Germinal, Émile Zola [readict .txt] 📗

“You struck me once. Yes, yes, blows on both cheeks!”

“It was because I loved you,” she murmured. “You see, I prevented myself from thinking of you. I said to myself that it was quite done with, and all the time I knew that one day or another we should get together. It only wanted an opportunity⁠—some lucky chance. Wasn’t it so?”

A shudder froze him. He tried to shake off this dream; then he repeated slowly:

“Nothing is ever done with; a little happiness is enough to make everything begin again.”

“Then you’ll keep me, and it will be all right this time?”

And she slipped down fainting. She was so weak that her low voice died out. In terror he kept her against his heart.

“Are you in pain?”

She sat up surprised.

“No, not at all. Why?”

But this question aroused her from her dream. She gazed at the darkness with distraction, wringing her hands in another fit of sobbing.

“My God, my God, how black it is!”

It was no longer the meadows, the odour of the grass, the song of larks, the great yellow sun; it was the fallen, inundated mine, the stinking gloom, the melancholy dripping of this cellar where they had been groaning for so many days. Her perverted senses now increased the horror of it; her childish superstitions came back to her; she saw the Black Man, the old dead miner who returns to the pit to twist naughty girls’ necks.

“Listen! did you hear?”

“No, nothing; I heard nothing.”

“Yes, the Man⁠—you know? Look! he is there. The earth has let all the blood out of the vein to revenge itself for being cut into; and he is there⁠—you can see him⁠—look! blacker than night. Oh, I’m so afraid, I’m so afraid!”

She became silent, shivering. Then in a very low voice she whispered:

“No, it’s always the other one.”

“What other one?”

“Him who is with us; who is not alive.”

The image of Chaval haunted her, she talked of him confusedly, she described the dog’s life she led with him, the only day when he had been kind to her at Jean-Bart, the other days of follies and blows, when he would kill her with caresses after having covered her with kicks.

“I tell you that he’s coming, that he will still keep us from being together! His jealousy is coming on him again. Oh, push him off! Oh, keep me close!”

With a sudden impulse she hung on to him, seeking his mouth and pressing her own passionately to it. The darkness lighted up, she saw the sun again, and she laughed a quiet laugh of love. He shuddered to feel her thus against his flesh, half naked beneath the tattered jacket and trousers, and he seized her with a reawakening of his virility. It was at length their wedding night, at the bottom of this tomb, on this bed of mud, the longing not to die before they had had their happiness, the obstinate longing to live and make life one last time. They loved each other in despair of everything, in death.

After that there was nothing more. Étienne was seated on the ground, always in the same corner, and Catherine was lying motionless on his knees. Hours and hours passed by. For a long time he thought she was sleeping; then he touched her; she was very cold, she was dead. He did not move, however, for fear of arousing her. The idea that he was the first who had possessed her as a woman, and that she might be pregnant, filled him with tenderness. Other ideas, the desire to go away with her, joy at what they would both do later on, came to him at moments, but so vaguely that it seemed only as though his forehead had been touched by a breath of sleep. He grew weaker, he only had strength to make a little gesture, a slow movement of the hand, to assure himself that she was certainly there, like a sleeping child in her frozen stiffness. Everything was being annihilated; the night itself had disappeared, and he was nowhere, out of space, out of time. Something was certainly striking beside his head, violent blows were approaching him; but he had been too lazy to reply, benumbed by immense fatigue; and now he knew nothing, he only dreamed that she was walking before him, and that he heard the slight clank of her sabots. Two days passed; she had not stirred; he touched her with his mechanical gesture, reassured to find her so quiet.

Étienne felt a shock. Voices were sounding, rocks were rolling to his feet. When he perceived a lamp he wept. His blinking eyes followed the light, he was never tired of looking at it, enraptured by this reddish point which scarcely stained the darkness. But some mates carried him away, and he allowed them to introduce some spoonfuls of soup between his clenched teeth. It was only in the Réquillart gallery that he recognized someone standing before him, the engineer, Négrel; and these two men, with their contempt for each other⁠—the rebellious workman and the sceptical master⁠—threw themselves on each other’s necks, sobbing loudly in the deep upheaval of all the humanity within them. It was an immense sadness, the misery of generations, the extremity of grief into which life can fall.

At the surface, Maheude, stricken down near dead Catherine, uttered a cry, then another, then another⁠—very long, deep, incessant moans. Several corpses had already been brought up, and placed in a row on the ground: Chaval, who was thought to have been crushed beneath a landslip, a trammer, and two hewers, also crushed, with brainless skulls and bellies swollen with water. Women in the crowd went out of their minds, tearing their skirts and scratching their faces. When Étienne was at last taken out, after having been accustomed to the lamps and fed a little, he appeared fleshless, and his hair was quite white. People turned away and shuddered at this old man.