past isn’t the precious indestructible thing you’ve been taught it was, to know that there’s no certainty about the future either, whether there’ll even be one, to know that no part of reality is holy, that the cosmos itself may wink out like a flicked switch and God be not and nothing left but nothing!”

He threw out his arms against the Void. “And knowing all that, it’s doubly sweet to come through the Door into the Place and be out of the worst of the Change Winds and enjoy a well-earned Recuperation and share the memories of all these sweetnesses I’ve been talking about, and work out all the fascinating feelings you’ve been accumulating back in the cosmos, layer by black layer, in the company of and with the help of the best bloody little band of fellow Fausts and Faustines going!

“Oh, it’s a sweet life, all right, but I’m asking you⁠—” and here his eyes stabbed us again, one by one, fast⁠—“I’m asking you what it’s done to us. I’ve been getting a completely new picture, as I said, of what my life was and what it could have been if there’d been changes of the sort that even we Demons can’t make, and what my life is. I’ve been watching how we’ve all been responding to things just now, to the news of Saint Petersburg and to what the Cretan officer told beautifully⁠—only it wasn’t beautiful what she had to tell⁠—and mostly to that bloody box of bomb. And I’m simply asking each one of you, what’s happened to you?”

He stopped his pacing and stuck his thumbs in his belt and seemed to be listening to the wheels turning in at least eleven other heads⁠—only I stopped mine pretty quick, with Dave and Father and the Rape of Chicago coming up out of the dark on the turn and Mother and the Indiana Dunes and Jazz Limited just behind them, followed by the unthinkable thing the Spider doctor had flicked into existence when I flopped as a nurse, because I can’t stand that to be done to my mind by anybody but myself.

I stopped them by using the old infallible Entertainers’ gimmick, a fast survey of the most interesting topic there is⁠—other people’s troubles.

Offhand, Beau looked as if he had most troubles, shamed by his boss and his girl given her heart to a Soldier; he was hugging them to himself very quiet.

I didn’t stop for the two E.T.s⁠—they’re too hard to figure⁠—or for Doc; nobody can tell whether a fallen-down drunk’s at the black or bright end of his cycle; you just know it’s cycling.

Maud ought to be suffering as much as Beau, called names and caught out in a panic, which always hurts her because she’s plus three hundred years more future than the rest of us and figures she ought to be that much wiser, which she isn’t always⁠—not to mention she’s over fifty years old, though her home-century cosmetic science keeps her looking and acting teenage most of the time. She’d backed away from the bronze chest so as not to stand out, and now Lili came from behind the piano and stood beside her.

Lili had the opposite of troubles, a great big glow for Bruce, proud as a promised princess watching her betrothed. Erich frowned when he saw her, for he seemed proud too, proud of the way his Kamerad had taken command of us panicky whacks Führer-fashion. Sid still looked mostly grateful and inclined to let Bruce keep on talking.

Even Kaby and Mark, those two dragons hot for battle, standing a little in front and to one side of us by the bronze chest, like its guardians, seemed willing to listen. They made me realize one reason Sid had for letting Bruce run on, although the path his talk was leading us down was flashing with danger signals: When it was over, there’d still be the problem of what to do with the bomb, and a real opposition shaping up between Soldiers and Entertainers, and Sid was hoping a solution would turn up in the meantime or at least was willing to put off the evil day.

But beyond all that, and like the rest of us, I could tell from the way Sid was squinting his browy eyes and chewing his beardy lip that